For six months last year and then part of the beginning of this year I was in pursuit of the biggest God dream I’d ever been a part of. I alternated between joy and wanting to throw up on a daily basis.
It was a dream to connect readers of (in)courage in real life. To offer our platform to them, so that they could find connection with each other. And in April 2012 close to 2,000 women from 24 countries did just that through a simulcast and a day of real life meetups. Over a single weekend the videos had over 30,000 views and the #inRL hashtag had 10 million impressions on Twitter.
But I didn’t know that back in October 2011.
I didn’t know that when we were mapping out the dream.
I didn’t know that when we were trying to explain the vision to others.
I didn’t know that when we were trying to put the dream into words and down on paper.
I didn’t know that when the only business purpose I could think of for this new kind of un-conference was that Jesus had said this is what He wanted.
And I was terrified the idea would fail.
I was nauseous on a daily basis thinking about how the dream might blow up in my face or make DaySpring look foolish or go out with a whimper in the dark.
My hands shook. Literally.
Zoe and I would rock in the dark and I would beg God to make His dream successful. Failure was my enemy and it made me afraid.
Maybe you have a dream you’re too afraid to put on paper?
Maybe you have a passion that keeps you up at midnight and makes your hands shake?
Maybe you’re so busy weighing the odds of failure that you haven’t started?
Maybe you and God need to talk about that?
God and I had a lot of conversations – mostly in the kitchen while I was trying make inroads on the dishes that never seem to care how busy or tired I am. I would stand with hands under the hot water and the disposal rumbling and just say it all out loud. How terrified I was of failing. How desperate I was for success.
And I’d go round and round with God trying to figure out what success might look like to Him. I’d point out that He was the all powerful ruler of the cosmos and He could make the thing rock, just ROCK, if He wanted to. I may have whined. I may have bargained. I may have cajoled.
But I did not have peace.
So God and I kept talking about what success looks like. To Him and to me. And one day I heard Him. One day I opened a book
So I wrote the future me a letter with the definition of success I had discovered.
And then I forgot about it until the weekend of (in)RL when it snuck into my inbox amidst the whirlwind of the busiest and most emotional work I’ve been a part of and God, he had the last, beautiful word. And I thought I might share a part of it with you – in case you need to see success through new eyes.
Hold my hand, this letter is a piece of my heart:
Dear FutureMe,
So, (in)RL is over now.
You made it to and through April 27 & 28. Today it’s hard to imagine I will. Zoe is napping, she’s 6 months old and the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. She fills me with joy in places I didn’t know had been sad.
And today I discovered what I hope you remember now. That the success of (in)RL was determined long before the weekend you just lived through.
I discovered it six months ago.
That our craving for success is in actual fact how we disguise a fear of failure. I had thought it was about pride about being puffed up – but now I see fear.
So, the more afraid I am that (in)RL will fail, the more I want it to be a huge giant success. Not just that it will be….. period. That it will be come about. But that it will come about in cataclysmic, life altering, world changing ways. That kind of success.
But here’s the thing I heard Him say today,
God wants it to be a success too. However….
“If what we are being called to do is in God’s will for us, we truly can’t fail. …What I mean is that we simply may not have the same meaning as God for the word “failure.” To me failure means it doesn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. To God it means I didn’t pick up the brush. Assuming God is calling you to do something, you will fail by being disobedient, not be a lack of success at the task.” ~ Angie Smith, What Women Fear
Following the calling IS the success.
So how many tuned in this weekend, how many joined meetups, how many blog about it, share about it or report on it becomes irrelevant to it’s success.
You were obedient to the calling. Congratulations. That is all that matters.
~Lisa-Jo
(still in the thick of planning videos and themes :)
My heart gets all achey reading this again. I’m in the midst of following a new dream. One I’m excited to share with you at the end of these 31 days. And I have to keep reminding myself that success lies in being faithful.
Just in being faithful to the call we are successful.
So pick up that brush friend. Open that keyboard. Hit publish on that post.
Because we have been called.
::
Wow. I am Right.There. in the middle of being terribly scared of failure and embarrassment… and wanting desperately to see this dream happen. Because I know the dream is of God. But I’m so scared of messing it up. But like you say – the only true failure is not being faithful to God’s call.
THANK YOU. I so desperately needed to read this today.
Gah! Every single time I’m struggling with something the root of it comes back to FEAR. I feel like I manage one part where it’s seeping out and another part shows up! I was even repeating “Do not fear”, “Don’t be afraid”, “Fear not” to myself last night about something. Thank you for sharing this letter with us. It at least helps to understand where it’s coming from
Friend…I can’t even tell you how much God has used you to speak into my life. Today is no exception. So I will only say thank you and know that those two words could never convey just how grateful I am for you and your words. Blessings.
My heart is thumping wildly in my chest right now and my breath is coming all catchy-like… I too have had this wrestling match and fear is a constant companion whom I have to turn over to Jesus on a daily basis.
I am stating my dream right here, right now for all to know… I want to write, I want to write from those places in me that no one but my almighty Creator has ever seen. I want my pain, my joy and my dark and messy to bleed on paper. Wow!! I was afraid to say it out loud – afraid that speaking it would somehow make it vanish… “Assuming God is calling you to do something, you will fail by being disobedient, not be a lack of success at the task.” Knees bent, palms open receiving this today as truth. Me and God are having a conversation about obedience this morning.
Yes love! Yes! Oh you know how much I need to read this! Thank you kindred soul.
Cheering for you! And highly recommend writing future letters -they’re like unexpected notes from God that show up at just the right time :)
Success is such a trap. It sucks our resources, paralyzes our brains and separates us from authenticity. Love reading about this journey.
Maybe you have a dream you’re too afraid to put on paper?
Maybe you have a passion that keeps you up at midnight and makes your hands shake?
Maybe you’re so busy weighing the odds of failure that you haven’t started?
Maybe you and God need to talk about that?
I DO!
This made me cry. I have something I’ve wanted to do for years now, BUT!?
It mirrors so many other things that are being done. How to get started? Will anyone support me? Will anyone participate? All the questions of failure. FEAR of failure. I have a contnuous ought with FEAR, but I can’t seem to conquer it.
Thanks for this Lisa Jo.
Phyllis, only YOU can do the thing God has called Phyllis to. I Promise.
Oh my goodness Lisa-Jo. How come you can speak to the heart of me; the places that I keep from everyone? I want it so badly; I’m so afraid it’ll all go wrong and come crashing down and I’ll be so humiliated and what will everyone think and what if I get it wrong and make a mess and let everyone down…. I think you know what I mean.
Thankyou for the understanding and the encouragement and the challenge.
Wildly encouraging post! It is like your words unlocked a lifetime of fear and uncertainty. Like the rumblings of my inner dreams have been heard. Seen. Known. Unleashed. And the witness you are to FAITH…true, honest, RICH FAITH, shatters the doubt that has been comforting me for so long! Thank you, jen
This struggle is what I JUST posted about and then I got your post in my inbox!
“What does God say success looks like?”
So where I need to lift my eyes, too. Success is being obedient and faithful. Love that. So much food for thought AND for application… Hope you don’t mind but I had to go back into my post and send my readers over here to read your words….they fit so well with my struggling attempt.
Ah, Lisa-Jo, every word is resonating with me. This past weekend I published my first book, Then I Became a Mother (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009SS3K0M), and even though it’s out there — and I DID what God had called me to do by writing about motherhood transparently, honestly, and humorously — I’d be lying to say that I wasn’t still riddled with fear about how it will be received, about whether I’ve done enough (or done it well.)
Your post is yet another reminder to rest and align my thoughts with God’s thoughts. (His thoughts are so vastly above our own, are they not?)
You WROTE A BOOK?! You are a rock star already then in my book :)
Oh yes. So good. The fear of failure does hold me back and yet the point is to just do it. Step out in faith and trust in an all-knowing God.
Thanks for this. =)
love the balloons–great, inspiring post!
Really lovely, friend. Thank you for this!
Great encouragement. For writers, it could mean more than 50 rejections before someone sees what you did when you wrote your Christian living book, novel or even blog – when it is in God’s will. I pray that everyone who reads your post will be sure to turn to God first to make sure they are, like you were with this conference, in His will.
If you are, nothing will stop you from succeeding in a way that glorifies Jesus.
Thank you for shaking me out of my paralyzed state. Because I have been throwing around all the ways I could fail instead of being obedient. If He truly called me to this, it will not fail. Thank u.
Following the calling is the success. Yes! This is so true! I want to see something big happen, but if I am doing what I am called to do that is all that is required. Congrats on making through the conference. What an accomplishment!
Lisa-Jo, I loved this! And when I thought it couldn’t get any more right on, I read your comment …. “highly recommend writing future letters -they’re like unexpected notes from God that show up at just the right time.”
That is exactly how they feel! I was just thinking of writing one over the weekend to frame up something I’m working through. I always write one every year on Jan. 1. It’s part of my New Year’s Eve ritual to be amazed by what I discover when I open that note on 12/31 to see the miracles that blessed me when I was busy living my life and not noticing them. :)
What an encouraging post! Thank you for being obedient to write down what’s on your heart because in the last 22 days, you have been speaking directly to mine.
LOVE this!!
Thanks for sharing such inspiring words =)
Just what I needed to hear today.
Much Love!
Lisa-Jo, it’s clear this wasn’t just for me today, but THIS WAS FOR ME! This: “…our craving for success is in actual fact how we disguise a fear of failure” — um, yes. I am so afraid, even when I feel I’m being obedient to God, scared that I can still somehow blow it. I realize how ridiculous this is…we’re talking about the Lord of the Universe here! So good to read your dialogue with Phyllis, too, because I often feel this way. What more can I add? But, yes, each of us has a unique contribution to make to this world. I know this and want to keep choosing to live like I know this. Thank you so much, Lisa-Jo.
Maybe you’ve spent the whole car ride home from work lamenting about how you can’t seem to get enough courage to finish your book, and don’t what to blog about b/c you feel uncertain about your writing voice or what people even want to hear from you…and maybe you were just telling God how you feel so completely lost on the dream of writing. Well, if you had wrote that I’d say you nailed it….so yeah, I’m totally relating to what your saying here….literally lamenting about it TODAY. Thanks for these words, will dwell/pray/journal on the ideas here.
I needed to hear this, or be reminded of this. I have the chance to go for a two week mission trip this next spring, the last few years I’ve gone for one week. But with young ones it’s hard as a mom to go for two weeks. The fear of how the kids will do while you’re gone can be paralyzing. But like you said if God called me then I shouldn’t worry about it. God will give us all the Grace to make it through the two weeks. Thanks for the encouragement!
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I needed this today. I have been fighting discouragement lately. But you made me remember that I don’t have to do all of this on my own. I merely have to surrender and lay my whole life at the feet of the LORD, and he will work wonders. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ox
So grateful that God led you to share these words today. I had forgotten the wisdom and joy of just picking up the brush. So many things have not turned out the way I envisioned that I assume I somehow messed up in being obedient to God and hearing Him correctly. But this…this is freeing!
Have I told you I love you lately? No? Well, let me remedy that immediately. I LOVE YOU A LOT, LISA-JO BAKER. And I thank God you’re out here in this crazy-making internet place. This is beautiful. Really helpful, actually. So I thank you – and I thank Angie Smith, too. You’re the best, kiddo. Hope you know and believe that. (In a truly humble sort of way, of course. :>)
I really appreciate you sharing this! I feel so totally stuck with fear right now and yet something is stirring and I am shaking and I have no idea what God totally has in mind. Hard to put into words what I am processing in my brain, but this post totally connects with me. So, thanks.
The question that just rocked my world was where you asked, “Maybe you’re so busy weighing the odds of failure that you havem’t started yet? That’s me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never really been successful at anything. I fail often and yet I still fear failure. And just as much, I fear success. I have so many ideas that I feel like are from God and yet the fear surrounding it is overwhelming. Here I am, years later, still dreaming those dreams. I want to fully give God that fear and allow His plans to succeed. I don’t want to care about the wordly view of success. I want eternal value attached to whatever task He sets before me.
Thank you for your post! I am reading this post long after your event, but still God used your words to show me something now…don’t you love God and how he can use a post long after we hit publish. Anyway, today I realized how fear has been stopping me from living and doing what He has called me to…write. Following the calling is the success! Yes! I get paralized with the details or the “I can’t” and “what if” thoughts. Thanks for reminding me that not doing the writing is failure and He will show me the details. Success is for Him and His plan….my job is to write what He has written on my heart. Thanks Lisa!