Don’t worry, this post isn’t about potty training. Or about gastro intestinal bugs. You don’t have to be a mom to relate to this post.
Because some days, I think, we all feel covered in ick.
There’s the slimy goopy ick of worry that I feel my feet squishing around in. There’s the impossible-to-scrape-off ick of constantly being behind with the housework, the laundry, the dishes. There’s the rotten in your tummy ick feeling of anxiety, of not being able to control the circumstances that surround you, of being unable to predict the future when all you want is a magic fairy godmother to promise you that everything will turn out all right in the end.
There’s the ick that makes it hard to breathe.
Some of the worst ick is what spatters on the walls, the floor, the toys and your kids’ faces when you let go of that last shred of your temper and yell. The angry-mommy ick is vile. It gets on everything. And it does not wash off easily.
Cleaning up that kind of ick requires salt water. You know the kind I mean. Salt water and apologies.
And the dangerous thing about ick is that when you are tired of being covered in it, when you want to get rid of it, when you are mad at those who are ick-free there is the overwhelming temptation to fling some of your ick at someone else.
To pull it off, watch it stretch long and sticky, whirl those gooey globs around and around and let fly at anyone who’s in ick range. It lands and explodes with:
irritation and tempter tantrums to rival most two year olds.
laundry lists of past annoyances.
the why-me whine.
and some good old fashioned finger pointing.
But the problem with indulging your ick like this? It always, always comes flying back at you at warp speed.
And that kind of mess is one that even my beloved “Pets and Kids” spray would struggle to clean up. So, I am learning to play defense instead; the more I want to yell my ick, the more I work to shut it down.
Jesus has always been counter-intuitive. Stable, straw, donkeys and cows for a castle, bedding, court and first home. His advice is usually the opposite of my instincts.
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
The only way I can figure to manage my ick is to ruthlessly contain it.
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
So, when I screw up all my will power
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
And follow it,
A gentle answer
I am astounded by the results
turns away wrath.
And I find my ick slowly starts to dissolve like bubbles in a bath full of soap. Clean emerges. And with it, hope.
All I can say is … yes.
ahhhh yes, the mommy-angry-ick. I know it all to well and I too have to ask Jesus into my heart over and over to contain it and dissolve it. I know I’m not alone in this, but thank you for the assurance I don’t fight this battle in vain!
You don’t. We all fight it. I think we just don’t all talk about it very much. I’ve written about it once before – ’cause somedays it feels like the perfect storm. http://thegypsymama.com/2009/08/17/the-perfect-storm/
I love bubble baths! The kind you’re describing are pretty amazing too!
~kristin
Yea, except that this kind seem more work than relaxation. And they don’t always come naturally to me.
the ick of depression and fuzzy-brain-ness seems to be getting the best of me these days. so much so that i’ve decided (just this afternoon) to embrace some divine intervention in caplet-form. i’m trusting that brings with it some hope, too.
Next week – YOU – will be my divine intervention.
Oh my, do I know where you’re coming from…thank God for his grace!!!
Indeed – “Gripped by Grace” has been my motto the last few weeks.
but i want to fling my ick. just today? mmmm’kay? just once. kay. tomorrow i won’t ick-unload. promise. cross-my-heart-promise.
sigh. that doesn’t work.
Yea, the hard part about flinging ick is that it seems so satisfying in the short term. The long term, on the other hand….
I, too, know exactly what this is. And why does it seem to surface so often?
Sometimes it seems to me that motherhood is a magnet for ick. The ultimate training ground for overcoming it too.
I know this ick…but you write about it so much better than I could.
A gentle answer turns away wrath…
Gentle answers are much harder for me than writing about them….
Thanks for this. I have felt the same lately. I need his grace to cover over me..flood over me. I feel so icky. Thanks for such real writing. this is the heart writing I long to do…but am so afraid to do it on my lighthearted blog. But I am so much more than humorous parenting. I am full of ick.
“I am full of ick” – me too. Me so very much too. Somehow – for me – writing it out helps to drain some of it away.
nice post :)
well done
Holy smokes, am I ever guilty of temper tantrums and ick flingings. And a host of other icky-ness.
So thankful for Christ. He is power than will nix the ick. Where would I be without Him?
THANK YOU for your honest heart, girlfriend. It is good to know I’m not the only one with ick-issues!
Yup, Kristen, we all have “ick issues” – so true. And so thankful that we can share them and learn from one another.
So thankful to know i’m not the only one waging war with ick! This Lent has been especially useful at pointing My ick-i-ness spots out…still working on the gentle answer…no matter what the situation.
“Waging war on ick” – what a great image. And no, you are not alone. Not by a long shot – just read all these comments for proof of that.
Us women from my home church got together for bible study last night….we’ve been studying a book about having bookends (the holy spirit, and the other is realizing our sin and seeing Gods grace). But, anyways, last night our discussion was all about self sufficiency, and how most of us have grown up feeling like being self reliant is such a good thing. Or if we didn’t struggle with that, always relying on someone else to take care of us. Never realizing that God never intended for us to be self sufficient, that he made us to need him and his spirit to thrive. I think a lot of times we get so caught up in trying to be super mom/wife/worker/friend and being so self reliant, we get so surprised when it all comes crashing down. All we need to do is to rely on our heavenly father, as he’s always intended for us to do, and remember that he loves us no matter what. That whatever he has for us, he will also be there and give us all we need to accomplish whatever it is……
Yes, truly, yes. And I find he so gently comes to help me wash off my ick. With warm water and hand towel, kneeling before me. It’s hard to breathe when I remember he would do that for me.
Beautiful post.
I, too, struggle with this.
Thank you for these lovely words.
You’re so welcome. Thanks for saying so.
I have just this morning been working on remembering God’s goodness in the midst of the ickyness of present circumstances. Thanks for this “clean and clear” reminder. It’s funny how being reminded that others feel icky sometimes too makes you feel better!
Yes, exactly. Knowing that our struggles are not unique is profoundly comforting.
So this happened to me this week! :( There is one person in my life (my brother) who seems to get the ick I fling out the most. And you are right it always gets flung full force back at me!
This post just reinforced some things that the Lord has been showing me this week about my ick!
The temptation to fling ick at those we know will put up with it is very hard to resist.
So true!
You just totally described my day yesterday. All the kinds of ick you described here, I experienced. No lie. It was NOT a pleasant day! Depression reared it’s ugly head while I was trying to deal with things, which only made it worse. Usually, when that happens, I end up flinging ick around, but yesterday, I didn’t even have energy for that. Thank God! The only thing I could do was take a deep breath, and ignore it. Clean up the house later, let the boy’s misbehavior and irresponsibility go, and do only the things that had to be done. Today’s a new day, hopefully a little less icky.
Oh, those days are sooo hard, they fester ick. We all have them. We all have to somehow figure out how to survive them. And it helps to know there are others experiencing them at the same time. I sure hope that today was much, much better. (oh, and letting go of the house and the clutter and the dishes – at least while you catch your breath – really helps me too)
For some reason the first thing that popped in my head when reading this was a picture of that black, gooey, icky stuff that gets on spiderman in his 3rd movie.(okay, my 6 yo has been reading and playing spiderman…alot…so that’s probably why) Anyway, before he knew what was happening it had totally taken over and changed him into this hateful person! And once he let it stick on him it was SO MUCH harder to get it back off again.
That’s exactly how I feel when I let the icky stuff creep up on me and don’t deal with it right away….like I can’t hardly get it back off! You explained it so perfectly and beautifully in this post though. Thank you for being honest and sharing your heart. You are definitely not alone in your ‘ickiness’, but I’d rather be able to relate to having the soft answers with you I think. I’ll be remembering that scripture and working on mine today as well. Love ya!
Fantastic – yes – the Spiderman black goop. What a perfect image. I’d forgotten about that.
Staying calm when the ick gets you is very hard to do. Having good friends to fling ick at and know they will understand often helps though. That’s what friends are for, right? Offloading the bad stuff and letting them help. It always works for me :)
I hope things feel better soon !
Yes, absolutely, Good friends can be amazing ick buffers!
Lisa-Jo, I love how you write truth. Everytime. Thank you.
I love knowing we are learning it together, even though we live miles apart.
So thankful for Jesus-light to shine on the ick and kill it, like sunshine kills the germs…so Living Water can wash it all away for good.
LOVE.
Yes and Amen to that, Birthday Girl.
Thank you for this post! Learning more each day about God’s grace.
I catch myself yelling at my toddler sometimes and afterward you are right, I do feel “icky”. Thanks for the reminder that gentle words work the best!
It’s especially hard when toddlers themselves use such loud words!
Dankie my sussie~
Wow, it’s so enlightening to me to see how many people struggle with the ick… and the enemy likes to lie and tell me how I’ve been such a horrible mother and sorry Christian. I’m glad the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves us who are crushed in spirit (Ps 34:18.)
I’ve been struggling and praying thru these things for several years now and pray Gal 5 and the fruit of the Spirit for my life often. God is faithful!
I wish we could visit more. I appreciate you!!
Jy’s welkom, baie! Ek dink niemand loop alleen as ons almal in Jesus loop. Di’s hoekom ek hierdie harde dinge skryf, in die hoop dat iemand anders kop sal skud en ‘n rukkie saam met my kan loop. Dankie vir die stap!
Ja, ek stem saam. Dis wonderlik, ek wil saam stap. Ek praat nie baie goed nie maar ek probeer. Ek maak baie foute (sp?)
Waneer sal julle weer ZA kom? Ons gaan US vanjaar toe. (ha, dis nie reg nie)
Um, YEAH.
Been there- still there – all. the. time!
Thanks for this beautiful [in it’s profound conviction] word picture.
Oh goodness, you’re welcome. I just have to believe that so many of us struggle with similar things as mamas. Better to shine a light on it and share some of the burden than to carry it all alone, you know?
Amen! Boy are you reading my mail… ha!
Ha!
Hoo dawg, if that isn’t the truth! I can relate to both the literal and proverbial ickies this week.
Pregnancy sure can bring out all the various forms of ick, can’t it? ;)
Lisa-Jo, great post and I think this proverb is just how God works. Our obedience to His Word leads to greater belief. It’s the difference between knowing the gentle answer is the right one, and experiencing the melting wrath that results from uttering it. Thanks for sharing your heart on this. I’m sure it will only be a matter of hours before I have opportunity to put it to good use!
Thanks Kristie. “A matter of hours..” that made me laugh. Yes, I think a mama’s life is often lived moment to moment, grace to grace.
wow, mama. this was powerful. i struggle with it too. we all do. one of the first posts I ever wrote (actually wrote it before i even had a blog, come to think) was called Even Good Mamas Have Ugly Days. And your description of the angrymama ick is exactly what I was talking about.
fantastic description, wonderful post, girl.
xo elizabeth
Gosh, thanks. It was cathartic to write it. Part of the cleansing process, I think.
Got the icks bad today. Cleaning out closets for yard sale, and seasonal clothes switch-out. Didn’t have my day planned for schooling; I thought I could wing it. I can’t. Now I have piles and piles and piles and PILES. Dear Child #5 must be teething. It’s baseball season, too. The menu plan says I have to make dinner “early” so we will have something to eat after the game. I think I’m just going to have to deal with the extra “junk” and find peace. Peace, peace, peace…
Thank you for this post! How encouraging to know I’m not alone. I asked for my children’s forgiveness just this morning….and, again, prayed for their amnesia.
Been there; done that.
I have been convicted lately to start every day asking for His mercy and help. It seems like something I would have already been doing, but in the hustle and bustle it often is forgotten. Lunch will have passed and I realize that I have yet to go to the Lord with praise and thanksgiving for the day He has given me. For me, that is the worst kind of ick. The ick of knowing that I have neglected my Savior.
Mmm. So that’s what that stuffs called. Definitely had my days of “ick.” Praise God He can renew our icky little hearts.
Absolutely!
That’s one of my favorite proverbs! I feel like I need to tattoo it on my head some days. I was on the receiving end of some harsh uncalled for words this week and I’ve been working on my response. It’s been a struggle at times, harder when I’m feeling overwhelmed by the kids, but in the end, I know turning the other cheek will help me to feel peace.
I truly do know how that feels. And it’s not an easy place to be. I hope you come out of it all with your sense of the Lord’s love in tact!
Were you reading my mind? You seemed to have known just what I needed :)
Ick seems to be something that all moms struggle with, doesn’t it?
I’ve wanted to comment for over a week…my husband was away on business for the week, and I was left home with the three little ones, ages four and under. By the end of the week, we were all covered in ick, both literal and figurative. Thanks for the post–I’m praying daily to God to grant me patience and wisdom!
Oh that is so hard. I have been covered in the literal and figurative ick when my husband travels too! Hope you get some downtime when he gets back! Hang in there.
Just reading this post linked from the calling a spade a spade post and it is exactly what I needed to read this morning. Exactly.
I don’t exactly know why I needed to read it, I mean I do, but I don’t. I’ve been sick the past two days and my head and heart are just all over the place this morning. And I’m wondering if this anxiety was going to cause me to spew ick all over my co-workers today. All over my family when I see them later. So I pray Psalm 61:1-2 and He leads me to the rock that is higher.
And Proverbs 15:1 got me through an entire summer of work.
What a way you have with words, Lisa-Jo.
Thanks for this.