I was late coming home from work. I had been early getting there.
My new contact lenses had suction cupped onto my eyeballs.
The house that I had left tidy that morning had been reduced to a reenactment of the apocalypse – the Toys r Us version.
One kid had eaten and the other had not. The one that had not was demanding chocolate, pear, candy, macaroni and cheese. Everything and anything that we did not have or would not give to him. To prove his point he flung a piece of steak at me.
When reprimanded he suddenly turned into a 15 year-old-girl, started stamping his foot, throwing his clothes around and barricaded himself in the bedroom.
Any excuse for an apology that he muttered out between tantrums was immediately followed by demands for chocolate. He took toys hostage.
He was a walking time bomb and his little brother didn’t have enough sense to leave him alone and so kept getting shoved, pinched or pushed out the way.
My very own Max left a trail of destruction in his miserable wake and eventually had to be confined to his bedroom.
The diaper box and several drawers of clothes paid the price of his wrath
During one of my attempts to soothe the Wild Thing that had taken over my usually easy going preschooler, his freshly bathed brother clambered back into the empty tub and proceeded to lather his entire body with ponds extra rich face cream.
He could have been a walking billboard for the old adage, “Soft as a baby’s bottom.” The discovery was not a happy one on my part.
When I attempted to turn on the shower to rinse him off he got hysterical and grabbed hold of me with both of his goop-besmeared hands. Then he buried his sticky cheeks in my shirt front.
While I was trying to rinse him off the other member of this two ring circus appeared in the doorway of the bathroom demanding watermelon. Surprised by the utter irrationality of the request since we don’t have any watermelon at the moment I looked up and saw him opening a new package of cut, uncooked squash.
I should have let him eat it.
But I didn’t have the energy to clean up all the partially chewed squash that would surely have been spit out all over the world once he realized it was not, in fact, watermelon.
I stepped on toy taxi cabs and rescue heroes en route to an intervention. Only to find as I tried to return the squash to its rightful place that a strong and vinegary aroma was hanging in the air.
The fridge door was open. And the kitchen floor was sporting a large puddle of oily goo.
It was the two-year-old, in the kitchen, with the salad dressing.
I found banana peels in the tampax cupboard and last week’s dirty crock pot dishes in the oven. My cell phone was “washed” yesterday and there’s not a single clean towel in the house. We are out of “Cars” toothpaste since the last of it was used to “wash my doggie, mama” and there are ants climbing out of my computer.
As I type this the two culprits are still not asleep and have both snuck out of their beds and are playing “quietly, Micah, quietly, shhh mama says we gotta sleep” under the assumption that I must be deaf not to hear them.
I am not trying to stop them. I am not trying to clean up. I have made myself a cup of tea and a snack. And I’m sitting here on the sofa surveying the scene. Thinking about how my mama said there’d be days like this.
Your day makes my day look like a breeze! :) Oh I don’t have kids or anything like that… I just have crazy (sometimes creepy) customers (they like to have tantrums as well)!
That is not cool on many different levels. At least they don’t smear toothpaste on your stuffed dog, eh?
No toothpaste or stuffed animals in the office! ;) I work for a small insurance agency so I get all kinds in my office.
Oh, no! I’ve had days like that, too! Today was almost one of them, but not quite. I did get one kiddo in bed before 8. Of course, the house is a wreck and I still have to clean the kitchen.
The toothpaste story reminded me of a time when one of my guys decided to clean his room with toothpaste. The whole window was covered, along with furniture and a few stuffed animals. He also “cleaned” the bathroom with it – the counters, floor, rugs. A relatively new tube was completely gone. Then he tried to clean up the toothpaste with baby wipes – and used a full tub of wipes to do so.
Hang in there, it’ll get better. Eventually. When they’re 18 or something. (At least that’s what I tell myself all the time! =D)
Ok that just gave me chills – yikes!! Bet the room smelled minty fresh, though!
I was exhausted and pooped from my day, UNTIL I read yours. Somehow, I’m completely refreshed! :)
Sometimes, giving up (tho temporary) is the best option.
Ha! In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, “I’m (never) tired of making other people feel better about themselves.”
They say laughter is the best medicine, right? Well, there’s nothing funnier than a toothpaste smeared mutt!
Wow! What a day you have had. I’m praying tomorrow is much better!
You’re sweet, Thanks. But I’m sure it’s a pretty average day for all of us every now and again, eh? We’ve all been there; tonight was my turn on the crazy ride.
What a DAY! May the Lord give your grace as you are able to share the reality of your life, to laugh & smile and most importantly to love your lovely little boys (even when they aren’t being very lovely at all!)
Blessings on you! Keep smiling!
Oh yeah. Lots of days like these. I’m so glad you shared yours, because it feels good to know we’re all in this together, even if we’ve never actually met! I have similar stories of toothpaste (there are still gobs stuck in the carpet I just haven’t bothered with yet) and the timeless substance of Vaseline. And my little tyrant demands “chocolate milk and FRUIT SNACKS!”
Loved it! Oh, how I can relate. We call my youngest “Stealth Bomber” for the amazing amount of destruction he so calmly and quietly wreaks around the house before we’ve even realized he’s missing. Hope your evening got better as it progressed.
Oh my gosh – “Stealth Bomber” – that is brilliant. I am totally stealing that! It’s my 2 yr old to a T. The 4 yr old usually watches it all go down and once the damage has been done loves to come and announce what the little guy has been up to. Talk about too little too late!
I’m laughing and praying for you at the same time! May your day be blessed with an outpouring of refreshing from the Lord.
Ha! Thanks – sometimes that is definitely the best combination!
Oh Lisa-Jo.
What was wrong with the world yesterday?! While your boys were wreaking havoc in your home, I I did crazy all by myself–spent 3 hours at the blood donation center, walked to/from the metro 3 times because of a forgotten SmartTrip card, vomited in the Dupont Circle metro station during the morning rush hour, and topped it off with an H1N1 vaccine!
May GRACE and PEACE abound in your home this week! And look forward to that date night Saturday!
Holy Shnykies, Abigail!! Your day has mine beat by a mile! YUK! I am soo sorry to hear about it. And I am also relieved that you still want to spend time with my little hooligans after reading this!
And to think, all that DAY happened in just a couple hours! Sometimes I am so sad to be at work for the majority of my waking hours, away from my baby, away from home. But then on DAYS like that, ummm…is it so wrong that I’m actually okay with it? :)
I hope today is much better. I personally had a MORNING like that, so I’m going to pray that our evenings are peaceful and calm and sweet and soothing.
All I can say is … I love you! And, in the words of Alexander, “I think I’ll move to Australia.”
Exactly! (Although rumor has it there are horrible, no good very bad days in Australia too – but at least they have kangaroos!)
Something must have been in the air! We had a day like this too and after the boys were in their room for the night I took a bubble bath. :-)
Good to know my boys aren’t the only ones who get crazy like this.
I planned to do the same, but our tub was full of toothpaste and I didn’t care to clean it ;) Spring fever must be brewing in our boys!
Ah yes….now I am extra thankful for 2 bathrooms. :-)
As much as I hurt for you when reading this, it does make me feel better that I’m not the only one with a completely wrecked house.
When #2 becomes mobile, there is no way my house will ever be unsticky again. Ech. I can’t even handle thinking about that.
Your “unsticky” days are numbered friend!
It must have been in the air yesterday. My sister posted a funny (to me, because I was reading about it, not living it) saga about her 3 kids – 6, 41/2 and 3. Grandma was watching them last night while sis got her hair cut.
The house was a wreck when sis got home & the kids were beyond squirrelly. Mom had her coat on before my sister was barely in the door. Her words of wisdom & comfort as she left my sis in the wreckage of a 2 hour Grandma visit? “They’re all yours.”
:) Here’s hoping everyone’s wild bunches are calmer today!
I am feeling so incredibly blessed right now. ALL I had to do was ride in the car while my 15yr old daughter drives me around with her permit. I *only* grabbed the door handle and slammed my feet into the floorboard ONCE. Compared to your night, I just got the warm fuzzies. :-)
Oh you are too funny! I am chuckling over this comment so much right now. When my little brother took me for a drive after getting his permit I actually got out and kissed the ground afterwards. He was not amused!
What did Mama say about weeks likes this?? :)
In my dreams she says, ‘Honey, I am on my way right over so book yourself in at the local beauty spa for the weekend!’
Oh my… I can so relate… cucumber bits spit and smeared into our carpets, smoothies spilled and stomped in. A tube of SPF30 was found yesterday, one of those sticks of sunscreen, and Paige wreaked havoc all over the kids table with it. Yikes.
Thank goodness for tea and snacks, and for bedtime (even if they’re not sleeping!) :)
Thank you for the smiles tonight!
Thank you. A thousand times thank you. I just had that day as well. I think my blessed, beautiful Lord had me save this post particularly for today – for this moment. (sigh)
Janey
So… do you want to move to Australia now?
Yes, I believe me and Alexander are on the next shuttle over!
And I thought things were nutty at my house.
I love the picture you paint, and what I love most? Is that you took the time to put your feet up and sip some tea and write your blog before tackling the clean up and kid care. You’re my kind of girl, lady.
-elizabeth
What I wouldn’t give to be sipping that tea surrounded by cupcakes – if you know what I mean! Thanks for the encouragement – it’s vastly comforting to know others live companionably alongside the chaos too (your Saturday morning video gave me the warm fuzzies in that regard!)
What a day!!! I can’t say I’ve ever had anything comparable… or maybe I’ve blocked it…