The weight lifting section of the gym used to intimidate the heck out of me. All those massive body builders and bulging biceps sent me scuttling back to the elliptical machines and close-captioned TVs. Home Depot had the same effect on me. As did plumbers, cable repair guys, and dentists. They all left me feeling small and inadequate.
March 2011 will mark the third milestone that changed all that for me.
Sweet heart-beat-away baby. You are my third insight into the otherworldly experience of co-creating life with Christ. Growing up and then married for years, I still could never could quite wrap my head around childbirth. The thought of it terrified me. I lacked courage. But more than that, I lacked the understanding that begets courage. I saw only the blood and pain and ache of it all. And my fear blinded me to that oldest of truths: sacrifice is always at the heart of great love.
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross. Philippians 2:8.
It’s one thing to receive the truth that Christ died out of His great love for me, it’s another to realize that I was birthed through His death.
But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. Galations 4:4-5.
It is one thing to picture the Creator shaping Adam from the earth; it is another to feel a human foot kick you from the inside.
It is one thing to read and imagine what it might have looked like as the Father breathed life into Adam, it is quite another to witness a brand new being cough and gasp its way to a first breath as lungs that have never held oxygen before expand for the first time.
It is one thing to understand with your head that man was made in his Father God’s image, it is quite another to look into the scrunched up eyes of a wailing infant and hear his cries soften as you whisper “I’m your mom;” as he recognizes himself in you and you see your own image imprinted over his profile.
It is sacred. It is bloody. It is real. It is truth that climbs up off the pages of Scripture and leaps alive into your arms when theoretical beliefs in a Creator give way to experiencing the act of creation.
I will never be the same – neither spiritually nor physically. But over the years I have realized that it matters less to me that I fit back into my favorite size 6 jeans from Prague than it does that I treasure up, as Mary did, the significance of the experience.
And in doing so, everything else falls into its proper perspective. And suddenly the beef cakes at the gym or the mechanics at the garage shrink in stature. Because I have pushed life out into the world. And you just can’t bench press the equivalent.
Would you like my posts emailed to you? Or, if you prefer, they can be delivered to your reader.
A beautiful post. You’re right–there is no other experience like that of personally experiencing God’s creation within your own being. And those beef cakes at the gym? They probably wouldn’t have the strength for it! :)
Exactly!!
LOVE THIS. It is sacred. It is bloody. It is real. It is truth that climbs up off the pages of Scripture and leaps alive into your arms when theoretical beliefs in a Creator give way to experiencing the act of creation.
YES. Makes me wanna cry. In a good way.
I felt this too, after the birth of my first. I felt a holy strength rise up in me, as if I could face anything now that I had faced and conquered my biggest fear. (Childbirth terrified me as a little girl. Intimidated? Oh yes. I wanted to run the other direction.)
There is something miraculous about the sacrifice and joy of new life. Pregnancy is many things, but above all, it is the wondrous chance to co-create with the Creator.
“A holy strength” – that perfectly describes my experience as well. And it has fortified me through so many difficult moments sense then, And it doesn’t dissipate, it resolves itself into my new identity as mother.
As I midwife and a mother, I heartily confirm the beauty and truth in your post. Yes, it takes great strength to bear a child….and raise him/her…..and eventually, release them. It is the hardest, best part of life.
yes, yes, yes!
Love it Sweetie! Very cool perspective and it brightened my heart on this rainy day! I want to print this one out and hang it on my mirror to read EVERYDAY. I AM reborn! Hallelujah!
Very beautiful!
I missed a post from you yesterday but this was worth the wait.
I’ve often pondered about how the first major event in a marriage is clean, pristine, and beautiful, often planned and orchestrated to a tee. The second is scary, uncertain, painful and bloody. The first represents the dream, the second the reality.
But it’s in those scary, uncertain, painful, and bloody moments that we find ourselves, experience the deepest love, and see the hand of God.
I thought after my first child, the next two wouldn’t seem so miraculous. After all, I’d done it before. But the 3rd was just a miraculous as the first and maybe more-so, because I could relax and enjoy the process.
Blessings to you and the little one squirming within.
That someone notices when I don’t blog a day? That makes me grin amazed. That the third is just as spectacular as the first, yes, I’m looking forward to that. And I think it will help to have a much more relaxed and laid back mom this time around! :)
This is so true. Giving birth is the most empowering experience I have had. Being born again empowers us in a completely different way… we re empowered by the Holy Spirit. What better gift is there?
Oh fantastic way of putting it! Yes, that. Exactly.
Ah, crying at my desk in the office. It just doesn’t happen enough, apparently. Thanks for this. I’m 7 months into motherhood with our first, and not everything has been sunshine and rainbows. Keeping things in His perspective is often the one thing that keeps me going—that, and smiles from our awesome baby.
No – very little in those first learning months is sunshine and rainbows. It is the beginning of a lifetime of learning to put someone else’s needs first. And it is hard and you are exhausted and if only someone else would hold the baby an hour or two so you could steal away a long nap and a hot bath. At least, that’s what I always used to think with my first. But hold on, all this you are investing now – the sleep deprivation, the physical aches and pains, the loss of self, it will be rewarded a hundred times over paid out in kisses and loves and a human being who wants to grow up to be like you. Blessings on the journey!!
This is beautiful. My little one (and firstborn) is ten months old, and the memory of her birth is still so fresh in my mind. I love the perspective that you give–it is so real, and so true to life, and I had never thought of childbirth in quite that way.
“And you just can’t bench press the equivalent.” – made me smile! Size 6 ain’t got nothing on you girl….enjoy the journey!
Oh, girl!!
You’re posts about motherhood always touch me deep down. There is nothing more sacred, so close to the divine, nothing that requires us to give more of ourselves, and in so doing, emulate, in our own small way, the Savior.
Your prose is beautiful. The thoughts, profound.
Don’t stop blogging!
Oh how you just wrapped me up in the most wonderful hug of encouragement! Thank YOU!
So beautiful and so true! It’s amazing how often we women feel somehow inferior, because our society judges everything on productivity: what have you accomplished? What do you do for a living?
And yet what is more productive and profound than giving birth? We’re not doing LESS by being moms; we’re doing more! And perhaps if we saw productivity as less about the work world and more just about making a difference in people’s lives, we’d learn to appreciate the tremendous privilege God gave us to be moms. Even if we do have to clean up gross stuff!
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum.
Yes, yes – the most productive act – by definition – we can offer! :)
And this…this life inside…this secret growing…this bloody burst of new human…this discovery of someone you already love so deeply…this is why I’m having trouble calling my doctor to end that cycle. I have FOUR children! I am completely overwhelmed! I hate the sickness, the heartburn, the aches, and the pains of pregnancy. But this is what I LOVE. Beautiful post. It makes my four month old sitting in my lap seem so huge and old, because that scrawny, wrinkly, minutes old baby now laughs and rolls and has deep valleys all over his body that demand to be kissed. Blessings on your pregnancy and praying you find delight in it.
So much delight – thank you for sharing the journey!
Oh, you were right! (But of course! :)
Yes — How can you bench press the equivalent of love?
And this: “sacrifice is always at the heart of great love.”
There is no other way for there to be love.
I am so grateful for you…
Can’t wait to see you again so soon. And you will see for yourself how this third has grown since!
Goodness gracious, thanks for those precious words. Still recovering from the birth of baby #7, probably a year away from getting back into my size 6 jeans, and yet already forgetting the pain of it all, just misty-eyed remembering the miracle of the birth of that little one. What a gift. Co-creating, yes.
Seven? I humbly salute you! I am a mere novice – and yet, loving every minute of catching up :)
Oh that last line…”you can’t bench press the equivalent.” Awesome truth!
And next time I feel intimidated in any location, I will remember this: that I pushed out 2 at one time (11 min. apart) for heaven’s sake!
You are simply divine, LJ.
Medals and roses and a lifetime’s supply of housecleaning on demand – that should be the least of what they do for twin mamas!!! You amaze me over and over again!
WHen I read you were further along than you thought, it was about midnight. I was reading from my phone. I laughed hysterically this laugh brimmed with joy and awe.
I just love you. This post is such good theology, a gracious acknowledgment of Christ being all and yet still involving us. That He gave us wombs, oh it blows my mind.
Thanks for this.
Yes, that He includes us in the mystery when He didn’t need to. When He designs life and lets us play a part in the process. Amazing wonder. Almost as amazing as my total mathematical failure when it comes to measuring how far along that life is!!!
This one was so good. I never wanted kids until I had them. Now I have 4 and can’t imagine life without them. Jesus can change the hardest of hearts. This post made me think of Francis Chan if you google him on youtube watch the one where he is standing on a balance beam. He gives his testimony. His mom died giving birth to him… through her death he was given life… what a parallel.
Thanks be to God that it does change us – that childbirth burns a brand into our psyche that is not erasable.
My oldest turns 13 today. Looking back its hard for me to see anything buy my failures, but looking at him I can’t see anything but God’s goodness and grace.
*Blessings*
wow, girl. those prenatal vitamins are totally seeping into your words — this was beautiful. we forget this, don’t we, when the day and the laundry and the toddler whines pile up on our shoulders? that we’re strong … not on our own but because of a Spirit within us that cannot be defeated.
going to re-read this to myself when i get on a plane to Pennsylvania next weekend … will email you about that.
“I have pushed life out into the world. And you just can’t bench press the equivalent.”
Love that! So true, so true!
With my 1st, I was terrified at the very thought of giving birth. Terrified. I begged for a c-section, and I wanted to be unconsious, not, even, kidding… I could hardly believe my own thoughts after giving birth very much awake- within an hour I was thinking about how exhilerating it was and how “I could totally do that again!” :-)
Oh the beauty, wonder, wildly unpredicableness and sacredness of childbirth. I think it gets more and more amazing with each child. Of course, I’ve only had three… But my appreciation for the process and the treasure increases exponentially!
It is amazing to witness the tangible evidence of two becoming one!
Beautiful post!
beautiful words.