Interesting, isn’t it, how many of us are afraid of our bathing suits?
And then there are our jeans, our noses, our dress sizes, our cooking skills, our choices about what diapers to put on our kids, whether we will make our own baby food, our kids’ behavior, our houses, our husbands, and the state of our yards.
The list of things we could get our knickers in a knot about when comparing them to someone else’s is endless. And unoriginal. Mother Eve herself fell prey to this insatiable desire to have what someone else has, to know what someone else knows; in short, to not feel like she was missing out.
The serpent told the Woman, “You won’t die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.” Genesis 3: 4-5.
Dissatisfied with the everything God had given her, she ate the lie that there was something she was missing. Something that could complete her contentment.
Some other glittery, shiny, better something.
When we were kids, my dad had this unusual television watching habit that he encouraged in us. Occasionally, when a program cut to a commercial break, he’d lead all three his kids in a chorus of yelling at the TV as loudly as possible, “LIES!”
It was a riot.
Commercial break and all out cacophony on our end as we laughed and yelled and hooted and hollered at all the something else’s on parade, “Lies, lies, lies!”
It made me laugh to remember. Until I put on my bathing suit this weekend.
Until I catch myself checking out the other mama’s car at a traffic light. Until I compare the weeds in our back yard with the manicured lawns on either side. Until I hear who cloth diapered, made organic baby food, and home schooled their kid.
And suddenly I’m face to face with my something. And I hear the whisper that I need to be just like that.
You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did.
~ James Hufstetler “On Knowing Oneself.”
Which is why I’m starting with the swim suit. And all it represents.
Where would you start?
###
Edited to add: the above quote is from a book I would highly recommend and am currently reading for the first time myself, “Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Contentment” by Linda Dillow.
Wow, a swimsuit is such a loaded topic, full of insecurity, doubt, and sadly, self loathing. I hate that we put so much stock in the “outside”, the version of us that we show the world. The woman that we think we need to present to the world. She has to look a certain way, wear a certain size, and be a certain kind of mom. Or we’re not satisfied with her. With ourselves.
This is a constant struggle for me, and that darn swimsuit is a metaphor for so many things that I’m afraid to show others for fear that I will not measure up. This makes me sad, because I do know that I was made this way by a loving Father, and my disappointment in myself is hurtful to Him.
Wonderful post, and I love the “Lies, Lies, Lies” during commercials!
Come back tomorrow and make God grin by sharing as many wonderful things about yourself as you can think of!!
My gal pals and I are doing a book study on the book ‘Lies Women Believe and the truth that sets them free’ by Nancy Leigh Demoss. It is a good book that looks at exactly that -LIES. It goes back to Eve just like you are talking about at and looks at the lies she believed and how we do exactly the same thing. The book is worth a look if you’re interested.
Putting that on my reading list!
I’d start with the blog, the one place that should allow me to be who I am, unleash my thoughts I’m having, but instead has become the place that has brought all sorts of insecurities. The more I blog, the more blogs I see. I start comparing the kind of mother I am, the kind of writer I am, the kind of Christian I am, and the list goes on and on. It’s really been a struggle for me, so I appreciate the post!
I can’t get this comment out of my mind. It touched a soft spot in my heart. I want to call up all the women I meet here on the blog and tell them they are wonderful and special and precious and beautiful and brave and don’t let the liar come and steal that from you. And I realize that as much as the online community gives us new ways to share and love and appreciate and encourage one another it also gives us new ways for an experience as old as time itself – oh this covetous heart of mine!
But I am determined to enjoy to relish and to revel in you all. And to do so, we must first recognize the amazing work God made in each of us as individuals. And we must stand back and admire His handiwork and tell Him thank you for making us just so.
And suddenly, I think we will find we are free.
The way I look. Having had lupus since childhood, I am only now scratching the surface that the facial scars I have must be for His glory…otherwise they wouldn’t exist. At least that’s what I will choose to believe when I look in the mirror this morning. *blessings* love these last 2 heart and soul provoking posts…
This is a lie that I daily do battle with. I am very bad at comparing myself to other women and then feeling like I don’t live up to whatever ridiculous standard I have set for myself. I know that the enemy loves this. Since I have been on the beach this week, I’ll start with the obvious bathing suit too. I think the other lie is that I am not as creative as other women, which comes from all of the wonderful sewing blogs I read. Very inspiring, but I find myself comparing again. Shame on me for not seeing myself through my Maker’s eyes!
Bet God thinks you are the most beautiful creative thing since He created you after all! Go on, think of 5 things about you that God made and loves. Then come share them with us for Friday’s fill in the blank.
I am so with Jennifer on this….I will start with my blog. A recent struggle for me. I am sad to say that I so often forget to see the unique gifts that God has given me when I get distracted by all that I see in others and compare myself to them.
This post is so very timely for me, Lisa-Jo.
Thank you!
I don’t think any of us is immune to blog envy. We just have to work hard at encouraging each other to really enjoy one another’s blogs rather than waste time wishing they were ours. Let’s start tomorrow – because Friday’s question this week is going to be all about what makes YOU special. Can’t wait to hear!
THAT is a BIG question…one I’ll need to ponder on. :)
oh honey – so spot on! great job revealing it!!
where would I start —
*the husband who brings home flowers
*the classier blogs w/ tons of followers
*flowing educated words (for this college drop out)
*obedient children
oh wait – was this just hypothetical? =)
Tomorrow, I’m gonna have you come back here and share a whole list of all the wonderful, amazing, fantastic things about YOU that God made – so be prepared! ;)
I also struggle greatly with comparing myself. Why is it so hard for us to remember that God makes us all unique??? What do I tell my children when they point out something “different” about someone – “God makes everyone different. If we all looked the same or talked the same or thought the same, our world would be very boring!” Why can’t I accept that myself?
I have a verse that I recite when I get the case of the “not enoughs” Phil. 4:11 “Not that I speak in respect of want: For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content.”
Have you ever read the childrens book by Max Lucado “You are Special”? I got it for my girls a few Christmas’ ago. One of my girls has Cerebral Palsey and when I read it in the bookstore I cried – I still cry when I read it. A quote from the book is “Remember, you are speical because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.”
No, no mistakes. God makes only the best of the best. I love Lucado’s children’s books. I haven’t read that one though; will have to look it up.
Loved these last two posts. I could write a post all of my own…
I think I will check out the book you referenced. Sounds interesting.
Wish I could sit down with you over a cup of coffee (or tea)…Great writing, as always!
I can’t recommend the book highly enough – the quote is actually taken from a book our Bible study is working through. It’s called Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Contentment.” It’s by Linda Dillow and it’s so wonderful – please do go find yourself a copy. You won’t regret it!
I just love your perspective and your talent for getting me to think about the stuff that matters!!
Where would I start? Fashion…I find myself wishing that I had “that top”, “those shoes”…ugh!!
OK…I am stopping the madness now! lol!
Today, I thank Him for ME…just me, as I am!! :)
Oh yay! Now come back tomorrow and tell us what specifically you’d thank Him for about yourself! ;)
I’ve never had a problem with jealousy. I don’t begrudge anyone what they have or want to be like them. However, I do have a problem with self criticism. It’s the same lie in another form. Who am I to say I’m not good enough when God says I am complete in Him, more than a conqueror, and so much more? It’s foolish and destructive to continue feeding on that lie. I think today I’ll work on filling my thoughts with what God says instead. Thank you for the reminder!
It isn’t a coincidence that you wrote this today. Last night after church a good friend of mine went out to eat with some others our age from church. We’re both single. Normally this isn’t a big to do, but last night there seemed to be a whole lot of cute, couple-y marriage stories floating around and then they looked at us as if to share our story. The friend and I both looked at each other like…what are we supposed to say, and she then responded with…well…we don’t have any cute married stories.
Often (sometimes too often :( ) I found myself wishing I were married. I have a desire to be married but it just hasn’t happened yet. God’s showing me more and more that if He’s given me the desire, He’ll be faithful to fulfill it in His time but with the society we live in, being a Christian single girl is t.o.u.g.h.
I know that probably doesn’t make much sense and may not have been what you’re going for at all, but I really enjoy other people when I’m not made to feel like a second-class citizen based on my marital status. That sounds angry, it’s not meant to! :) Thanks for the post Lisa-Jo :)
And I’ve read part of Linda Dillow’s book, but I haven’t finished it!! :(
You are lovely! And your story reminds me of that scene in Bridget Jones where she’s at that awful “smug-marrieds” dinner party and they are all staring at her waiting to find out why she’s still single and she goes all out and comments that the fact that all singletons are covered in scales probably doesn’t help!
On behalf of smug-marrieds everywhere, we are so very sorry if you’ve felt left out. God doesn’t give special treatment to some. He loves us all equally and plans the best for each and every single one of us! Even, and especially, on the days when that feels tough!
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch! So many painful pokes to my open areas. This struggle with jealousy, comparison and envy is one I’ve been aware of for too many years. I justify it, ignore it and embrace in…but ultimately it’s destroying each and every one of my relationships. These last two posts have been yet another reminder for me of the importance of fighting it! Thanks Lisa-Jo!!
You are beautiful, you are mother, you are life giver, your are story teller, you are YOU!
Wow! Talk about a reality check! Thank you for this…. beautifully said!
So welcome you are, sweet Chele!
I am so bad about comparing myself to other when it comes to anything and everything. It’s a constant battle I fight on a daily basis. I just try to take each issue and each day one day at a time. I keep telling myself that God make each one of us unique in his own way. I try to keeping reminding myself of that fact everyday and in addition, try to keep myself in the word and surrounded by faith, especially for those times when the doubt is at full force…I have my faith to bring me out of it. Thanks for the great post…wonderful to read.
It cracks me up when the most holy of doctrine pops up at the most seemingly unholy of times…like bathing suit shopping. During a recent bout of nothingfitsimuglymyclothesarehorridnoonewilleverloveme, the Lord prompted me to recall, out loud, my baptismal promise- Do you reject Satan and all his empty promises? I do. The devil IS a lie.
And I look fabulous in what I wear.
Amen to that!! You look fabulous in what you wear because of who you are, not because of what you’re wearing!
I’d start with this c section tummy of mine. It represents all the little things I compare to others and measure my “beauty” against. Reading this post is a great reminder to really deal with the insecurities that keep me from just being “me”. Thanks for this!
I think that scar says brave and courageous – like most scars do. It says life-giver, owie-kisser, bedtime tucker-inner, best-friend, car-pooler, hugger, lover, mother. I think that’s what that scar represents most of all. Everything else is just distraction. You are lovely, beautiful you!
I have Dillow’s book… errr…had. Of course, didn’t read it. Thought I had conquered my anxieties. Hah!
definitely struggling w/this this week but from a little different perspective… great post!
Beautiful JennyRain – you pour yourself and your encouragement into your community. Thank you for being just who *you* are!
A lot of people here have mentioned blog envy. I’m not immune to it, either. I’ve quit reading many a blog because every time I go there, I feel inferior. Many have made me feel like a lazy bum, a bad mother, and a horrible Christian because of the image of perfection that I get when I read. When that happens, I know it’s time to move on and stick with my favorites – the ones that offer up emcouragement and inspiration (with only a twinge of envy every now and then).
I hear you – it’s why I throw the Pottery Barn catalog straight into the mail, change the channel when car commercials come on, or feel shy to have folks over to our teeny tiny house for lunch. But, I’m learning that God made each of us super duper special – and He’s proud of his handiwork, and we should be too! You are loveliness to me!
I just need to bookmark this page and read it every morning (after my Bible, of course!)
Recognizing the lies… all too hard, all so important!!! I so need to get that Dillow book!!
I am bookmarking like that in the Dillow book – it’s wonderful truth.
This is one of those soul-food posts that we gals need to remember every single day!
I have read the Linda Dillow book and it’s fantabulous. Yes…be thankful in all things!! I’d start with:
my un-feminine nose
my un-bikini body
my un-Ann Voskamp-y writing style
God made me with my nose, my body and my writing style all for good reason. He’s got me and all that is me in the palm of His hand!
Maybe I should shout that off my front porch!
You should absolutely shout it off your front porch. And then come back tomorrow and shout it here in the comments – in detail – because I’m gonna be asking everyone to take a moment and actually write down what they think God loves about them!
Oh Lisa-Jo.
Oh.
I am brought to the cross by your words yet again.
Laid bare and honest before the Heaven-Mirror.
Thank you, I’ll be reflecting on this all day.
The beauty of Iloveyouandyoulovemerightnow
Just.Like.This.
<3
Yes, just as you are. I love you. Like He teaches us to do. At least, that’s what we strive for, right? Looking forward to the in-person version soon!
See. This is why I visit here again and again. Because these words will preach, my friend!
I love your heart.
Oh, Jo – your comments always leave me feeling so warm inside. There’s something special about words from a friend you’ve met in person. Thank you.
A couple weeks ago my husband said he was struggling with having lustful thoughts. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This, coming from the man who would always tell me I was THE most beautiful woman on the planet. He would tell ME…without me having to ASK. Then it sort of stopped. And left me wondering. And fishing.
Now, I am in this cycle of constantly berating myself, speaking words that are sure signs of lacking self-esteem and not measuring up, physically speaking.
Friends are losing weight, I am getting pudgier. Granted, pudgy is 142 pounds, but I was 130 and taut only 1 year ago.
My butt is dimpled, my thighs squish out to twice their size when I sit and my cat LOVES to knead on my belly because it’s soft and likens to momma cat’s swollen baby feeders…ugh.
And here I am thinking this whole time my husband would rather look at/touch anyone BUT me.
Talk about destructive! I constantly ask for validation. Pathetic, but oh-so-female…{sigh}
Thanks for the “mirror”. Not entirely pleased with what looked back at me, but would rather see the ugly and deal with it, than not look, instead pretending it doesn’t exist.
Jenn
“would rather see the ugly and deal with it, than not look, instead pretending it doesn’t exist.”
GOOD WORDS!
Oi, where would I start?
my parenting probably…
i’m not the overjoyed to play sports or board games with my kids and i feel a tinge of guilt over that when i hear of other moms that enjoy that so much. i feel like i must be greatly lacking as a mom and worry about how my children will grow up and perceive their childhood…
sure i HAVE played with them and we did have fun but its not something i am chomping at the bit, so to speak, waiting to do with them…its something i have to force-ably choose to do :) does that make sense?
Ah and now I must say thank you for this post…so real and pure…we women find comfort in knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling with these issues…
oh and Jen (comment just above mine) my husband has never admitted to me he has lust issues but i often times assume he does and that dialogue plays over and over in my head…i watch what he watches sometimes, i sulk and embarrass myself if he’s ‘too nice’ to another female…argh i hate that in me…so i know how you feel…if i could encourage you, be thankful he admitted it, take it for what it is, a cry for help –he needs you to pray, and then girl remember who you are in CHRIST –YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, He created you just the way He intended you to be and He didn’t make a mistake…your beauty is not tied to what your husband or anyone else thinks only to what HE, our JESUS, thinks and HE KNOWS you are beautiful –rest in that truth my friend PSALMS 139! Now, let me go read what i just wrote and apply it to my own thoughts!
May God help us to change our dialogue and the way we think of ourselves and each other…
I am learning that i imagine people judging me the way i have judged others…and that just hurts…
Kathy –
Thank you for sharing such great encouraging words! Here’s the thing I am discovering about parenting – it’s not what you do, it’s how you do it that seems to matter to kids. They simply want us to want to be with them. So, if sports isn’t your thing, figure out what is and then incorporate them into it. Let them feel centered around something that you can share with them. That’s what they will take away. Maybe have them bake with you or craft or garden or paint or read books together. Whatever is fun to you – share that with them. And I think they will feel especially loved!
Wow! Check out the feedback. Me thinks you struck a tiny little chord here. Oh bother. I shall return.
Ginger
I’ve really been struggling with all this, this week. Longing for friendships others have, and being jealous. Feeling sorry for myself. It’s been bad. I need to be grateful for what I have.
Come back tomorrow – we’re going to play that game! ;)
This is the first time I’ve ever been over here. Found the link on Muthering Height’s Facebook page. I love love love your post! I echo so many of the above comments!
Thank you!
Hey Cuz. I loved the piece, how often we believe the lies of others. Where would I start? For real? I guess by standing buck nacked in front of the mirror and looking at my scared mastectomied chest and embrace it, really embrace that this is me now and its so so okay. I’m not a woman with no breasts,or breasts in reconstruction, but a beautiful woman who has lived life and not only survived its insults but grown profoundly thru them. So that’s where I’d start. The dimpled thighs are next!! Love you bunches.
You radiate beauty from the inside out, Kimmy. It clothes you in a glorious sunshine that we all love to spend time in. You are warrior and mother and soul sister. I love you.
Love this….reminds me of the song Mirror Mirror by BarlowGirl.
I am going to email you something I have printed and hangs on my bathroom mirror.
here you go my friend…..I hope this can bless others as it has blessed me:
You are wondrously made.
Deliberately made.
Not a creature of coincidence.
Not a random consequence.
Wondrously.
Deliberately.
Made.
Crafted by God.
Crafted for a purpose, a promise.
A gift not to be squandered.
Or cheapened.
Or tossed aside by others….or yourself.
Wondrous.
Deliberate.
Loved.
Loved in a way that it cannot be ignored.
Loved in a passion that inspires a response.
How will you respond to God’s love?
Reject it? Embrace it?
Either way, it’s a response.
Respond.
Respond now….right now.
With words…..or tears….or laughter.
Soak in God’s love. Open your hands, your heart to it.
You were made for it.
thank YOU for this post!
I found your blog as a result of reading the following quote on Pinterest (which led to the James Hufstetler quote, which led here). This made me cry tears of joy:
“I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.” George MacDonald
Have you read Ann Voskamp’s book “One Thousand Gifts”? She says the very same thing, that the original sin was ungratefulness, a searching for something other than what God gave.