Some days are so upside down it’s hard to breathe. Last week Wednesday I was doing laundry and digging down at the bottom of the basket for a nasty pair of little boy underoos and bent so hard and fast at the waist that I slammed my forehead into the edge of the metal utility sink. Pete had been out of town for two days and there was still one to go.
On Friday in the span of two short hours Zoe puked on me, ruined two pairs of shoes in a mud patch in the back yard, dumped an entire bottle of purple Motrin on the light living room carpet, peed in the hallway and escaped the back yard with her brothers and was half way down the driveway when I caught up to her.
This morning she emptied out a full bottle of sunscreen all over the ottoman and was lovingly rubbing it into the green fabric by the time I discovered her.
Those days will happen.
Those days will make you question if motherhood is really for you. And if you’re like me you might look at your tired reflection, pull your hair into a pony tail and call your husband and tell him the second he sets foot in the house you’re out of there. And you may shock your neighbor, Bob, when he walks by with his dog and jokingly asks if you’re running away from home by saying, “Absolutely!”
Those days are hard. There are no pretty words to make them especially deep or meaningful. Those nights just making it to bedtime without doing each other injury is an accomplishment.
But today I stopped by the Swedish bakery for a few hours of writing and pastry (and pastry) and there was this older married couple at the table next to me. They had their newspapers spread out in front of them. Him with a cup of coffee and her with tea and croissant. She had lovely straight brown shoulder length hair and tortoise shell glasses. His hair was gray and he sat up straight, comfortable in his skin. Every now and again she’d lean her head over toward him and he’d smile, put down his paper and kiss her. And they’d both grin and go back to their reading.
I don’t know exactly why, but watching them gave me hope and a peace that transcends carpet stains.
There is so much beauty in the days that you’re living through. But sometime it takes distance to appreciate it. And watching that couple this morning gave me a glimpse. A glimpse of Zoe calling from college and the boys home in South Africa for the summer, working on a game farm. And I’m sure I’ll miss them and wish these days back again blah blah blah. But for right now, it gives me hope to think about the day when Pete and I will have hours of conversation instead of stolen seconds.
That we might have mornings lingering over each other instead of a ripe diaper. That I will have time to style my hair and sip my tea hot. That I will be his love, his sticky kiss over a late morning breakfast a decade from now still. That, right there? That’s beauty.
I needed the reminder this morning. That this season of chaos is only a season.
And there’s a reason we feel exhausted. Well, in my case, three of them actually.
Love to you all on this Monday.
LJ
Just lovely…
It sounds trite but “this too, will pass”. I’ve been there and done that. And I got a gentle nudge from the Lord via you today- we’ve gotten to where we have begun to take those moments where we can sit in a coffee shop and just be out together for granted. I’m going to look for those moments for my life, maybe we can brighten things up around here after 40+ years! Thanks for the memories that came rushing back!
It’s not trite. It helps. I have had a weepy weekend with a fussy 4-month old and I just feel…overwhelmed. Thanks for this post.
How fortunate that you have a Swedish bakery!
Lovely! Reposting on my FB page for my blog!
Hello! In 11 days I am going to laugh WITH you at this. Today I laugh through my screen with you at this. As I clean up the cat puke AGAIN. And tackle the pile-o-laundry AGAIN. And break up another squabble over who gets the last of the crunchy apple chex cereal. sigh.
{{Hugs}} to you, friend.
You’ve encouraged me today, but maybe not as you’ve intended. I’ve been boo-hooing all week because my son (my baby) got his driver’s license. I feel like the bulk of my parenting is almost done. I need to learn how to sip tea and enjoy my man, without being a mom. (It’s just as hard to figure out.) You’ve helped me appreciate where I am in life right now -thank you!!
So needed this. Tears welling.
I needed this. I so want a second child but my husband had a vasectomy years before we met. When I married him I didn’t think I would want another baby; but ooh how I long for a mini-reflection of us. He’s such a wonderful dad to kidlet.
But kidlet is almost 13. And hubbs always says how lucky we are that we’ll soon have him off to college and grown up life and time for ourselves.
This always makes me sad…. I imagine the quiet dinners…. the empty rooms. It hasn’t ever sounded good to me.
He always says tho how happy he’ll be to have me all to himself…. not that he doesn’t adore kidlet…. he just wants time for us to enjoy each other….
Now I see….
He sees what you saw…. we love our time together… date night to us is usually running around doing the shopping or wandering Lowes. Sharing a route44 limeade on the way home.
He sees coffee and the newspaper and sticky sweet kisses leaned over the table…..
::teary::
That’s something to look forward to….
Your posts are always so encouraging…and while my time with little ones has long since passed, I am still mothering…to the man and women child still at home, not quite ready to spread their wings, a teenager finding his way, and a princess who still believes that Mommy knows what she’s talking about. I am often wearied by the struggle and strive for our fabulous four to “become.” The days…when the dog throws up on the couch, the drain in the sink backs up, leaving smelly, murky water sit when a friend is stopping by for a bit of encouragement…hot, rebellious words, glaring glances, and muzzle me Mom moments, when Jesus whispers that they have yet to have their “ah ha” moments (aka, when THEY have children)…He gives me a glimpse of the future to sustain me, where the prayers of His promises this Mama has prayed will reap a hearty harvest…for those moments I become weary…I drop to my knees, lay in His lap, and remember that this shall soon pass…weary Mama’s find comfort in their Daddy’s arms…and maybe a bake shop, too ;-)
I appreciate you. Thanks for the honesty, encouragement and perspective. Hope you have a better week this week.
Beautifully put! Absolutely, down to my toes so true. I love this post. Thank you for sharing.
I say YES to giving each other permission!
I think you wrote this post specifically for me today. My husband is gone on a business trip to China right now and we are on Day 6 of 18. Yesterday, I cried with my head in my hands at the dinner table because it was just AWFUL. Thank you thank you thank you for this. It is EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this very moment.
i love your honest perspective. always!
and as mama to one ready to leave the nest in just 3 weeks, i can see those leisurely days just ahead… which makes me happy. and sad.
Oh now… only you Lisa Jo can make me go from laughter to weeping in fell swoop… After 21 years of marriage and 2 teenagers now reigning the roost I am here to tell you that those moments (the ones that last longer than the seconds you can count on one hand) come and when they come they are sweeter than the pastry that brought you to blissdom in that Swedish Bakery. Oh you’ll still worry and it won’t be motrin on the carpet, pee in the hallway or sunscreen on the ottoman – you’ll exchange that for: It’s 1AM and they’re still not home,” “did they remember their key,” “You’re off at college and for the first time in my life (and yours) I don’t know where you are every second of every day,” “What do you mean you wrestling and your face got in the way and your glasses are broken,” – And none of it… absolutely none of it would I trade… Praying for you friend. Got your back! And I’d send you copious amounts of chocolate filled pastry if I could!
LOL…I think my daughter could have written this post! So true…but as a grandmother I can tell it is all worth it!!! They DO GROW UP!!! They do remember your love for them! They do learn from your patience! They are SOOOO WORTH IT ALL!!! ♥♥♥
Oh sweet Gypsy Mama – yes… this is a season of chaos and it will shift and change and with the new season will come a new rhythm of routine and exhaustion and joy… and in the midst of ALL of it – we still get the blessing of glimpses of future and waves of peace… “This too shall pass” brings comfort but “His love endures forever” is a right here, right now sort of covering! I LOVE the image of the older couple… yes – a visual of blessings that come when we stick it out through the chaos… together… sometimes tag teaming so the other can simply breathe…
I too am on the other end… with my girlie graduating in a month or so… her future still undecided. Believe it or not – you will look back on the stains and the spills – and even the peeing – with fondness and love (and possibly more grace than you may have had in the moment… more grace for her, and more grace for YOU!) While time passing can be hard – at times it feels too slow… and others, way way too fast! … but even the passing of time brings blessings when we look for them!
Love you, my friend!
Lovely sentiments. My girls are 18, 17, and 13 – but I remember that season well.
Would love to know the name/location of the Swedish bakery!
You write my heart. Bless you;)
In the throes with you sister!
I hear you honey … and those memories will fade. Promise! Meanwhile, I’m forwarding this post, as I have many others of yours, to those in my world who need to make it through this day …
Just what I needed to help me gather the courage to load the dishwasher, start home-school, switch the laundry, change another diaper, stock the crock pot, brush their teeth, start the nap routine, clean up the spilled fish food, etc. etc. etc. Enjoy this blog with a hot cup of coffee and breathe! I sure did.
you just keep on blessing me…thank you.
Oh my goodness. The timeliness of this for me can only be a God thing. Thank you SO much.
Oh Mama, we’re all nodding our heads and longing for relief. It’ll come. It’ll come.
I feel like you are talking to me! Thank you for the encouragement and giving me the ability to allow myself to lay aside the guilt I feel about my lack of feelings of enjoyment right now. Raising kids is hard… really hard! And just like an difficult job, there are moments when that hard work is not enjoyable. It doesn’t mean it won’t be rewarding… Just not enjoyable in this moment and its okay. Thanks for that!
love this! i always felt so guilty when people would encourage me to “enjoy these days because they go by so fast.” i know there is truth in that, but it is hard to hear in the midst of the chaos and sleep deprivation and someone needing something from me every-single-minute-of-the-day. and i admit, now that my 2 boys are 8 and almost-6 i am loving being out of the baby-toddler-chaos stage. i always feel a tad guilty admitting that but i feel like i am enjoying them so much more in this more independent stage.
I am crying, yes. This is beautiful. I love my children wildly, but there are days that I long to be that couple. Although I will be reading while he is watching some drum video. And then, maybe we will go home to spoil our grandchildren on a sunny sunday afternoon.
You always capture love and beauty so well.
As one who is moving out of the chaos and toward the slow, lingering breakfast days, I want to encourage you that 1) yes, some days suck the wind right out of you and 2) you’re not a bad mom to want them to kind of hurry up (I did!). One day when I was in high school, my mom said to me that she was a much better mom to older kids than younger ones. I didn’t get it at the time, but I think I do now. My personality just lends itself better to older kids–I enjoy them more. Lots of moms I know love the babies and don’t know what to do with their teenagers. My point is, don’t feel bad if these days seem hard. They are! And they may not pass as quickly as you’d like. But better days are ahead. Trust me on that one.
This post was an encouragement to me to remember that all of the “hanging in there” we did, my husband and I, was truly worth it. Moms, when you feel like your marriage is hanging by a thread when your kids are little, hang on tighter. To be able to walk through these hard days and come out on the other side, together, is a blessing too few ever get to experience these days. I’m grateful for the days my husband and I are enjoying together now.
Love this! What a great reminder that these when our kids drive us crazy are short lived (even though it never seems like it!)
I SOOO needed this today! My four year old has forced us to try to unclog the toilet for count them 4hours!! And I really have to pee lol.
Luckily my man is home today, so I still have hair on my head.
Thank you for this perspective!
Oh Lisa – Jo, your posts are like a breath of fresh air. It’s as if you’ve been in my home, living my day to day chaos. Thank you for helping me to see the beauty in the chaos, and for giving me a fresh new vision of those wonderful years ahead with my wonderful man. These chaos years are going by so fast, even though some days & weeks can seem so long! Hope you have a wonderful week, with a little less chaos. ;)
Oh my! I remember those days — yes siree, I do (I guess it would be “Yes, mam, I do!” I was what you might call a “high risk mother” — as in “What was God thinking giving this woman two living breathing human beings to care for?” (Be assured, I am not questioning God here, I’ve learned and keep learning He really does know what He’s doing and the best way to do it)…anywho — I remember once walking in to baby powder EVERYWHERE in my daughter’s room. She stood in her crib with the cutest little “ain’t you proud of me” smile. I was exhausted (truly, I went with no more than an hour or two of sleep for a year after she was born — I.DO.NOT.EXAGGERATE.) As I stood there looking at the mess, thinking of all the work it was going to take to clean this…wanting to simply sit down and sob a thought came to me: “You can laugh about this and build a memory you will be blessed by or you can loose it…” I chose to laugh. I wish I had learned that lesson better and employed it more often — but God was gracious enough to let me learn it and is even still in the process.
Lisa Jo, you will have to take this one on faith from a Mama whose little ones are almost 25 and 28…you really will…absolutely… laugh at this one day. I promise. Be kind to yourself.Cut yourself some slack and trust HIM….
You be blessed!!!
Debbie
I want to know how they get it spread so far?
HaHa…they are just super resourceful and intelligent. Trust me on this!
Thought you would appreciate that I just got ready to do some laundry and found a wet load in there. Thankfully no mildew, but I have no idea when I did it. Also found a load in the dryer. I’d been wondering were all the little undies and socks had hidden. :/ Gotta keep it real up in here.
I SO get it. With TWO young boys that I say cause me daily to battle “death” and “destruction”…literally I make sure they don’t die or destroy something. So far they are still alive, and they haven’t destroyed anything today. However, most days they do! :) I thank you for your honest post, the pause to reflect on the present and future. It’s all GRACE.
Perfect! I only have 1 of those reasons and he is 3 and I am going to be 42…I know someday it will pass and I know someday I MIGHT miss it, but as my little guy says Mom some day I will be big and you will be happy and sad. Thanks for your insight.
Girl, you have no idea how much I needed to read that this morning. When it popped up on my email, it was like a sweet little breath of fresh air. I could have used the Swedish bakery too, just saying… :)
I feel like you have a little window into my life and write exactly what I need on exactly the right day. It’s hard. Oh so hard. Overwhelming and when you’re in it, in those heavy and suffocating moments….the thoughts of missing them later, the thoughts of when this season is done and gone…is so hard to conjure. Thanks for being a light in the dark :)
OMH. Thank goodness I only have one, but at around the same age I came round the corner to the smell of something sweet. And there was the Bunny. COVERED in Johnsons Baby Cream… but it was also in her mouth. And I didn’t know how much of it she had eaten!!! It was a long bug-eyed night watching her to make sure I could rush her to hospital if needed. Another time I was called. I found, to my horror, a white toddler. I followed the trail from her to my room. It had ‘snowed’ in my bedroom! An ENTIRE 500ml bottle of baby powder all over my floor, bed, side table and child… I didn’t know whether to laugh at the situation or cry at the fact that I had to clean everything all over again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you… because *insert omminous voice* there’s no where to run!
Jenn, I’m smiling…read a couple of comment up — we share a common bond when it comes to baby powder :)
Loved this!!
Oh. Thank you. Thank you for this reminder that this is a season… We’re into night two of my husband’s first business trip in years. I keep reminding myself that this is good for all of us as he gets the training he needs to do his job, but it’s hard when the kids are acting out because they miss their Daddy and don’t know how to express themselves unless it’s through whining, tantrum throwing and fussing non-stop. I literally walked the baby to sleep through sobs this evening while my four year old yelled for me from her bedroom for “one more hug!” One day I’ll miss this. I keep telling myself that. It doesn’t always help the feelings of despair go away, but I do so appreciate knowing I’m not alone by any stretch of the imagination! So, thank you again!