My arm has long since fallen asleep and I’m amazed again by how heavy a four-month-old can feel. I lie pressed up against her in the bed and watch her chest rise and fall. She smells wonderful. I like to press my lips against her fontanel and feel the space where her small soul is wrapped up in the wonder of her skin.
In the quiet of the bedroom where all I can hear is the hum of the air conditioning unit and the soft snuffling of Zoe’s breath, my mind wanders to all the ways I want her to feel beautiful. And I remember all the ways I did not when I was a young girl.
How is it that false or foolish things that people speak over us when we’re fifteen can hold more weight than the truth that people who love us speak when we’re adults. Why do I accept as cold, hard, reality the sentences that slipped careless from a hairdresser all those years ago and never pause to examine if they contain any truth, just swallow them hook, line and sinker?
I have thin, straggly hair. My ears stick out.
These are assessments I have owned as mine since I was a teenager and only because a too-hip-for-his-age hairdresser once whispered them to my mom. As if they were a shameful secret. As if I should apologize for ears that got in the way of his scissors.
I remember how my cheeks burned. How for years afterward I felt embarrassed anytime a hairdresser came to trimming in the vicinity. How I imagined they must be appalled by my big and sticky-out-ears.
These thoughts smack me in the head as I’m lying trapped under my baby daughter and for the first time in the nineteen years since those words were spoken to me I drag them out into the light of day. I flip them over in my hands – thin hair, ears that stick out – and I realize two things. First, neither of those statements is a reflection on me as a person – they don’t describe my temperament, my faith, my qualities as a friend or mother. And second – neither is particularly true, since I have long ago grown into my ears and watched my hair thicken over the course of each of my three pregnancies.
Why then have these two statements come along for the ride all these years – like unwelcome hitch hikers, directing my thoughts about myself?
I watch Zoe’s eyelashes flutter on that porcelain white skin that is so warm to my lips and I’m astonished to discover how a hairdresser I only met once or twice has basically been back-seat-driving my definition of beautiful for years.
Me with the too thin hair and the too stuck out ears could not have been beautiful. I knew this from the tone of his voice and the set of his lip when he made his observed aside to my mom. And these words grew and grew until they had long, strong arms and legs that held me straight jacket tight anytime I thought about my hair.
Lying next to my brand-new-baby girl who is still unmarred by the opinions of others I finally wriggle free from the lie of my childhood. I find I can move in all the ways that matter. Not, perhaps, the arm still happily trapped beneath a baby, but the heart that had felt quietly embarrassed by it’s physical appearance for so long.
The more I think about Zoe and the beauty I want her to grow into the more I realize I will need to own my own first. I will need to weed out the lies that have snuck, sometimes unnoticed, into my self image so that I am ready to do battle against any that come against her.
I must be beautiful in thought before I am beautiful anywhere else.
I will be a passionate beauty hunter – quick to recognize it in myself and translate it for Zoe. Beauty in attitude, beauty in excitement, beauty in laughter, beauty in service, beauty in grace, beauty in community.
And yes, beauty in ears with character and hair that’s inherited from a family of women – all powerful heart beauties.
I will root out the lies and plant fresh bulbs of beauty – for Zoe and me both.
Do you want to join us? I’m going to record all the beauty I find in myself this week. I know it feels strange. We aren’t usually comfortable shining the spotlight in our own direction. But for those of us raising daughters, for those of us doing battle with word wounds, for those of us who want to grow into the beauty that God has long since spoken over us – let’s’ go on a beauty hunt together.
Write down beauty everywhere you find it in yourself - laundry folded in love, beds made, dinners cooked, lattes picked up for the husband at Starbucks. The red high heels, the swimsuit that shows off the wonder that your body has delivered, the family legacy of freckles. Even the tired eyes from being up all night with sick kids.
Write it down – write down the only definition of beauty that matters:
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14.
Click here for a reminder and a place to start your list – let’s go on a beauty hunt together and in so doing, slay the lies of our childhoods.
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Mandy Scarr
Beautiful post! It’s amazing how a thoughtless comment can haunt us for years. Thank you for bringing it to light. I will be on the beauty hunt journey with you!
You are both beautiful and don’t let the lies decieve you into thinking less. She is a miracle given to you by God and you are a wonderful example and teacher for her of His love and grace and his tenderness. Words are so wounding, if that is one thing you can teach your children. Wounds of words, take so much more time to heal. I never allowed our children to say ‘hard things’ to each other and if there was a ‘person’ like that in our world we moved on. Nothing is worth the wounding of words. You are a blessing to many and you will continue to be a blessing to her and your other children. God be with you as you continue to encourage us all.
lisa-jo….
thank you for sharing such a beautiful reminder of who we are in Christ.
i too have girls, and can see how, even at a young age they can be unsure of how they look, etc.
i myself, having been scarred by past comments (a.k.a. untruths) have had to be very careful what i say about my body, my appearance. it struck me one day when my now 17 y/o told me that i should accept my body just the way it is.
–accept it with the extra pounds from having birthed 5 kids
–accept it with the flabby skin that will probably never go away
–accept it with the stretched out tummy muscles that are stubbornly taking forever to tone
–accept that i will never have a flat tummy and that my tummy doesn’t define me
i was a bit ashamed to realize that through small comments here and there, my young daughter had easily picked up on my struggle with my body image. God used that time to grow me in finding my acceptance in Him and not in my body shape/size. though it’s still a struggle at times, i am much more careful about what i say or imply, because i want these beautiful girls of mine to see their beauty in what Christ has done for them and in how he has beautifully and wonderfully made them.
i love your blog lisa-jo…..it’s a breath of fresh air to my weary soul.
~patty
Zoe is gorgeous! You are both beautiful ladies, created in His image, and beautiful inside & out. Thank you for sharing this!
I love this! God has been challenging me recently, and it’s in this exact area. He’s invited me to call out my beauty, and also call out my gifts.
I’m a writer…
I’m a mother…
I’m a bride…
I’m a friend…
I’m a daughter…
I’m forgiven…
I’m loved…
I’m wanted…
I’m cherished…
I’m beautiful…
ever willing to grow, beauty is in my living…
seizing gentleness and wrapping it around my boy and my groom…
hunting down encouraging words and soft voice…
strong legs connected to strong heart…
tan body shows persistent hard work in physical conditioning…
soft hands and soothing touch…
attentive ears and caring heart…
He heals me in the words I speak of myself…truth and life.
You’re changing the world, Lisa-Jo…one post at a time…one heart-sharing at a time…one child at a time…one day at a time. You’re living a life of meaning.
Gosh, that nearly makes me cry if I would let myself. Thanks for sharing.
What a beautiful and thought-provoking post! Who hasn’t been wounded. I have had problems with self-esteem and my self-image almost all my life. This is such a great thing to be a part of.. a beauty hunt journey! Thank you for giving us this wonderful opportunity.. I have four daughters and I’d love to share this with them.
God bless!
Wow! What a moving post! I, too, have struggled with words spoken over me so young that have invaded my thoughts as an adult all too often. As I work on taking those thoughts captive to Christ and being fully delivered from them, I am determined to speak God’s truth into my own children’s minds and hearts. Though the worlds words are loud and powerful, our God and His Truth is always more powerful. We must see ourselves and others as God sees us and not as the world sees. I will start my beauty hunt list today. 1. Time spent with my 12 year old daughter at the table with God’s Word opened.
I’m with you – full speed ahead on this beauty hunt. I wrote You’re Beautiful for these exact reasons – I gave power to someone else who used careless words to knock me down. For years, I felt their weight, but I won’t carry them any longer. I have to remind myself often that I’m not defined by what size I wear, if I have makeup on or the “right” clothes. And, I pray my daughter will seek her beauty in Him and how He made her and know, really know that she’s beautiful – not because I tell her, but because she’s loved by an awesome God who made her in His own beautiful image.
having been a slave to the lie that i am only as good as i am thin, i can’t imagine raising a daughter. i pray for you, mothers of my future daughters-in-law. i pray for you mothers of precious young women. i pray that the girls, being rooted and established in love will have power together with all the saints to grasp how long and wide and high and deep is the love of chrst. because when they grasp that, they can own psalm 139:14 – the verse that is STILL on a post-it note on my mirror – years after recovery from the eating disorder. the paper is dusty, the ink fading, but the word of god endures forever….
THIS is one part of what makes you so very beautiful.
It’s funny how I was thinking about this very thing late last night as I snuggled with my 4 year old.
And have you watched Amy Perry’s testimony in this video clip before Selah sings “I Look To You”? It goes so well with what you have written here about the words we hear and how they can take straight-jacket-style control over us for years… but if we are aware… they don’t have to anymore.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gP2IzErAQPs&feature=youtu.be
Thank you for sharing this.
GREAT IDEA! it is so like our enemy to taunt us w/ words spoken in our youth. I’m right there w/ you girl! As the mother of 2 beautiful girls that everyone says are the spitting image of their mother, i has come to think that if i see them as beautiful maybe i’m not that ugly after all.
“I’m going on a beauty hunt today. And in my heart I found…”
~hair that’s “easy breezy beautiful” lol. these curls make a great crown.
~my legs. finally tanned
~quick to listen to the FATHER as He reminds me that my words are more powerful that I think.
Lisa-Jo, this is such a great idea! Why do we so readily accept those negative comments as truth? I am beautiful because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The pictures of you and your daughter are truly beautiful!!!
Beautiful post – pun intended
And oh my, your little Zoe is such a cutie! I love the pictures of you two – so sweet!
This is a lovely read. You definitely do not have straggely hair. And the name Zoe is one of my favorites. It is not only full of meaning but beautiful to hear.
Hmm, finding beauty in myself. It is a tall order and one I am not get at. Although, I am finding peace with me and that is an improvement.
Today, I find beauty in the scraggly, frizzy mess of hair that is crammed into a messy bun on top of my head. You see, I took a shower last night and went to sleep with wet hair, knowing I would get up before the kids did and “fix it.”
And then, at 3 a.m, my four year old son taps me on the shoulder. I pull him into bed with me for a quick snuggle, fully intending to send him back to his bed. Because you know “they” say you shouldn’t let your kids sleep with you, or it will become a habit hard to break.
But when he’s four going on five, he’s too busy to stop and snuggle with his mother. So he slept, curled against me for the rest of the night, until we both woke up to the sounds of his little sister chatting on the monitor.
So when I see my frizzy hair and get grumpy about it, I think of his little arm resting across my chest last night when he snuggled his Mama.
Oh, so hard to do this is. Reading even just the beginning of this post reminds me of the ugly thoughts I’ve carried and the scars they’ve left. Truth or untruth, I still believe them at times . . . and it still hurts. And I also compare myself to what I once was — and sigh.
So, what beauty in me today?
The beauty in honesty to exam who I really am.
The beauty I can create through pictures.
The beauty I can make through my fingers on the keys . . .
and I still have my long legs.
Your pictures of you and Zoe are beautiful too!
Beautiful, Lisa-Jo. And when I think of you, your sweet spirit, and beautiful face, that is exactly what I think, ….. Beautiful. God has blessed you with much and blesses others through your grace.
Beauty in me today,… the faces of the 4 children who have come from within…
In our Ladies’ class we discuss Psalm 139 often. We remind each other that we are very good (God said it after making woman), we are precious, we are planned, we are knit, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
In regards to others’ comments concerning me I’ve been taught to look at Proverbs 26:2. I wouldn’t let a bird land on me … I would freak out and shoo it away. I should shoo away those comments that are undeserved and false.
Lastly 1 Corinthians 4:3 … it is okay to say … or atleast think … “I care very little if I am judged by you”.
Zoe sounds like she is in good hands.
Thank you for the inspiration and solidarity that we are not alone in our struggles to find beauty in ourselves when the world has so ungraciously stripped it away from us. Thank you for speaking truth and encouraging us to fight back and restore our sense of beauty as daughters of the King!
I love this post in more ways than I can possibly count. I am currently at war with my body with violent, ugly words that I would never speak to anyone yet I spew them upon myself with a venom that is laced in pure hatred. To find the beauty in myself will be a challenge but I will try because perhaps finding the beauty can help me let go of the hatred. Thank you Lisa-Jo. I have few words to express just how much this meant to me.
I’ve been challenged in this area recently as well… Such a lovely post, and this list… and you and your daughter — beautiful, cherished, loved. The enemy has attacked the daughters of Eve so hard in this area, but we are armed with Truth!
i will join you! when i was a teen a neighbor kid said i would be cute if i was thin. i had a friend that always talked of losing weight. all of this still haunts me in the back of my head. i want to teach my son to never say anything like this to anyone. i still struggle with it. i look at my pictures and see ugliness. i lost 74lbs at one point. i gained 50lb from my pregnancy. i just want to accept me!
My brothers used to tease me that I had big lips,
I won’t even repeat what they called me!
BUT, I have since grown into those lips and oh how I wish they were still
“too big” for my face I LOVED THEM!
joining you in this journey!
tara
As testimony to the absolute truth of this, Lisa-Jo, my immediate reaction was that I couldn’t possibly do this. I won’t be able to think of anything to write!
A beauty hunt?
What a great idea!
A good way to think positive and remind yourself of your true value– you are a Child of God.
Speaking of children, your daughter has the most beautiful, big, doe-like eyes!
I think that when she grows up, the man she’ll marry will fall in love with her eyes!
May God bless you and your family beyond your wildest dreams!
*Jeremiah 29:11*
The fact that the thought of this assignment makes me want to cry is a a good wake-up call that I’ve been believing the enemy far too often lately…. But knowing that I want better for my three girls is motivation enough to try and to start talking to God about it.
Oh Lisa-Jo you are beautiful! And that heart of yours that goes on encouraging women everywhere it is nothing but beautiful. My heart is thrilled that you are writing and learning these words while your girl is still a babe. I worked hard as a mom to tell my girl she was beautiful, to have her know all that she possesses that makes her so. But it saddens me to find that instead of believing what I have told her repeatedly, she believes more about herself by what she saw me live out and what I believed about my own self.
So yes, let’s go on a beauty hunt together!
This is so beautifully written, it brought tears to my eyes.
I saw this quote in a store once, so I wrote it down. After reading your post I couldn’t help but think about how the opposite is true, too. Unkind words can follow us all the days of our lives!! And often they do….unless we become aware of their power and duration….and we expose them for the lies they are. So here’s the quote: “Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” ~ Mother Theresa Your precious daughter will reap the benefits (as we those of us who follow your blog) of your realization. Thank you.
I resonate with this so much. It’s my tween who worries just as you once did – about the thin hair and ears. And I have 3 other daughters besides… all of whom I long to know they’re beautiful – unique, specially designed, intentionally created. Sharing your longing for your girl today. Thanks for your heart words here!
Great post….
Not long ago my beautiful 15 yrs. old daughter starting picking herself apart…my eyes are too small…my feet are too big…..so for a season…and since she was already counting gifts…she has reached 1000 and growing…..each day she had to write something about herself she was thankful for….in the beginning…it had to be a physical attribute…because that is where the accuser comes to attack. We as women/girls brush aside so easily the true attributes that matter….like when I tell my daughter…you are full of joy….you love so well…yeah,yeah mom but by calves are so skinny. So if we can silence the voice that attacks the outward…maybe we will be able to hear the True Voice Who tell us of our true beauty.
What a refreshing post for me, and one that echos so many of the thoughts I’ve had since my own daughter was born, just 5 months ago.
Thank you for sharing!
Hey, our girls are almost the same age!!
Well, then please feel free to keep passing on your wisdom through awesome posts like this one!
i’m weeping reading this.
its so hard to find the beauty in myself, and so easy to believe it isn’t there—was never there in the first place.
i remember those comments, and how they shaped me. how they made me want to go deep inside and never come out again.
thank you for making me think hard thoughts….thoughts that lead me straight to Him. who both loves me for who He made me to be…..and thinks that i’m beautiful.
–S.S.
Thank you. So softly spoken, so beautifully said, so wonderfully true. You made me cry from some unknown place in me, the tomboy I was who didn’t care a fig about beauty but now, longs for Him to be the reflection in me…true beauty.
Love it! A habit I’ve gone to bed with for the past few weeks, wondering why I’m so exhausted by bedtime and why I didn’t get time to give myself a proper eyebrow tweezing!
I list the ways I’ve loved and contributed to the beauty in the day and lives of others, my twist on counting sheep. I still wake up with dark circles under my eyes but I’m eager and energized to love some more. Great by-product of proper beauty sleep!
I absolutely love the idea of being a beauty-hunter…in myself, in others, and in daily life. I am joining you on this journey!
Thank you so much for this post. I’m glad I’m not the only one! My dad always told me I was smart, but never pretty. Then in college he and I were looking at old photo albums, and I jokingly said, “Gee, I used to be so cute. What happened?” My dad said, “Well, you should have taken better care of yourself.” That still stings. I always feel like he’s disappointed I’m not as pretty as my mom was. Doesn’t seem to matter that my husband tells me I’m beautiful. My toddler even told me the other day that I looked lovely—because his daddy says it so much.
What a beautiful post. Sad, isn’t it, how we can allow such non-things to have such great control over us. Such a powerful lesson. But we have an enemy who seeks to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10) and he knows the havoc he can wreak in our thought lives. For many of us, it doesn’t take much to get us going. This is an area that the Lord has been working on in me, because I really struggle at times with all the terrible mean self talk. Thank you for sharing this.
Healing comes when we discover that we have believed a lie and that Jesus is the Truth. Others may hurt us with their words, but often we tell ourselves untruth about our self. We say words to demean us, like “how could I do a stupid thing like that?” or worse. We need to speak of ourselves as God sees us as beautiful, creative, smart, loving, kind, gentle and special. We are His child and he loves us and is proud of us.
My foster daughter always hated her face. She pointed to her nose and other features. I told her — God loves your face, and some day there is waiting for you a husband who will love and adore your nose and everything about you inside and out. Truth had its way and she is happily married and shedding beauty all around her. Let us embrace the truth and live by it.
I know what you mean. I wore a patch over my eye to force my other eye to work better and felt so ugly. When I got in Middle School and the patch was gone, the boys told me I was ugly. I hated it!
I had a question about your 5 minute friday button. I have an idea for another category on my blog and want to have a button people can click. Where did you get your button made and how was it done?
Thank you so much!
Thank you. I have struggled with this for ever it seems. For me it was a comment my young husband made, right as we were heading to the door to leave for worship on a Sunday, that I can remember with the vividness of standing right there next to myself and watching it happen. I only told him about it this year and how it had sent my self-esteem spiraling down since then (about 20 years ago).
Oh, what a beautiful post!! LOVED IT! Not only do I relate to the insecurities that can pummel from words spoken in years past, but I am a mama to 2 little girls now. (19 months and 6 months). I so relate to what you said…I long for them to know their beauty that comes from their identity in Christ and radiates outward. I can only pray to be an example to them as God’s strengths moves through my many weaknesses.
Thank you so much for this!
What a challenge to consider the beauty in ourselves. What a struggle it will be to face the lies that others may have told us about our (lack of) beauty. I cried as I read this post, realizing that I have not let myself see myself as beautiful in a very long time. Thank you for this gentle nudge to prioritize our need to heal in this area. I know I am not the only woman who struggles with this. God is using you to change us in a great way if we can see ourselves the way He see us.
Beautiful post! And so are you and your daughter!
Thank you…..sometimes I need to see myself through the right people’s eyes….not the ungodly.
Hi Lisa-Jo
Always love your posts and that includes this date. I have a question for you not on the topic though. Your daughter has beautiful hair accessories and I was just wondering if you can give me an idea where you buy her things. Look forward to hearing from you.