I’ve been thinking about love. And sex. And faith. I’ve been listening to true, searching, thoughtful, compelling, compassionate and artistic women as they strip down and bare their beliefs. Wrapped in blankets and propped between pillows, when the night light is flickering and the radio winding down, I have sat and read their words and let them flow over me as we contemplate this most tender of topics: what. we. believe.
It’s intimate, sharing faith. Whether we agree with one another or not, the act alone engenders intimacy. That’s why, for me, when I think of faith I often think of sex. And when you meet me, I assure you that our first conversation would NOT include a play-by-play recap of my wedding night. Similarly, at first handshake I don’t plan to wade into a five point thesis on salvation. Those are the conversations that require trust and true relationship.
But you WOULD learn that I am married to a guy whose name I pronounce Pe-tAH and that we’re going on 11 years of marriage.
I’ve been a Christian for as long as I can remember.
Once we’ve had a chance to hang out over tea and between play dates, I may tell you the story of how Pete and I met, how he had the audacity to edit a paper I had already received an “A” on, and was the first guy who challenged me to match wits and humor with him.
I believe Jesus lived among coarse, rough-spoken, fishermen and shook up the social order of his day by socializing with outcasts, women and thieves. I believe he valued the opinion of children more than most professing believers today.
Once you’ve seen me in my “comfy clothes” and helped me fold laundry there will be time to compare stories about first kisses and what it was like to be introduced to the future in-laws. We may reminisce about our wedding dresses and pull out photo albums and scrapbooks to laugh at what we looked like back then compared to today.
My faith has morphed over the years as I have taken ownership of it. It has become real to me as I live it out apart from my parents and through my own circumstances. When I look back at my 18-year-old self I can see how what I claimed to believe then, I have only really started to understand now. My skinny faith has put on a few pounds.
Over a cup of South African tea we may work our way around to comparing notes on our pre-marriage vs. post-marriage take on sex. We will likely laugh a lot, nod heads, affirm one another and appreciate each others’ different perspectives on such a universal experience.
I believe that we all long to believe in something bigger than ourselves. It might not turn out the way we imagined, it might be awkward and difficult to understand, and it may require stepping out into seeming nothingness because of a promise: I will not let you go. I will not desert you. I am for you even if it costs me my life.
There will come a point in our friendship when we are comfortable enough to confide our dark secrets; we will take time to talk about the courage required of marriage and the hard road of parenting. We will compare close-calls and the desperate fear we have that something might steal our children from us.
I have doubted almost everything I believe. I have been afraid that God might be out to get me. I have questioned Him and wrestled with Him and misunderstood Him.
But, by now, you will know me and Pete and that we are still together after 10 years. You will have babysat our boys.
In perfect love there is no room for fear. And when my head is full of chaos I know that I only need to put my hand in his and trust him the way my kids trust me to keep the dark at bay. I don’t need fancy words I just need kid-sized faith.
When we are friends you will know that our marriage isn’t a happily ever after, it’s more like a DIY project that is constantly under construction. We hammer it out bit by bit, day by day so it’s loud and alive and growing.
I believe that being a Christian doesn’t make me better or holier or nicer than anyone else. I’m just as messy and shouty on the inside as the next person. The only difference is I believe there is someone who created me from the inside out, who knows my mess, loves me and forgives me regardless.
Like marriage, my faith is a work in progress.
It has its ups and downs, but at the core is a certainty that I am loved for who I am. Not for what I do, the state of my kitchen or how many kids I have. I am loved for me. Because He made me, He chose me, He knows me, He redeemed me. And we’re in this together, me and Jesus, for the long haul.
{Revisiting a revised version of this post from the archives today.}
Do I love this? Yes, I do. One of my favourite aspects or images from Leonard Cohen’s classic song “Hallelujah” is the juxtaposition of sex and faith, spirituality and worship within ecstasy. You’ve captured it beautifully here – it’s unbelievably linked and similar. More like falling in love, isn’t it? I have loved getting to know you better through your writing – you have a beautiful and thinking heart.
Great post, dear. I was nodding my head the entire time I read along. XOXO
“My skinny faith has put on a few pounds.”
This. Yes. It’s exactly this… that maturing, that softening and yet strengthening, that securing of what we thought we knew. Questioning everything and then coming back to what is true.
And the depth of that? That knowing, for certain, and the intimacy with our God… is exactly why He gave us sex in the first place… a picture of what it is to know Him.
Fantastic post. I wish was your neighbor.
Well said!
Beautifully said! I couldn’t agree more with the thoughts and beliefs that you have expressed here in this post. Thank you so much for sharing them.
Candace
There is so much here to unpack. Why are we so afraid to talk about the beauty and majesty of the sexual union inside of the covenant relationship it was designed for? ALL good things come from the father. Sex is no exception.
I have been profoundly moved that after 14 years of marriage, 3 babies, and several pounds (for both of us) that our relationship is stronger and more beautiful in every way.
How I wish we could teach and sing and celebrate this joy inside of the church so that young people could see that the picture they have from the world is so skewed. God’s way is always the best.
I like how you describe the development of the kind of friendship that can go there, into the intimate places. It isn’t a friendship we have with everyone and I sometimes struggle with that. Also, adding pounds and growing deeper roots sometimes feels like growing pains. I’m there now. It’s good, but uncomfortable.
Wow this was very thought provoking.
I have to share that after 37 years of marriage not only our skinny faith has gotten a little more rounder our love has also. It is not like when we were younger. It is the autumn stage of life. Where it is nice to just share a cup of coffee and a conversation together. It is shopping for groceries with a goal. It is watching the grand children and realizing that “we” are here to pass the torch of faith to these most precious children.
Faith is always deepening as we draw near to God. Love also deepens as we draw near each other.
Someone thanked me the other day for my ‘sage’ advice. I am thankful that in the autumn stage of my life my sage advise is still welcomed. take care
Lisa-Jo, this makes me long for another heart-chat with you, for prayers and shared dreams, for words in person and not just on the page. I’m so glad I’ve gotten to have those “God is right here with us” kind of moments with you. And I get to see you again soon! YAY!!
This post? All meat and potatoes. Good and filling and satisfying. I’m gonna keep chowin’ and chewin’ your words, LJ, because I want to keep fattening my faith up!
this is lovely and true. wonderful.
So much to say and share. When can we NoVa girls meet for tea? There just weren’t enough hours at Relevant10 to connect with all the friends.
I love the words of truth in this post. How I wish some people would hold on to their intermite details a little longer.
I just wish i lived close enough to babysit your boys they are so adorable xxx
I love it, Lisa-Jo.
Work in progress.
Hope is wound through it all.
I just sat here for 5 minutes looking at the comment box because I have no idea how to put how much I love this post. The writing style, amazing! Love it so much I just read it twice. Beautifully written!
Pst, you just made my night! :)
Love. Love. Love.
Being…..The Bride. iLike.
I love this. Just beautiful and oh so true.
I desperately want to fold laundry with you and share secrets.
You and I both know that we could go through a TON of dialogue with our many loads of laundry!
I just know we could be friends, and I’d love someday to hear you say Pe-tAH. :) Great post.
Oh my! What does one say about something so beautifully written?
I love it! Thank you for sharing.
Oh, and let’s be friends!!
well this is just plain ol’ GOOD stuff!
I’ve often lamented that I’d like to have a t-shirt made with a construction sign on it saying
“caution, work in progress”
I can soooo relate to where your’re coming from on all accounts.
cheers!
~h
Hey Sis,
Joh, my inbox received this post on the 9th and now it’s the 12th! That’s how deurmekkar we are with end-of-the-year busyness. Been wanting to write you about this every time I sit down at the computer.
Originally I wanted to comment (since you mentioned SA wine) that I’m enjoying sharing this personal time with you while I’m drinking my Badsberg Chardonnay. But I was reading your post the first time at night after the kids went to bed. Now it’s morning and I just want to thank you for your love for Jesus and your writing and your relational heart that helps me feel close to you even though we haven’t met personally yet.
Hope you have a great weekend with your fam~ x
I’m crawling out from a pile of work to dust off this tab I’ve had open since the day you posted this.
I’m humbled my words make you think. That is so huge for me.
It’s hard to make people think, you know?
Love you, and this. <3
Yes, yes, yes! I love your last three paragraphs. =)
Have you read, “Sex God” by Rob Bell. I think you would resonate with what he is say a great deal.