How heavy a baby is.
How that tiny, new human being can cripple a back with endless nights of swaying and leaning and crouching over a crib to listen to her breathe. They could have mentioned the ache you’d feel at the pit of your heart when she smiles or burps or rolls over.
Perhaps they could have prepared us better for what tired feels like. Not just, “a nap sure would be nice” tired, but the kind of “I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth this morning, I’m so tired I could fall asleep in the carpool lane if I’m not careful” tired.
They might have mentioned that we’d be able to sleep through a hail storm but be out of bed before we’re even awake when a child coughs or sighs or cries for his favorite toy.
They could have told us we’d wake up one morning to discover we’d become someone’s super hero.
Our parents should have painted the picture of what a meal of BBQ ribs will do to a carpet when shared with small and enthusiastic boys. Or how hard mud is to remove from a rug or how wet, food colored flour can set to the consistency of cement if it’s not washed away immediately.
Perhaps they might have whispered about the ocean of vulnerability we’d be swimming out into when we had kids. How before we knew it we’d be left gasping for air on the days when someone gets hurt. And how many nights we’d spend pleading with God for wisdom, for patience, for strength.
They might have done it, if they thought we’d believe it. They might have packaged up so much truth and hand delivered it if only they didn’t already know it had to be earned.
Because earn it you do.
Every hard mile of parenting is hard won. And desperately worth it.
So tell me, what did I forget?
What else could our parents have told us if only we weren’t too inexperienced to believe them?
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That the flash of one tiny smile, the clasp of one small hand would unleash a swell of unconditional love that would carry us through countless days of difficulties.
Of course, if they had told me that, I probably wouldn’t have believed them anyway…
That disciplining a child is as hard as it gets. To look into the eyes of your little one and tell them they did wrong. To follow up with carefully planned consequences that you know will shape them into functioning adults, but in the moment only cause them tears. To put aside your desperate need to scoop them up and tell them it is all ok Mommy messes up too until they learn to be humble and ask for forgiveness. Never would have believed it would be as hard as it is…
that they weren’t lying when they said “this hurts me more than it hurts you” when punishment was given….I couldn’t believe they would say something so untrue :)
oh, and that they were making.every.thing.up. – – although, I was pretty sure of that one when I was a teenager. But the love- that was, and is always true. And really, does the rest of it matter?
That parenting doesn’t end when the kid grows up and moves out into the world. That “adult-child parenting” is even harder than little kid parenting
It is weirdly harder! We are in that stage too!
Precious pictures and yes there are many things we could have learned but as a young mom thinking ‘her own thoughts’ would we have listened?
They DID tell us lots of things we didn’t believe – Like “You’ll understand when you have kids of your own.”
I would never have believed that God would use my kids to teach ME very valuable and life changing lessons! I thought that as the mom, I would be the one doing the teaching! How wrong I have been …..oh so many times! Thankful for grace!
I just had a conversation with my nineteen year-old son, acknowledging some things I’d gotten wrong. I told him, “You know, when you’re growing up you think your parents know what they’re doing; that they have all the answers.” The truth is, we learn as we go. We learn how desperately we need to cling to Christ.
They could have told us that right a the moment you think you’ve kinda sorta got this parenting gig down pat – yeah they get all slippery and their growth puts you in new uncertain and shaky territory. Looking for my footing all over again.
I heard yesterday “it seems that we are hardwired for failure” it seems like as parents we are hardwired to walk a tight rope between what we think we know and grace in the unknowing…
does that make any sense??
that the little moments you fly right through will be the ones that you remember the most.
That we should slow down and live in the moment at least even for a second so you can savor the moments. I had to tell myself to do that the other day and when I did I got to experience this:
http://www.momslittlerunningbuddy.com/2011/10/most-perfect-memory.html
That they really do pay attention! To. Every. Thing.
{even the moments that seem rarest of all…when I’m gentle and kind–they notice!}
SUCH. GRACE!
They forgot to tell us that they would love our children so much because they are “almost ” theirs. At least that ‘s what my mom tells me when I ask her how she feels about her grandchildren :)
All the things our parents could have told us don’t hold a candle next to the things we remember them doing… keep doing dear Gypsy mama…all in gentle love and laughter
That growing a baby stretches your belly…
growing little ones stretches your arms, legs, endurance, energy…
growing teenagers stretches your heart and soul….
I was going to answer that but the comment got so long (and dark) I just posted the reply on my blog. Thanks for the inspiration. I’ve never really considered that my parents may have felt for me the same things I feel for my child.
Beautifully said!
I think it’s a lot like childbirth. I think the experience of suffering which inevitably comes (and no one could really prepare you for anyway) in child-rearing is dulled in comparison to the rest. The blinding pain of birth and near-insanity of sleep deprivation become likened to the dreams that you remember and always will but have lost their power to frighten or hurt us because they are merely a shadow of our reality, which is love for our children that is far fiercer than (dare I say it) our love of self. Suffering stays with us but does so by molding us and forming us into stronger, deeper people a little more dependent upon Grace to sustain us. Suffering sucks, but each time I experience it (depending on how I do it) I come out on the other side looking a little more like Jesus (who spent his entire life suffering). And no matter what our parents say to us, that’s an understanding that only comes with suffering.
Thanks for the post but wow did it strick my heart. Another thing that our parents did not share is how hard it is to let go. You see my son is not little he is 17 and a senior in high school. I will very honest as hard as it was when I dropped him off his first day of school his senior year is even harder. I have cried already so many times and it is only the second quarter of school. We received his Senior pictures in the mail and let me just say the tears streamed down my face like a river. Tonight my husband and I will escort him down the football field to recognize the seniors and my heart is a little achy. Please understand I am so happy for him and excited to see what God has planned for him but WOW empty nest pulls at your heart.