The last time I really dressed up to impress a man was probably a decade ago when Peter and I were still in the do-you-notice-me-not-noticing-you-noticing-me phase. The last time I dressed up to impress another woman was yesterday morning when I painstakingly blow-dried my hair before escorting a group of preschoolers on a field trip to the farm.
To. The. Farm.
Micah’s teacher is the opposite of me in every way. She is petite and effortlessly fashionable with truly great hair. So 7:30am found me determined to tame my own unruly mane. There may also have been eyeliner and a cute purse involved.
No one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman.
I’m nervous even writing about it and imagining you over there reading it. But I’m sharing about it anyway – over on (in)courage today. Join me there?
I just read your whole article and commented about it over there. I love CS Lewis’ ideas about the Inner Circle.
But after I closed it up I was convicted of how sometimes when I’m in the Inner Circle, it’s fun and I don’t particularly want new people in it. And now I’m thinking I need to take a hard look at my actions and make sure I don’t ever make others feel “outside.”
It’s amazing that we can feel both shunned and be the shunner at the same time, huh? I’m often astounded at how closely pride and insecurity live together in my life.
Oh Janice…..those last 2 lines…..right to the heart of the matter! THANKS
Yes, agreed. Those last two lines nailed it!
Oh yeah. Ohhhhh, yeah. I’m heading over to read now. Belonging and acceptance and covetousness are one big tangled untalked-about [Christian] women’s web … !
I echo Janice’s comment above. “Its amazing that we can feel both shunned and be the shunner at the same time…” I have been very guilty of this, but knowing the feeling of rejection and how hard it is, has helped keep me on the alert, watching out for those wall flowers, so I can invite them in. It’s a terrible feeling, not feeling accepted.
I loved the thoughts on some of our feelings of being left-out is really because of an illusion we have been. Also, the encouragement to open-wide our eyes and see right where we are, that we ARE on the inside of something.
Great liberating truth here… truly. Thanks for this!
Yes, yes, all of us on an inside especially gifted to us. If only we could blink the mirage out of our eyes long enough to see.
Wow! Lisa-Jo, you have hit this subject on the head! New situations and new ventures so often make us…me feel insecure in ourselves and in our relationships. Focusing on the ones nearest to us echoes the advice our Moms often gave: “To have a friend, be a friend.” Simple but often overlooked perspective.
We Christian women also need to look around and intentionally, prayerfully try to be more inclusive. That’s what Jesus has done for us–He saw us in our outcast, sinful state and drew us in. It’s our privilege and joy to draw others in as well.
Thanks for sharing your personal examples and perspective!
Deb Weaver
thewordweaver.com
Amen Deb. If we could focus on those who feel left out and love on them perhaps we’d all feel all the more included.
Love the nudge to get eyes off self and see the needs around…that changes everything.
Reminds that we’re all in this (and out of it) together.
Those C.S. Lewis Inner Circle lectures are excellent (some of my C.S. Lewis favorites)…just. so. good.
Thank you.
Random side note–The Shallows is excellent (appreciated your book list from the previous post…)
Was it more than one lecture he gave? I only found the one. Do you have links to the others? Would love to read them!
I read them when I was reading “A Year with C.S. Lewis”…and maybe they only broke up the one lecture into a series of sections…I’ll take a peak and let you know if it is more than one…
So good though!
Do you ever read Andree Seu?
She’s done some GREAT essays using quotes from those lectures that you might enjoy :)
Nevermind…went and checked my bookshelves…it wasn’t in The Year Through C.S. Lewis that I read them (but it is in there)… :)
It was “The Weight of Glory” which has the 9 essays/lectures.
I loved “The Weight of Glory”, “Slip of the Tongue” “On Forgiveness” and “The Inner Ring” especially.
Seu’s essay link is–
http://www.worldmag.com/articles/11890
Her quote became one of my favorites…
“My soul, find yourself in Jesus and be free.”
Love this…will leave you a comment over there as well. My dear friend, Jenn {Daze of Adventure} told me I must read this today. You’ve blessed many in your real bold writing my Nutella loving friend.
linking arms.
Rachel
I’m told that Nutella can heal all divides :)
I recently started playing tennis and go to the athletic club two mornings a week for a skill builder class. At the end of class, we find a partner and play a game called “rush and crush.” There have been times when no one has asked me to be their partner and the little girl who was chosen last in gym class arises. I have to quickly quash that inadequate feeling and move on. But it is sooooo hard!
Now, when someone new joins in, I make sure to ask her to be my partner for rush and crush because I no how horrible it is to not be asked.
Loved your thoughts!
Oh see – wonderful you! You’re being the inner circle to someone else. What a gift and thank you on behalf of newcomers everywhere! :)
wow! Thank you for sharing this! It is always refreshing to be reminded that I’m not the only one who reverts back to grade school thinking sometimes! Another great quote from C.S. Lewis: “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
WHAT a great quote!
Yes, I love that quote! He is my favorite, favorite.
I love it when someone is bold enough to tell it like it is but with truth in love…thank you for your courage. Going to read the article.
The timing of this post was perfect. I was in the Inner Circle…..& then we changed churches….& then I was no longer in the Inner Circle. It has been hard & hurtful at times. I realized that when I was in the Inner Circle it probably looked like it looks to me now – like a clique that is impossible to penetrate unless you have certain qualifications. I was just saying the other day to my husband, “I guess I just have to find new friends.” And then last night, I chatted with one friend who has stuck by me – I love that line – love on the friends you already have. That was a good wake up call for me. Thanks:)
“love on the friends you already have. ” – I have to remind myself and when I do, it’s always a beautiful awakening to what’s been in front of my face the whole time!
Lisa Jo, I simply want to say ‘thank you’. While I don’t comment often, I read often, and I’ve made it a mental point over the last few weeks to get on one of your blog posts to say ‘thank you’. You have the gift of encouragement! Somehow your words and the spirit in which you write are able to be both genuine and unpretentious. Humble and uplifting. The Holy Spirit uses you to minister to me and I know to many others. A relate-able example! Thank you so much!
Meghan – you humble me with your generous words. Thank you so much. I was skeeeeered to post this one and it’s not often I feel that way. So it means a lot to know it was worth it and that other women could relate. Because at 7 this morning I was still about ready to throw up from the worry that there’d just be crickets out there and me a lonely loon :)