Sometimes I stay up too late watching TV.
Let’s be honest here, often, often I stay up too late watching TV. And I know why. It’s how I hide from tomorrow. How I hide from what comes next or how I don’t feel like a grown up yet or anybody’s mom. It’s how I pretend that I’m brave by living through the braveness of the people on the screen.
It’s also how I miss my mom. And how I feel close to her.
We used to watch movies together. It was our thing. We’d watch and talk for hours afterwards about the plot, the people we loved, how the stories made us feel, what they taught us. She was genius at predicting plots. So much so that it was simultaneously unbelievable and incredibly annoying. We’d watch and life outside the screen would settle down and make more sense.
I feel like I can unravel the pieces of my day and look at them better when I’m looking at them through the lens of a good story.
I’ve started watching Call the Midwife – another of the awesome period pieces put out by the BBC. And there’s a line that keeps coming back to me. A young nurse, so out of place in the east end of London, comes face to face with the dirt under the fingernails of life and is repulsed by some of the moms and their living conditions.
She watches them and we see through her eyes how they juggle children and eking out a living and having very little control over what comes next. How they are brave and bear down and deliver life and sometimes death. We watch with her and see the cornerstone of what makes us mothers – all this mess and chaos and unexpected tenderness.
And finally someone asks her – asks her straight up what she thinks; how she must disdain them for how they live. What little she must think of them.
Her answer made my eyes sting – Heroes, she says. I think you’re all heroes.
So I stay up too late and I process my own story through the stories of others. And it helps me see and make sense of my little corner of beautifully redemptive chaos.
It reminds me to keep coming back here and reminding you all that you are heroes. No matter how you feel.
And you? What stories keep you up late? What shows inspire you? Do share.
Thank-you for this. I needed to hear this today. I feel so far from a hero that the word even looks foreign. Most days I feel like a kid trying to raise kids. So many unknowns and situations where I feel lost. Praise the Lord that He picks up all the balls I drop on a daily basis. And for sending people like you to encourage. This post was like a warm hug, wrapping me in strength for the next hour. Thank-you.
Beautiful post! You always seem to have a message that inspires me, right where I’m at. I really needed this today. Thank you for the incredible way you encourage me as a mother!
How come you are ALWAYS in my head??? … just THIS “Let’s be honest here, often, often I stay up too late watching TV. And I know why. It’s how I hide from tomorrow. How I hide from what comes next or how I don’t feel like a grown up yet or anybody’s mom.”
ps. thanks for being one of my heroes! :)
I must admit, I am not very good at leaving comments. This blog touched me so much today. The time of watching movies and processing with your mother. The processing your own story and the stories of others. The joy that it brings along with the tears.
I breathe in, and whisper, “that’s right, yeah, I get that.”
Yea, anytime I see a new movie she would have loved I imagine talking with her about it. And I plan to have those conversations with my own kids one day.
And they will remember you with the same tenderness…
Dear Lisa, most days I feel far too young be be married and raising a family ( I am 40). I am very fortunate to have a mom who lives not far away and most days I still feel like a kid and ask LOTS of questions about things for which I am in need of reasurance My hideaway is the blogs I read and my books. I can lose myself for hours in a really good book and then come back to the real world able to cope a bit better. I read a lot of detective fiction but am open to most styles of writing and occassionally I will stumble across a book like The Time Travellers wife or The people of the book and my soul will be fed again. Love your blog.Lauren
Oooo if you love detective fiction have you read Dick Francis? I think I might own every single one of his books and there are MANY. My mom got me hooked initially and they are so so great. Highly recommend. Also, have you read the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters? LOVE
Ah. Yup. Sometimes i just drink in the stories. My husband doesn’t get it- how so much can make sense to me of ky own life after some silly show. Presently It’s ‘Parenthood.’. Gets me every time. It calls up so many deep desires in my heart to love my family intensely, appreciate who they are, who I am and the precious time we have these years. Funny how someone else’s (made up) story can arouse so much hurt, Passion, and excitement in your heart!!!
I read this today of all days! After last night, I just wanted to give up on it all. After my husband and I are so frazzled that our words are just harsh. It was almost 3 months now since my 11 yr old with Aspergwra slipped backward. Her symptoms returning, the sensory issues, sleeping patterns (I swear she is nocturnal by nature), and she started having panic attacks. Our days have been what I call on threat level midnight moving from crisis to crisis. And with a two year old that is now our own, that was born with cocaine that has a temper, and a will and is so frustrated because she cannot talk. Then at Christmas it all became too much for my body with chronic illness and I fell sick. This is day 15 of a migraine. And I feel like a failure. And this life is chaos. And no one gets it. And I am alone.
Then I read “you are heroes” and He reminds of all the work and research on helping my 11 year old. And He reminds me this little one who doesn’t speak He chose us to raise her. He trusts me. And He is not leaving me in this chaos. He is right here.
And this is why I come here, Lisa-Jo… Because you never fail to point me back to Him. To take my eyes from surroundings. And even though its going to be hard, I trudge on. Because this little chaotic life of ours? It is good.
Oh Shelly, can I just wrap my arms around you from a distance and tell you that you are MY hero. That is hard. All that you guys are living is almost too much hard for one mom and one dad. Thank God for the heavenly Father – oh how He must trust you guys. Amazing, heroic. I imagine heaven watched you both with breath held and awe at how might you are, how you warrior through with all that love. Cheering, CHEERING I tell you.
Humbled,
Lisa-Jo
“Timely. Last night, both my boys spent most of a family gathering fighting with each other and not listening, and then screaming at me when I sent them to bed early for the night. I felt awful, confused, frustrated, angry, failure…definately not a hero. Then I checked my email on my phone during one of baby’s night feedings and read this post. Thank you. I needed this. And I just finished Call the Midwife a few weeks ago. Loved it and can’t wait for series 2! I also enjoy BBC’s Coast, it just continually makes me feel in awe of God’s beautiful creation and how no matter how much scientists may try to explain away how the earth is the way it is…it’s really just ’cause God made it that way. :-)
Your honesty is refreshing, reaffirming, and real. Only the Good Lord knows how much I needed to read this today! Thank You!
You know what I felt as I watched the series? I was just fascinated, because your Mum, and I were born at the time of the series – the early 50s. And I asked MY mother, who lives with me here – she is 87, if this was how it was in her days of pregnancy and no, it was so different in South Africa. But my friends here were born at that time, and no, none of them grew up in tenements in inner London, but they recognise so much of their lives in little snippets of it all in post war Britain. Some of their mothers were midwives on bicycles. Yes. They were heroes, those women who struggled so. And so were their midwives. And so many women still are today, as they wade their way through motherhood. Just know that the time will pass so fast, and you will gaze at those little faces, all grown, and marvel at how they managed to be who they are, despite all the anxiety and mistakes we all made.
Lisa-Jo, someone gave me Call the Midwife for Christmas, and I think I watched season 1 in about 3 days! It’s marvelous. Sometimes I would feel guilty about my love of movies, but then I’ve realized as I’ve grown, that it’s all part of just loving stories (and my past of movie-sharing with my dad and grandma). That part about the mothers being heroes was my favorite, as well. Everyone who gets up to face the wildness of life and face it with as much hope and courage that they can muster is a hero!
timely for me as well, been in kinda of a funk lately. Keep on encouraging girl, you are blessing many with your words!!
i meant in a funk :/
How lovely to open up this page, and unwrap this gift of encouragement!
Thanks!
~Peace,
LuAnne
Oh, Lisa-Jo, this made me tear up! I just got back from preschool pick-up where, as my two year old wriggled and ran away from me, the teacher asked, “So this next one will be four?” And I shook my head, “Five. One’s in first grade.” She said, “God bless you!” But I left feeling like the crazy lady with all the kids… Not at all like a hero. Thanks for the reminder.
I’ve been staying up too late watching BBC shows, too. Mainly because I have a free trial for online streaming and have to get my fix in before its gone. (Just finished Sherlock, starting in on Downton Abbey next) But even if I’m not watching BBC shows, I tend to stay up late doing something…and yes, it always feels like hiding from tomorrow. And then I wake up and discover that there was nothing to hide from…
The only thing I find in the morning is children to wrap my arms around and an ever-faithful husband to care for all of us.
That’s a good word – that there was nothing to hide from after all. Sometimes we’re just as scared of shadows as our kids. And Sherlock? My husband and I LOVED that one! Can’t wait for the next season.
Lisa-Jo~Thank you so much for your words, your blog, you insight. You make me feel like I can do it.. make it day to day.
Reading your blog makes me wish you lived in Kansas so I could buy you a cup of coffee and just talk.
Thank you so much!!
I’ve had to redefine heroism lots in my life. Relocating, parenting, marriage and life all require a different form of heroism. Right now I am hero in my doing less, embracing a quiet life if even for just a season for the benefit of my family and for me. It’s taken a lot of courage to admit weakness and accept this season. And it’s good.
And what’s keeping me up late? Downton Abbey. And an occasional Duck Dynasty. Don’t know why I love that one as much as I do. But I do.
♥
I will be eyeing the mailbox closely tomorrow. I ordered “Call the Midwife” from Netflix yesterday because I keep hearing such wonderful things. Your post made me all the more eager to jump in.
Oh…I love a good story and it sounds like “Call the Midwife” is just that – I will be searching Netflix for it tonight. I often fall into the Neverland of TV and right now my favourite thing is – Watching reruns of The West Wing – I love how smart and funny and relational the characters are AND there is nothing like good verbal (and I by good – I mean exceptional) dialogue to get the creative juices flowing!! Thanks for posting and sharing Lisa-Jo – you’re an inspiration!
I definitely am guilty of using the TV to hide from life. For a while I wasn’t even sleeping at night because I had so much happening in my head. It seemed the only way to turn the thoughts off was to turn the TV on. Yet, even as I was falling asleep during the movie, as soon as the TV was off my mind was on again. Very frustrating.
I register with all your post spoke of today – the movies, the processing, the encouragement. I love a good series (movies are over too fast!), and immediately went to the Midwife website to check it out. Without even opening the video clip, just reading the picture and text, my heart froze. Anxiety seized. Something here scared me. I lead a MOPS table, I have a dinner group full of mamas, I have three babies of my own – what was it about these women, these babies that was so scary?? My reaction surprised me, yet felt so familiar. It stopped me in my tracks, and made me think hard. – I’ve been doing this mama thing with a lot more fear than I realized. I can take my own vulnerabilities, I have to. I can even take others’, at the arms length I choose. But to emerge myself fully (for there is no other way for me) in a story of others’ hardships, vulnerabilities, loss, horror, heartbreak, on this, THIS subject (birth, motherhood) – right at the heart of my own story right now? Right where I am struggling, fearing, fighting my failure daily to be a good mommy? My heart said, “Alert! High Risk!” And it was right. So do I close down, run away? I want to. But really, honestly, it’s a good alert. Apparently I have some stuff to deal with, some white knuckles to relax, and some Perfect Love to spend time with – for this fear is not good, and not from where I want to mother. So thank you, for your honest post, and your show suggestion. I’ll get back to it, in a bit.
And this is why I never comment – waaay to long. Sorry about that.
Well, the funny thing is I stayed up too late watching t.v. last night & pretending to fold laundry while I was watching…but I was watching ‘Desperate Housewives,’ not exactly fodder for inspiration! However, I do feel incredibly inspired when I stay up too late reading or listening to good audio books or podcasts. Right now, I’ve been really digging Dave Ramsey’s EntreLeadership podcast. It’s been super helpful as I think through who I am as a leader at work, in my home, in writing, etc. My honorable mentions are: The Moth podcast & TEDx talks.
Anyway, as usual your posts are so encouraging to me. I’m going through such a SUPER DUPER rough patch in my identity as a Mama right now. I’ve never in my life (7 years of being a Mommy) EVER felt like such a bad Mom. EVER. I feel completely overwhelmed, beat up & hung out to dry by Mommying. Your rah-rah to Mommyhood posts have been a source of solace & I really appreciate it! Really. Keep doing what you do!
Sending blessings your way Lisa-Jo. For you are a hero. The words that you post hit right on the mark. Here in NZ it is summer and my boys enjoy staying up late and the little time that I get is often spent in front of the TV – losing myself in someone elses story. But I too love to take the pieces that fit with my life. My favs are Nicholas Sparks movies. Thank you for pointing me back to the One who knows my story. Here’s to writing it the best I can.
I too stay up way too late. I am usually reading. It’s my quiet time, my me time and I like to imagine I’m still a teen without any commitment to be up and taking care of everyone else in the morning. I like to lose myself in the fantasy that I might be able to read all night and sleep in the next morning, although that never happens.
Lisa-Jo — I am constantly grateful for you and so thankful that Jesus expresses Himself in and out of you through your gift of encouragement! Your posts are always read with misty eyes, if not out -right streaming tears while everything within me cries, “YES! Someone else ‘gets it!'” It’s fantastic to know we are not alone in these trenches of the daily. So, thank you. Thank you for using your gift so wonderfully!
Also, my husband and I are notorious for staying up WAY too late. Right now we blame it on the baby’s feeding schedule (Silas is almost 4 mos), as if we needed some excuse to stay up until midnight every single night watching TV. Most of the time I feel guilty that we spend our oh-so-precious alone time watching other people live their lives (we’re into adventure — BBC’s ‘Sherlock’ was inhaled, and we’ve recently finished ‘Merlin,’ and have moved on to reuniting with ‘Chuck’ thanks to the DVD’s the Hubs got for Christmas.), but then I realize that we’re both so exhausted at the end of the day that the last thing we want to do is try to pull some sort of deep conversation out of one another. So, instead we snuggle on the sofa and watch heroes save the day! ;-)
Hey Lisa-Jo – love your writing here – beyond encouraging. I have been following Inspired to Action for a while now, such a lovely surprise to see your face there this afternoon! Didn’t know you had a blog, but happy to have found it!!
Looking forward to reading more.
Much love
Micklyn (Le Feuvre – in Bloemfontein.)
Good gracious is the world ever small. Or perhaps it’s the Internet that builds the kind of bridges that help make distance feel shorter. How fun to find each other online like this! Yes, Kat is amazing isn’t she? Hope you guys are well. Missing us some South African summer and rooibos tea and melktert and rusks and biltong and oh I could go on and on and on!!!
So many warm wishes from here to there,
Lisa-Jo
I don’t stay up late watching TV. I stay up late on the Internet, reading your blog and cooking blogs and mummy-blogs you’ve linked too. It’s not flattery, it’s real.
Just after I had my second child, a boy, I was looking and looking for answers to help me make sense of the chaos and the response I heard was, “It’s just a season”. Yes….and?? What am I meant to do with that? It didn’t give me anything to pin my desperate prayers about toddlers who simultanesously leave me screaming and take my breath away or newborns who weren’t thriving.
So thank you. I was bragging on your blog the other day, and the other blogs you’ve opened the door to. You’ve really been my inspiration-place. xx
So just last night my husband was encouraging me to figure out ways to celebrate my mama. Ways that I can bring her to memory and through tears or smiles make much of her life. I like that you are “celebrating” through story. I do this a lot too, but I love that you like to watch movies/T.V. and do that.
Oh, and Call the Midwife is amazing. I’m a birth doula so I got hooked before it even came out. If you want a good read (because there are NO good books out right now, lol) pick up the memoir that it is based on. I’ve wept my way through it because of the beautiful and ugly and oh so vivid pictures it paints.
Thanks for this post as always. Hugs!
Dear Lisa Jo,
Your ability to weave your story into words of encouragement for mothers is a precious gift from God.
Wow. A hero? That’s the last title I would give myself… Everyday I determine to do better, be better, let His light shine through me more. And then I fail again. I am going to try to put this in my head instead of how everyone else is a prettier, smarter, more organized, gentler mama than me…and that’s what I want my 5 babies to have. Thanks for saying this. I am still shaking my head over it…hero. Wow.
Much love,
Shay