We’re talking about beauty this week.
And as I sit and watch my oldest-about-to-turn-six-year-old son at Tae Kwon Do all lean and long, lithe graceful limbs – this strong, man of a boy – an image of him as a newborn superimposes itself on the Jackson I see before me.
Suddenly I’m back in a thatch roof cottage in South Africa and there’s a blonde haired baby about to teach me about beauty in ways and experiences I’d never imagined.
How could I have known where that steep stepping stone path would lead me? Past the weaver bird nests and the old avocado tree. Past the fading wooden door and the planters I got down on hands and knees to root at the entrance to our baby’s first home. How I could I have known that the smallness of the place would belie the big and beautiful lessons it would house?
I would become a mother beneath that dry grass thatch.
I would watch my body grow and stretch into a fullness I felt more in my heart than in my belly button.
And when we brought the baby home from the hospital I would discover what a mistake it was to pack all my pre-pregnancy clothes for the grand homecoming. I would be embarrassed when I looked in the mirror. I would gasp at the me I didn’t recognize and realized I didn’t like, since there was no good baby excuse to explain it away – all stretched out like that.
And I would want to hide.
Behind the bathroom door – a small and tiny space all decorated in deep blues. I would hide there when Pete came looking for me one night and tell him not to look, not to come in, because I was ugly.
He caught the closing door with his hand. He pulled it open. He looked me in the eyes and told me never to say that again. Never to call the mother of his new baby anything but beautiful. And his words wrapped me in a new truth that was warm and profoundly comforting.
That night in a small cottage on a South African hillside I discovered that ugly is usually not in the eyes of the beholder – especially when that person is the man who loves me or the God who created me.
Instead, ugly is born out of my own mouth and spoken over my own self.
Ugly worms its way out of my head and into my heart when I forget, when I refuse to remember, that all things God makes are good.
For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving. 1 Tim 4:4.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11.
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Genesis 1:31.
Calling myself ugly directly contradicts the good and beautiful God spoke over me first.
Staring at my beautiful son in full swing in his Tae Kwon Do class I am stunned by this realization. Only I can silence the voice of ugliness. And only when I see myself through Jesus’ eyes.
The same way I see Jackson through mine.
Beautiful.
{All photos taken just weeks before Jackson arrived in August 2005}
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That was absolutely beautiful, it took my breath away to realize “Oh yeah I am the reason for these feelings, I am the one that thinks I look gross all the time, but HE made me and HE thinks I am beautiful”….it’s good to remind ourselves of that OFTEN…DAILY even. Thank you for sharing. <3
I cried reading this. And I can feel the tears caught in my throat.
Only *we* can declare ugliness…and it breaks our Father’s heart when we do; he weeps over what He created and He wants us to See His beauty.
I am touched today…
Oh. My. Goodness. Gracious.
This was a treasure to read. A tear came to my eye as I read what your precious husband spoke over you in that moment.
so hard to see what others see. we are the worst judges of our outside selves….
What a powerful post – I needed to hear this today!
And can I please go live in that cottage – it is adorable!!!
WOW! Powerful. I really needed this reminder.
Beautiful words, truths that need to go deep and be permanently planted in the hearts of many. Beautiful setting, scenes so serene and pretty. So far away from home, yet leading you to home in your heart.
Thank you! I needed this so much. I had never thought of those verses you posted in light of me. I so badly need to believe these truths about how God sees me and to realize that’s all that counts…..what He thinks!
Your post also makes me think of how much I loved any and every piece of art work that our children created when they were young. I would ooh and ah over each one and finally, when the kids got older, they would tell me I was not giving them constructive criticism; I was just always saying their work was beautiful regardless. To me, it was beautiful…..no matter what it looked like……because they made it.
Thank you, I needed this.
Wow. Here come those tears again; the ones that show up every time I read your blog. How is it that you can know exactly what I’m going through? I’ve been fighting with (submitting to) this evil voice calling me ugly since my first child was born nearly 11 years ago. It is constant struggle and one I am ashamed to admit. Thank you for your honesty, clarity, and faith. You are such an inspiration! xoxo
I am in tears over your beauty posts- how did you know I was walking this journey in my own heart? Thank you.
just knowing that i’m not the only one who’s walked the “ugly” journey is such a comfort. i so remember those days of hiding behind the bathroom door or racing to slip under the covers and turn off the light so that my husband won’t have to visually see my ugliness.
i remember the hurt in his voice as i refused to hear his words of truth….as i refused to hear that he loves me just the way i am, stretch marks, flab, extra pounds and all.
i remember the many times i would deny him intimacy because i was too ashamed of my body.
ahh, but we serve a God of healing. a God who knows our hearts and loves us right where we are. a God who gives us a loving husband who sees past the pounds to the woman inside.
i’ve come a long way since those days of hiding, but it’s so easy to slip back in. speaking words of beauty, words of truth allows the healing to continue,keeps the “ugliness” away.
thank you for such a beautiful post and a precious reminder of who we are in Him…..
This is feeling like a small series and I AM LOVING IT. This is a lovely tale of truth and yes, beauty. Thank you so much for sharing it. And for the wonderful and evocative photos of your homeland and your first home there – lovely.
We spent a tiny amount of time in a thatched roof rondaval at Victoria Falls in the late 60’s – and at the risk of TMI, began the road to first-time parenthood under the thatch as well. :>) (She was born in the bush, at a mission hospital, in the backcountry of Zambia and brought to live in a cinder-block, government built home on a boarding school campus.)
This is a message that all women need to hear. Thank you for your openness and honesty and revealing a very intimate part of your life. May you be blessed in all of your writings.
beauty & truth! Ugly is spoken over my own self. Wow. Yes.
Bless you!
Sweet Lisa-Jo –
God is teaching me also to love the skin He put me in…
Here’s an excerpt from my recent post, “Whole, Even Now”:
This body is evidence of life and love and mothering and good food shared and dancing and fine wine and hiking and homebaked cookies and running and laughing….
This body is a gift from my Abba God, the Creator of the Universe, who knit me together in the womb, and created little ol’ me, wonderfully and fearfully made…
This body has a calling. Am I going to walk around loathing it? Or walk worthy of the calling?
You are beautiful. Evidence of His handiwork; evidence of the life & love all around you!
Lisa-Jo, I totally heart this:
” … ugly is usually not in the eyes of the beholder – especially when that person is the man who loves me or the God who created me.
Instead, ugly is born out of my own mouth and spoken over my own self. ”
Um, gorgeous. Um, pppppeeeerrrffeeeccttt. {How’s that for emphasizing a word in a comment box that won’t let you bold and highlight and underline?!}
Seriously, though, loved reading this today . . .
Love it – I could *totally* hear it through the comment box :)
It truly is amazing how quick we are to throw ugly words at the mirror! I discovered this about myself in a very weird encounter not long ago–I wrote about it here: http://upthesunbeam.blogspot.com/2011/05/rear-ended-in-twilight-zone.html
I love how your husband stood between you and your inner mean-girl, and how clearly you got the message that we should never call ugly what God has made beautiful! Excellent Lisa-Jo!!
It sounds like you married a wise man. And he married a wise woman, to take these lessons to heart, and now in turn to learn how to best communicate them to that sweet little girl you have for someday (and sooner than you can imagine!) she will need to hear those same lessons. I am amazed how quickly the world begins to chip away at our God-image of ourselves. Our girls need us to be secure in that, and then to encourage them in their own journeys toward womanhood, seeing themselves as God sees them.
Beautiful post, truly. Thanks for the sharing.
Steph
Thank you for this, Lisa-Jo. Your reminders are always timely.
Reading this ministered to me today. I need to remember to view myself through the lens of what Scripture says is true. Thank you for taking time to write it.
I loved the pictures, too.
Ugliness fades when I see myself through God’s eyes. I love this, Lisa-Jo. Love seeing the pictures too. :)
Lisa-Jo! I love seeing that thatched roof cottage and knowing that was your first ‘family’ home:} I wonder if my friend, Jenny, who will be moving to your beloved homeland will live in anything similar? {I hope you got to connect with her?}
And this whole piece is exquisite…you have such amazing writing and that is only one tiny part of the beauty and we’re so thankful you help us see all of the other parts too:}:}:}:} in you and then ourselves:}:}:}:}
I was standing in my kitchen reading this today with tears running down my checks.
So beautifully written, and it echoes so much of what I’ve thought so many times. How can I help my daughters grow up to know that they are beautiful, if I can’t see it in myself? I’m such a work in progress, but this post is a great, great reminder!
We’re all those kinds of works in progress, aren’t we Kristie? Blessings to you and your kitchen this morning :)
THANK YOU for this post. You share your heart, and it is beautiful. And you speak so. much. Truth! Thank you.
Today was a little rough, as I was with fellow moms, and rather than being uplifting, it dragged me down. Twice I was asked “Are you pregnant?” even though I’m not, and another mom talked on and on about having a tummy tuck. And I was wearing a dress my husband has recently given me because HE finds me beautiful. And one of the women tried to backtrack, with something about “I didn’t know, and your dress could be a maternity dress.” Eeeeeeeh and sigh. How some words can wound! I tried to push all of this aside and away, but deep down, it hurt.
So. Thank you for your words, and the verses you shared.