21 Mar 2016

What I Never Knew About Having a Girl

Oh my daughter, there are so many things I never knew before you.

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What I Never Knew About Having a Daughter

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Five years ago I never knew how much I would love glitter and sparkles and unicorns. I never knew how much beauty would be an ongoing conversation and a choice and an example I would have to live out for you every day so that you would have a voice in your head that speaks louder than any mirror.

And that it would be my voice.

I never knew that looking at you I would see myself and it would make me braver too.
I never knew how important twirling could be. Or the color pink. Or baby dolls.
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I never knew that someone would live in my house and call me her best friend forever. And really mean it.

I never knew I would have a shadow who wanted to walk in my shoes, wear my perfume, listen to my music, try all my favorite foods, and whisper all her precious questions about whether she really is a princess.Untitled

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I never knew that Disney princesses would be so important and that I’d lie in bed with you and spend ages discussing the beauty and power of Rapunzel’s hair, the bravery of Belle for saying no to the pushy Gaston, the smarts of Elsa for knowing better than to want her sister to marry a man she’d only just met.

I never knew you’d take the time to really understand the women behind the Disney marketing.

I never knew what it would feel like to watch your daddy dance with you. Or your brothers sit next to your bed and play ponies with you.

I never knew there would be someone in our family who liked to talk as much as me. Who had more questions than I could ever answer. And who loves her some long bubble baths.

I never knew what it would feel like to lie in bed next to you and listen to you name all the things you love about yourself – your smile, your loud laugh, your singing. I never knew listening to you love being a girl would be so empowering for me as a woman.

I never knew that manicures on the deck with a rainbow of little fingers would be something I’d choose, on purpose.

I never knew I could cheer so hard for a Christmas concert or have so much fun watching the most disorganized ballet class ever.

I never knew laughter and tears would come so loud and so easily.

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I never knew how many feelings I would have to navigate on a pendulum of an otherwise ordinary Monday.

I never knew how much friendship could ache for little girls or how much it could mean.

I never knew that we’d lie in bed and whisper about what your prince charming might look like one day – how we’ll recognize him by his kindness and his sense of humor. 

I never knew how having a girl would mean I’d make my own peace with being a girl. 

But five years ago I knew for sure our family wasn’t complete yet. Not by a long shot. Not till you arrived. Our little firecracker of life and grace.

Five years isn’t enough yet. Not by far.

I can’t wait to do it all over again tomorrow, baby girl. And the next day. And all the days after that.

Comments

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  1. 1

    Oh yes… all the yes and amens to the joys of little girls and how they change us… challenge us… make us brave, and make us better! And how they grow up… and truly, they still remain best friends!

    Happy belated Birthday Zoe Grace!

  2. 2

    Thank you so much for sharing those wonderful words that I was desperately needing to hear… Through your posts you have been confronting me and encouraging me to be a better mom. My little girl is almost 5 and I have let myself be taken by everyday chores and challenges and worries and now I realized how little attention I’ve been giving her and how much preciosity I have missed and how much damage I could make in her beautiful heart if I didn’t wake up… Thanks a lot, God bless you!

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    Christina says:

    Thank you for writing this post. You have put words to what I have been feeling about my own little girl. I can distinctly remember that I once said if I had a daughter she would never wear pink (‘cuz there are lots of colors to wear of course), and that there would be no pink in my house! Well! Let me tell you that I now have a loads of “pinks” laundry each week and her room is entirely pink..I even own three pink shirts. I am going to enjoy this pink stage as long as she does! I used to think pink was a “soft” color but when she wears it, it reflects her personal strength. She is a strong, opinionated (in the most kind way), smart, entertaining girl and she really really likes pink. Loving her has stretched me in the most positive ways and helped me grow in my understanding of what it means to be a strong girl/women. I love your blogs! They helps us find courage, and help us explore possibilities with a brave hearts through your brave stories! I will spend some time with my tiny BFF today talking about how strong those Disney princesses and paint some nails! Thank you again for your words. Amen!

  4. 4

    This is beautiful! I’m also enjoying being a girl momma and looking forward to so many of the things you’ve described (while holding on tight to the moments right now).

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