You know that I work full time outside the home, right? I’ve whined shared about it here often enough.
Last week it took me away from home and my boys for four full days. And four days in toddler time is basically an eternity.
But after I got home, wrassled my boys, wrapped arms and legs around them, nibbled their ear lobes and maybe even licked their soft baby cheeks, I discovered something beside the missing pieces of myself.
I had found a peephole into the heart of God.
You see, for four days I had been listening to remarkable men and women share their stories; each offering a unique perspective on what matters to God. From science to education to social justice to peace. And they had accomplished remarkable things on behalf of these worthy causes.
It was enough to make anyone feel a tad teeny. But, the beauty of the experience is that I didn’t. I felt just right.
And it was all thanks to 3×5 index card.
Do you happen to have any lying around the house? If so, go grab one. I want to let you in on the secret.
Got it? OK, try this with me. It’s an exercise someone did with me a couple months ago.
On one side of the note card write down the single biggest, burning passion in your heart. What is it you would like folks to recognize in you? It doesn’t have to be grandiose; it just has to be real. What do you want to be true about yourself?
Ok, got it? Don’t read any further until you have completed this step.
Now, flip the card over.
On that side write down 3 questions you wish you could ask God right now. Three doubts or worries or struggles that you are wrestling with? Three turns you may have taken that you aren’t sure were the right ones.
Write those down. Be blunt.
The reason this exercise meant so much to me is that there was a long time in my life when I would have felt defeated that I hadn’t accomplished anything on par with the kinds of speakers we heard from last week.
I was born in South Africa at a time of political turmoil and change that would make history. I dreamed of being a human rights lawyer for as long as I can remember. And while I have a law degree I have not ended up working for the UN in Rwanda as I had once imagined.
Instead, I got two children I never imagined I would have loved this desperately and work for a non-profit all the while wishing I could stay home full time.
So, these are my 3 questions for Jesus exactly as I scrawled them down on my index card in December last year:
1 – Did I take a wrong turn 13 years ago?
2 – Did I miss the path to the Rwandan Truth and Reconciliation Commission?
3 – Is my call to serving mothers a consolation prize?
When I wrote these I was overwhelmed with a sense of having missed something I could have been. Something others said I should have been.
Read your questions again.
Now, flip the card. And listen to His answer.
Does that truth you are working toward wipe away the doubt behind your questions? It did for me.
Here is what I had written; what I wished to be true of myself:
She loves mothers and motherhood as much as the One who designed them and loved them in the first place.
It took my breath away to discover that I am not lost. I am right where He intended me to be. I have found my peephole into the heart of God.
Something that matters to Him, matters to me.
It may not be on the level of the national news, but it is crucial because it matters to the God who made me. So I burrow into that truth and crawl through it right into the presence and place where God’s call and my calling intersect.
Yesterday that was spread-eagled beneath a pile of flailing boy limbs as they leaped on top of me and loved me to the ground. Tonight it is telling the story to you.
And it feels like coming home in every sense of the word.
wow.
WOW.
I’m going to do that exercise when I am not brain dead after bedtime.
How wonderful that you received such a clear answer and felt so validated in where you are.
And I love hearing about your heart for Rwanda. My best friend locally is from Unganda, and is half Ugandan and half Rwandan. I have developed a special love for her countries of origin, and am burdened to pray for that area of Africa. I hope to visit along with her one day.
Here is something that God would love for you to hear and take to heart… in Kinya-Rwandan:
Da gu kun da, mu kobga misa (phonetically)
I love you, my beautiful princess
:)
And with that – you just officially made my night! :)
I have to try this exercise. Is it ruined by knowing the purpose of the two sides of the card? I’m gonna have to work on not manipulating my answer. Haha! Thanks for sharing it and being so transparent. And, just some encouragement from a SAHM, I find myself throughout the day feeling guilty that I’m letting this or that thing distract me from my kids. Guilt comes with motherhood – God doesn’t mean for it to be there but I think both SAHMs and working moms feel it. You’re doing what God has called you to do.
No, no, not if you write down the first item before you proceed to read through my post and then write down the three questions. Of course, if you read it all before you do it, it gets a little trickier ;)
Amazing exercise. After I process it all I can’t wait to write about it and share you with all of my readers. I am so excited to meet you at Relevant in October. You may not be in Rwanda, but you are touching lives right here everyday. Thank you for that!
Amy – I can’t tell you how much that just touched a tender part in my heart that often worries it should be in Rwanda and not at home with two boys who are currently jamming on their toy guitars while wearing nothing but their socks! :) Thank you so much, so very much!
Lisa-Jo this is so good. We need reminders, every day. That Mommy-hood is important, vital, and God-given. For those who do stay home full-time, among the daily messes, unbeautified days, daily grind (especially us Homeschoolers!), and the seculsion of four walls, we can end up feel really teeny. Although mine isn’t written on a 3X5 card, I did this ‘exercise’ several years ago. I searched God in my meaning, purpose, direction in life, and found being a Mommy and raising my children was just where HE wanted me. And it was enough. In fact, I found it more than enough. Your desire to serve and love mothers/motherhood also ministers to us. Your reminder of it’s importance keeps us focused on it’s value. :)
Did you feel that? I just gave you a big old ((HUG))
This is a powerful, telling, exercise…
I feel a little closer to Him after having sat down with it.
Love this exercise!! thanks for sharing.
on a selfish note: I’m thankful you are where God wants you to be, because I want you to be here too!! Every post, every thought, every little piece of encouragement you write is a blessing to my soul.
Amen!!!!
You just spoke to my heart.
I have often thought that, somewhere along the way, I had slipped off of God’s intended path for me. I had big plans for myself. I was really going to make a difference.
Yet, as I look at my life now…the great job He has placed me in…the opportunities He has given me to write, which is one of the greatest passions of my heart next to being a mommy. And, now, I am currently in grad school pursuing a masters in Christian Studies. All of these seemingly random pieces have begun to fall together to reveal a ministry to women that I have always longed to have.
God may just know what He’s doing after all…imagine that. :)
Thank you for sharing this – it’s so encouraging to be reminded that there is no “wrong” path in Christ. When we are in Him, we are in the best, rightest place for us. It’s so easy to get distracted by the world’s perspective on what’s important. And so refreshing to hear from those who have found Christ alongside them even in the unexpected places.
You know what I love about this? I saw that very heart pour out of you when we talked. Your story, your passion to encourage mothers, and to serve the God who designed it all….it seeps out of you. And after reading this? It’s just way cool how God’s working it all out in His way.
That means so much coming from someone who has actually bridged between my blog world and my real-life-wrangling-kids-who-won’t-sit-still-in-Panera world ;) Thanks, Jo!
dang i love your heart.
As someone who left what fulfilled her heart, to enter another, yet COMPLETELY different, avenue called motherhood…this touched me. I always feel like I’m not quite doing what I should be doing. Helping the orphans or staying home with my boy. Divided. Waiting for God to tell me when to move on. Knowing that this time is right for staying home…but still feeling guilty that I’m not doing more.
Thanks for talking to this heart. :)
Thanks for your comment – it seems so many of us are in the same boat – struggling, questioning, doubting where we are and where we should be. The more I think about it the more it seems like a ploy by the enemy to rob us of our current, present joy. If we are in Christ, then we are where we should be. I need to remind myself of this daily. Thank you for being part of that conversation!
Love this SOMUCH.
You are a gifted encourager. Something that is so needed in this world.
xo
I also enjoy receiving encouragement! So thank you. Really.
…God works in mysterious ways….
you just made me cry….and both you and God just filled this room….and gave me some direction.
thank you.
x
Very powerful. Thank you. I needed this right now.