It’s late. Only 9pm. But so late. The night shift will soon begin and the day shift with bathtimes and teeth brushing battles has only just begun to wind down. I slink away for a bit to steal some quiet and maybe some few moments of sleep in between shifts.
But they find me.
Small feet come first and bring whispers of, “Mama, can I come snuggle with you a bit?” And he’s clambering in and behind me, pulling the blankets, readjusting the pillows, talking all the while.
“Mama, can we chat?”
I force myself to think very slowly. To process the words before they come out my mouth so that what he hears isn’t, “no, no, no please leave me alone before Zoe wakes up again” but instead, “yes, I’d love to chat with you, Jackson.”
I love you.
That’s what I need him to hear. With his ears and his heart.
So we snuggle in the warm dark and he talks in earnest about how fast boys run on the playground and who tried to kick him and why and how they are still firm friends. He whispers so loud and lies so close and smells of his daddy’s body wash that he knows he’s not supposed to use. And he pauses now and again to exclaim as if in surprise how much he loves me and I repeat it back and we both revel in the reconnecting.
The rediscovering that we actually like each other as much as we love each other.
Because babies can be hard on moments like this and we’ve lost many of ours these last few weeks. Distance has not made the hearts grow fonder and we have snapped and barked at each other until the last thing I wanted was to snuggle with my five-year-old.
“What’s wrong with that boy?” I’ve asked Pete. And I’ve listed how loud and fast and rough and non-stop-talkative he is. And Pete just pointed out that that’s how he’s been the whole time; it’s me and my measuring the world against my baby-sized ruler that’s changed. I was surprised to hear it. That maybe we need more of each other and not less.
So I pulled back the covers when what I wanted to do was ask him to go back to his own bed.
I pulled back the covers to a small boy with big feelings. And that has made all the difference.
{Photo credit: Natalie Webb}
Except for having a baby around, THIS is exactly what happened at our house this week. Exactly. And I’m so glad to know we’re walking this same road. Beautifully written, my friend.
Thank you so much for this! It’s exactly what I needed to hear. I’m having the hardest time with my redheaded boy lately and I hate that I feel like I have to be reminded to not just love him but to like him too.
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
Yes! Yes! I want to like them as much as I love them. I have teenagers now and they know my buttons, yet they still need my love, attention and friendship. Thank you Lisa for your amazing words.
There certainly are ages when it’s a challenge to ‘like’ our children in addition to loving them. I wonder how our Lord must feel when we are ‘unlikeable’ yet He still stops to let us babble to Him like little children.
Lisa-Jo, you always have the right words at the right times for this mama’s heart. Thank you for being such a blessing!
I really needed to hear this because I rarely take the time to slow and be. Oh I need to so bad. Perhaps another read through of Ann’s book will drive it through my head~my heart.
Thank you, Lisa Jo, for sharing your heart and honesty.
By the end of this I had tears in my eyes – I too don’t want to miss those precious moments and loved that reminder to stop and slow down with my kids!
I have tears in my eyes right now, too! And even though my little boy is only 3, I find myself getting exasperated more than I should. What a special, honest reminder of how we need to slow down and enjoy our children.
Me too! This is lovely, Lisa-Jo. (and that boy of yours is just YUMMY) :)
Oh thank you guys, yes – I’m pretty partial to his yumminess myself :)
Beautiful!
Your words land right in the middle of my heart. God’s been really convicting me over the past few months of how “busy” I am and how hard it is to set aside all the distractions and all the to-do’s and just connect with my kids, to really HEAR them. Your post is a little gift of God’s grace in my day… a reminder that all of us mamas are in this journey together and that the Lord’s faithful to help us focus on the precious little “chats” that our kids so desperately want us to enjoy with them. Thank you.
Yes, together, all the way!
What a great reminder! Thank you!
This is a beautiful and sweet reminder that our boys need our time. This very subject has been on my mind all week, and I think the Lord for this reminder to slow down and spend more time with my son.
Thank you!
Slowing my thoughts and considering my responses is exactly what I am working on these days.
So even though there is no baby…heck they aren’t even children anylonger, this is vital, they still need to know that we are willing to listen, even when all we want, what we need is a break, we remain able to listen; and in the listening we find we genuinely like our children.
What a blessing.
Good job, mama!! You made such a wise decision and you are planting seeds for such a precious future. My oldest son is 19 and our relationship is one of my greatest blessings on earth. :)
hard, it is sometimes just so hard. and always, always a choice. thanks for the reminder.
My 3 year old is the same way – complete energy, non-stop talking, snuggling on his own terms even when it seems like the worst time for me. I try to remember that we both need those times. Thanks for reminding me again!
Awww how sweet! We know that this time passes by oh so quickly and that we should enjoy the moments as the come but, yes, sometimes it is hard to feel the way we know we should and the way that we want to feel. Sometimes all we want to do is wake up and find ourselves soaking it up on the beach in Maui, or anywhere, instead of dealing with the here and the now.
I think that you made a good choice. :)
i sent my two to bed last night with harsh words and rushed kisses. then fell down on my pillow and pulled the covers up. as i lay there and thought about what each one “needed”, i called him to come in for a little snuggle time. when he moved in close he said, “mama, i just prayed that you wouldn’t be grouchy”. oh my heart, pierced with truth from a 7 year old. then we talked about house boats and 4-wheelers and snuggled and kissed until he felt safe and happy and sure that his mama not only loved him, but liked him.
I’ve had many nights like that too, Tina. Frustration that melts into mama time. And yes, it ends up doing us both good.
Totally love this today. I have learned that often (read usually) when they are acting up, what they really need is a little bit of time and attention.
this was so lovely. how lucky he is to have a mom like you.
these were words i needed today. this post was a good reminder to be present in their moments…not just our own. {delurking….}
My “kids” are now 19 and 21. I miss those moments and long for them. But, in the same way, I need a ready heart when these young adults who are struggling to be independent need and want to talk. When those times come, they need my full attention–not my distracted, half-there attention. Thanks for the reminder! Godspeed, Elizabeth
Once again you have looked into my home & heart. I have been having a hard time lately with spending time with my kids, especially trying to enjoy it. I am going through the postpartum emotions, without the baby (lost it 2 weeks ago), and it is tough. I am trying to remember throughout the day to make eye contact, touch them, and at least “act” interested in what they’re saying. I do love them. It’s just so hard to show it right now. Thank you for your example, your honesty, and for sharing with us.
Oh Ruth – my heart aches for you. Give yourself grace, my friend, to work through this difficult time at your own pace. And I hope that your kids can offer you those tight hugs and generous loves that can ease parts of your aching heart. Praying peace and comfort on you in the weeks to come!
What a sweet post. It brought back some memories. I had one son and one daughter that talked non-stop. Sometimes, it was hard not to tune them out. Enjoy the moments they go fast.
Blessings to you!
This was a super excellent post. I have been in that place more than once. Thank you for this wonderful reminder. Blessings to you.
Oh my goodness, I read this this morning and thought, “Oh, that’s so nice. I need to remember that.” And then the day just got worse and worse and worse and I thought, “I just don’t know if I CAN like my kids today. I think we just need a new day.” But oh, I’ll remember this again tomorrow morning and the morning after that…because one day they’ll be all grown up and I’ll regret not enjoying the moments I had with them as little ones.
Oh Elizabeth, that’s been me too much of the last week. And a wise friend reminded me that we’re not being graded on this motherhood stuff and that some days if we just manage to survive we’ve done good. So hang in there, we’re all in this together :)
Just.what.I.needed.to.hear.today. Thank you for this!
I think this is about my favorite post from you.
But I needed it yesterday…when “we” were busy eating staples.
Honestly though…I love the reminder.
I know I love my kids.
They know that.
I also want them to know (without a shadow of a doubt)…that I truly LIKE them.
Even my 3 month old daughter can grind and grate…and I’m learning even now to choose love and like instead of “leave me alone,” not only because she can’t understand it but because I know that choosing this now will help me choose it later. Thank you for this reminder of how important making the decision is.
Dang, that’s pretty sweet.
Need to remember that: when the kids are most driving me crazy, is when I probably need to spend the most time with them. ugh. That’s a hard one.
Thanks, Lisa-Jo!!!
Oh, so true. My youngest is 2, and even though he’s rapidly moving away from the “baby” stage, still, he requires more attention and help than my older son, who’s 8. There are times I just want to go hide for a minute once the younger one is sleeping, but I know my older son needs me, too – probably more now than ever, since he’s not the only child anymore. Thank you for posting.