Two years and one job ago.
I sat across from the man I love on the bed we’ve loved in since we were first married ten years before. I sat and smacked fist into palm and said it again and again and again, “But this can’t be what I’m supposed to do with my life.”
And there it was – the old frustration that stuck in the back of my throat and that I hadn’t been able to swallow down for two long years. Two years of two-hour commutes and long hours at the office and away from my kids. Away doing work that didn’t fit the me that lived inside my frustration; long hours aching with the wanting to be doing something else.
But I didn’t know what it was.
I just knew that there was something else. And it started with wanting to be able to encourage women.
So I sat across from the man who’s known me and loved me since that night we played baseball on the national mall and then walked the long way home back to 8th street. He was as patient with me then as he is now.
He spoke to me of callings. He reminded me that every ounce of frustration I felt was part of what helped me translate my story into one that other women could relate to. And he told me that it was these broken, hard parts I was living that would feed my words.
I watched him in the glow of the two yellow bedside lamps and saw that he heard me. He got what it felt like to not be doing the something I thought I was made to do. But he showed me that without this struggle I wouldn’t be able to encourage women the way I felt called to. Without fighting the balance of motherhood and work and self and calling and commutes I wouldn’t understand where many other women need encouragement.
I spent a long time thinking about this. And months later I wrote about it to my friend, Holley:
So, I have been thinking about you today because I am at a conference discussing some groundbreaking work to bring justice to the poor and afflicted. For many years that is the kind of work I have been involved in also. But, I have consistently felt this call on my heart to speak into the lives of women. Young mothers and wives who feel that what they do isn’t important.
I don’t know many who would consider that a needy population group. But I sure do. I am them.
So, I blog. I write my heart out to this beautiful audience who need to be encouraged as I wish someone had done for me. Because young mothers and struggling women have great needs too. And while it’s not my job, it is my delight to be used by God to be part of the plan for meeting them.
I wrote it at 1am and I found that putting those words down filled me up – with joy, with purpose, but mostly with relief. My story is useful to others because of the frustration I’ve juggled. My story can encourage because I know how it feels to feel unimportant. My story translates the stories of many other women because it is so seemingly ordinary.
This thing – this something else – that I had been waiting for? Turned out it had been unfolding in my life all along. Right there in the commuter lane, in between making school snack packs and tucking kids into bed I’d been finding my voice.
And when I write about my every day ordinary mess, I am connected to the women I so desperately want to encourage. The women I want to wrap arms around and laugh with and say, “You’re doing far more than just OK, sister.”
God has made a way for me through the frustration and into the nooks and crannies of other people’s stories. It has grown from my passion into my job. I can lay myself down right where I am, word by word, plank by plank, and build a bridge that connects us.
There is a Carpenter who shows me how.
And you? You who fume and flail and question the now that you’re living? Maybe we have this frustratingly perfect route in common.
Perhaps what is hardest about where you are right now will end up being the wood and nails and words that connect us.
Write it down. Build the bridge.
That many might walk across.
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Tomorrow I will share more about what my bridge looks like, but today – what about yours? What are the hard wood and nails you have to work with? It’s OK to be frustrated with them.
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Oh Lisa-Jo, I can’t tell you just how encouraging your words have been to me. Thank you for the ways you share your heart.
Time for me to head to bed, as God is gently encouraging me to sleep more and spend less time on the computer in the evenings, though I miss reading and writing once my house is asleep!!
One of the reasons I relate so much to what you write is that I am dealing with a very similar set of wood and nails. “…two-hour commutes and long hours at the office and away from my kids. Away doing work that didn’t fit the me that lived inside my frustration; long hours aching with the wanting to be doing something else.” That pretty much sums it up.
Oh I can relate. My struggle sometimes too is not knowing the direction God wants for me. My own blog two years old and finally open to the public, it was a hard decision but my hubby who is my encourager said ‘do it’ … encourage others.
So I do. In my semi retirement phase I write for an unknown audience and I praise God for the words, the strength and the courage to continue. Always for his Glory.
Beautiful post! Very encouraging!
Blogging really is all about sharing and encouraging, isn’t it?
Dear Lisa-Jo,
What an encouragement to hear a bit of your story–and to see you doing what you’re meant to do!
I think blogging has allowed for us to find people who we can relate to. While I haven’t found another Snipe Wife yet, others have found my bridges–exercise, PTSD, parenting, writers, photographers… and I have found them and been encouraged. This is the life I wanted, what I felt a desire for, but knowing how selfish I am I wanted to make sure DH knew how much I appreciated his sacrifices and I did want to make sure I contributed financially to the “extras” we get to enjoy because of those sacrifices. Becoming a substitute even though I loathe the thought of being a teacher has taken some of that pressure off. Right now I think my health problems are my frustrations but I am taking it one day at a time.
Everything–everything–you shared is why I teach memoir. It’s about comforting others with the comfort God has given us (from one of those Corinthians). The Bible tells us in several places that we are to tell our children and grandchildren and others about what we’ve seen God do for us. He uses every bit of our lives, every step, the easy and the hard, the nice and the messy, to love us and teach us SO THAT we can encourage others in His name. Lisa-Jo, you are SO dear!
Love,
Linda
Great post Lisa-Jo. I was inspired to find and share my voice online in a similar way. Yours is articulated better, though. Perhaps you’d be interested in my theory on ‘Why So Many Pastors Blog’ at Café Seminoid, http://www.clintarcher.com/?p=635
Unemployment; being called chunky even though I go to the gym twice a week; thinking someone means more to me than I mean to them. These have made me miserable when I’ve felt they’re all lumped together, but the truth is, (1) just because I’m not in paid employment doesn’t mean I’m not useful to God; (2) I may still be a bit chunky, but I’m fitter than I was before I started at the gym; (3) God accepts me, has chosen and not rejected me, and I have a friend who’s shown God’s love to me when things have seemed very difficult – but even if that earthly friend hadn’t been there, Jesus will be there always and no one could ask for a better Friend than Him.
Those truths have encouraged me when I’ve felt down anyway.
I really enjoyed this post! I started my blog for similar reasons, (actually a specific health-related situation) and when that time passed I thought my blog was done. Lost all motivation. And then I started learning that what I say can actually be encouraging to other people!
Must be one of the ways that God works “all things” together for good. :)
Thanks for the encouragement today!
I walk beside you. As so many other women do. It is the decisions for my future and the future of my children and my husband that I face with daily uncertainty. Too many choices, too many decisions, all leading down different paths. Which one is the best for the four of us together? I read your blog for strength to make these decisions and build my bridge.
Thank you for writing these words, Lisa-Jo. I fought and fought sharing my words, my experiences with the world because I thought–who would want to hear this from me? I’m not anything special.
But who am I that I might stunt God’s plan. Who am I to think I’m not special. Who am I to believe it’s not worth it even if I reach one heart.
Three months later I still struggle, but I’m striving. Because I need Him to work through me. I need to walk this path outside my comfort zone. I need to write my words. For Him.
I’ve thought a lot about this the past year. My hard wood and nails are found in my singleness. There’s no good reason for me to be single, other than the fact that the right guy hasn’t come along. Most days I’m content with this season, though I long to get married and share my life with someone. So I’m trying through my blog and through the circle of real life friends to encourage and commiserate and make the most of this season.
lisa-jo……your post hit a chord in my heart. i think that we all have our own set of hard wood and nails that we must work with. and one thing i’ve learned in the past year is that God wants to use the hard wood and nails in my life to build something beautiful….something that may take a long time to build, but when its finished, it will be well worth the tears and the sweat.
in the past year, i have walked through depression, the death of my dad, and more recently the loss of my oldest daughter who has chosen the hard road and left our home. so much devastation, and many times i have asked God “why”…what good could he possibly bring from the ashes of my life.
but little by little, he is showing me. he has built my faith and has proven to be faithful–never once leaving me alone. and i’m stronger now from having to work so hard with the wood and nails….i wouldnt have chosen this path, this hard road i’ve been on, yet i wouldnt trade for anything the sweetness i now know with my Savior….or the beautiful bridge that i see slowly coming together.
i enjoy your blog so much—glean from it is more like it. you are someone i’d LOVE to have coffee with and laugh into the wee hours of the morning.
thank you for what you do here in your corner of the blogoshpere…God is using you greatly.
Bridge planks:
Marriage struggles (I used to dream of writing the modern myth of Persephone)
Father living with us, having Parkinson’s, aging and worrying at 81
Single child that I homeschool
Weight issues when I eat to relieve stress
Being more conservative than anyone at our church (love the faith community online and in my homeschool group here)
Struggling, and sometimes soaring by God’s grace.
Thanks for asking Lisa-Jo!
Oh how this blessed my heart this morning! I have found myself “stuck” in discontent, working at a variety of part-time jobs I don’t enjoy–unable to do what I really want for a living (write and speak) and unable to have what I really want (marriage and kids) at this stage of my life. I get so frustrated being alone…knowing that the family I long for today is years away and I am again, stuck in impatience and worry. I so quickly forget that in my time off–which I am blessed to be able to have–I have the opportunity to write, mentor and pour into teens and young women, which is the calling of my heart. Thank you for sharing your story and encouraging us to press on!
“…Two years of two-hour commutes and long hours at the office and away from my kids. Away doing work that didn’t fit the me that lived inside my frustration; long hours aching with the wanting to be doing something else.”
I think it was Divine intervention that led me to this blog today. I prayed long and hard over this just last night and it is so comforting to read these words today. Thank you and God bless you!!!
This is really encouraging. Thanks.
My life hasn’t turned out like I had expected or hoped. It’s not the life I thought I was preparing for 15 years ago. I used to teach children’s classes at church. I worked a Christian camps for 5 years. I taught Bible clubs for children in villages where there was no church. I majored in Bible and Christian education. I thought I was preparing for being a ministry wife and mother. I thought I was preparing for a future of teaching children and teenage girls in the church. I thought I was preparing to lead ladies Bible studies. But one year after graduating college I became very, very sick.
I used to wonder why God allowed me to become so sick. Couldn’t I be of more use to Him if I was healthy and could once again teach and be involved in church? Wouldn’t it be better if I could go out and serve others? Wouldn’t it be better if I could take care of our house and our children so that my husband wasn’t burdened so much? I have a much different life now than I had anticipated, but I see that this is the life God was preparing me for. He has a plan and a purpose for this, one that is for my good and for His glory.
My hard wood and nails are:
weakness
a chronic and progressive illness
a mostly home-bound life
frustrations of not being able to care for my children as I want
frustrations of not being able to be an able bodied wife
not being physically able to cook anymore
praying for health and strength, but continually growing weaker
no way to financially survive on our own (yet God always provides)
patience and perseverance learned through suffering
hope, joy, and peace
the promise of Heaven
inwardly being renewed day by day
a little blog through which I can still teach and encourage others
No, it’s not the life I had planned. But it is the one that God had planned. I will build those bridges to reach out and connect with other women and hopefully encourage them where they are. This is the life He has prepared me for, and it is the life I will live to the glory of God.
Wonderfully encouraging, we women all have a story to tell. We all have those hard wood and nails in our lives but by sharing we can be an encourager to those that are discouraged, we can point them to him that gives us our hope
I appreciate this, Lisa-Jo. I don’t knwo what my “hard wood and nails” look like today. Today is a day where everything feels dumped out on the floor in a heap and I am dizzy and tired, frustrated, sifting through the mess. Nothing is what I thought and nothing fits right. But your words here, they encourage me. So, thank you, sister-friend. Thank you.
Thank you for the beautiful post on the day I needed it most :)
Okay, you wrote this for me. I started a blog a week ago. It is maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I WANT TO QUIT. I mean it. When the thing went live, I cried. (I know.) But your words just now were the push God used to get me through one more day, to draw me that much farther along in my faith journey of struggle and mystery, and I am so deeply thankful for you.
Lisa-Jo, I love this post so much! That’s why I blog too: to build bridges. I love your writing and your wisdom and treasure your presence online! So grateful.
I was thinking about this very thing this morning, hoping that the pain of what I’m going through with my divorce is not only building something in me for myself, but that me being willing to share about it might do something in someone else’s heart too. It is so raw and ugly, and I am so full of fear and sadness, but I keep coming back to Ecclesiastes where it says that God has made everything beautiful in its time. It’s the hope of that beauty that I hang on to.
Lisa, this is the same reason why I blog, to somehow inspire and encourage everyone who can relate to my stories….in my own little way.
There’s just so much negativity going on right now in the world, one positive thought can make a difference :)
All good things!
Wise man, that husband of yours. Yes, the struggles of life mold and shape us, and they help prepare us for whatever is coming next. Thank you for sharing some of yours with us here – and thank you for the ministry of encouragement you provide for so many! For much of my adult life, I’ve felt called to encourage women younger than I am – in a ‘been there, done that – you, too, can survive and thrive!’ sort of way. And I still feel that call, even in retirement. So I write and I connect with women who are younger….and a whole lot of women who are closer in age to me than to you. It’s been an interesting one year+ of connecting across the cyberwaves and I’ve been struck by how powerfully God uses the inventions of humankind to build the Kingdom. Thank you for how you contribute to that Kingdom-building!
oh my. I have just been sitting here, wondering what on earth is wrong with me to feel so unsettled. I just filled pages in my journal with my two sides of a coin…the ones I can’t get to gel together yet. Oh, I am thankful. And I am blessed. I love simple. I love small beauty. My heart cries for stillness. But then, I can’t love enough, connect enough, learn enough – live enough. I know that we all have our own voice, and they are all needed. But I am seriously struggling feeling my voice is so small when I want to encourage and be surrounded by many….Thank you for reminding me that this is just a piece of my journey. Part of what connects me to it all.
Oh girl, you know it. My ache is deep. And yet, I know there’s purpose in *this time*. It churns the words I write in my own space on line and I See Him more than I ever have before. Beauty will come of this. I know it yet.
Your encouragement…it’s why I’m drawn to you…it’s my heart, too. We’re so similar, us girls, aren’t we? ;-)
Oh, I love this! Your blog has been such an encouragement. There are some days (most days) where I don’t know where the journey of words will take me. And I know the world thinks I’m crazy for giving up the glories and joys of spending years of my life commuting on I-95 and checking to see if the potholes on the Beltway really have gotten as big as my car(they have). But then I come to places like this and it helps me through those days when I wonder why God has brought me to the path I’m on and the season I’m in. Thank you!
Hmm… Your post is the second I’ve read that talks about the hard places and how God will use them to help others because you’ve gone through it and understand. This is slowly moving to my heart after being known in my head for the past 6 years. That the pain I have and am experiencing will work out for good somehow. Once again, I’m happy I can learn from you. :)
Your word speak right into that place of question that I have been in for a while. Right smack into my ache of wondering if it matters, my words, my stories. Frustration seems to be the one emotion that is the absolute hardest for me. Maybe because there are so many unknowns. But I’m trying to surrender, looking for daily graces and determining to give thanks in it. YES! It is all for a reason far beyond what I could imagine.
I’m so glad you’re willing to get vulnerable with us. It certainly encourages me to keep on keeping on and keep being real and allowing myself to be vulnerable. **looking at the daily grind and even the daily mundane as wood and nails** thanks!!!
Trying to encourage a little bridge building over here:
http://wp.me/p1N0v1-i4
This post puts into words why I started my blog and gave me hope for what my blog could eventually do. How did you start? What were some of the things that you see now were crucial to your success?