He comes to find me in the dark. Eyes squinted against my bedside lamp, he whispers, “Mama. Mama I gotta be by you.”
Bad dreams and hot summer nights drive him out of his bed, down the hallway and into mine. And I, I who crave space like oxygen at the end of some days, open my arms to him. Because that’s what parents do.
We make room inside ourselves for our children.
It comforts me to know that the Christ himself knows how I feel. Weary after long days of being surrounded by others, of being tugged from every side, of being followed and bothered for food, for touch, for recognition, he withdrew.
After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone. Matthew 14:23.
The need to be alone is a powerful one. A pull at the core of who we are and perhaps a reminder that only when we are alone are we able to hear clearly from the Spirit that resides in our hearts. Time alone, as every parent knows, is sacred ground. And when it’s in my grasp, I usually feel it trickle too fast through my fingers and I panic that it will be gone before I have figured out how best to spend it.
A good book, a hot bath, a meal eaten in peace. Caramel frappacinos enjoyed while reading a magazine. A slow walk down the grocery aisle. Music, loud music in the laundry room. I spend my alone time in the ordinary, every day ways familiar to parents. But even the most mundane tasks, when done alone, take on a special quality. There is reverence in the ordinary when I get to savor it with only my thoughts and the Spirit that loves me for company.
It is rarely grand. But it is always necessary.
Small, deliberate footsteps, however, ultimately find me out in the end. And in the midnight hour I reach out to my son and feel his long limbs, that just an afternoon before were full of fight and stubborn refusal to comply, fold into me. He is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones.
Small wonder that Jesus-brother-human-maker could never turn away anyone who interrupted him.
The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.
Mark 6:30-33.
He understands.
He understands the feeling of claustrophobia that can set in after a long day at the center of many small, grabbing hands. And he shows me what compassion looks like in the very midst of that hungry need for space.
So I reach out and roll Jackson into the sheet next to me. Because he wants to be with me. Just like I want to want to be with Jesus. And we rest in one another.
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You paint motherhood pictures better than anyone! And, you still encourage us by pointing us toward the One who has always been where we are. Perfection!
Oh man, I’m just grateful that He helps me make sense of all the crazy tired, you know?
Being the object of so much need is exhausting and wonderful at the same time. Your perspective is amazing. Encouraging. It’s light…like that yoke…*blessings*
“The object of so much need” – yes, indeed- that’s it exactly.
How timely for me as I was just sorts complaining to the Lord about my need for some “me time” to just seek Him in prayer. A very clingy 10mo doesn’t offer that time much. This post reminds me that He understands. Thank you for this
It was such a relief to me to realize that he had a whole lot of experience with being the center of clingy attention too.
Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone… love that scripture… love that song…
Beautiful blog post…
What song has those lines? Send link please?
This post is beautiful it hits home with me as I struggle with the need for alone time. You reminded me of Jesus’ compassion and will guide me towards working harder on my own. xx
Alone time is like the holy grail to parents, I think. And just last night for the very first time it struck me that perhaps Jesus didn’t get too much of it himself, either. Such a comforting thought!
I haven’t been resting in God lately…
Thankfully that doesn’t keep him from resting in us, eh?
I LOVE this…it is so absolutely true!
You dance in the laundry room, too? :)
Yes, yes to all of it. Seeing the Savior as we parent–the shock and awe to realize in this journey He builds Himself in us. Coming to the cusp of the depth of our love for our children and looking in, we see His Eyes willing us to understand:
THIS IS MINE FOR YOU.
The beauty, the joy, and everything’s a picture.
In the common and the day to day; sometimes most.
Yes, sometimes in the common most of all. And PS: You got me thinking about dancing in laundry rooms.
Anyone else hide in the bathroom? I know it’s not just me. How ironic is it that as I read your post I had three of my four children sitting in my lap? The baby has been fussy the last couple nights. Night before last I only slept in 45 minute intervals because he wanted to be held. I held him all day yesterday. Last night I just brought him to bed with me because I knew I’d get no sleep any other way. All he wanted was touch, to be cuddled. He only woke once. All. Night. Long! As much as I crave my “me” time, when I get it all I can think about is getting back to my babies. :)
I think the question is who *doesn’t* hide in the bathroom from time to time, eh? :)
While I always crave, need, desire that alone time away from my children, I never realized how precious and necessary my alone time was with the Lord! Recently God took away all the man made distractions (internet! Oh my! Phone! Oh no!) and “forced” me to be with Him and only Him. For several months I just became drenched in His Word and what a powerful and reviving time that was…
So good. Why is it he needs to drag us kicking and screaming sometimes? Only to discover it’s where we wanted to be all along…. I think it’s the stubborn two year old in me.
Oh how I remember those days! Even now, my daughters seem to go through spells of having nightmares occasionally, when they will seek me out-always me for some reason- never their dad, hmm ;)
No matter how old they get, I will always comfort them in the night. There is a verse in Psalms (forgive me, I can’t remember it it) that talks about how our Father in heaven does not sleep, but watches over us. I often think of that verse when I am up with my daughters.
I don’t miss the sleep depreviation, but I do miss the squishy baby flesh, the “hold-you’s”…mine are 6 and 8 now…I know that quickly (all too quickly)…they won’t be mine much longer…
So true. I never really understood the expression, “I could eat you up” – until I had kids!
“It is rarely grand. But it is always necessary.”
yes. and yes!
you painted such a great picture here. i hung on every word as they sank into my spirit like a whisper from God…”dont forget about me…its ok to crawl onto my lap for some alone time.”
Oh man, some nights when I’m rocking the boys, I can feel His big old tight arms around me and I know he’s rocking all of us.
Loved this post. So beautiful and so true. It is what my heart needed today. I love how God does that.
This post kinda surprised me too. I felt like He showed me something I’d never noticed before. And it was such a relief to know He really truly gets how I feel.
Just what I needed…
Thank you!
Hugs!
Right back atcha!
You write so beautifully Lisa-Jo. I love reading the words. They resonate in my heart. Though we are in far different seasons in life, it seems things don’t really change. They just take a different form. An empty nest, but a husband home full-time, elderly parents needing help, grown children needing a listening ear, grandchildren to be loved and played with – and alone time a rare commodity. I need it too and cherish every moment I can grab hold of. I have to be careful not to resent the interruptions (especially when I finally have some time to myself and something happens to change my plans). I want to be just as you have described – like Jesus.
Thank you for this.
I’ve been thinking about this. And seems it is better to be at the center of someone else’s needs than not to have anyone who needs you. I am going to work at reminding myself of that.
Thank you, thank you. I love reading your posts b/c I feel like you are speaking straight to me. For the last week and a half, my son has slept in our bed and kept me up with his coughing. Half of those nights, his sister has joined him. He did not go to bed until after 10:00 tonight. My husband works over an hour away from his work and doesn’t get home most nights until around 7. I have not been on any sort of trip for longer than three hours by myself in almost five years.
I love my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, I want to *miss* my kids and my husband. And after reading your post, I heard that that is okay (don’t know if that was supposed to be the take-away point or not). I’m not a horrible wife or mother–I just need a break to recharge.
Great post!
That was the takeaway – for sure! You are a brave, wonderful mom who feels run ragged at the end of long days. And what a blessing to know that the God who made us can relate first hand. It kind of staggered me to think of it like that the first time. Made me love Him all over again for stepping into this human skin!
Thank you, Lisa Jo!!! This was such a *necessary* post for me to read…right now…at this very moment!! God Bless you!!!
You’re so welcome. I might need to come and re-read it myself a few more times over the next few years, eh?
This is so beautifully written and reaches straight to the heart of me. Thank you for these reminders, so full of love and truth.
And thank you for the sweet comment over at Chatting today. It’s very nice to meet you. :)
Love this image of feeling like life is crowded around and in on you. I am totally in that place right now. Like there are too many needs and not enough supply. Like there are too many tasks and not enough hours. Like there is too much mothering to be given and not enough mother.
Thank heavens that “You have all you need for life and godliness.” Today. Abiding.
Yea, some days I think it’s a lot more than bread and fish that need to be multiplied….
This is perfect. I love this. I have read a lot from the Buddhist perspective about finding the sacred in the ordinary and mundane, and I love how you tie it to Jesus.
I, too, have one who says “Mama, I wanna be by you.” I get this.
My two and half year old loves like a hurricane. His passion can overwhelm and humble me. I try to treasure it while it is still mine for the taking; before he finds a girl he’d rather give it to instead.
Beautiful!
Thank you ~ there’s nothing like the love of your kids. I feel like I could swallow it whole.