Pete and I have a big bed. Well, actually, it’s a big mattress. It’s the one thing we purchased as newlyweds that we still use every single day. Well, night mostly. It’s king size, stretch-out-your-arms-and-legs-and-still-can’t-tell-there’s-someone-else-in-the-bed big.
It’s delicious. I miss that bed every time we’re on the road. I whisper sweet nothings to that mattress. It’s my very favorite place in the house.
This weekend we were away. Away from Virginia, 112 degree weather and our mattress.
Then this thing happened. When Pete and I tumbled into bed at night in the various guest rooms where we stayed, our feet touched.
His are always warm. Mine are always cold. It works out well for me. We curled up cupped under the covers and deep in each others’ personal space. We were too tired and full of the faces and memories and rich, sweet family moments of the day to talk much. But we lay there, back to belly and arms wrapped around the middle and soaked in the closeness.
It was coming home without being home.
And it got me thinking. And wondering. That perhaps the smaller the marriage bed the better.
What’s your experience on this one?
My husband and I had a TWIN bed for the first year we were married because we couldn’t afford a new one! Then we got a hand-me-down Queen size and we’ve never graduated to King. We’ve had all three kids and 2 dogs in bed with us at one time or another and we’ve even broken the bedframe with too many kids jumping from across the room on it! I’m always warm and his feet are always cold, but it’s perfect!! I don’t think we would “fit” in a King size bed…too big for our family!
We have a queen bed and I can’t imagine anything smaller! A twin – you’re a trooper! :)
Well, that was in 1987 for our first year…we fit better then!
I love our bed. It’s a Queen but my husband and I aren’t small people so it’s cozy. I snuggle up to him, and he tries to get away from me. He’s a hot sleeper and I am a cold sleeper. I chase his warmth and he rolls and moves away to cool off. I would have to say that normally I win this little battle for the bed. But then there are those times when I am sleeping somewhere without him and I just can’t sleep. Or he tells me that he couldn’t sleep without me kicking and snuggling with him either. It all works itself out by morning. And some how we both wake up refreshed from not only a good nights sleep (sometimes) but also from being able to have that time to just be next to each other and have no other interruptions(most of the time).
That is so perfect, Tila…and exactly what I would say about my husband and I. :)
My husband and I had a king sized bed for 10 years. when it came time for a new bed, we prayed, talked to others and decided to downsize for a host of reasons. Although many people told us we would hate it, I tell ya, our marriage is so much better now. It’s forced closeness and we couldn’t be happier. ;-)
For reals? That’s so interesting. Especially since we just passed the ten year mark a few years back. Food for thought. Definite food for thought!
For real. :) None of our reasons for downsizing had to do with being closer. In fact, that was one of the reasons I didn’t want to downsize. We wanted a smaller bed so we would have more floorspace in our room, bedding would be less expensive, a headboard and foot board would be easier to come by (I ended up making ours!) Friends told me not to do it. Some of them said “no touching, no touching, no touching!”. I don’t think they know what they are missing out on. We finally decided to go for a Queen Bed FOR SURE when I walked into a bed store to get a mattress for my daughter and the guy offered me a deal on a floor model bed that I couldn’t refuse. He knew we had been wavering, we had been in several times. Honestly, downsizing has not been as horrible as I had heard it would be or as I feared it would be. :)
Yes, Lisa, I agree with Amy.
It certainly brings closeness – and that is still needed at all times in a marriage. And where else but a marriage bed?
Blessings,
Jan
lol My husband is 6’10”, and can touch all four corners of our king-sized bed if he lays on it spread-eagle. So really, a king for us is like a queen for other people. :-) I couldn’t get away from him if I tried! Not that I’d want to…
Our divorce then remarriage has us back in our original marital bed- a switch from a Queen back to Full. On some nights it’s far too hot to really enjoy it, but most nights I love being so cozy with him!
Well, I’m with you, Lisa-Jo…I love, love, love our great-big, cozy-in-the-middle, but spacious-enough-for-my-own-space (and a scared-at-night, or need-some-mornin’-cuddling kiddo), king-size marriage bed.
Most nights we meet in the middle for talking & cuddling & bedtime prayers & ‘you-know-what’…but then we eventually turn over, find that comfy position, and zonk out. We both usually end up on our sides, back-to-back (better than bad-breath-to-bad-breath), with legs or feet entwining.
And when we travel? Squished into smaller beds? Honestly? We cuddle close…and think it’s sweet for a night or two…but really don’t get a whole lotta good sleep. And when we get home, there’s nothin’ better than our great-big, cozy-spacious, king-size marriage bed!
Yes, you see that’s traditionally been my thinking too. We love the space for stretching out and fitting kiddos in as well. But this trip…..
Well…the voice of age chiming in here – we switched from a queen to a king about 15 years ago – at the 30 year mark of our marriage – and we have loved it. We’re both tall (6’2″ and 5’10”) and like to touch toes occasionally during the night, but generally really like to sleep once we get to that point. And it’s been great for helping a very active, non-sleeping 16 month old granddaughter take her naps when she stays with us every week :>) She can climb all over me until she gets sleepy, and then snooze next to me while I work on my laptop. When we travel, we have about a 3 night maximum in a smaller bed until we’ve gotta find a king somewhere. Each couple sort of develops their own ‘rhythm’ (and I use that loaded word very carefully here) – so you’ll have to figure out what works the best for you. If sleep is in short supply, bigger is definitely better. And if you’re doing the family bed thing – yeah – go for bigger.
And oh yeah, I DEFINITELY want to come with you to South Africa. Been 43 years since we were last there…
Ooooh it’s gonna be a fun trip then! :)
So, we had a full size up until March of this year….I was voting maybe for a king, but only because we have 5 kiddo’s (ages 6 mo to 9 years) that seemingly love to be in our bed on weekend mornings. We ended up with a Queen and it’s just right….more room for us to stretch a bit without being too far apart but also enough room for babies without having to banish the big ones to the floor or by our feet lol. Even if we had a King I’m thinking that it wouldn’t matter much, my hubby says I would always find him anyways {;o)
We’ve been married 19 years and have been in a full for ALL of those precious years. Originally it was because we were missionaries and that’s what the budget allowed. Now, it’s by choice. When we sleep in king-size beds on occasion, it feels like he’s a million miles away. I wouldn’t trade our full…
We began our marriage sleeping on a full size, barely both fit but that’s okay cause we snuggle all the time, mattress. We now have a king size bed with firmly entrenched dips where we always lie – far, far, apart! YIKES! I hope that isn’t a metaphor of some kind. But seriously, I have to vote king since just the other night we somehow managed to sleep with our three boys also in the bed. Cozy!
Yes, that’s us too. :)
We’ve had a king size since we married. My husband is 6 ft 3 in so he needs more space. And I’m not much of a cuddler. Once I’m ready to sleep I need my space. I don’t sleep well at all if I don’t have that space. You don’t want to be around me if I haven’t had sleep. My marriage is better with the king size bed. :)
Heh! That is the voice of a wise woman!
My husband’s a cuddler; I’m not. We have always had a king size bed and I feel crowded in anything smaller. This year it was time for a new bed and tho we discussed getting a queen size we stayed with a king. And that’s where we’ll be for a few more years, until we shrink into old age and downsize our home because after 33 years we finally bought a headboard. King size of course :-). But I can tell that he is there and am comforted by his presence. I’ve found that I’m lonely without him on the other half of that big bed. A few years ago we spent one night in a full size bed and we both spent the night trying not to fall out of bed. There was just NO ROOM! He spent the rest of the visit (we were at my parents’) sleeping on a twin in the same room.
Yup, we’ve run into similar problems when traveling at times. And can I just say how much it comforts me to know that we’re not the only ones who haven’t had a headboard for decades of our marriage :)
We FINALLY have one and only because I built it.
We have a King sz. bed because we wanted enough space for when the kids pile in. They often do. I love snuggling with hubs before I fall asleep, but once we’re asleep, we generally find our own space. ;) So sweet that you enjoyed such a wonderful family time and snuggles and love with each other. xo Cass @ Unplug Your Family
We’ve only ever had a double bed (not even queen). It gets squishy when little ones need to join us but in that case one adult usually goes to their bed instead. Especially since the littles are now 8, 10 & 12. But I love our small bed. It means we don’t need a huge “master” bedroom and can live with less. It fits more with our life philosophy than marriage philosophy but I suppose it does keep up close in bed also. I never thought much about it. We’re both small people though so that helps.
My wife definitely prefers a smaller bed, while I prefer more space to stretch out at night. However, in our bed at home, we’re pretty close together, but we use separate blankets. It saves us both a lot of pain and restless nights.
Oh for sure the smaller one. We had a king sized bed for 10 years in our middle years of marriage – wrong decision. We dumped it 10 years ago and now have a queen. I like to know my husband is beside me. The king bed really led to separation – not good. The queen bed brought us back together. We are quite tall so a double is a little tight but we do sleep well in a double, too.
By the way, when the kids were little we had a queen and if they needed “us” they slept on a blanket on the floor beside us. Worked great. We slept and so did they.
Great post.
Thanks,
Jan
My husband and I have a queen size bed at home. We recently went on vacation and had a king size bed in our condo. We felt like we might as well have been sleeping in different rooms! It was awful! At times our queen size bed feels small, such as when my husband, I, and our 6 month old are curled up early in the morning and the dog is also at the foot of the bed, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
For the sanity of my marriage, we have a queen.
we have a king, but i at least start in the middle, right next to the man. the main thing i love about the king is the width of the covers – i am a hog!
We have a queen sized bed and king sized covers!
We have a Queen. We’ve thought about going up to a King but the budget doesn’t allow for it. But honestly I think I like the Queen, because when our 4 year old and 16 month old come get in the bed with us in the early morning hours, its serious snuggle time. If it were a King sized I don’t think we’d touch!
A few years ago we switched from a queen to a king, and I kind of regret that decision. I do think it separates us more than we should be separated. Even though I don’t like having my feet touched (ha!), I still miss my husband being that close. We’re both tall, so a full size is a nightmare when we travel, but the queen was just right. If I could do it all over, I’d go with the queen.
For the first 10 years, we had a full, and I didn’t even realize how “small” that was considered to be. I guess that it is because we are most often entangled with each other. We fall asleep just like you described, and it is just one of the ways that we connect at the end of the day. No matter what has happened…temper tantrums, rough days at the hospital, just the everyday race of life….it all comes sweetly home when we remember that we are in this thing together. Our queen is now perfect for snuggling and can hold us, the two boys, the dog, and the cat. Cozy. Family. (Oh yes, and it is delicious to put my cold feet on his warm legs…) ;)
We have a queen … and typically both of our littles are IN bed with us … and the dog is trying desperately to get some space as well.
We opted against the King because I wanted to always be “close” … little did I know that all available space would be taken by the littlest members of the family!!
We bought a twin bed in our 1st years together. Still have the same one. 3 kids countless cats dog later it’s still our bed. My husband complains it’s small. That I take up his space. I complain it’s too big because I can’t be near enough. As i write this ,my bed seems like an island. There is no coming home at night, there is only the reality that hits. He is deployed overseas. I look at our bed with dream like feeling knowing that one day ,we will be reunited. IN the meantime,I’ll find it small starting at 2 am when 3 kids, 2 cats,countelss pillow and blanky and plush toy crawl in and leave me absolutly no space to breath.ANDI LOVE IT!
We currently have a queen and that is as much as our little bedroom will allow. However, we’d love to have a king! I think even if we did, we’d still be squished together in the middle. But at least we’d have the option for space, and would come in handy when sick, or future kids, or romance.
My husband is 6’3″ and I am only 5’3″, but we had a full size bed for the first two years, and he could barely fit in the bed (his feet hung over) but we enjoyed the cuddling, even when our toddler and his older two children would squeeze in with us-but Matt always wanted a bigger bed so he felt like he actually fit. We were recently given a King sized bed, and while sometimes we do end up on opposite sides of the bed, we still tend to gravitate toward the middle, neither one of us can sleep well without the snuggling! (well, at least we can’t fall asleep well). And, Matt finally fits in the bed, so we’re very happy :)
I am with Kendal and Amy D….Queen with King covers! We are both on the small side so we have space, but are not “lost’ in space!
Sweet Lisa Jo – i loved this blog and just had to comment…don’t always get a chance to read your blogs, but so glad i happened upon it this morning. kev and i have the same queen size bed we bought when we first got married too…and we still LOVE it…two kids later and a THIRD on the way!!!! oh my!! sometimes we talk about how we can’t wait for the king…but sometimes i think we have had a great 12 years together because of our queen…and you know the size of kev! anyways, we have to catch up…can’t believe i am telling you on your blog that i am pregnant! LOVE YOU!!! XOXO
I’m a light sleeper on my best nights. An insomniac on my worst. I can’t sleep if anyone is touching me. We cuddle and snuggle in our King, then I can have space to actually sleep when I can!
LOL. Every time my hubby and I get a rare weekend away to ourselves (no kids!), we get a king-sized bed, because it feels so luxurious. But at home, we have a queen-sized, because we feel the king size is just too big. It’s that funny?
my mountain man and i have a king and we love it. space when we need it is great, but we usually all end up squished on his side of the bed. now that we’re almost a year into co-sleeping, it’s 4 of us – him, me, the cat and the baby, all crammed into about 1/3 of the bed! i don’t think he loves the contortion required, but we love being able to snuggle. and it has made co-sleeping so much more manageable!
We have a full size bed. My growing belly and the need for additional pillows lately have made it quite interesting. Not sure if we will all fit by the end of this pregnancy. When we travel and get to sleep on a queen or king, it’s magical. But in a king I usually end up in the middle of the bed because I want to be closer to him. :)
We started out in a 3/4-sized bed and neither of us is small! It was delicious to graduate up to a queen, but I don’t think we’ll ever go bigger. We spent the night in a king-sized bed while traveling and I felt like I was sleeping alone! I hated it. I ended up in the middle of the bed just to find him, which would just mean a whole lot of wasted bed space in our room (and the need for ape arms to switch off the lamp!)
We started out in a queen and then were given a king about three years in, and the king works much better for us (though we do ok in a queen when we travel, short-term at least). My husband works nights and is a total night owl, and I am a reluctant morning person, and we both have sleep issues (he pretty much has one specific way he has to be situated in order to fall asleep and needs room, and I need a special neck pillow, and it’s hard for both of us to get back to sleep if we get woken up), so the space helps us a lot. We often hang out in the middle of the bed until one of us (me) gets too sleepy, and then I usually roll over and go to sleep on my side of the bed. But we often find that once we fall asleep, we work our way back to each other somehow, even if it’s just one person reaching a hand out to the other. Which is a very nice way to wake up. :)
I assume that when we have kids, we’ll love the king-size bed even more.
Small. Definitely small.
We had a queen til we moved to England and they only have full here. So we have a full. And it is full. In a wonderful way. :)
We are in the market for a king bed but now I’m having second thoughts after reading all of this… We currently sleep in a queen, but always stay in a king bed at hotels as a “splurge”. I can’t stand how far I feel from my husband and I end up scooching over next to him anyway. Sometimes I’ll wake up and reach over and panic thinking he’s not there. Ha. Hmm… I’ll have to think about this now!
Oh, how I love the line about coming home even when your not really home! As for my thoughts on the size of a marriage bed, I can’t really say much. I sleep slap in the middle, so poor hubs has no choice but to curl up around me. This might explain the five kids in seven years bit… ;)
We have a queen sized bed but use only half of it. We start out with cuddling and then through the night migrate towards each other. I don’t sleep well at all when he isn’t home.
Fun post and thoughts.
Blessings to you!
I have so enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. It certainly gives one a lot to think about. I am no longer married so I don’t think much about what a bed does or does not do for marriage. I know that I enjoy my king immensely. I still sleep with two of my children and can do so knowing that there is enough space to sleep. You see I am a bit of an insomniac and often need space to even fall asleep and especially to stay asleep – so even if I were married I could not imagine being in a smaller bed. I love my king and climbing into it at night and honestly when I was pregnant with my third child even the king felt so small that it felt like we were trying to sleep in a twin. Boy my belly must of been huge. Now there are rare nights when my girls opt for their own beds and I feel engulfed my empty space, so it is all what we are used and comfortable with and what is best for our own family.
My husband is 6’3″ and sleeps slantways on our Queen bed, we also have the baby in there with us, so sometimes I am tempted to get the king size, (especially when 9 months pregnant and trying to fit like 4 pillows around me!) But I have to admit I love that we are smooshed together, at the end of a long hard day sometimes all I need to make it better is some snuggling, and he is more than happy to oblige. :)
We started out with a queen and upgraded to a king. While I love being close to my husband, I toss and turn a little too much, and I can’t snuggle for more than a few minutes before my body aches for a new position. The space fits us perfectly. And it’s nice and romantic when I feel his hand on my hip or my arm just letting me know he’s with me and loves me.
Wow, amazing how one little post can bring up so many unstirred emotions! The hubs and I rarely go to bed at the same time, unless it’s one of *those* nights. When he does come to bed (a queen-sized), we don’t touch all night… I guess it’s always been that way. Now I’m kind of longing for the gulf to be bridged once in awhile, and not just for *those* times. :)
We have a queen. Started off in a full, which was great for a while but I lost too much sleep. We generally start in the middle though and work our way out for better sleeping. I too can become pretty intense when I don’t get my sleep…and that’s harder now with my four-month-old. ;)
My husband had a king sized bed already when we got married, so my queen became our guest bed. I love it that the king sized mattress gives us each a chance to sleep in our own space, but still touch toes before we go to sleep.
My husband and I have a king size bed, but we joke that we would fit comfortably in a twin! If I have to get up in the middle of the night for any reason, it takes forever to get untangled. My husband loves to snuggle! haha! :)
King size, all the way baby.
If my husband is touching me in any way while I’m trying to sleep – it makes me wonky. I have to have my personal space when I’m sleeping :)
We have a king size bed which I LOVE! It’s beautiful with a massive black headboard and footboard. Like you, it’s one of my favorite spots in my home. Quite often there are more than four arms and legs laying in my bed. The four-year-old would take up residence if we let her. Wait. She pretty much does. Most of the time until we evict her to her room. The 18 year old will snuggle with us and watch a movie. Even the almost 21 year old likes to snuggle in bed with us when she’s here visiting. We love that. Grandson wants his spot, too.
But I know exactly what you mean about the toes touching or any other part of us for that matter. It’s so massive that when it’s just the two of us it seems like a large gulf is between us. Dang that sounds awful. Kinda like the gulf that was fixed between hell and the temporary Paradise {“Abraham’s Bosom”}. Shiver***
So, yes, I can certainly understand the case for the smaller marriage bed. We love our space to sprawl out and curl up with two or four extras. But sure miss the snuggling. Guess I need to ease on over to the other side of the bed more often.
{P.S. Lisa-Jo, I LOVE your posts! They warm my soul.}
Warm souls – that’s the good stuff – so glad I could contribute :)
I love our queen size bed. My husband is 6’4″ and I’m 5’10”, so we’re fairly squished but we can never go to bed angry with each other. You just can’t sleep when the other person is trying to sleep on the furthest three inches of bed and basically falling off. It’s kind of sad to see either of us try (haha!) and that leads to “why are you angry?” which leads to resolution. And then lots of cuddles! Thanks for blogging Lisa-Jo!
Ahhh love that – I can just picture it too!
We LOVE our Queen -with King duvet cover, of course!! I completely feel that the space in a King allows for disharmony to fester too long… it takes more energy to “reach out” to eachother when angry. The Queen immediately puts us in cuddling mode! I am a side sleeper and love the edge of the bed Lol so even while pregnant with pillows surrounding me, my husband still has room :) close and snuggly is my favorite place in the world! We have our baby’s crib right next to the bed with a side rail down. :)
We have always slept in a full, partially because we have my husband’s great grandmother’s furniture and my grandmother’s furniture and of course both beds are only full size. We only have a master and a guest room now and we could never give up either set of bedroom furniture.
Every time we sleep in a queen or king my husband says he wakes up “exhausted from chasing you all over the bed all night”.
Heh!
My experience… :) We started out in a bed much smaller than a twin. I slept on top. :) We graduated to a Queen, which quickly wore out; we tossed it and slept on the floor (we are a very odd couple. ;o). While sleeping on the floor, our daughter would come join us in the middle of the night (going on 3 years old). I was pregnant – with twins. At about 6.5 months along I broke it to dh that I thought it was time to get a mattress. We got a California King because I knew our daughter would probably continue to join us in the middle of the night; and I knew I would be nursing twins in bed. Mom, dad, twins, plus one toddler equals 5 people in the bed. Yep, a California King turned sideways would do the trick (we’re short) :). And we LOVED IT! We never got a frame for it. 3.5 years later baby #4 came into the picture. We had family slumber parties in our room, on our mattress… just for fun! More time went by. We moved, and our new house had no bedroom big enough for a Ca King. Though I knew I would really miss the occasional family slumber parties (which I was wrong about – we have them in the living room now! lol :D), I was SO HAPPY to have a bed small enough for just the two of us! :D I think I am happy no matter what my situation is; that is just the way I am (the cup is always more than half full!)… But I can not deny that I have VERY FOND MEMORIES of the family slumber parties we enjoyed… in our California King – turned sideways. ;)
Girl, you slept on the floor up till 6 and half months pregnant!!!??? Then it’s official, you can sleep anywhere, anytime on any mattress :)
6.5 months along – WITH TWINS! :D But that was then, and now is now (17 years later)… and like my mattress very much! I even take a little sleeping pad with me when I travel now. All I can do is look back and laugh at my crazy self. :D LOL
This post and the comments were VERY fun! I read some of them to DH. He said it didn’t matter what size our bed was I would still chase him all night every night! :-)
We are happy with our full size bed! We decided from the start of our marriage that it would be better for us to be as close as possible. My wife did not want us to be able to be so far apart and “stay mad” at each other through a single night if we had a disagreement during the day. I understand why some people need their space, but it has worked great for us!
I’m wondering if, perhaps, it was as much the fullness of the day (and not the smallness of the bed) that led to your ‘home’ feelings….
we have a queen, but cuddle and stay close. I think togetherness keeps a marriage and a family strong. And my husband refers to our bed as our marital bed, which I think is funny, but we stop being parents when we are in bed, we are partners and friends and lovers, and its just perfect.
We have had a full-size bed for our entire marriage (4 years now). Sometimes I wish for a bigger bed, especially since we have a bigger room now, but having a small bed literally saved my husband’s life. Two months ago, he had a seizure and if we had been in a larger bed, I wouldn’t have known it. By rolling over and feeling the him and the bed shaking, I was able to wake up and call 911. He is a Type 1 diabetic and his blood sugar dropped down to dangerous levels. I thank my lucky stars for our “small” bed.
We have a full-size, but my husband and I are small (5’4″ and 5′). I didn’t want anything larger, because I love having that little snuggle space for us, and I know that when we’ve had a disagreement, there’s no way to “get away from each other.”
Small bed for sure! We have a queen – plenty big enough for the two of us and a small boy who likes to snuggle sometimes. I think that the sleep touch – the holding each other – is restful and strengthens our bond together – even if only our toes are touching – it is nice to feel your partner and know that they want to be close to you.
Well, my husband and I have had a Queen since we got married almost 6 years ago. I like to occasionally sleep on a King-size when we are away, but I have always said that I feel like I wasn’t even in bed with him. We are currently sleeping in a double at my parents’ house while we look for a place to live, which is a little small when I nurse a baby in the middle on the night (my husband is not a small guy). But, one thing I was thinking about was that when we were first married we would snuggle for a little bit, but then move apart to actually go to sleep. We have gotten to where we cuddle a lot more while we are sleeping and I just don’t think that closeness would have happened if we had have had a king-size bed! Maybe we should do some research on the health of marriages in relation to the size of their bed! :)
We have a queen bed, my husband is begging for a king. I work night shift at a hospital and he works 9-5 at an office. That means that at least 3 nights a week I don’t get to sleep with him at all. I don’t think it will matter what size bed we have, I will still love those nights that I get to fall asleep with him laying next to me.
He has also told me that when I am gone he finds himself pushing my pillows and blanket (yes, we have to sleep with two separate comforters!) to the farthest side of the bed and scolding them not to come onto his side of the bed. I love coming home in the morning and seeing my bedding all bunched up. :) Fighting over bed space has become a sweet thing for us and I’m pretty sure we will continue to do it even when we inevitably get a king size bed.