Based on some of the comments and emails I received after posting about the year God told us nothing but “no” there are folks out there who wonder how the story ended. Well, it ended here
This is Owosso, Michigan. Unlikeliest of destinations. Corn fields as far as the eye can see and enough farm equipment that my son would soon be able to identify the difference between a “tractor” and a “combine.” Owosso opened its arms to us and I crawled in, lay down and died a little.
The loss of homeland and family felt like a physical wound. I bled; I cried. And for months after the move I felt disorientated and disconnected. I did not sense God in it at all. I walked forward in blind faith, stumbling over myself and my regret.
That was one of the most difficult parts of the process. Before we left South Africa, many well meaning Christians around us had constantly implied that if we just had enough faith it would all work out as we prayed it would. It made me start to ask the hard questions.
- But what if it doesn’t work out?
- What does that say about how God loves me compared to how God loves you (you who seemingly have your heart’s desire).
And after months of pleading prayer that yielded zero results, it was a bitter pill to hear others casually say, “Oh, well, we should just pray for you then.” As if their prayers carried more weight than ours. As if they had God’s ear and we did not.
It took a long, long time (and much wailing and gnashing of teeth) to pack it in and quit my homeland. Because no amount of prayer – by us or others – ended in the answer we were hoping for.
So, we said good-bye.
We watched as my little brother barreled through security at the airport to give my son one last, desperate hug.
We traveled 28 hours.
And we arrived in Owosso, Michigan.
That’s where I thought the story ended. But, you know already that was – instead – a surprise beginning. And I’m enjoying unpacking it with you all.
But, much like the slow and steady process of making chaos out of of a suitcase that is busting at the seams, it is better done in stages.
So, please come back tomorrow. I hope to unpack a few more pieces with you then.
###
What an awesome God we serve.. our stories are never over.
I’m so glad you’re telling this story. For someone like me, who’s been down a similar path, it’s such an encouragement to hear.
We’ll walk with you in the “no”s and join you in the new beginnings found in Owosso, Michigan. Turning the pages HE writes in your life. Traveling down the bloggy road.
Yes, there is life after God says “No!” amen to your response.
We have certainly experienced the pain of God’s “no!” in the plural. We too are from South Africa and had to leave family and friends because God said “go.”
Yes, those know-it-all people who make you feel as though your prayers or faith or life is insufficient. Love it. The hardest prayer, and the one often forgotten is, “THY will be done” (as in, God’s, not mine). It’s scary to pray that. It’s also hard for us, in our self-centric way, to reason that even the best of our intentions or desires aren’t always in God’s plan. THey’re not the best he has for us. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Sometimes. Sometimes, it’s your desire of the heart to *serve him regardless* that wins out over wether you live somewhere, have a certain job, marry a certain person, have 10 children, or no children at all. The life I live is certainly not how I had envisioned it. But I know God’s in it, so it’s good.
I’m loving that we get to see into your journey – thank you!
Hello from hot South Africa!
I had to smile when i read your story. I’ve been told NO by Him before and i praise Him for it! I asked Him for a 2nd chance in my 10 year old marriage just damaged and hurt by an affair. “I’ll change, I’ll do what he wants me to do – just give him back to me, make him love me again”. The answer I got – No.
Today, i can smile. Married 5 years to a wonderful man that sees my children as his own. A man that helped me and guided me in finding an even deeper relationship with my Creator – of which i’m convinced i may never have found had i not walked an extremely difficult and sad path.
Now? I dont just breathe. Now i live. Thank you Father for not always giving me what i want – but rather giving me what i need.
PS. I love your posts! Can’t wait for the next one!
I love the way you tell your stories, and I am waiting for more on this one. I have struggled with the asking and the having enough faith and still not being able to see the path. I appreciate your sharing this!
Ouch. I can feel the sting of the “kind” offers of those who are “helping” when God tells you no. That is a pain in and of itself that is almost worse – at least it felt that way to me at times in my journey.
“As if their prayers carried more weight than ours. As if they had God’s ear and we did not.”
Something I discovered is that when they don’t know your pain or your journey, nothing they could have said would have mattered – unless maybe “I have traveled a similar unknown course and come out okay.”
There are things we don’t wish on others, but yet turn out to be great gifts b/c of how we grow through and out of them.
Thank you so much for sharing more of your journey of no. It is so very meaningful in and of itself. It holds even more power knowing that you came through the difficulties into a great place you never expected!
I cringe at the “help” you received. Looking for part 3!
thank you SOOO much for this, i was told by God to leave New york city/brooklyn./harlem a place that I love, to come to a small town in md which i don’t really love so much. I am a foreigner here and it’s more snow than NEW YORK. he also asked me to leave a relationship i desparely wanted and marriage to a particular person, so I feel your pain. Especially since God has asked me to rejoin my family which is filled with pain and sorrow and take a job that i don’t want. it has truly been a surrendering time, one that I thought I was ‘over’ but see I am not yet. i can only imagine that there are future blessings for others in this and it’s not alla bout me. But that doesn’t make the pain any less painful. Or the sacrifice any less hard. Thank you because it made me realize I am not alone when it comes to dreams that I have for my life. And it also makes me even more aware that I am right where God wants me to be, happy or no. I pray your son be blessed perhaps it was more for someone else’s sake then yours. if Jesus hadn’t come for us, boy oh boy would we be in trouble. So I’ma go suck it up now. thanks.
Oh Allison – that is such a hard place to be in! I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you it would all feel better soon. But there are no quick fixes (as I’m sure you already know) and I can only encourage you to hold on tight to the hand of the Father who is leading you. Because He knows the way, He is waiting there already for you, and has a home prepared for you. It may not look how you expect it to, but it will be designed especially with you and your needs in mind.
When I think about our move to MI it was the very last place on the face of the earth I would have chosen for myself. But it turned out to be the place that I couldn’t have designed any better myself for what we needed at the time.
I sure hope you are able to find His peace in the midst of all the confusion, even when you can’t find your own.
And the snow – oh goodness – all the snow! We’re in VA so we’ve lived through the snowmaggeddon as well! I hope as Spring creeps around the corner it will bring fresh hope for you!
Thank you so much for sharing your comment! Lisa-Jo
Thank you so much..your reply was the hug i needed…God bless you!!!
I had been questioning God for a long time about my marriage and all He seemed to be saying is ‘no.’ I finally understood what my mother always told me, “God knows best.” He says ‘no’ not because He doesn’t care, but because He does. Love your post!
I too understand God’s “no.” I also see in hind-site why we (my husband and I) were told “no.”
We desperately wanted his son from his first marriage to come live with us in New Jersey. I prayed so hard that the court would allow this. The court date for the judge to decide would be the first time in my Christian walk that I had a solid and profound answer from God, one that 8 years later still leaves me with goose-bumps. As God as my witness I share this with you. All I prayed was for God to give the judge the wisdom of Solomon. The courtroom became icey cold without the a/c on, then the judge spoke her response for our petition to keep the child and let his mother move to Florida, “I cannot divide the child.” I knew at that very moment that I had heard the voice of God and He was telling us “no.”
Now, fast-forward 8 years, we were led to Florida as well, 6 months after we bought a house in Florida the boy moved in with us, 6 months after that both the boy and my husband were saved. Those 2 saved lives are just the beginning of how I know why we were told “no.” Because those 2 lives were saved at least 5 more lives have been saved that I know of. And, my husband and I are starting a ministry for step-families at our church.
I now look at everything with awe to see how God is going to make it work for His glory, and I pray over every situation that it is a glory moment for Him.
I heard something from Dr. Stanley the other day that might be useful to all who read this site, I will paraphrase as I cannot remember enough to quote. We need to learn to say ‘God/Lord, what would you have me do in this situation?’ Instead of ‘What am I going to do about this situation?’
And, lastly, a piece of good advice from Mom, “God has His reasons, and you might never know them.”
I pray God’s blessings for you and your’s. I will be a constant visitor here.
Thank you for blessing us with this beautiful, uplifting testimony.
Praying God’s Blessings on you and yours.
Harry
Wow. Just what I needed to hear. I have had my share of no’s and they are never easy to hear. Especially from my loving, caring God. But he has a plan for me that is much bigger and beautiful than any I could envision for myself. So I will take strength from your beautiful story, and smile anyway knowing that even though He said no He understands my pain. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I relate the “no” part so well. What I feel really blessed to have discovered in my very painful journey is that there are always things God says “yes” to, like: being tender-hearted, generous, forgiving and forbearing, use your skills and talents, build up the church with your spiritual gifting, living a quiet life and seeking to be at peace with others, etc…this is His will.
I have believe that as long as you are in God’s will, you are in God’s plan. Maybe we suffer so much heartache because along with the “smiley Christian” stuff we stick to this script that “Jesus loves you and has a plan for your life.” Chapter and verse please???! That, to me, is a set-up because then we expend far to much energy searching for that right time and place for a “ministry” or contentment when our day-to-day life is what counts, wherever we are! And believe me, I have been a lot of places I’d rather not have been!
Love to you all on this journey.
thank you. a relationship I thought would work out did not work out. it’s painful and I asked many questions. but in the end I decided not to fret and it’s been amazing, how when I just ask God for closed doors and open doors and really leave it in His hands, he is healing me faster than I expected. Thanks for sharing about “When God Says No”. I’m going to share this post with a friend who recently miscarried.
Thank you so much for your blog! I’m in the middle of that “No.” Everyday I cry for the Lord to take me out of my job…Everyday I anguish for God to give my husband a job “nearby” and soon! So I can choose the kind of job I like! (He’s been out of work for over a year!) For God to get me out of a church I really don’t believe anymore in. But He says “No….Wait…” And it’s driving me up the wall. I’ve tried crying, wailing, fasting, throwing a tantrum, silent treatment, and anger. Still, the answer is “No”. And I know, because in time past He has given me my heart’s desires, that He can very well do anything! Anything! So, why No? Why?! It might be because it’s hard to be believe when things aren’t going my way…I know, He’s testing me to trust in His love for me…. I know, He wants me to believe with all my heart that He still loves me and He wants what’s best for me…Even though I am in agony…Everyday I have no other choice but to abide in Him, and say Jesus, please help me…strengthen me today please…Help me to hang in here…
Wow!! reading this hits home hard!!!! as a fellow expat it is amazing how our lives unfold before us and how we end up where we do. As you said above, “The loss of homeland and family felt like a physical wound. I bled; I cried.” it hurts leaving it all behind!!
My story is vastly different then yours, but we both ended up in the USA and I love reading your blog and strolling through you old posts.
Hope you have a great week!
I am a latecomer to your story, but found it during a HUGE transition in our family too. I have spent many days this month asking and praying about God’s will for me. I guess I am still stuck on when do you press through a hard time with a positive outlook because you know it is God’s will and when do you stop everything because you are as far off track from where you should be as absolutely possible. I can’t wait to read more of the story. Maybe you have an answer that I am desperately looking for :)
Treisha