He holds his heart as we wait at the red line in the immigration queue.
His face has a puzzled look. Passports slide back our way and we crane necks for one last look, one wave, one jump up and down and blowing of last kisses. Then with heavy back packs we start the long journey to gate A49.
Familiar sights and sounds and tastes line the way and my tummy hurts at passing them good bye.
He holds my hand and I’m all a rush and he’s all slower and slower until we’re finally stopped in front of the Kudu head and biltong stand. My eyes are set on where we need to be so it takes me by surprise when I look down and see the tears leaking slowly out of his own in surprise.
He’s rubbing his chest. Rubbing it hard and bewildered and if only I could climb in and make it better.
“It hurts,” he says. “Mom, it just hurts so much.”
I can hardly stand to watch his face as it processes separation for the first time, since he’s not too toddler to care.
Like heart burn he keeps trying to swallow it down. But this burn, it doesn’t go out. Twelve years in and mine is still a lump in my throat that no amount of swallowing can loosen.
I put my hand over his – this unique Jackson hand that grew in my belly in this country that gave birth to us both.
“Your heart hurts?”
I get down on my knees on the cold, speckled tile floor so that I can see right into him. Watch him nod back at me over his glasses frames. Pete and Micah and Zoe are already out of sight. It’s just me and Jackson and our homesickness lost in a sea of passengers passing all around us.
I try to find the right words. He’s inherited more than my blue eyes. He’s inherited a life time of feeling lost in between countries. Would I take it back if I could?
One day I will explain the gift wrapped in all this aching. I will show him how the parts that hurt are the parts that connect him in unique ways to the God who gave up home and family to come and live here with us. One day I will share the lessons.
But that’s not today.
Today is for not being embarrassed to cry with him. Today is for hugging him hard and telling him we hurt because we have a big love.
Today is for taking off his glasses and tracing my finger down his wet cheeks and letting him see my own. Today is simply about holding his hand and his heart and his homesickness as we try to find our way to Gate A49.
As we try to map our way home.
My first born. My South African born son. Who shares the gift of homesickness with me. And the love that ties us to family an ocean away.
It’s been four years since that painful good-bye. We’re both getting better at it.
And it’s always worth it – because people are always worth it.
So, I asked him about our most recent trip home to serve South Africa because so many of you asked to see it through his eyes. This is what he said:
An interview with my 9 year old son about our trip to South Africa:
What things were you worried about or made you nervous?
Being the only kid when we were going out to the project sites.
What worried you about that?
I was worried I wouldn’t have fun, because it was all grownups.
What helped you enjoy the day?
I made some friends by helping them – giving them bananas and apples. Helping the little ones open their bananas. Made me feel pretty happy.
Why?
Because I was doing something nice for people who don’t have a lot of food.
Just seeing how everything went in their lives – and joining in stuff – like soccer. It’s one of my favorite sports and they let me come in and I felt included. I thought if I wasn’t included I didn’t have the confidence to come and play. But when the grownups were talking I had a ball and the kids came over and asked me if I wanted to play and I said, “of course.”
Was it difficult that you didn’t speak the same language?
Well, no. At times yes, but mostly no. Because you can know that you can use your hand motions, you can look at them and you’ll know what they’re trying to do. You can do lots of stuff that doens’t include talking. And sometimes you can understand what other kids are saying because we’re connecting — even if you don’t speak the same language.
What were some of your favorite moments on the trip?
Just coming in to help the other kids. I know it’s not about the Safari game rides or swimming in the pool – but how I can help. Because even though we live in the same country we’ve lived different things. And I can get to help.
What were your favorite things to eat in South Africa?
What would you tell other kids they should do if they don’t like the food?
Oh, snap! Well, they should first try it. If you don’t try it, you’ll never see if you like it. And if you don’t like it, you can say – “I’m very sorry, but I would not like to eat this. Maybe next time I could try it again.”
What’s your advice to other kids who might want to go on a serving trip like this one?
Be happy that your family can take care of people that you don’t know. Be happy that you can do the right thing. You don’t need to feel nervous even when you’re doing something you’re not used to. It won’t always work out the way you plan, but you should be happy for yourself that you’re doing something right for other people.
What’s your advice to their parents who might be nervous to have their kids serve in new areas or countries?
I would say, I made it! So if a nine year old kid (or even one that is younger or even older) wants to go – tell their parents I was safe. Because I know that I have loving family that will pray for me and help me on my flight. And don’t worry about the bad things. They should think about how to serve other people. How to bring food! Play games!
Don’t think about the things that are unlikely to happen. If you worry about the small things, you’ll be unhappy and you won’t get anywhere. But if you stop worrying about the small things you can get to the big things! The big things are the stuff like being with other people and learning new things you will enjoy in new places with new people.
What would you like to tell other kids about following God into uncomfortable places?
Pray that it could work out. Pray to Him because He is The Man that will help you in tough spots. Like in David and Goliath, He helped them in very tough spots.
Any final thoughts you’d like to share with the people who have helped sponsor the Maubane Project in South Africa?
Yes. Thank you SO much for your hard work. It’s really kind of you to do such a big thing! From small little dollars, to big thousands of dollars – and that got the job done.
~ Jackson Baker, age 9 and a half.
If you want to leave Jackson a comment – he’d love to hear from you all. Just click here.
This was his first blog interview and he was – in his words – pretty psyched. ~ His proud mom.
Jackson, you are one wise dude. I pray that God will keep using your big heart to do great things. I love how you said “But if you stop worrying about the small things you can get to the big things!” — I think a lot of adults need to learn that lesson, me included.
Also my favourite food when I go back home: Biltong and Boerewors!
Thank you for showing my Half Saffa kids how you serve
Very proud at how The Man uses you.
Hugs and kisses from 2 and 2 1/2 Africans constantly struggling with the bearning heart issue
It sounds like you had a really amazing trip, Jackson! I loved what you had to say about connecting with other kids, even though there was a language barrier. When my kids get home from school, they’ll be excited to hear about this!
Good job. I would want to do that too. Kimber, age 7.
Kimber! GO FOR IT ~ Jackson
Well done, Jackson! Wow. You’re nine and a half?! You’re wise beyond your years. Reading your words made me think of all the times when I was working with W&W teams and sometimes they were all older than me (like 60-70 years old)… and yet we could work together and it was good!
Hoping that I can meet you, your brother, and your sister one day. And give a hug to your mom and dad for me :)
Jackson! I loved hearing about your trip, in your own words. I can see that you have a big heart for all of God’s people everywhere, and that you’re wiling to try new things. Those two characteristics will take you far in this life. Don’t let anybody ever tell you that you’re “just a kid.” You’re doing amazing things out there, by being present in the lives of others. I’d love for you to meet my girls, Lydia and Anna, someday. They like to try new things, too. Lydia has a blog here: https://lydiamlee.wordpress.com … And Anna has a blog here: https://annamlee.wordpress.com
If you ever start your own blog, Jackson, the girls and I would love to hear about it. And if you don’t start your own blog, well … I sure hope your mama has you back on her blog someday soon!
Your new friend,
Jennifer
Jackson! This is so great! You are a really wise kid! I’m going to read this to my son when I get home today! He just turned 11 and he really wants to help people too! My favorite thing you said was “But if you stop worrying about the small things you can get to the big things! The big things are the stuff like being with other people and learning new things you will enjoy in new places with new people” I’m going to remember this! Thank you for sharing your trip with us!
Jackson,
What a great experience you’ve shared with us. Thank you so much!
This comment will stick with me today: “…even though we live in the same country we’ve lived different things.” Your recognition of disparity (as your mother about this word if you don’t know it) is insightful, bold, and wise beyond your nine years. It is clear that you are hearing the voice of God, much like the boy Samuel. I can tell you’re trying to live a life that says, “speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” Keep it up!
Oh, and thank you for taking the time to bless your older brother’s and sisters today. We needed it.
Jackson, you are so big and brave! You’ve figured out something most grownups haven’t: “if you stop worrying about the small things you can get to the big things!” Thanks for sharing your story!
Jackson, you are a very smart big little guy! This was my favorite thing you said, “You can do lots of stuff that doesn’t include talking. And sometimes you can understand what other kids are saying because we’re connecting — even if you don’t speak the same language.” Us grown-ups are still learning this important thing.
And this was my second favorite thing you said, “And don’t worry about the bad things. They should think about how to serve other people. How to bring food! Play games!” Yes!! So. True. :) Well done. Well done! And you have a pretty amazing mama. I adore her. <3
Jackson, you said SO MANY wise things. One of my favorites was, “the kids came over and asked me if I wanted to play and I said, ‘of course.'” That’s brilliant! Just say, “Yes!” It’s the single most important thing we can do to connect with and encourage others. No wonder your mom is proud of you! And I really liked your advice about what to do when you’re served food you don’t like. I’ve been to South Africa twice and I loved (almost) all the food! God bless you, Jackson, as you look for more ways to serve and honor Him everywhere you go!
Thanks for your saying your stories with us, Jackson. God has given you a heart for His kingdom! May you always treasure that gift. Thanks for being an example to us grownups of just saying Yes, and trusting God with with rest!
Jackson, you are one raucous and brave kid. I love that you knew it was going to be difficult (leaving your family, eating weird food, not having another kid you knew around), but you opened your heart and took a chance and went anyway. How awesome is that? Those kids will never be the same. You opening your heart to them will change them forever. Keep being brave. Keep being honest and keep saying amazing things like “You can do lots of stuff that doesn’t include talking” the total truth if I ever heard it. God’s got some plans for you Jackson!
“Pray to Him because He is The Man that will help you in tough spots.” ~Jackson
Bam! (Drops the mic!)
That’ll preach! Oh my… I love this so much and I am so glad you got to go on this trip!
Thank you for going… for being willing and being brave… and being Love to all those around you!
Oh, snap, Jackson! :) What a lot of great things you just told us!! Thank you. For going on the trip and sharing your feelings about it with your mom and all of us. This was my favorite: “If you stop worrying about the small things you can get to the big things.” Gosh, that is SO true in SO many situations. I’m going to be thinking about that bit of wisdom a lot now.
Jackson: thank you soooo much for sharing your trip to Africa with us. I was very interested in reading your comments. You did an amazing thing by going to Africa and caring for others. I know the boys and girls that you played with really enjoyed having you with them. You are a very special young man and I know that God is very happy that you went on this trip to help so many people.
Jackson!!
Thank you for all you shared. I loved hearing your thoughts and am so thankful you were willing to share with us.
I am inspired by your words and wow! would I love you to meet my boys! Brayden is 10 and Lucas is 9. And wouldn’t it be so amazing for some moms to travel with their boys and all serve together?? With your experience, I just know you’d be a great leader for that!
Thank you again for serving and giving to others and showing us how. That was really brave and amazing. I hope your mom interviews you more here. It could be called: Amazing insights from Jackson! Keep pursuing your love for God and service to others. It is awesome!
Your new friend,
Jacque. xo
Jackson, I LOVE the way you shared what you experienced and learned on your trip. You shared wise words with us- not just other kids, but the adults too! I don’t want to worry about the small stuff! I want to get to the BIG stuff too! Can’t wait to see what kind of BIG stuff God let’s you do in life!
Jackson you are so brave and wise at almost 10. My goodness if I had your clarity so young life would’ve been so different. Learning about Africa through your eyes has helped me relate so much to the sponsor children that I have in different countries. You are so brake .. keep feeling and writing and be your unique perfect self.
oh how much I loved this! We took our kids, ages 3, 6, and 8 to Mexico last summer to serve at an orphanage and they had the same kinds of things to say afterwards. It was definately eye opening and life changing for all of us and we can’t wait to go back!
Jackson – Thanks for letting your mom share your thoughts with us. Reading your words makes the pictures from your trip come to life!! You have an amazing gift of bringing different worlds together, and I can’t wait to see how God will use it.
Jackson thank you for sharing your story! I’m a mom Andy daughters are 5 and 2. I hope they are brave and excited to serve people like you are! What a gift of joy!
Jackson,
Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are a bright and compassionate young man. Your words brought tears to my eyes. Your love for others is so evident. Keep being you!
Amanda
A mom in Minnesota
Jackson, I am so excited you got to have this really cool experience with your Mom and to see God at work in your life and the life of the people in South Africa!!!! It was inspiring to see how easily you could connect with other kids and not let language be a barrier to divide you from them. Thank you for sharing your story – it is always encouraging to God at work in others lives!!!!
Hey Jackson! I loved reading about your experiences in South Africa. While you and your mom were away, I would share her pictures with my kids (13 and 10). They loved seeing you in action and making new friends. We can tell from your interview with your mom that both of you were used by God in mighty ways while there. What a wonderful tribute to our great God! There were things that this mama (me!) learned (about myself) from you while reading your thoughts. So thank you. And keep up the great work!
Blessings,
Jennifer and kids – Benjamin and Anna :)
p.s And…..we LOVE “fut ball” around here too. Play on!
Jackson, you interview really touched me. Thank you for sharing. You are setting a great example for your generation. God Bless You!
Jackson?
This may be the very best interview I’ve ever read!
You’re a world changer, young man.
Could not be more in awe of God working in you.
Jackon. Dude. I am truly glad you got to go. I’ve been taking my kids places to do things like your Mum has and it’s really been neat to show them the world through God’s eyes… and to have them show me the world right back. The way you just did. Thanks for sharing and for LOVING BIG.
Awesome job! Well said. You are very wise for nine-years-old. Keep up the good work.
Jackson,
So proud of you for serving The Lord! You are an example for other kids, and as a teacher, I can say that I wish more kids had the opportunity to serve others! I hope you tell everyone you know about your trip and your story will encourage others to go to unknown places and be the hands and feet of Jesus!
Jackson – well done! I was 14 years old when I started traveling for God…practically an old lady compared to you! But even as I got older, playing with the kids was always my favorite. So excited you have this experience under your belt now. Next time you’ll have to bring more kids with you, and you can be the captain! My kids Sam (8), Jubilee (5), Piper (3) and Naomi (just born) read your story together and you have them very excited to start serving in other countries. They ask if you’ll pray for their parents to let them go. :) We’re cheering for you, Jackson!
Hi Sam, Jubilee, Piper and Naomi,
this is Jackson – Hi guys, I will be praying for you! I hope you’ll have a safe trip! Take lots of photos!
Hi Jackson! I have a 9 year old son, too, and I think you two would get along great because you’re both so observant and thoughtful about what’s going on with the people around you. I like how you’ve encouraged all of us – no matter what age – to listen to what God is saying to each one of us about joining in His work. I’m rejoicing with you over all He is doing in your heart as you walk in obedience! You’ve encouraged me!
Your honest answers were a pleasure to read! Thank you for sharing your experiences. The light of God is shining through you!
Hi Jackson, I am so glad that you were able to go on the trip to South Africa. You are a special young man who knows how important it is to share of yourself. Continue God’s work. Cathy
Way to go Jackson! God’s hands and feet and heart right here on earth – in YOU. What a role model you are for so many ADULTS and children too!!
Dear Jackson,
I have a 9 and a half year old and it is my joy to see her serve, but sometimes I think we don’t do the big things because I have some worries, but that’s not of God and what you wrote “Don’t think about the things that are unlikely to happen. If you worry about the small things, you’ll be unhappy and you won’t get anywhere. But if you stop worrying about the small things you can get to the big things! The big things are the stuff like being with other people and learning new things you will enjoy in new places with new people” is beautiful and true and sometimes forgotten by us big people. May the Lord continue to give you opportunities to use your courageous love of others in the future.
Jackson,
I loved reading your interview and looking at your pictures. It’s amazing what God can do in our lives and I know you have a good heart for helping people. You should be so proud of yourself for going on such an adventure and I know your class would love to hear about your trip. Keep believing and making good choices!
Dear Mrs. King,
This is Jackson: I can’t believe you left me a comment! I did share with my class and Mrs. Margol showed them the pictures.
Jackson, you are such a mature young man. What a joy it was to read your perspective. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! My daughter was born in South Africa, too, and she just turned nine-and-a-half this week. :-) Maybe one day you guys will meet each other. She would love to eat boerewors and biltong with you. We live in Michigan now, and those are some of the things she misses most about South Africa! She can definitely relate to that tugging feeling of wanting to be two places at the same time.
Thank you for the way you served God with your whole heart while you were in South Africa, and for your testimony and encouragement to serve with gladness and trust no matter the circumstances. May the Lord continue to use you mightily for His kingdom and His glory, no matter where you live and serve!
This is Jackson:
Let’s eat biltong and boerewors sometime!! My mom would like that too :)
Little Dude with the Heart of God,
That was definitely the best rockin’ interview I ever read!! I hope you do more in the future…
Jackson, dude, you knocked that interview out of the park!! I have a high five and a fist bump reserved just for you. You are an example, not just for your brother and sister, but for big people you don’t even know and their kids, too. Thank you for going to South Africa for us and bringing back the story. Proud of you!
You go Jackson! I was so touched reading your comments!
I live in South Africa with my small family, and some days every day just feels too big. It brought tears to my eyes and gave me hope in my heart reading your words and being reminded to ‘just go for it and do it’. Sometimes we need to be reminded that even though some situations might feel bigger than what we think we’re capable of, we have an even bigger God right there walking next to us.
Thanks for being so brave Jackson! You’re an inspiring boy.
Hi five Jackson!
Your words: “Pray that it could work out. Pray to Him because He is The Man that will help you in tough spots.” were very meaningful to me. It’s awesome how God uses our words to speak into someone else’s life!
I need a shoulder replacement which is a very big surgery with a very long recovery. That is a different tough spot than you had, but your words encouraged me, so I won’t think about the things that are unlikely to happen or worry about the small things! I’ll focus on the big things like being with new people and learning new things. Things that in my case (very likely the doctors say) might not be “enjoyable” but painful. However, if I do it right I might just bless someone along the way!
Love from South Africa!
Thank you for the BIG reminder that God can use anyone with a willing heart…… whether your nine or fifty!!!!!
Way to go, Jackson. I loved your interview. You did a great job. It makes me want to go on another trip far away to help.
That is an AWESOME story, Jackson! Thanks for sharing! Do you guys know of trips that are available to kids? We’ve been told by several groups that our kids can’t come with us until they’re teenagers. So we’ve had to travel alone.
So thankful to read this post of your journey to Africa! What a fine God’s boy you are. I look forward to your future, to see all the ways God will continue to use you to bless this world. Be encouraged to go after God, to obey Him, no matter the cost. Blessings.
Jackson, thanks so much for being our hands and smiles and feet since we couldn’t be there like you were! I’m so proud of you for jumping in and trusting God’s got it and helping others. That’s grown up man stuff. Thanks so much for giving us a little report on what it was like there. You will give other kids and moms encouragement to try for the “BIG” trips!
Wow, Jackson! Your words are so powerful!!! You are truly a fine young man who got to be a part of a pretty amazing trip! Congratulations on trusting God and doing such great things for those in need!
Wow. From the mouths of babes….
Wow, Jackson, I’m in awe of your wisdom, insight and great BIG heart. I know your mom and dad are so very proud of you and so am I. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and I can’t wait to read your interview to my son, Wesley (age 6 1/2) and my daughter Austin (age 4…she’s into all the Frozen stuff just like Zoe. :O) Through your words they will get to visit South Africa, too…and that’s the coolest thing of all. Can’t wait to see where God takes you from here.
Your friend from a cattle farm in NC,
Meredith
What wonderful words from such a smart young man! I especially liked what you said about not worrying about the small things so you can get to the big things! What a wonderful lesson; it touched my heart! I too often worry about the little things too much! Thank you for your wisdom! Keep up the good work!
Good job… Being brave and all! So smart, to know that God’s the One to talk to, to walk you through the tough spots. He’s good to help with the missing part too… That ache in your chest and lump in your throat. He knows those feelings too…they connect us to Him too! Love your take on trying new foods! I’ll have to remember that for here too! Great job on the interview!! Yay!!
Jackson… thanks for the reminders that God is ALWAYS with us and will help us… even when it’s uncomfortable, hard or new. What a BLESSING that your words have been to me this weekend! Thank you!:)
Jackson- you are so awesome, kindhearted and smart! Your mama is doing a great job. You do not have to be a grown-up to do God’s work, you just need a loving heart, be willing to serve others and take risks that other people will not. I am so inspired by you. Thank God for Jackson Baker!
i praise God for you and your tender heart. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about serving others. i know that God has such amazing plans for you. You have encouraged me to seek ways to serve people around me. Sometimes i forget to just serve others. And even though i am a grown up, you helped remind me of what is important in God’s eyes.
May you always keep your tender heart. May you seek the way of Jesus all your life.
Keep smiling and serving………. :)
lynne
Jackson,
Thanks so much for your thoughts. You are wise beyond your years. And your advice is so good for everyone, not just children. Many adults can benefit from your wise words. The perspective you have at the age of 9 1/2 will serve you well as you grow up. Thank you. This brightened my Sunday morning. And Mom you are doing many things right. Be proud, be very proud.
Jackson, you are a brave and smart young man. God has truly blessed you and you, in return, are blessing others. Like today, you blessed me. Thanks for your brave and giving heart.
May God Bless and Keep You,
Jennifer Walker
A mom who has a son living in heaven
jackson, it was a pleasure to hear from you. You strengthened my day.
Strong work. God bless!!
Your way of looking at the best, most positive way to experience new events and people really cheers my heart. I wish everyone in the whole world could think like that. You are making a big difference in many people’s lives. Thank you.
Hey, just wanted to comment and say I grew up in Africa to and I loved what yo wrote. Biltong and borvourse are my favorites too!
Jackson. You are so inspiring. I can’t wait to show my daughter the photos of what you did and read her your interview. She will be so impressed and hopefully want to help others like you did. :)
Thank you, Jackson!! Your honest sharing gives added courage to me, to go ahead and step out into whatever ministry God has for me. Thank you for loving others deeply as your savior does.
Hi, Jackson. I am a South African girl, now living in Sweden. I love missions and doing things for other people. I want to say a big thank you for sharing about your experiences in my country and for being so brave. I am glad you love boereword and biltong… they are my favourites too and I miss them lots here far away from SA! I hope you have the chance to visit SA again and make more friends there.
Dear Jackson,
I was so impressed with your serving and grateful attitude. I have a 12 year old we adopted from China. I would like to take her on a mission trip to a Honduran orphanage but I am scared she won’t have your attitude. She doesn’t like to help very much. I would like to teach her the values your parents have instilled in you. Please pray for us. Her name is Hope. She is scared of a lot of things especially being around people she doesn’t know. I don’t know if pushing her outside her comfort zone would be too much or if it is just what she needs to help her love others better. Please keep doing what you are doing!
Hi! My son Ethan is 10 1/2. Ethan and I read your interview, about your serving trip. We are going on a serving trip to an orphanage in Belize. Thank you for telling us about your trip. We will remember what you said. That really helped us. Thanks :)
As a Brit living in America, I feel the pain of this homesickness fully, even after 4 years of being here and many blessings. My children are both dual nationality and often my son – who was born in Scotland and is only 5 – talks about wanting to go back, even though it is a place he barely knows.
Lisa-Jo and Jackson, I love how you faced this together. It is a journey that our family lives a lot and surely will again.
But it does serve as a reminder that non of this is truly meant to be our home.
Thanks for sharing – I was in tears when I read this!
Way to go, Jackson!! And way to go, Pete & Lisa-Jo! Parenting is not easy, but this should tell you you’re doing something right!
Jackson, I’m getting ready to go to the Dominican Republic to help some kids too. I’m really scared and your words made me feel A LOT better. Thank you for helping me be brave with Jesus!
Oh my word Jackson. You are amazing and such an inspiration! Thanks for being willing to share with us all.
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Dear Jackson,
You may only be 9.5 years old but you have eyes of a 55year old man. When I say that, I mean you look at the world through eyes of a man who has lived a long time and has seen God do many good things.
I love your heart Jackson. It may hurt sometimes, but beautiful hearts do that. They hurt for others.
Hey, Jackson! Hi! I loved seeing this trip through your eyes.
I have a 9-year old named Calvin, and he wears glasses, too. AND, he was also born in a different country! (South Korea.) He wants to visit his country SO bad. He’s sleeping now (I’ll bet you are, too! I’m a night owl like your Mama) but I’m going to show him your post tomorrow. He will love it.
I’ve never met you, but I’m super proud of you and your big, wise heart.
Good job!
Jackson, I am so proud of you! You really did a great job of serving on this trip. I love your attitude! “If you worry about the small things, you’ll be unhappy and you won’t get anywhere. But if you stop worrying about the small things you can get to the big things!” You have such wisdom young man. We would all do well to follow your advice and keep our eyes on the big thing,.