Sometimes at the end of the week I’m too tired to be much good for anything or anyone.

I get that “my eyes feel like they’ve been crying” sensation, even when they haven’t. My head aches and my lips can’t seem to absorb enough Vaseline. I’m hungry, but making a meal seems like a gigantic effort and it’s much easier just to sit here on the couch, absorbing all the silence along with the huff and puff of the heater.

It soothes me.

To just sit here and be still for a bit.

To leave the laundry and the dishes and that weird, dried-up-something that’s on the carpet and just be. Not for long. I know it can’t last for long. There are a slew of deadlines and the unexpected doctor’s appointment I had to schedule for my snot-nosed boys and their too-warm-foreheads. But my head and my body both seem to need a break right now and so I sit with hands wrapped around a cup of warm tea and let the snow falling outside come and fall inside my brain too.

Coating the worries and frenetic wonderings of “how will we get it all done” and “who will watch the big kids when the little one arrives” and “can one really fit 3 car seats across the back row” with a blanket of white.

Soft, white words falling into my emptiness:

Let me Bless you with My grace and peace. Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you. Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace. Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence

To feel weak and broken and inadequate – there is no shame in this.

There is no shame in this.

Because I am made of sinews that tire and flesh that gets hungry and lungs that can’t seem to catch their breath. And all that is laced through with sin that wants to trap me in my tiredness and tell me I am no good.

So I sit and exhale.

And let Him breathe back into this space – all this empty tired space I give to the One who promises to fill it up with good and strong and courage.

And there is no shame in that.

{Photos from last year’s epic blizzard in the DC area.}


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