You know you’re well and truly into the third trimester of your pregnancy when:

– It seems like more effort to take a shirt off over your head than to undo a million buttons.

– Your husband brings home slabs of chocolate anytime he runs out to the store for anything. Even when that store is Home Depot.

– You have particularly “un-Christian” feelings toward anyone who casually remarks, “Oh, but you’re still carrying so small!”

– Ditto about anyone who wears skinny jeans.

– Anything that falls on the floor might still be there when you come home with the new baby.

– Your husband’s boxers have become much more appealing than any of your own underwear.

– You can no longer see your own underwear anyway, or your feet for that matter.

– The thought of attending an event where you’d have to go three days straight wearing clothing options outside the “sweat pant” variety almost brings you tears.

– Frosting, chocolate-covered cherries, and whipped cream all seem like legitimate food groups.

– Three quarters of your wardrobe mocks you.

– Most of your T-shirts could give a good imitation of a (not-so-sexy) half shirt.

– You are likely to whisper more sweet nothings to your mattress than your husband.

– Ramen noodles, scrambled eggs, and PB&J show up more frequently in the dinner rotation.

– You believe your vacuum cleaner is out to get you in its determined efforts to get stuck on every corner, spit up particles and weigh more than you do.

– There’s no longer any such thing as  a “quick trip” anywhere.

– You resent teenage girls who fit into — well–anything under a size mega-pregnant.

– Any features on “pregnant celebrities” threatens to reactivate your nausea.

– You are tempted to give all your husband’s birthday presents to his mother.

What am I forgetting? Because we all know forgetfulness is right up there on the list as well!

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