My husband and I have been married 11 years. Eleven years, three continents, two kids, and thousands of frequent flyer miles.
I’m South African and he’s American, but even when we’re both speaking English it has often felt like we’re speaking different languages. He’d fill up the gas tank, go grocery shopping and help do the laundry and I’d wonder why he never came home with roses. I’d share the nuances of my day with him, hang out for hours just talking and he complained that I felt more like a roommate
than a wife.
We loved each other, sure. We just weren’t that great at translating that love into a language the other could understand. And the irony, of course, is that neither of us wanted to fess up to what we needed from the other. Even when it began to emerge from many, many, many rounds of arguments what we were each looking for. Putting it into words just seemed (to me at least) to drain the romance right out of the gesture.
Boy I wish I could go back in time and whack my newly-married self over the head.
I’m sharing the rest over on (in)courage today. Along with a mega Valentine’s Giveaway. You’re gonna wanna click over for this one!
you mean there is hope for us yet? :) Thank you sweet Lisa-Jo… just what I needed this morning.
You remind me of something that happened a few weeks ago… I was SO stinkin sick and was in the thick of ministry so I literally could not stop. I came home early from work, and was sitting on my bed, stuffy-headed, dizzy, feeling quite awful and getting ready to tackle yet another ministry project… In the middle of it all, I got a bloody nose… really? Really??? A bloody nose on top of everything else!?! What else!?! I went into the bathroom with my messy shirt, whiney-ing it up, John looked at me, shook his head and said “Monkee, poor monkee,” gently grabbed the shirt from me and washed off all the stain.
It was the most romantic thing he has done in the last two years. I felt so protected and cared for. Made me weak in the knees :)
Awww, that’s awesome! Yup, acts of service are high on my love languages list as well!
Wonderful, fun was instigated here at our house with my 2 and 4 year old. We picked out 5 ecards to send to Grandparents and an Aunt and Uncle.
My son is home from Preschool since we’re all stuffy and sick with colds. A sad morning start since he was looking forward to sharing Valentine’s with his class. But, candy and cards can wait until another day.
Thank you for the inspiration and sharing your story.
xo, Holli
wow.
your husband speaks my love language. acts of service.
my husband doesn’t understand how i can call him filling my gas tank romantic but it so is!
unfortunately for me, his love language includes things like talking and cuddling. ugh!
but i’m tryin!
happy valentines day to you, wonderful friend.
Me, too! I’m an “Acts of service” married to a man with “gifts” love language. It’s soooo hard for me to speak his language!
Dude. We were on the same wavelength today. (My post is about learning your kids’ love languages… same site link too :). Knowing the differences in what Hubby and I do so show love, and balancing that with 4 kids who all have different love languages (not kidding!) is quite a handful. But it makes life with our family quite an adventure, even if we are always on the same continent. Thanks for getting the word out about this resource. As a life coach it thrills me to see others putting awesome resources out for the world to use. Seems like you had a huge turn out over at inCourage about it too! Woo hoo!!
I read this book a long time ago and loved it. You know what I’ve found interesting? I think my love languages have changed over the years. I used to speak in the language of gifts–little notes, a flower, nothing extravagant–but now I’d take help putting clean clothes away over a flower most days. That’s not to say that I still don’t crave the romance, but I think I need help more.
Maybe I’m just difficult to please….
Dear Lisa-Jo–
what you wrote recently about making room for your new daughter made me think of this:
https://partofthemain.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/another-teacup/
I hope you like it!
Love to you.
I’m happy to find your blog! My husband and I work in S. Africa up in Mpumulanga with orphans in the communities there. We’ve been in the states a little over a year now on a sabbatical break. It’s been a huge step of faith to take a break but it’s been good! I look forward to coming back and browsing around!