It’s been nearly three and half years since I was last home.
Home where the ground turns purple under a jacaranda carpet every October.
Home where our history is littered with horror, prejudice and a several lifetimes of guilt.
Home where hope triumphed and my brother’s generation barely remembers what it took.
Home where the red dirt meets the red sky and the sun howls beauty as it sets.
This song, it sets my homesickness to music. And the only reason I can share it with you without cracking right open is because this June, we will board our boys and new born babe with South African Airways and chase our hearts back to the land of the Baobab.
I’m still not sure if I’m ready to believe it.
Band: Dear Reader; Album: Replace Why With Funny; Song: The Same
land, land of my birth
are you my mother
or am i an orphan
where, where do i belong
will i find a place in this world
or forever just wander around
southern hemisphere
how did i end up here
i have nowhere to go
this is the only home that i know
such a great divide
between you and i
how i wish it would go
i live in a place in my mind
no i don’t listen to kwaito, wasn’t born in soweto
i don’t understand you
but i want to, you know
same, were both the same
we share the same heart
we’re made of the same parts
please don’t look at me that way
i already live with the guilt that i own
from my forefather’s past
does this land belong to the tribes who engraved her stones with stories of old
they’re long gone you know
now this is our home
i want to strip you down to the core
take off your shirt, hat, shoes and trousers
erase my head, all the books that i’ve read
the language i speak, the customs you keep
keep on going right down to the heart
to the pain that is yours – the pain that is ours
tell you it’s all going to be alright
is it going to be alright
heal, can you heal
heal, oh can you heal
heal, oh mother, can you heal
or am i an orphan
forever a stranger here
same, we’re both the same
we share the same heart
we’re made of the same parts
With thanks to my cousin, Hannah, for sharing it with me.
I had a long comment and then deleted it before I posted it. I am a South African living in South Africa. I love this magical country! I can understand your homesicknes. I hope you trip will be just what your heart has been crying out for. I hope you enjoy seeing your special family and that you are filled up with just right amount of colourful, vibrant South Africa to last for the next stretch.
I want to see my land healed. Not sure what more to say.
Bless you Lisa-Jo.
I have so many thoughts I don’t know where to start! I think my hubs might enjoy this…Thanks for sharing.
oh my i am SO excited for you to go home! and with your newest little too! and what a song…
What a beautiful song and what a blessing to be heading there this spring with your little one too!
I look forward to “meeting” your beautiful land this summer as well.
{hugs} to you my homesick friend :)
I’m so glad you’re getting to go home.
Cxx
Oh you must be beyond excited to get to go and take your family too! So happy for you.
The sound of cicadas in the grass, the smell of the highveld dusk, the slightly chilly early winter evenings when the smell of thousands of township fires waft over the suburbs, a quick bite to eat at the Dools House roadhouse on Corlett drive on the way home from downtown Joburg, the massive firey red evening sky over the west of Joeys, the sound of SABC news on the TV, the smell of pap and wors on the stove for supper, a cup of Joko tea and lying in bed listening to hundreds of neighbourhood dogs barking in unison !
Ahhhh these are the things I miss from South Africa…every neighbourhood and town has its own list of wonderful sights and sounds that remind you that you are home and that, while your body may live far away, your heart remains firmly rooted in the soil of South Africa (and in Sandton… where my spiritual home will alway be !)
First of all—I’m excited for you that your heart’s home is within reach! What a rich blessing to be able to return even for a bit, and with your children. Completely, utterly rich.
This song is amazing. I love the weave of a traditional South African sound with a more contemporary, more universal sound. The lyrics start out so TCK and reach down into their South African roots. Lovely. Thank you for sharing this.
What a great week of exciting blog posts! … I wonder what is coming tomorrow :)
Heya Cuz :)
I knew you’d enjoy the song – it just expresses so perfectly so much of what I feel. I had a big White Guilt, Not African Enough wobble recently (but have since regained balance!), and this song lived very happily and helpfully on repeat :)
So excited for you to be going home, but sad that I will miss it. I expect to see hundreds of happy photos, and, of course, I’ll be following it all on your blog.
So much love!
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this song! And I’ve never been to South Africa, but I do understand the oppressive weight of homesickness. We lived in Indiana for a while when first married and I listened to “Carolina in My Mind” (I’m from NC) every afternoon and cried for about the first 2 months, I think! Hang in there. Sounds like you are going to have a wonderful trip home soon.
Yay! Last summer we got to spend a whole month in Holland with my family and it was pure bliss! You must be so excited. Hope your time in South Africa will be restful and encouraging.
Wow! You’re coming home! You will see leaps of progress that will make you proud to be South African all over again – in spite of what still has to be achieved. Am sitting reading your blog and commenting during one of those Highveld thunderstorms that are so intrinsic to Johannesburg’s character, and my heart is warm for you, that you’re going to see what we’ve achieved, and what potential there still is for greatness.
All the best for the birth of your little one, for the newborn months ahead, and for your trip to SA!
oooo Lisa Jo!
happy tears and a dance, a jig! For you! For this gift! I have been praying for this moment. So many emotions bottled up in this return with this miracle daughter too. Praying He blesses you this moment! In these last few days leading up to her arrival, to adjusting to a newborn, all of it. For you, for Pete, for the boys.
You’re a treasure. You returning home makes me weep with the happy
I came to your blog this morning from the MomCreative website. She posted a link to the letter you wrote to your daughter about mean girls. I also have a baby girl – my first and only child. She’s beautiful and she has dimples too. And I love her and I want her to know everything that you said about love and friendship.
At the bottom of the post there was a link to other posts on your blog that I might like and this one caught my eye. You see – 10 years ago I lived in South Africa and Botswana for 18 months. South Africa is my spiritual home (as one of your commenters said). I wasn’t born there, but my heart still lives there. I miss it desperately. My heart aches and as I write this the tears are flowing. I remember the plane flight when I left – I stared out the plane window at the land I was leaving and I bawled so hard that I was gasping for breath. I didn’t care what anyone around me thought. The gentleman next to me said, “I know how hard it is to leave home.” And I could barely speak, but I told him, “And what’s worse is I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to come back!”
So happy for you that you were able to go back! Hopefully one day I can return again – it will never ever be the same but it will always be my heart’s home. I love the last two lines of this song: we share the same heart, we’re made of the same parts!
This is very typical for a ENGLISH white south African.. One that obviously dont have the sense of belongling like the Afrikaner does. We Afrikaners are the real White tribe of Africa, we are proud and have no regrets! This is home, this is all we know.