Christmas in South Africa was always hot. Kids gathered around the tree, sunburns still stinging. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” pounding hopefully out over the radio. Our tree was always a live one and the years we gathered at Ouma and Oupa’s house in the Cape they’d use the old fashioned candle clips – attaching live candles with their drippy red and white wax to the fresh branches. No one thought it odd.
There were crackers for pulling before the big meal, kids vying for the little plastic prizes that flew out of them as we pulled them apart. Gammon or lamb were the main course and tea, there was always lots of tea afterwards. Dessert included surprises baked right into it – lots of coins wrapped up in silver foil for kids to discover as they bit into the juicy fruit cake.
So much British and Dutch still passed down through accents and traditions and the food.
No snow till my first year in the States. The year dad couldn’t afford to fly me home for just a few weeks of Christmas break. The year I bought presents for the friends I was staying with and the brown paper bag ripped right there on the crosswalk in Beverly, MA as first flurries were scurrying all around me. The store clerk replaced the gifts of the crying girl.
I called dad collect. It was 2am his time. And he hugged me over the phone and laughed about the broken pieces and his accent was like so much warm tea.
It’s impossible to really love your home until you’ve left it.
Of all the traditions I’ve passed down to my kids, homesickness is certainly one of them.
Some years I’ve found myself frantically thumbing through magazines or blog posts trying to figure out which of the genius ideas I should incorporate into our traditions Stateside. We’ve tried a variety of Advent countdowns and usually end up missing many days and I turn guilty and start to resent the calendar.
I’ve pinned pictures of surprise crescent rolls to make and intended to pack Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. For a while I was convinced that if we each had matching, monogrammed stockings pinned above the fireplace I would have delivered on Christmas. I stock up on the catalogs of charity gifts and mean to have my children sit down and circle the presents we’ll give to others this year. I insist I will only give them 3 gifts each.
They doodle on the pretty Christmas list paper I’ve printed out from someone’s website and end up in a laser tag fight that sends pillows flailing and the 18 month old hollering after them down the hallway. All I want is a mug of hot chocolate. Nothing fancy. Just the SwissMiss with marshmallows.
On Christmas Eve in South Africa we’d walk up the koppie behind our house. Dad would have his Bible. We’d all gather and drink something delicious and watch the sunset over the city in front of us. The dark thatch roof of the house a stage in front of it all. We might sing something. And the kids would take turns reading passages of the Christmas story.
Then we’d walk down into the house and feast and pull crackers and gather around the Christmas tree and pile of sparkling loot beneath it. There are many more kids than adults in that house. And many more skin colors than mine. English is often in the minority around that tree.
Family, a real tree, old decorations each loaded with meaning and ways to give gifts that bless others and are actually meaningful to my guys. I sip the hot chocolate. I lean back into those memories of home. I hear kids cackling down the hall. And I log out of pinterest.
Oh, friend, once again our kindred hearts are knit together over living in two countries…two cultures…two…HOMES. I’m moved to tears by the equal mix of heartbreak and beauty of it all. I just want to be present for it. To be fully here, not half here, half there. It seems impossible but I’m determined to do it. I can do all things….right??
Beautiful and wise. Thank you Lisa-Jo.
You’ve brought me back to reality with this one. It’s not about the “doing” at Christmas. It’s about being. And I’ve been so caught up in “doing it all.” Oh my heart wishes I could sit with you over hot chocolate (with lots of marshmallows…maybe even some marshmallow fluff) and drink it while it’s still hot and just “be.”
Ooooo adding marshmallow FLUFF to hot chocolate??? #WhatAThought
That’s how we always had hot chocolate when I was little! It’s awesome!! You put in enough so it forms a cover over your cocoa, then you dig through it and carve off small bites to enjoy with a spoonful of chocolate. Mmmmm!
Love your heart here, Lisa-Jo! It is about family. It’s something we’ve worked on teaching our girls for their twenty plus years, that if there is nothing else but us together, that is truly enough.
Love this, Lisa-Jo! Beautifully written – evocative and wise. I think “homesickness” is always a part of Christmas (if we’re paying attention), though I know you feel it much more than most. We’re all of us at least a little bit homesick for childhood Christmases or the “perfect” Christmas we’ve never actually experienced.
I’m looking forward to letting myself off the hook this year, just like you. No pinterest, just a drawer full of tea (I’ll add some Swiss Miss for you!) and a lot of sitting quietly by the fire.
Oh Christie you have no idea how excited we are. I JUST emailed you about it :) Let the lists of good books to discuss and motherhood to catch up on commence!
Love this part …
“On Christmas Eve in South Africa we’d walk up the koppie behind our house. Dad would have his Bible.”
Reminds me of when we used to have Christmas Eve Service. Our family would meet over my in-Loves to open gifts and eat good food, then we would go to Service to celebrate Jesus’ birthday.
O come o come Emmanuel … Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel.
LOVE this! I love how you describe what goes on in your home because it’s SO similar to what goes on in mine ;) Thanks for your honesty and being real…that’s what I love about you and your writing.
Fond memories of years past, so much depends on the people present in them. I can never recreate the magic of my Grandma’s desserts and style of gift wrapping. Something magical was lost when she entered the nursing home recently. I try to have some magic for my kids now, it is a huge responsibility. Not enough money for all of the decorations, not enough time for making evergreen boughs over my fireplace, not enough patience to kit stockings. We will play together on Christ as morning, in our modest home, and hope that is enough. May you find peace with your state side Christmas. You bring such joy to me.
so good…..I needed to read this today as I too get caught up in everyone else’s fanciness and feel a bit sorry for my kids that I’m not that kind of awesome…Thank you!
Hi Lisa-Jo
I never knew you had family in Sourh Africa. I am a South African girl and know exactly what you are talking about. Yes, Xmas in SA is very hot and don’t even talk about suffering sunburn and heatstroke! But in the sun we want to be!! This makes me think of the Son and the pure joy of AWAYS being in Hs presence! Do you speak Afrikaans for I see you adress your Grandparents in Afrikaans?
Bless you, sweet friend.
Mia
You’ve made me cry… with these… (a good cry) All sentences that I relate to, soo much!!
We’ve tried a variety of Advent countdowns and usually end up missing many days and I turn guilty and start to resent the calendar.
I’ve pinned pictures of surprise crescent rolls to make and intended to pack Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes.
I insist I will only give them 3 gifts each.
They doodle on the pretty Christmas list paper I’ve printed out from someone’s website and end up in a laser tag fight that sends pillows flailing…
Thank you Lisa-Jo for giving me freedom to have Christmas that’s right for MY family!! :)
ps. I did make it mostly through Truth in the Tinsel last year, doubling up occasionally and skipping some of the crafts. and I did buy some supplies to make no-sew burlap stockings this year (we’ve been using dollar store stockings since we had kids), but I’m giving myself grace if they don’t turn out! :)
You brought tears to my eyes & make me walk down memory lane with your post. My parents were missionaries in Zambia while I was growing up & I remember playing in the water on Christmas Day. Fun, fun memories of a time spent half a world away. Thanks for the reminder to focus on the real meaning of Christmas & making memories with my family.
I really needed this post. Just your title alone pretty much summed up a lot of what I’m feeling.
“And I log out of Pinterest.” LOL!
logging out of Pinterest–that is the key!
Amen!
“It’s impossible to really love your home until you’ve left it.”
So true. And I’ve been meaning to ask, do you have a good milktert recipe you could share?
Oh yes yes yes I DO!
This is my favorite one: enjoy!
http://www.justeasyrecipes.co.za/2009/08/27/milk-tart/
Thank you for sharing so honestly. Your children are blessed to know two homes.
I want to focus on making memories for my children too, not pinterest projects! :)
As always, your writing is so beautiful.
Linked back to you today–you said so perfectly what I was feeling! We love Swiss Miss, too :)
http://brackettfamilyrandomacts.blogspot.com/2012/11/simply-extraordinary-and-why-theres-no.html
Love this and swiss miss:) We get so wrapped in what we feel we should be doing and don’t stop to look around at the memories we are building in our own ways.
I love this!
I sat yesterday listening to “I’ll be Home for Christmas” and got snarky with the “if only in my dreams”…cause in my dreams is about as close as it seems I’ll get this year. I miss faces, the smell of my cousins house and the look of excitement on my Mom’s face watching us girls and her grandkids. I’ll buy candles and avoid Pinterest (I always do).
true story: Last year I packed Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes and forgot to send them so I saved them for this year. This year I removed the expired toothpaste and added a slinky and such, and then forgot to drop it off in time AGAIN!
Whatever. I tried. Next year is my year!
This is my last Christmas season with 3 kids home. One moved out after last Christmas and 2 are going to University next summer.
I totally tracked with the homesickness, the missed shoe boxes, the list of things I never did… But I have a friend who says, “Don’t Should-of on yourself and don’t let anyone Should-of on you.”
22 years of Christmas and I did all I could at the time and I pray the kids will remember “Wind in the Willows” by the wood stove followed by Luke 2. The rest I don’t care if they do remember and there is plenty of family dysfunction I truly hope they will forget.
God is gracious to forgive and forget.
Lisa-Jo, I am near tears, resonating with all the trying to create traditions in my own home while trying desperately to not get overwhelmed by all of the packaged up beauty I see on the internet. This real stuff–my laundry piles amid board games spread out and balls/dog toys in a heap in the corner is just plain beautiful if I turn away from the temptation to strive for perfection. The real stuff is the most beautiful and heart-filling. I want to be present *here*, in this life, not the imaginary one I can so easily find myself wishing for. And you show that so beautifully in your memories of home in S. Africa and your home, here, too. Thank you.
I understand.
The South African sun, the splashing in the pool, and the Christmas trees tall, that pine you don’t get here. The early morning 7am church service which you have to be seated at half an hour early to even get a seat, the Methodist singing, the sounds of dolls and cars as the little ones play on the floor under the pews. The breakfast of Post Toasties (are you old enough to remember them even?) at Granny’s house and the evening at Mum and Dad’s place with maybe 40 or 50 friends just arriving, as they always did. Auntie Myra starting the carol singing and everyone joining in……. oh yes, I understand the yearning. But my reality is in the cold northern hemisphere, with, for the first time in 5 years, ALL my children coming home to me. A simple Christmas. Nothing fancy, except the laughter, and the memories, and the noise, and the cherry on the Christmas cake – my little 3 year old granddaughter having her first Christmas at her Moregranny’s home. I cannot wait!
Annnnd you just walked me alllll the way down memory lane – oh my heart. #Homesick #PostToasties #ToysAtChurchSundayMorning
You didn’t go to Gordon College, did you? The world just shrunk ten sizes. I was walking those Beverly sidewalks yesterday. Such a lovely little town. I’m hoping to live here after I graduate in December.
Sure did! Class of 1998 :) Love me some Professor Sherratt who’s the whole reason I came to DC for an off campus program and fell in love with my husband :)
English/Prelaw :)
Hey Lisa-Jo!
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and love the frankness in which you speak of the real. This post brought a sting to the eye as I too find myself in the familiarity of homesickness. You see, I’m an American married to a Norwegian and living in Australia. I’ve spent the better part of my adult years living in this land and now I have little ones following me around speaking in an accent that I will never have. But I love the point that you brought out about ‘home’ being that which comes from within and not from pinterest. Even if it is a mismatch of cultures, traditions and experiences it’s about deciding how to bring forth what matters to your family.
Bless you in this special season.
Homesickness is a hard one. Because even if you are “home” you never feel home anymore. My dad says it’s a blessing. I hold on tight to that promise.
I have had to log out of pinterest indefinitely. It makes me WANT way too much and I don’t like that feeling…it’s icky and makes me feel bad about what I don’t have. God Bless you L.J. and praying that God gives you a special delight in the absence of your “home”
Oh that wanting of traditions to be established. We are always (ALWAYS!) traveling at Christmas. This is our third with our little guy and all I’d like to do is to be able to stay put and just enjoy – no suitcases involved.
This was just beautiful. Thank you for sharing another world and a huge part of your heart with us.
Thank you for this. Thank you.
WOW I didn’t know you lived in South Africa. I am planning to go there this summer. I love the richness you described in their traditions. Great post!
Oh ENJOY! It’s the most beautiful and welcoming of countries. Drink Appletizer, eat at Ocean Basket, drown yourself in Cadbury’s chocolate!!!
Thank you for giving us a peek into your life in S. Africa and your journey to making new memories here with your family…beautiful and evocative write…blessings to you, Lisa-Jo, and Thank you for hosting FMF throughout the year…such a blessing :)
sigh. stop doing that pinterest thing, okay? whatever you and your family do, that IS your Christmas – enjoy a little bit of something each day and create a small tradition. that’s all. it will be yours. always.
Oh it’s OK I’m really not a Pinterest-afficianado. It’s tires me out and feels like a whole long list of to-do’s I’ll never get to. So, yes ma’am – I’m logged out :)
Lisa-Jo I had not picked up befor this post that you grew up in S Africa….so many of your childhood memories and experiences are so similar to my own. I was born and raised in Australia and although I have spent the better part of my adult life in The States, I am still terribly homesick for my homeland. Last year my Mum even commented on how “after all these years” I am still extremely homesick in December.
Plum pudding and custard with thripennces…Christmas cake and homemade ginger beer (like ginger ale) and the crackers with the party hat and surprise inside. :-) Thanks for the memories and knowing I am not the only one who is displaced and enjoying my childhood memories over a cup of hot Milo ;-) Merry Christmas!!
ahhhhhhhhh homemade ginger beer – ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Although I’ve never lived anywhere but the US, I can relate to this post. I spend so much time and effort during this season worrying and fretting over the pretty Christmas stuff that I do not have. I stalk pretty blogs, and dream of the day when my home would like like something out of a magazine. But I forget that I can make memories and traditions with what I currently have. I don’t need more stuff!
Oh, Lisa, thank you for assuaging my guilt. I spent too many years trying to recreate what was going on in other homes. There were people who weren’t “doing” Christmas, because there were too many needy people and all their money goes to them. People who were not giving ANY electronics. People who were doing all handmade gifts. My gosh, I tried and they just aren’t US! I’ve had to stop reading blogs, stop visiting Pinterest and stop feeling guilty for who we are. Christmas has been nice since then.
Amen to that!
This is a refreshing post. Two years in a row now, I have started doing some Advent activity and 2-3 weeks in, it has fallen to the wayside. While I hope to stand firm in what I think makes a perfect Christmas, it is so easy to listen to that nagging feeling that we’re missing something.
Christmas should not be about anxiety, but reflection on the greatest gift that has ever been given.
Michelle, I absolutely LOVE this reply!
Christmas should not be about anxiety, but reflection on the greatest gift that has ever been given.
True, true, true!
Hey Lisa-Jo
Loved this.
We’ll be spending Christmas in Pretoria this year (we’re normally down at the coast, near Plett). I’m sending you a hug from your home town, and I want to give you a quick glimpse of the last jacarandas mingling in the green and the koppie that is still here, still a lush belt of lovely Africa in the middle of the hot busy city. There’s tinsel in Pick ‘n Pay and it’s hot and my boys run through the sprinkler most afternoons and they dance in the lounge to Boney-M’s White Christmas just like I used to do with my sisters. The mornings are fresh and cool and full of promise and by lunchtime it’s sweltering and at supper we’re eating on the stoep, the sky orange above the Post Office tower…
Much, much love to you,
Dalene