You think a day is going to go one way and then your two-year-old projectile vomits all down your front and into your lap.
Those moments are out-of-body experiences. Because, as much as your mind might be freaking out about the partially digested hamburger that is slowly soaking into your capris, you hear yourself calmy soothing the hysterical baby who is freaking out in the way you wish you could.
“Look into my eyes, Micah,” I always tell him. Because if I can get him to look at me and away from his mess I have a shot at getting through to him.
“Don’t look down, just look at mommy. I’ll fix it.” It’s what mothers have been saying since time immemorial.
And then we do. We fix it. We forget about ourselves and fix someone else first.
It’s like a super power.
The ability to focus so intently on the well being of someone else that getting them cleaned up and calmed down takes precedence over everything else. Even ourselves.
Especially ourselves.
The baby might redistribute your make up, wreak havoc on your schedule, obliterate more than one meal time, declare holy war on your wardrobe, end up canceling at least 50 percent of your social engagements, and grab a few fistfuls of hair while he’s at it – but he will also set you free.
Free from yourself.
Free from thinking there was nothing you needed to be set free from.
When your time, your sleep, your body, your personal space and your spouse all have to be shared you start to learn how self-centered you used to be. And if you’re like me, you secretely wish you still could be.
Until someone pukes directly into your lap. And your day takes an unexpected u-turn and a whole lot of yourself, your wants and plans are left behind in the dust.
That kind of about-turn? That’s progress.
Oh, my friend, I find the deep truth in the puke … because I see that nastiness in my own life … the word vomit that hurts others, the thought vomit that hardens my heart, the judgmental vomit that alters how I respond to others … so much yuck …
And, yet, what assurance – inexplicable confidence – in this eternal Love that never fails … that always hopes, always perseveres.
Beautiful post, as always. I love how you share.
“Deep truth in the puke” – yes, indeed. Nothing is wasted in parenthood, when it comes to learning new lessons.
Oh girl, did you ever hit the nail on the head. Before I even knew what hit me, parenting knocked the selfishness right out. I was oh-so selfish, too, because God blessed me with twins just to make sure I didn’t miss His point!
Loved this, Lisa-Jo!
Hope your boy is “up and at ’em” soon! :)
Sometimes I think parenthood is God’s battering ram to knock sense into me!
Ha! Me, too!
Love the comment that parenthood is God’s battering ram! I’m not sure it has knocked any sense into me, but I do keep falling over and getting up again! (Kind of like one of those clown punching bags…) Life with kids certainly has its ups and downs. (Ha! Ha!)
LIndsey Petersen
Yes, the clown punching bag – that’s often parenthood alright!! ;)
After my daughter came home from the hospital and as we sunk into a routine I called my mom one day and said “I was a good babysitter, but this – this is HARD” Being a mom is the hardest, most selfless and often thankless job on the planet – but I wouldn’t trade it, the puke or the u-turns for anything in the world – I am the QUEEN of U-turns on and off the road and I am proud to be able to handle them, take them and move on! We all are.
“The Queen of U-turns” – love that. Now there’s a title to own! ;)
Oh my word, after how my week started, I can so relate. Sometimes you really DO want to freak out, but you don’t, and at the end of the day you wonder just how you made it into bed. And we wouldn’t trade it for the world. I think we do have super powers. ; )
I sometimes toy with the idea of getting my own cape ;)
That was my halloween costume last year! I made an apron with everything a mom might need – from bandaids and diapers to kitchen utensils.
I think I need that kind of u-turn today. Rather, I need to go back that direction. Monday I was upset by little things, Tuesday I was remembering that God also provides good little things and I should focus on them, and today I went backwards. Perspective shift imminent. Thanks for the reminder….. and honestly, I can’t say I would know what to do with puke in my lap. You DO have super powers.
Oh, you will learn. You will learn. {Insert evil chuckle here}
There is a little bit of selfishness in there, isn’t there mamas? The kind that says, “My baby is sick. That means he will curl up on my lap, let me hold him, snuggle and just be with me.” I secretly like having a sick baby every now and then!
~kristin
Agreed. But the fact that you like it – that we mamas learn to cherish those moments – I think is a direct result of having learned the joy that comes from letting go of self and focusing on meeting someone else’s needs. The fact that it comes with the fringe benefit of our own fulfillment is a sign of how beautifully God designed the relationship, rather than a reflection of selfishness ~ at least, in the negative way one might think of selfishness. So basically we get a double benefit ;)
I couldn’t have said it better! It’s a love that multiplies the more we give it away! I like that about how He’s got it rigged!
12 years ago, on our wedding anniversary, my then almost 2 months old child had vaccinations. He was a bit cranky and all he wanted was being held. My husband tried to hold him, but he wanted ME, Mama. Two things happened to me that day: one, was that our celebratory plans went down the drains… Not a chance of going out to eat, with a cranky baby who only wanted Mama. I wouldn’t have been able to hold my fork (multi tasking came with later children, ha!) AND him… I wasn’t very happy about it. But the second thought hit me in a softer, but much deep manner: I was a Mama… Sure, I had given birth to this boy, but not until that day almost two months later, did I realize that my mere presence was soothing to him, that my smell and my hair was capable of helping him forget his pain, that my being there for him was all he needed… That was my first major about turn! And as you can see, it was etched in my mind because it began the ‘chipping’ away of selfish layers (which unfortunately regrow, in different shapes, but they do). I really think being a parent has made a MUCH better person. I can see it, although I haven’t in truth always LIKED the process ; )
Exactly! It’s those hard moments of selfless giving that build that unshakeable mother bond, I think. As a very new mom I remember waiting for the instant love and doting connection to kick in and kept wondering why I just felt exhausted all the time. Then I realized that it was the exhaustion and what it represented that was forging the very bond I was looking for.
It’s not always puke that makes me see My own selfishness….sometimes it’s too much noise (is that even a real concept with 4 BOYS) at the breakfast table. I struggle constantly with demanding MY plans and MY schedule be the default. Yeah, that’s getting peeled away layer after layer as I become more emotionally and spiritually healthy.
I only have two boys and the noise level is often hard to believe. Motherhood seems to bring with it a lot of loud clamoring for attention, time, space, energy. It takes a lot to respond to it without wanting to shout back!
I am so glad that you confessed that you wish you could still put yourself first sometimes… I do too. But you are so right. Something like this happens and it is all about them, not even a bit of us. We will sit with puke on our shirt and pants until our little one feels like everything is going to be alright and it’s safe to let them alone for a minute while we tend to ourself. This is the kind of love that we should always show. This is the love of the Gospel.
I love your insight! I’m always inspired by your writing. Thank you!
Oh goodness, my idea of the perfect day would be to spend hours and hours of alone time watching movies, reading books, eating my own food first and enjoying the bliss of going to the bathroom completely alone! Yup, what mom wouldn’t like to reclaim that during the years of sleep deprivation and projectile vomiting?
“Mommy will fix it.” Wow. If I had a dime for every time I have said that the past six years.
You are so right. Motherhood really does force you to, possibly for the first time in your life, forget about your own wants and focus on someone else’s needs.
I pray often for their future though. Because I know the days are coming when there are heartbreaks or illnesses or disappointments that Mommy will not be able to fix.
Yes, very true. At the end of the day we need to wean them away from ourselves and toward their heavenly Father. I’ve actually written about that journey here http://thegypsymama.com/2010/02/22/it-takes-guts-to-be-a-mom/ But the puke moments, those are special delivery lessons for mom ;)
Such a great post Lisa-Jo. I’m up @ 6:15 AM because the baby inside is kicking me, the baby outside wouldn’t sleep & my princess decided she didn’t want to sleep with her older brother. I’m currently not feeling furious about it (prob too tired) but those selfish feelings do have the tendency to make me forget that I’m the mom and God has sacrificed a whole lot more than a few hours sleep for me.
Oh you speak such truth! “God has sacrificed a whole lot more than a few hours sleep for me.” ~ I have also clung to that thought through some of the rough nights, knowing that He will still be awake, watching over me when it’s finally my turn to sleep too.
ok, i saw you post this last night, but it took me 12 hours to read it. it has the “v” word… i dont like the “v” word… bleck!
this is actually beautiful though… i keep thinking about that scene in the Passion of the Christ where Christ falls when carrying the cross and his mother runs to pick Him up… how she must have felt.
i can’t imagine the love it takes for a mom to give up so much for her child… it is so selfless… i so respect mothers – it is the hardest job in the world, but seemingly – the most blessed too :)
Ha – sorry, yes – the “v” word can be hard to get past. Even for us mamas!
I love this. So powerful.
When I read “…look into my eyes…” my heart sunk a bit. I say that, all the time. But my boys can’t do it. Or if they do they can only do it for a moment.
Imagine not being able to get their attention away from the thing that is panicking them…it’s terrible. Calming them is harder and takes longer, and you add to that the fact that they are easily upset about so many things…well, your words about giving up self to be set free are even more deep.
For me, I give up self each morning I choose not to let the exhaustion of autism roll me over and keep me down (and it’s not every morning, trust me), or believe the lie that life is too hard or stressful or sad or whathaveyou to still find joy. Because when I say “look into my eyes” and they DO? Well it’s worth all the rest. And there is SO MUCH JOY in those tiny moments.
Sorry for the novel, thanks for letting me process this all out in the open here. :)
I’ve been forced to be more selfless this week. My 3 year old, while he loves to be near me, usually doesn’t demand much attention. He’s happy playing, as long as I’m in the same room. This week, he’s been demanding it. As in getting in my face and saying, “Mama, play with me!!” SO I’ve been getting on the floor, playing board games and wrestling and building with block and LOVING every moment of it! It’s been a really good week, even though I haven’t done the things I wanted to.
Hello Lisa-Joe,
It is amazing for me to reflect on how selfish I once was compared to now!
Don’t get me wrong, I still manage to fit in time for myself but I feel so much more for everybody else around me.
It is so much more interesting to be less self-absorbed, isn’t it?
As for switching tracks with ease and grace, I think I have finally mastered the abilities without the tantrums, I’m talking my own.
Another great piece, Lisa-Jo. (How you crank out such wonderful writing in such limited time is simply amazing.)
I love the last line. “That’s progress.”
It most certainly is.
While I’m washing off the puke and indiscriminate bits of recycled hamburger and soothing Micah back to sleep over endless renditions of lullabies I am writing this in my head. It is all there waiting, desperate, for a 30 minute window to exorcise it onto the page. It’s catharsis. What the bath is to the puke, the keyboard is to my thought process. ;)
Oh honey, I am right there. Especially wishing I could still be self-centered sometimes.
And I see what happens when I AM that way now witchi children. I am even more miserable when I focus on what I want and not on what they need.
Got me a little teary-eyed over here. Need to go hug my babies and start thinking about them more.
” I am even more miserable when I focus on what I want and not on what they need.” – Yes, it’s strange how that is, isn’t it? it’s like God built some kryptonite into our super powers.
This is random… I am not a mom but I have had a child puke on me in that way. I have always baby sat or been a nanny for several families and one boy did that to me and we weren’t at home! We were heading into the grocery store when he did it! Definitely a u-turn!
My PROFOUND sympathies!! No one should have to be subjected to that if they are not the official parent! ;) blech!
lol I have also been pooped on, peed on and spit on by babies! I guess I will be more than prepared when I become a mom! :)
Oh so true. And timely. I read a devotional last week that cautioned to think twice when you’re angry. Because when we are angry, we often are thinking too much about ourselves instead of even considering others. Sometimes interactions with a defiant two year old will spark my anger. And I then need to realize I must think about him first, teach him first and think of myself later. Wonderful post.
It’s amazing how my 2-yr-old can bring out the absolute worst and best in me!
Okay. Well, I want to read that post again, but I might start gagging again at your beautifully written description of puke. :)
Kidding. Mostly.
Seriously, when I read your title, I remembered how yesterday began. Annalyn woke up at 4:45 am (AM!!!), and I was Not. Happy. She wouldn’t go back to sleep OR quit crying, and I lost it. “It” being my temper. Worse than normal just snapping at her. You know what I mean? (I hope you don’t. But do you?)
Immediately, I stopped and realized how irrational I was being. The toddler wasn’t being irrational! The mother was! I turned around, swung her out of her crib and plopped her on my lap. I held her and apologized to her.
I asked her, “Do you forgive me?” (We always tell her that we forgive HER after she apologizes for something.)
And she said, “Yes, mommy.”
That was my U-turn.
I do. I do know. Both the temper losing and U-turning. Have you read about my perfect storm? *sigh* {hangs head in shame} http://thegypsymama.com/2009/08/17/the-perfect-storm/
Mmmm, beautiful (as only a baby’s vomit can be). Thanks for sharing some perspective.
Ha! And thanks ;)
I followed Kimba’s link here and am so glad I did! This is something I’ve really needed to hear. My kids are 6 and (almost)10 and I’ve stayed home w/them forever. Now they’re both in school and I’ve sorta been feeling this sense of “entitlement” now that I’m in a house all day w/no one else. My brain seems to occassionally convince my body that I have worked like a dog the past 10 years raising the kids at home and keeping up w/all the household stuff so now it deserves a break. Thank you for opening my eyes to just how self-centered that line of thinking is!
So glad you came over from the lovely Kimba’s! But I gotta add – you ARE a superhero from all that hard work the last decade. We all need to catch our breath now and again before we get back into the fray. I hope you do enjoy some downtime!
I’m stopping by from Kimba’s. :) Thank you for this post. I’m a stay-at-home mom of 2 and you really encouraged me this morning!
Lovely to meet you! Being mom is the hardest job I’ve had of any of my full time careers. Mamas are super heroes in every sense of the word!
Days like this make me realize what my purpose is here on this earth. Sometimes I think it’s to keep up the house, feed people, drive kids to practices….but the big picture is that I’m here to love and nurture these little pieces of my heart. This is what I was born to do and my most important job. Thank you for this post.
You’re so welcome. I am constantly learning from the living parable that is family life that Christ plants us smack dab in the middle of. Amazing how we are living out the truths he wants us to learn.
I’ve only been a momma for about 2 months, but Anastasia has reflux… the most beautiful moments I can think of are the ones where she’s screaming and crying from the pain/ickyness and all I have to do is hold her in my arms, calmly shhhh her, and tell her that she’s ok, that mommy is here and she looks up at me with wet eyes and quiets down… it hurts me to see her hurting and icky, but its wonderful to step outside of thinking of a million things going on in MY world and be pulled into the center of HER little world (if that makes any sense at all).