Jackson didn’t invite the mean boy in his class to his birthday party.
He wanted to.
He took the invitation to school. He put it in the boy’s cubby. But when I came to pick him up later the white envelope and “Come Kick with me at my Tae Kwon Do” party invitation were back in Jackson’s own nook.
Unopened.
Three months earlier the boy was a constant topic of conversation at dinner. What he’d done. Who he’d yelled at. How he’d been bad. Every detail was pored over as my son tried to absorb and make sense of someone who operated outside of even Jackson’s six-year-old logic.
We talked long and hard about loving our enemies.
Parts of those conversations may have been harder for me than him. I had to internalize this particular Scripture in a practical way that – sadly – had never quite occurred to me before. When all I wanted to do was blurt out, “I wish that stupid kid would just leave you all alone or move to another class.”
But we persevered. Jackson kept coming home with stories and we kept coloring them in with how Jesus sees the mean kids of the world.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” ~Matthew 5:43-48.
We started to pray for him. Even if they were small, “please help him to not be mean,” prayers.
And I was astounded to discover – yes, I know, astounded – that they were making a difference.
Jackson started to wonder more about the mean boy. We talked about how we only ever saw his dad drop him off or pick him up. We talked about what it might be like not to have a mom to come and get you. We stepped tentatively into the mean boy’s shoes and found it might not be all that comfortable being him.
And Jackson started to worry about the mean boy.
Started to plan ways to make him feel like he had a friend.
And the day that the teachers at school wouldn’t give the mean boy a cookie because he’d been bad, Jackson announced to me he was going to invite the mean boy to his birthday. My mouth may have actually gaped. It’s one thing to preach about loving one’s enemies, it’s quite another to invite them to your once-a-year-birthday party. I wasn’t nearly as certain about it as Jackson was.
But he insisted. We wrote out the invitation. He packed it in his backpack. And on the whole long walk the length of the corridor leading up to his classroom I could hear Jackson talking to himself; looking at the invitation and talking to himself.
“What if he’s mean? What if he shouts? What if he spoils the party?”
Then I heard him sigh and whisper again, “I’m going to invite him. I’m going to.”
But when I came to get him that afternoon, the invitation had not been delivered. And we would walk it all the way back down the corridor and home again.
It had been a very hard day with the mean boy. And my son was resolved in his decision that it would be a mistake to have him at the party. So we went home.
But here’s the thing – he wanted to love the mean boy.
He wants to figure out how to love the mean boy still.
And it seems to me — who has much less experience at this than my son — that the wanting is half the battle.
Oh, this is SO good!! And SO timely! My daughter is about to start preschool in 2 weeks and there’s a little (okay…big!) part of me that is terrified. What a powerful reminder of the fact that she’s not there to SURVIVE the mean kids…but to LOVE ON them. Way to go, Jackson (and mama!)
Beautiful. What a God-minded little guy you have!
Great post – and I loved Joy’s comment up above – I can so relate!
What a sweet boy you have! And what a timely reminder, as I get ready to head back to school to teach my own little bunch of boys!
Cxx
Thank you so much for posting this. As a woman, it’s hard enough to try to love your enemies. But as a mom, trying to teach your children to love those mean kids who you desperately want to protect them from is almost an impossible feat. “Almost” because all things are possible through Christ. And that’s the point of all of it, isn’t it? That it’s only when we give it to Jesus and rely on Him that we are able to do anything. Even love the mean kid. Great topic to think about this week as my little ones go back to school. I pray you have a blessed day! Smiles –
Our thoughts seem to be tracking in the same direction a lot lately. I’ve found myself thinking about posts I want to write and then coming here to read them, filled out just a little differently, colored by different experiences with the same perspective. (Now where do you suppose that perspective comes from?;o))
I was talking yesterday with a neighbor about dealing with the difficult people in our lives. She needed advice, and I needed reproof and correction, which came in the form of admitting out loud to someone else how I’d been screwing up and needed to change my own thinking to deal with the mean kids in my life.
Maybe I will write about these things yet, but if I don’t get around to it, it’s good to know someone is:o)
This post makes me want to cry. It just breaks my heart for so many reasons. Man, what a step for your son. Who knows what may come of it, even now.
Encouraging story… and a great reminder. It is so hard to love those who are not our friends… yet, that’s what we’re called to do… *sigh*
Thanks, Lisa-Jo.
Miss you and Pete!!!
Isn’t it amazing how motherhood reveals so much about scripture that you never quite grasped pre-children! I love it! My kids help me understand God so much more! Thanks for the post! Sadly, our forth day into K-5 my daughter can already recognize who the “mean kids” will be!
What a sweet and wise young man.
Good post, a great reminder to us, as adults, to always show the love of God, but … that we were not meant to be doormats. Loving and being kind is a world apart from allowing those who refuse our message (Love) to harm us. Love the sinner … hate the sin.
Well done Lisa-Jo your boy testifies to your wonderful parenting.
Blessings.
what a tough thing for him to be going through at that age. what a soft heart he has. it’s unfinished and may never be resolved the way you or he wants it to, but the fact that you’re teaching him and he’s listening and applying is awesome. i’m praying that the lord softens this mean boy’s heart, gives your son the courage to continue to want to love him even in the face of meanness and gives you the wisdom in how to continue to counsel your son through this.
What an amazing, loving heart your boy has, and how proud you must be of him! I hope that somehow in years to come, he will have an opportunity to befriend this mean kid. It sounds to me like your son could turn this kid’s life around.
Jackson has a heart like Jesus and he may not even know it yet. And he is teaching all of the adults who read your blog through his actions. Without even knowing your little guy, he’s made quite an impression – so glad I stumbled upon this story today.
Oh my goodness, your son’s sweet little heart is so beautiful in this story.
Oh, that’s good, Lisa-Jo. Wanting to love is half the battle. Do I “want” to love my enemies? Hm, definitely something to ponder.
What a beautiful portrayal of loving our enemies.. i needed that.. today!
Blessings
jenn Hand
What a sweet story and what a sweet little boy you have who is growing up and learning how to love his enemies. you must be one proud mom
How loving of you to ALLOW your son to make the decision ! and not force him to BE KIND….
You allowed him to choose NOT to invite because the other boy was behaving less than expected that day at school.
How encouraging of you to MODEL “GREAT MOM BEHAVIOR” for those of us who need to be GUIDED GENTLY… thank you!
What a wonderful post! I could empathize with you and Jackson as our daughter had to deal with a difficult girl last year. Prayers and role-playing various responses with our daughter helped.
Thank you for lovingly working it through with Jackson… bless his tender heart!
How beautiful! This is such a tough lesson to learn for an adult never mind a young child. Go Jackson!
This is an awesome post.
I hope your prayers for the mean kid continue to help him.
This was also very timely for me. I’m not dealing with a mean kid but with a husband/wife mean couple. I have let their meanness consume me and your post has helped shed some light on my own situation and provided a bit of clarity for me.
Thank you for sharing!!!
Love the blog and am a faithful reader ;)
skk
Lisa-Jo, what a sweet little man you have there. May our Father continue to bless you and your family as your son loves the other little boy.
One thing in your post that struck me and made me sad for the little guy…what if the reason his mama isn’t dropping him off/picking him up from school is that she’s dead? Maybe he is being ‘mean’ …acting out grief? Little kids don’t always know how to express such deep hurts in words so it comes out in other ways, like being a bully. Is there any way for you to find out if he still has a mama in his life at all?
You’re all in my prayers. I always enjoy reading your blog!
I want you to tell Jackson that he warmed my heart tonight, with the kind of courage he has at the age that he is at. Jackson reminds me of my boyfriend, they are a lot a like in the fact that they pray for their enemies– something I very much need to learn.
And I also wanted to give Kudos to you! For being a kind of mother who would spend nights with her son praying for his enemies, and for being patient and supportive with the decisions that he makes. I will be praying for the mean kid as well!!