You know you’re well and truly into the third trimester of your pregnancy when:
– It seems like more effort to take a shirt off over your head than to undo a million buttons.
– Your husband brings home slabs of chocolate anytime he runs out to the store for anything. Even when that store is Home Depot.
– You have particularly “un-Christian” feelings toward anyone who casually remarks, “Oh, but you’re still carrying so small!”
– Ditto about anyone who wears skinny jeans.
– Anything that falls on the floor might still be there when you come home with the new baby.
– Your husband’s boxers have become much more appealing than any of your own underwear.
– You can no longer see your own underwear anyway, or your feet for that matter.
– The thought of attending an event where you’d have to go three days straight wearing clothing options outside the “sweat pant” variety almost brings you tears.
– Frosting, chocolate-covered cherries, and whipped cream all seem like legitimate food groups.
– Three quarters of your wardrobe mocks you.
– Most of your T-shirts could give a good imitation of a (not-so-sexy) half shirt.
– You are likely to whisper more sweet nothings to your mattress than your husband.
– Ramen noodles, scrambled eggs, and PB&J show up more frequently in the dinner rotation.
– You believe your vacuum cleaner is out to get you in its determined efforts to get stuck on every corner, spit up particles and weigh more than you do.
– There’s no longer any such thing as a “quick trip” anywhere.
– You resent teenage girls who fit into — well–anything under a size mega-pregnant.
– Any features on “pregnant celebrities” threatens to reactivate your nausea.
– You are tempted to give all your husband’s birthday presents to his mother.
What am I forgetting? Because we all know forgetfulness is right up there on the list as well!
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You knock over endcaps at the store because you forget how far that belly is in front of you!
I actually knocked over my 4 yr old the other day because she was following me down the hall and I turned around suddenly! :D
You write checks, set your plate, prop your book upon your “shelf”.
Also, the “after bodies” in bikinis of said celebrities two weeks postpartum make you think nasty horrid thoughts.
The talons on your feet (which are impossible to reach) are so long and disgusting that your husband has no problem budgeting for a monthly pedicure.
You are so ADORABLE!!!!! :)
Oh, I do not miss those days at all! I winced in sympathy through every item on that list – except the pregnant celebrities. I always felt a savage satisfaction when I read about a celeb who was pregnant at the same time I was – sort of a “HA! They are real people, they have to endure this misery, TOO!” Plus, when they had their babies before I did, it was tangible proof that my pregnancy was not, in fact, going to last for the rest of my life.
“Size mega-pregnant” — Ha! I love it!
From one woman in the last stretch of the third trimester to another, I feel your pain :) This is hilarious.
Oh, you poor thing. So not fun in that last month or so. Each day brings you closer to the blessed event… you will touch your sweet girl for the first time. Every wiggly slimy inch of her!
I’ve been there 7 times. I’ve actually had about 8 miscarriages, but have seven blessings that I’ve carried full term!
Girl, I’m going to tell you what’s sad: my husband boxers appeal to me at times and I’m not even pregnant!!!
This is a great list. I remember too well. How about…
Your husband has to put on your socks and shoes for you…that is, if it’s not flip flop weather and for those of us who like pedicures…our nail polish mocks us…I could never figure out how to paint my toenails when I was in my 3rd trimester. Not happening!
Hang in there :)
Getting into and out of a low car, requires a lift truck…
Rolling over in bed, is a major event-with the resettling of 10million pillows (and you still are not quite comfortable). And then your bladder requires that you get up to go to the restroom….again.
Hang in there!!!!
Oh I love this post…. I’m just 6 months pregnant… and instead of the “oh but you’re still so small” comments, I get “what? you look like you’re ready to pop!” I don’t know which is worse though :(
I’m struggling to buckle my kids in the suburban, reaching past the one car seat to the next one in the middle is going to get real tough soon..
Or “stubbing” my belly when I open the fridge door
“Frosting, chocolate-covered cherries, and whipped cream all seem like legitimate food groups.”
Wait…are you telling me that they’re NOT legitimate food groups?
Ha! Exactly! :)
Girl – been there : bred that!!
you didn’t mention my most hated remark iduring the last trimester. When I spoke of not getting a full nights’ sleep b/c of having to tee-tee so many times during the night and somebody ( it was my mother, but I still wanted to slap her sweet face!) said – “oh that’s just God’s way of preparing you for the baby that will be waking you up 4 or 5 times a night….”
LIKE I needed reminding on baby # 3 or 4 that giganitc boulder was barreling down on me. yeah. really helpful….
ARE YOU HEADED TO BLISSDOM?!? Have been on again off again about going…but if you’re gonna be there I’ll keep you company in sweatpants… :))
DUDE!! BLISSDOM!!! YES!!!
I’ll be helping host the (in)courage beach house party Thursday night at 9.30. YOU MUST COME BY!! I will be easy to spot – see above list :)
Great post – it’s all so true!
you can add to the list:
-you no longer walk; you waddle.
I have to admit this post has made me so broody, yes the last bit is so uncomfortable but its also the most exciting when you know meeting your new daughter is going to be so soon xxx
I’m just 15 weeks along but I remember all of these things from my first pregnancy!! Not looking forward to them again. Hang in there, you are almost there!! Hope your time at Blissdom keeps your mind off the uncomfortable things.
And all of a sudden that steering wheel seems to have grown farther out of the dashboard.
it’s amazing that i had to think to remember some of these b/c my daughter’s only 16 months!
i loved this and it is most definitely true not having been pregnant for a while…
– You are likely to whisper more sweet nothings to your mattress than your husband.
Reaching down to shave your legs requires the 2nd-position turn-out of a professional ballerina.
Yup, been there 7 times!! Gotta say tho…there is nothing, NOTHING in this world more gloriously anticipated than a mother’s moment of going into labor. Better than Christmas morning, birthday party, Easter, Valentines – all wrapped up into one exhilarating few-minutes of “oh, this is really it! I really AM in labor!!”
What a thrill!!
— Teri
BAHAAAA!
Oh man! Breathing…I remember just not being able to breath anymore. Who needs to breathe anyways? Or eat anything besides chocolate?
Praying for you!!!
How ’bout you spend so much time in the bathroom that your kids start to think of it as “Mommy’s room” ?
When you try to calculate and find the exact moment of conception and hope that, perhaps, your doctor or midwife misjudged your due date by a month. {Seriously was so big with number two that by 36 weeks I thought for sure someone had made some kind of mistake!}
Also: mmmm. Whipped cream!!
And size mega pregnant? Bwhahahaha!
Oh girl! This was cute!!
Everyone says “wow you are about to pop” how did anyone ever decide this was on okay thing to say to a pregnant woman? LOL