If you’re visiting from Ann Voskamp’s place today – welcome. I’m a mom of three kids and me and my good man make our home under the cherry blossoms just outside of Washington, D.C. But my heart is buried under a Jacaranda tree in Pretoria, South Africa. I write here about life lived in between – countries, kids and the daily, holy chaos of raising them. I think that trying to survive motherhood while under the impression that other mothers somehow have it all together is dreadfully discouraging. So on this blog I do my best not to dress up motherhood. I try to tell it straight. Like what a real life dictionary definition of “mother” might read like. Or how every tired mom might need to recite this reminder before breakfast. You’re welcome to join us. And if you subscribe by email for my updates – see the box there in the margin? – I’ll happily send you a copy of my {free} eBook The Cheerleader for Tired Moms.
Sunday afternoons in South Africa there were always watermelons bopping in the swimming pool.
It was to keep them cool till they could be split for dessert. But to us kids they were just a challenge to ride, to raft, to water polo between ourselves until a grown up finally noticed and yelled to quit it before we turned the insides into pure pulp.
Sunshine on the watermelons and their green striped skins and our shoulders and legs all gangly and growing up living large on the hospitality of our parents.
I can still feel the water running down my back from wet hair as we stood dripping around the table under the thatch roof lapa as dad cut into the melons slice after juicy slice.
We’d stand and bite and suck and spit seeds and there were always more people than chairs.
Hospitality as I’ve grown up has looked different.
I discovered a dirty pot in the microwave last night.
We’ve had a lot of guests pass through our conveniently-located-right-outside-D.C. house. My desire to host them with the carefree abandon of my childhood has gone head-to-head with my desperate self consciousness about how small our home is.
I’m writing about it over at Ann Voskamp’s place today – our story of learning that hospitality is always more a matter of the heart than the architecture. And often a slice of good, sweet watermelon.
You are so precious. Thank you for your encouraging words. . . “hospitality is always more a matter of the heart than the architecture. And often a slice of good, sweet watermelon.” Being a tried and true Southern belle you had me at watermelon :) Seriously, though, our family is on the brink of moving from a 3300 square foot home in the Country Club to a 1200 square foot bungalow, or as it has been affectionately named by yours truly, “Bungalove”. You can read the story here http://www.ouradventurebook5.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-story-only-god-could-write.html.
Although our downsizing is a very exciting time in our life (well me and the hubs anyway. . .the children aren’t so sure), there are things to sacrifice, i.e., many families filling our home, kids galore, nice and big home, etc. Thank you for the sweet reminder that “hospitality is always more a matter of the heart than the architecture. And often a slice of good, sweet watermelon.” I needed this and I’m sure will need it even more once we’re moved into the Bungalove. Hugs!!!
Ok, so it just hit me. South Africa. Do you have a British accident?!
In my head when I read, you never do, but growing up in South Africa you very well could. I have to know!!!
My husband complains it’s not nearly as South African as it used to be :) But when I’m nervous or speaking in public or home in SA – then yes, South African comes through :)
Oh my! This changes everything! (Ok, not really, but I will definitely try to read with a small accident thrown in there.) :)
One of the most fun times I have ever had speaking publicly was when a friend and I tackled the issue of hospitality. She is all fabulous food, center pieces and cloth napkins. I am a crock pot, paper plate kinda girl. It was a really wonderful way to show ladies who avoid having people in their homes that there is no “right” way. Just use your own style and throw open the door. We have had lots of big family life events over the past couple of months and I am now looking forward to opening our doors again this summer!
Love. Everything. About.This.
I love this! We have 6 kids, so inviting people over can be a daunting task if all I want is a spotless house. I’ve slowly given up a few standards and had families over to join in on the fun.
I only have three and we’ve thrown our standards out the window and just opened the front door to invite other families into the crazy. And they keep coming so must be something right in that equation :)
I was just starting to get over my small-place-itis when we found out there’s bad mold and we have to move NOW! We wanted to buy a house when we moved next, and now there may not be the time. House hunting under pressure is NOT fun!
However, this has given me new respect for “home.” Because I was surprised to find I will miss this place, and had a bit of heartache when I realized I never got to do the entertaining I wanted to do because the house wasn’t tidy enough or big enough or whatever enough. I was starting to be at peace that being with us is ENOUGH for our visitors, and had the joy of hearing a friend say to me the other day, “I just want you to know how much I’m enjoying being here and spending time with your family.”
When we move into our next place, which could end up being even smaller than this one due to our time constraints, I will remember that the house doesn’t have to be tidy enough or big enough or whatever enough because WE are enough. People come to be with US, not our tidy house (that doesn’t exist anyway). WE are enough.
Loved your blog today Lisa-Jo! Thank you.
“the house doesn’t have to be tidy enough or big enough or whatever enough because WE are enough.” – Amen, preach it!
So beautifully written! I grew up in Australia, and my mum always welcomed people into our home. I loved it, and I loved that there was always room for one more. I’ve tried to keep the same hospitality philosophy, which is not so easy here in Denmark (my current home) where entertainment is an art form. Thank you for this wonderful reminder that hospitality and community go hand in hand!
Love bumping into a fellow gypsy – hello to Denmark from Washington DC today :)
So thrilled to have found your blog from Ann’s site. I’m a mom from Joburg and can relate so well to your post. I moved house last weekend and there are boxes everywhere and I’m lying on the couch…I haven’t stopped so ve Saturday and its amazing to have this rare opportunity to be still as my 4 year old is napping and the 2 year old is engrossed with the TV. Thank you for reminding be to comfortable with how we are instead of how we appear. Will be following you… So refreshing to find a blogger who knows about melktert. God Bless
All moves are made better by neighbors who stop by with melktert, aren’t they? :) Glad you found me too – good luck with the rest of your unpacking!
Wow. I was so excited when I saw that you too were South African and living in the States. And yes, my heart is still one hundred percent under a Jacaranda tree in Pretoria, South Africa. Thank you for posting. So so happy to have found you.
Hey there Christa – yes, homesick and baking melktert to try and take the edge off some nights :)
I felt like I was reading a description of my home and backyard except you forgot to describe the dining room chair that’s held together with ribbons (yep really). Always a little nervous when a larger guest ends up with it! :/ I am going to have to re read your article I loved it so much.
ribbon is a good idea~ mine has duct tape :) and blankets tossed to cover cat scratched fabic of 35 years :)
I love my life~ because of Jesus
Thanks, Rowena! And amen to things held together in creative ways. I’m hoping your hospitality grows wide in the days ahead, ribbons and all.
Lisa Jo Baker! This is delightful~ I laughed and cried through the whole thing. You see, it is also my home and my heart and the ‘passed by years’ and all the memories revived and I can hear the laughter and hear the kids sharing and see them spitting watermelons seeds to see how far they can go and always the door is open and always it is about being comfortable in my own skin and letting Jesus glow~
delightful~ simply delightful my dear. I send you the biggest hug!
hugging and laughing and spitting them watermelon seeds right back :)
I needed this today. I recently found out I was pregnant with my 4th (my oldest is 4). Our house is small and the new baby will not have a room. I have been struggling with being content with our small, stained-carpet house. Then there is the morning sickness resulting in way too many pb&j sandwiches and dirty toilets. God has been teaching me to embrace this. I have also realized how much of a blessing it is for our kids to have to share rooms and not have extravagant things. Now if only we had sound proof walls :)
YES to the sound proof walls :) And our kids share too and they love it. Growing up knowing that they’re in it together – yea, I think that’s good for them. And for their mama. Blessings on you and your fourth. Here’s to blessings multiplied!
I love this so much. I have often struggled with this issue, as we have lived in a parsonage or a rental home for our entire marriage. The whole “not my house” thing going on there. Didn’t want to invest too much into a house that wasn’t really ours, etc. Or being paranoid about the house being a wreck if someone unexpectedly dropped by. I have three young kids and we homeschool. We also live nextdoor to the church. :) we just moved into a new parsonage 2 months ago, and this one has been more “ours” than any other – we got to pick paint colors, etc. Thanks for this word of encouragement to “live” in your home! Love it!!
So hear you on this. I’m 38 and we’ve never owned a home. Being a perpetual renter has been humbling and taught me so much about my own concepts of what I think I ‘deserve’ – so. many. lessons. in one small house. Never ceases to amaze!
I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed this post. THIS has been my struggle for way to long. As a perfectionist in a tiny half-remodeled house who works full-time, cares for elderly parents and rarely has a neat house, I really need this. We have very little in the way of financial means, my house is oh so tiny – less than a 1000 square feet, one bathroom, some walls without all the sheet rock because we’ve been working on a remodel as we have money, which means it has so far taken 4 years and it’s still not done! I have been under strong conviction about opening my home (or not) and being too concerned about what people think of a mess or my status or more importantly what will they think of me. I know they love me, but will the still like me? The funny thing is, I love my little house, and I do the best I can under the circumstances I’ve got. It’s good enough for me and God blessed me with it so why should anything else matter. My eyes well with tears as I read this, and the Holy Spirit, finally gets through on this! Thank you Lisa Jo!
Oh lovely Stephani – yes, open that door to the home that you love. Because the thing I’ve learned is that if you love the people who step through it, they won’t notice anything else. They will feel so welcome and will get how much you love your house that they won’t have anything but beautiful memories. Promise.
Lisa Jo, Awesome to read your post. I live in Indiana but a born and raised Zimbo from Harare. Do you get that? My grandparents lived in Port Edward. We love Melktert, koeksuesters (sp), bobotie, and of course lots of fresh salads and fruit from the local farmers here. Having lived here 16 years now I miss Africa so very much but still carry her in my heart. Hospitality is so hard for me as my husband does not share the pleasure with me. I’m going to make a better effort this summer to do this more. Maybe even my Homeschool Mommies group. tks for sharing. I’m also just thinking about my pastor’s wife from Zimbabwe Bonnie Deuschle singing tonight in Johannesburg at Rhema I think with Don Moen. Amazing isn’t it.
Ah-mazing. We have good friend in Zim and some of my best vacation memories are from game farms up there. I tried to make koeksisters from scratch over here and it was an epic failure. But I do make a mean melktert :) thanks for saying hi – here’s to the southern cross and gumboot dancing…
Love this! New to your blog . . . popped over here from Ann’s. I’m sure I’ll be back : )
Hey there Pam – thanks for stopping by. Come over anytime; put your feet up and make yourself at home.
Lisa Jo. Thank you for a “right on” post for hospitality. I was sucking that watermelon and spitting those seeds until I won the prize of the furthest spit. When we open our homes we open our hearts and in the heart God is at work. Good job, my friend who I have never seen, heard your voice or hugged your neck, but still friend nonetheless.
Amen to that friend of the Internet and fellow watermelon seed spitter :)
I am on the verge of tears as I relate completely to this post, except for the part where I actually welcome others into my home. I will ask God to give me the strength to overcome my pride and my shame and start obeying him by being hospitable. Thank you!!!
1 Peter 4:9
Sweet Amy – it’s been hard for me to open the door. And my face has flushed as I try to explain the crazy contents of our back yard. But it’s been worth it every single time. Promise.
Fantastic. Thank you for the most timely reminder about hospitality and what it truly means. I really need some work in this area. I find myself often pondering having others over, but never quite making that leap. Something about the piled-up papers on the counter, the lack of “amazing” dinner recipes to pull from, the bathroom that may not have tp (like today….), the rug that needs a good vacuum…. on it goes, right? Enough excuses already! I need to just leap, and trust God in this blessing of hospitality.
Dankie Lisa-Jo! I too am an “inbetween girl”…A South African living in North Carolina USA …my heart is buried under a banana tree in Natal. I identified with your post to the point of choking up. Ah sweet one. Thank you for reminding me that hospitality is more a matter of the heart than the pock-marked backyard, wobbly garden furniture, stained carpet and sticky surfaces.
A banana tree in Natal, eh? Daai laat my lekker lag! Love connecting with all these homesick South Africans – I’d have you all over for melktert if I could! Stained carpets and all :)
Hi Lisa! so happy to know about you today, your blog is giving me light on about how blessed I am for the house I live and born, some years ago I was a bit sad because we haven´t change or repair our house for so many years, even last year we could not paint, but today I have notice I have a lot of dirt backyard where I have madumbis, ñames, plantain, ginger, mandioca, a lemon tree with more than 3 harvests per year, guavas, soursops, coffe, fresh cacao pods, colorful butterfies, humminbirds, and many other free wonders you have in a tropical country. Thanks lisa for sharing! by the way I have been in South Africa ans is my second home! God bless you and your family.
Sofia! So lovely to meet you and your back yard sounds delicious and my boys are always begging me to let them grow vegetables in ours. Maybe I need to get brave and try that. We’re already growing so much mud :) Thanks for saying hello!
Thank you ENDLESSLY for this timely reminder of what hospitality truly means…it shifted the whole perspective on planning my daughter’s high school graduation party today!
Oh Michelle – praying it’s a delicious time of beautiful memories. Take it from me, as a girl who never noticed much of what her parents’ decor was like, what she’s gonna take away from it is is the joy of being loved and celebrated by her parents. #PinkyPromise :)
Absolutely! I love having people in my home, but was getting overwhelmed with the thought of a larger than usual crowd…instead of stressing about where people are going to sit, I spent the day thanking God for so many loved ones to rejoice over her!! Your post REALLY blessed me!
Oh sweetie – you nailed this. NAILED it. I’ve done all kinds of entertaining and way too often been down on my hands and knees scrubbing a dirty bathroom floor as the doorbell rings. FINALLY learned to let.it.be. People come to see us, not our perfect house. And besides, who wants to be drifting off to sleep during dinner conversation because you’ve overdone it, again!! Really important lesson – and so good to learn it when you’re young (and yes, you are.).
Thank you. I need to read this at least once a week to remind me that people are more important than the state of our home. God is teaching me this lesson daily. Your gracious words have calmed the chaos today.
Hi… all the way from sunny South Africa :) You REALLY have a way with words…your writing is stunningly beautiful…thanks :)
I love this! Thank you for sharing. Our good friend says, “If you come to see me, come anytime. If you come to see the house, make an appointment!”
Oh my word! That should be framed!!
I too, have a small house. We live just out side of Dc as well (although a bit more out side then you, I think). We have a small, old farm house. There is no where to put anything so everything is out in the open for all to see. I have kept people away becaue of it. Recently I have been having some of my MOPS mama friends over. They don’t seem to care about all the stuff and I enjoy having people to talk too! I love this and it is so true…”hospitality is always more a matter of the heart than the architecture.” Thank you!
YES. Thank you for this.
We live in a tiny, 900 square foot home with a teeny table and four chairs. We finally had some friends over for dinner last night. It was 105 degrees her in California and our AC couldn’t keep up, so it was pretty hot. I shoved four baskets of laundry and a bunch of toys in the master bedroom before they came over. There were fingerprints all over the french doors. *Miraculously* we had a fabulous time anyways!
I need to remember this. Great post.
Our tiny house is where our kids friends always come. They have bigger houses, I am sure cleaner too, but they always end up here because I welcome them with open arms, cookies don’t hurt either! We have 6 kids, 15, 12, 9, 6, 3 and 1 so the house is always crazy and a mess but hospitality is such a great gift to give your community. Holidays are always here in our 1000sf, we can “fit” 26 people in our our tiny living room for the best white elephant gift exchange in the world, it may be a little tight but no one would want it anywhere else. Thank you for this post, it is great to share in your joy of welcoming friends and family into your home!
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