Sometimes I forget that inside this skin lives a woman who was not always a mom. And she needs to breathe too.
This weekend three old friends visited and they helped me catch my breath. I didn’t even realize how long I’d been holding it until I exhaled with them – at dinner, over memories, walking the city, watching a movie. They have loved me a long time. Before I got married, before I had kids, before I became a grown up. They have loved me and so when we are together there is so little explaining to do about who I am or where I’ve come from. They already know. There is space to simply be.
The thing about parenting is how frenetic it is. I call it the “stop-go” syndrome. You can never complete one task without being interrupted by another. And then distracted by a third. Just in time to remember you never completed the first one. There is so rarely space to move with deliberate purpose between activities. There’s so much hurly-burly busy-ness that a day is eaten alive by five minute increments. There are no long stretches of reflection or accomplishment.
There is very rarely the opportunity for real conversation.
Today I talked and listened and then talked again for hours at a time. I ate paella. I walked city blocks in the blustering, loving, humid winds without worrying about someone else’s needs. I walked unhindered by anything other than my high heels.
I feel full. Filled up. Refueled.
I held the hands of friends who make up the many pieces of who I am. When they look at me I see parts of myself I had forgotten. I loved rediscovering them today.
We walk a tightrope as parents, balancing high above our own needs in order to meet the needs of our kids. There is so much at stake in raising children, so much to invest, so much to lose. If we take our focus off them for even a moment it feels like we will fall a long way down.
We need a safety net.
My husband keeps reminding me. I keep forgetting. And we get stretched tighter and tighter.
Today I stepped off the high wire act for three friends and they slowly unwound me from the inside out. I breathed deep gulps of fresh air. And I was more than someone’s mom. I was myself.
**Linking this oldie, but goodie to Jo’s Flashback Friday – because it’s the first thing that comes to mind when I think “friendship”**
Oh gosh. That “stop-go.” Perfectly described.
So glad you got a chance to breathe deeply, refuel. :D
So jealous of the paella part.
You speak so much truth! It’s really amazing refreshing it can be to step back and be yourself with some good friends. Yes, we’re ourselves with our kids, but a little censored ;)
So happy for you that you had that time!
Thanks. It’s amazing how very little attention we moms pay ourselves. Taking time to step back and breathe – well, it was so good that I will definitely plan to do it more regularly now!
You are so right about us as moms still being our own “people” per say… it’s so easy to forget that in the midst of sippy cups, dirty diapers and the immediate needs of our children. I’m so blessed here to have a great group of young mommies that I hang out… without our kids and those moments over coffee or late night movie theater runs keep me in touch with who I am and who God made me to be aside from the mommy hat I wear everyday :) So glad you got a chance to take a deep breath and be reminded by God given friends who you are!
Amen to that!
That has been the toughest thing since I became a mom, remembering that I am more than just a mom. I’m lucky that I also remember to play the role of wife, since my husband is only home for one week every other month, so his time is special. But me? I never make time for me.
I struggle with that the most, probably because we’re new in town and I don’t know anyone. Not working, and not in school, it’s tough to find a way to make friends too. (I can’t seem to find a Mommies group even!)
Oh, that must be HARD! And calls for especially making time for mom. I hope you find it. Have you checked out MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) yet? There are usually a few churches in the area that host a MOPS group and they can be lifesavers – especially because they provide free child care!
I love that you had this time with your girlfriends. You are so right – it’s vital to being a good parent.
Just today I was on the phone with my mentor mom, and on a totally unrelated topic I said, “Sometimes I’m too much in the middle of the fire to see how to put it out.” Works for me-time too. I spend so much time trying coordinate the day to day activities that I’m lucky if I brush my teeth alone. I need a break! I’ll work on that:)
Sounds like it was a lovely time, maybe long overdue? We mamas need to schedule in those dates with our high heels more often…
My high heels and I were happy to be reunited! (If only for a few hours)
i can relate to your post. and yes, what an overdue time it was for you. i hope you can find time for yourself more often! it’s hard but it is necessary :-)
I know – it is hard isn’t it? Strange how we can remember everyone’s sippy cups, snacks and blankies and forget to make time in the day for ourselves to just take a deep breath.
Just the first line of your post made me want to hug you!!
Awww, that is so nice – I’ll take all the hugs I can get!
Even as a mom to teens, I still feel like this sometimes, and I forget and then find myself wondering what is wrong.
I have a post so similar to this one rattling around in my head. I was gone for 5 days by myself to be the matron of honor for my college roommate. While there, I had time with 3 girlfriends who knew me when I was 18 and we’ve kept in touch over the years. Seeing them brought instant tears and connection. What a beautiful thing these women do for us: remind us of the life before this life.
Yes, exactly, “the life before this life.” How quickly we forget that there was one. And I am learning that we are often the lesser for it. I’m so glad you had a chance for reconnection and renewal as well. It’s so priceless.
What a great post. We don’t often take time out for ourselves. I think it does everyone good when you take care of yourself too. Thank goodness for friends.
Oh I need a safety net…if you find yours can you spare a little for me?
Snort, you’re funny. Sure thing – but let’s turn our nets into hammocks and go take a nap whenever possible!
I just want to agree…. and now that my kids are older they respect when I want to be with my friends , like they want to be with theirs. Again, it is a balance, but it is so important.
terrific post!!!! thanks for sharing!
If we ever meet, lets go out for a Coke. My treat! :D
Perfect post – just what I was trying to to explain to my husband this morning, but you have written it much more eloquently!
How WONDERFUL. There’s nothing quite like a some girl time to rejuvenate! :-)
it took me so many years to realize that I need to be Heather and not just the mom I have become. It has made me that much happier (and thankfully hubs is totally behind that)
Yes, finding where mom and me meet is an interesting journey and balancing act wrapped up into one. But like you, I think it’s an important one.
I now feel like everything I do in my life is stop-go. Great way to explain it. Glad you enjoyed your time out with your friends and got filled up.
-FringeGirl
Stop-go indeed. I often wish I could just dial it down to sloooowwwwwwwww.