…this guest post from one of my mom friends and mentors, prayer warriors and fellow mom guilt survivors, Stacey Thacker….
I shut the door to my bedroom, well past eleven o’clock, and headed to my bathroom. Monday behaved as expected and, to be honest, got the best of me. I ran water to wash my face and started the process of removing the last bit of waterproof mascara. I think most of it ended up smeared on the side of my face sometime during the traffic mess between ballet and cheer practice.
I rehashed the day in my head while brushing my teeth and squinted at the weary and worn complexion in the mirror.
Immediately, I began making a list of good mom, bad mom behaviors exhibited in the last twenty-four hours:
- I fed the kids three meals. (Good mom.)
- One of them was take-out pizza. (Bad mom.)
- I managed to do the dishes. (Good mom.)
- I grumbled while I did them. (Bad mom.)
- I tucked them all in bed and said prayers. (Good mom.)
- I should have bathed the five year old. (Bad mom.)
Somewhere in trying to measure up to what all the good moms should be doing, weariness settled in for a nice long chat. A familiar conversation, I knew what needed to happen in order to shut down this supersize dose of mommy guilt.
I had to remember: guilt has no place in the space of grace.
“I’ve spent years trying to understand grace, and I’m convinced it is the antidote for guilt. The two can’t live together. One displaces the other. Ideally, grace lives and breathes in our life, and guilt leaves. But, more often then not the opposite is true. How do we give grace more space to rest in our lives?” – Hope for the Weary Mom, page 74.
Grace needs space to rest in my life. I am a work in progress in this area for sure. Mommy guilt can do me in and let’s face it—never plays fair. Just when I think I have a good handle on the fight, Monday shows up with a solid reminder of how far I have to go.
“For it’s by God’s grace that you have been saved. You receive it through faith. It was not our plan or our effort. It is God’s gift, pure and simple. You didn’t earn it, not one of us did, so don’t go around bragging that you must have done something amazing.” Ephesians 2:8,9 (The Voice).
But this mommy guilt antidote is a gift pure and simple. I receive it daily when I let it wash over me as I open God’s Word, sing about it in the shower, or write it on my memo board. This grace gift is the one thing mommy guilt can’t handle. It is the power of Christ in me. It is a hope filled truth my heart needs daily in the worst way.
Turning out the light, I remembered Tuesday would be filled with new mercies.
And the coffee, like grace, would be flowing freely.
Stacey (along with her friend, Brooke) have written a book for all us weary moms. Hope for the Weary Mom: Let God Meet You in the Mess
launches today! It’s filled to the brim with encouragement and practical advice for kicking guilt and despair to the curb. Stacey is a wife and the mother of four vibrant girls. She is a writer and speaker who loves God’s Word. Her passion is to connect with women and encourage them in their walks with God. I have laughed, prayed, cried, and shared with her and trust me, if anyone understands the struggle of being mom, it’s Stacey. You can find her blogging at staceythacker.com and hanging out on Twitter or Instagram.
Click here to pick up your copy of Hope for the Weary Mom. And this week of February 3, 2015, special offers are available for anyone who buys 1 book or 10. Find out more by clicking right here.
Here’s to all the guilt mom survivors! We have to point to Jesus and cheer each other on! You do that for me! Always!
Love you so much friend!
Stacey
So proud of you guys and your message. You are going to encourage SO many weary mamas. Much love!
Reading this, it dawned on me:
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10, NIV)
Mommy guilt comes to steal our peace from His Grace, and destroy our hearts as moms. It’s pure evil. We gotta let it go and hold onto the Truth! He know we are works in progress (Phil. 3:12), but He still came to give us ABUNDANT life. I like how this article explains the difference between conviction and condemnation, I’ll post the link below, but to sum it up: ‘condemnation focuses on what you did wrong to tear you down while avoiding the solution. Conviction is Godly sorry that leads you to repentance, it focuses on showing you what’s wrong with the goal of bringing you to the solution: Christ.’ He washed away our sins, early waits for us to come to him, and it is in HIM that we are able to change and overcome our shortcomings.
In short, Mommy guilt is a form of condemnation. It’s not of God. Cast it away from you with the Truth: Christ came so that you may have Life and have it Abundantly.
PS: I’m glad I was at my computer to look up the exact scriptures and their locations! I’m not great at remember verses’ “addresses.” ;)
Thank you Lisa-Jo for having Stacey guest-blog this piece, and thank you Stacey for sharing it! Like I said, reading this, it’s like a light bulb came on. Hallelujah!
That article: http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/condemnation_conviction.php
I think I forgot to mention: Mommy Guilt is something I’ve personally struggled with a LOT since I was pregnant with my first. I’m thankful for the revelation reading this article gave me. I hope sharing it helped someone else too!
That is a great point! I think you are absolutely right about condemnation. Mommy guilt has it written all over it. And yes, turning to grace filled Truth is the key!
Blessings,
Stacey
I love your list. It makes me to think about me as a grandma raising a child, a 10 years old boy. The mess in the house. The teaching of helping with home chores and keeping up with school work. Help me Lord. Thank you for cheer me up in spite of my imperfection.