09 Oct 2013

Why you should date your husband

Because between the dishes and the piles of unfolded laundry stacked across the bed and the kids who come in demanding attention, cookies, help with their homework there’s no room for conversation.


Because I like holding his hand.

Because I want to know what’s going on in his head beyond who’s doing Tae Kwon Do drop off and pick ups this week.

Because we want to remember we were lovers before we were exhausted partners running what sometimes feels like a full time daycare together.

Because he’s my best friend and not just another kid who needs to be managed. And I need reminding from time to time.

Because two and half hours of consecutive conversation is the promised land.

Because flirting across a table and a plate of mozzarella sticks at a sports pub can last you through all those boring rounds of math homework you have to fight your eight-year-old through this week.

Because he may have a dream growing in his quiet heart and unless you actually ask, you’re not going to hear it out loud.

Because you’ll remember what beautiful feels like when the man who saw your bed head this morning winks at you across the table.

Because romance is the exchange of a hundred tiny, seemingly insignificant details.

Because marriage is about going the distance. It’s an act of courage, a promise, a wild leap. Sometimes we need to see where we started to see how far we’ve come.

Because we never stop discovering new things about each other, like so much buried treasure. And all it takes is time and sometimes a shared plate of French fries.

Because sometimes the best way to see yourself, your fears and worries, your plans for the future is through the eyes of someone else.

Because you love to laugh together. And it’s easy to forget how when you’re soo busy worrying and struggling through the raising of your children.

Because food you didn’t have to cook yourself? Enough said.

Because, dessert.


Because after years of envying the Instagram feeds of friends who were out with their spouses, we simply set a date. Weekly. It was much easier than we’d whined it would be.

Simple. Not even for so long. Two hours is like two weeks in parenting years.

And already, we’re addicted.

And counting down ’till next Wednesday.


{ Leave a Comment }
  1. 1

    I so desperately want a date with my hubby. It just isn’t happening. :(

    • 2

      I was here not to long ago, no money, no time, no sitter. Then I read a remarkable chapter in a book for busy moms, and it changed my perspective on dating my spouse! Dating in!! Put the kids to bed a little early, plan a night with your hubby! We got a new Netflix movie we’d both wanted, I baked some “break n bake” cookies, and we cuddled and laughed together. It was WONDERFUL!

    • 3
      Joe Forbes says:

      So change the fact that “its not happening.” Do something! A husband needs their wife away from her daily routine. A wife needs her husband away from his daily routine. Intimacy doesn’t happen in the bed it happens before that. In conversation. In cuddling on the couch. In sharing a meal together. If there is lack of money or a sitter then be creative at home. Put the kids to bed early and have dinner by candle light. The marriage is more important than the kids and the job. I encourage you to commit to something with your spouse. Send a note in his pocket to work. Text her a message in the middle of her day that has nothing to do about the kids! BE INTENTIONAL! When my wife and I got married we were young and dumb. It lasted less than 2 years before we were separated. But God restored our relationship and we have been learning for almost 18 years. Be encouraged! You can do it!

  2. 4

    Yes. Yes. Yes!!! We have date night EVERY Friday night and it is like oxygen to me. No matter what happens during the week, I know I can count on that time to reconnect and recharge. No errands or household-plans talk, just us catching each other up-without interruption-about how we really are. So. good…Yay for you all…xo

  3. 5

    Awww….how sweet! I feel the same way about my husband.

  4. 6

    What a good reminder this is. Thank you! Hopefully we’ll be able to set a weekly date soon, we definitely need it.

  5. 7

    Yay! We’re on a date tonight for our anniversary.
    Enjoy yours on Wednesday. ;)

  6. 8

    Love it! We moved back closer to both sets of grandparents, do date nights have become a thing of beauty! My hubs truly is my best friend and if we don’t get time together we feel completely depleted. Plus, like you said…. no cooking!

  7. 9

    My husband and I desperately need to start this. Last February we started working together at his law office so we are together every day, all day. We work long hours and there is lots of stress…but this business is doing amazing and all because of God – so it is good. But we had family pictures done last Saturday and our photographer told my husband to put his hands on my face and kiss me…there was this awkward thing happening and she says “don’t make it look like you are trying to kill her!!” We busted out laughing because we are probably the most unromantic couple on the planet and we both agreed that we needed to have a date night to get back some of the romance! ;) The pictures she got as a result though are hilarious…we laughed non stop for over 5 minutes! If you are interested I posted some of them here!

  8. 10

    This is SO. TRUE. Lisa-Jo! I’ve been married 30 years, one living child now 25, but we did date night at least 2 times a month. Not long ago I wrote a post on the Allume blog and I mentioned dating our husbands. God instituted the family BEFORE he instituted the church and he instituted the COUPLE before the family had kids. I love this…and you. See you at Allume, won’t I?

  9. 11

    That’s the nudge I needed to plan a date this weekend before we head off to different directions (and states) for the rest of the month!

  10. 12

    I agree, this is so important. Ours is Saturday nights. However, for us it’s way cheaper and easier to have date nights “in”. Our kids are still little enough they go to bed by 7:30-8. So that’s what we do 99% of the time–open a bottle of wine, watch a movie, sit outside around a fire. So, know that if it’s hard for you to get a sitter, or too expensive, or whatever the reason… you can still have weekly date night in, you just have to be a little creative :) This Saturday is a rare one–we are going out to a fancy restaurant for our anniversary….can’t wait!

  11. 13

    I love this so much and greatly needed it. I’ve been following you for a while but never comment. :) but this?? This spoke right to me as it was written to me. I’m a new stay at home mom to my 6 month old baby girl and life has gotten extremely stressful for both of us. Hubby is having an extremely stressful time at work- were pretty sure he will be let go within the week. And it seems like all we do is get upset with each other which is completely new to us. We never do this. And I forget sometimes that he is just as stressed as me and we are on the same team, not against each other. Anyway!
    Sorry for the long rant. Thank you again for this wonderful post!!

  12. 14

    LOVE this! Yes, my marriage is definitely worth nurturing!

  13. 15

    Here’s one more because: Because at the end of it all, after all those little darlings have moved out, you don’t want to look at a stranger across the table from you.

  14. 16

    A resounding “YES!” When the youngest of our seven turned 3, we finally made it a standard: weekly date night, or die tryin’!!
    It varies depending on local activities, but for now, ours in on Tuesdays. Salsa class, sushi for dinner, smoochin’ for dessert…
    Nothing serves our marriage & family better than focused time together as a couple!

  15. 17

    Oh yes! Because the consequences of not dating… well, they tear apart families and we don’t want that!!!

    For those who have financial challenges in making it happen, the answer is – COMMUNITY! Find some friends who live in your neighbourhood and start a babysitting swap! You’ll get a date night with hubby once a fortnight and your friends will get the same (every alternate week you have a night apart, one stays home with the kids and the other does the babysitting of the friends kids – and vice versa)! There SERIOUSLY is a way to make it happen!!!

  16. 18

    Because no matter how long or short you’ve been married, whether you have ten kids or no kids, sometimes you just take time with him for granted.

    I’ve only been married a little over a year, and there aren’t even kids in the mix, but I still am surprised sometimes how easily I get “used to” being with him, how doing bills together seems to suffice as time together in my mind. The romance is definitely still there ;) but even this early on in our marriage, that one piece of advice in a wedding card – “don’t ever stop dating” – is most-important.

  17. 19

    I work days and my husband works nights. We also have a 3 year old son. Sometimes it’s very hard for us to find time just to ourselves. Since we don’t have a lot of family time where all 3 of us can spend time together, it’s also difficult to find time for date nights, but we try to go out on a date night at least once a month. It’s usually something simple, but nice and fun. I think dating your spouse is very important. Thanks for posting this.

  18. 20

    I’ll take your advice when I get married ;)

  19. 21

    We have been together for 50 years, married for 45 years, through our children and now our grandchildren we have ALWAYS made time for DATE NIGHT. Movie & dinner once a week!
    It keeps your sanity. Just a 2 hour break with your husband, from the house & kids can rejuvenate your relationship.

  20. 22

    Always make time for your relationship. Even when you’re in the thick of children and messes and jobs and chaos, making time is simply a choice. We choose many things above our relationship with our spouse. Our relationships are to be the glue that holds the family together, yet often it isn’t sticky enough to hold them together. I believe if we spent as much time on our spouses as we do our children, we’d have many more successful marriages in this world.

  21. 23

    Ooh dates are the best! I loved how you wrote this. So perfect!

  22. 24

    So so true! Never forget the first love of your life! Well said. Lisa :)

  23. 25

    Yes, this is right. Because spending quality time with your spouse will strengthen your relationship. Thank you this was such a great post!


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