When I was 17 we would travel the 45 minutes through from Pretoria to Johannesburg several times a week to go and see my mom. At the top of a tall tower of hospital rooms she waited for us. Like Rapunzel, but without the hair. Her room was warm and her walls covered with art from the kids in my youth group. I don’t remember what we would all talk about. I do remember that it felt normal – to wash hands with sanitizer, don masks and surgical slippers over our shoes, before we hugged her.
And on the way out of the parking a lot we’d always pull over at a particular bend in the road and look back at the cylindrical building silhouetted against the night sky – windows all twinkling deceptively happy. It was impossible to know which was hers amidst the many, many, squares of light. Until it started to flash. On and off she would flip her light switch and we’d wave madly from our corner of the road and dance a jig and cry because she was too far away to make out our tears. But we knew she could see our dancing.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance…. Ecclesiastes 3: 1,4.
I sit in church today and my belly gurgles with hidden hiccoughs and brand new limbs that stretch and wave and can barely fit in the space afforded them anymore. March 21st is the first day of Spring and March 22nd is the day this baby girl is scheduled to bloom open and into our lives.
She is already growing in the dark recesses of my heart. Buried under the winter memories of daughterhood lost I feel her pushing up through hard soil. Cracking open places that I didn’t expect to discover.
Life.
Life.
Life.
And grace are spreading roots out into all the broken places.
Beautifully written, LJ. This sweet baby girl will bring unbelievable healing from Him in unbelievable ways! I just love that she comes at the beginning of Spring when signs of new life are most abundant and fresh.
{And I think your post ending is perfection!}
So precious and heart-warming! This STILLpregnant lady is fighting back a few tears… How amazing is our Redeemer?
So beautiful. I love your imagery–from watching you dance before your mother to the little baby dancing within your womb.
God is so good. (And in my opinion, March babies are, too. My firstborn’s due date was the 24th…but he showed up the 13th. :))
Lisa-Jo, this is just beautiful. As mother to a daughter, I can attest to the fact that the Lord will bring healing to the broken pieces of your heart. My relationship with my mom has been strained at times (we are working on it even now), but through my daughter, the Lord has given me new perspective on what my mother may have been going through at the time and hope for my relationship with both my mother and daughter.
Your relationship with your boys is certainly precious, but the relationship between a mother and daughter is so deep and sometimes complicated, joyous and beautiful. It is such a gift. I’m really looking forward to reading your thoughts on it in the coming months, and maybe even chatting about it face to face.
P.S. My daughter was born March 24th, when the daffodils were in full bloom. They are coming up here as I write. :)
Beautiful. Meeting this new girl will be wonderful, because new life is always full of wonder. And you are too, full up with wonder and love. Can’t wait to see all of the daffodils He has planted in your heart blossom and grow!
A beautiful picture of how God renews all things.
Beautiful! I could have written Jenny’s comment above. Things are stressful between my mother and her mother and between my mother and me, but the relationship I have with my 3 1/2-year-old daughter is food for my soul. You’ll see. :)
Beautiful, LJ. Cannot wait to see her daffodil self and feel the spring she brings to your world of boys.
So thrilled for you to be welcoming a baby girl. A baby GIRL!! Don’t get me wrong…I adore my four boys. Yet there is something so uniquely gifting and challenging and blossoming for a woman to have a daughter.
My sons teach me about their Daddy; about risk, spontaneity, respect, tough-tenderness, adventure. Oh, but my daughters teach me about the unplumbed depths of myself; about hope, security, fears, beauty, and the fragile strength of femininity.
What a gift, you’ve been given both! (who are we, that God has blessed us so?)
Rejoicing with you –
Teri @ StumblingAroundInTheLight
Oh Lisa-Jo, you’re gonna be a great Mommy to this budding season of having a daughter in the midst of boys. I can’t imagine how bittersweet this must be. ((hugs))
I’m full of hope and anticipation for you, and praying for many flowers that grow in the cracks of the missing places that can’t be filled but can be a place where life blossoms.
Wales is covered in daffodils too- I love this time of year! I’m excited for you and your new daughter- praying you can get some rest before she arrives!!
Always. Without fail. I sigh a big sigh at the end of your posts. You write beauty. You do.
I love this post! Yesterday at church we had a pastor/evangelist from South Africa preach. Dr. Harold Peasley of Multi Ministries in Johannesburg. He is delightful! When my husband and I spent 2 weeks in South Africa back in August of 2009, we got to know him and his staff well. I kept a journal and posted it on my blog.
What I will NEVER FORGET about your beautiful homeland were the thousands of white calla lilies blooming wild along the coast as I drove with another missionary couple to the Western Cape along the glorious and I do mean GLORIOUS Indian Ocean. I have pictures here:
http://granjansjoy.blogspot.com/2009/11/south-africa-13-journal-day-8.html
And I love that your baby girl is due at the beginning of a new season – for it will most certainly be a NEW SEASON for you with a daughter. I had two boys (and now have 2 grandboys and 1 grandgirl). And my own mother’s birthday is March 21st…
My backyard garden here in middle Georgia is FULL of yellow daffodils, King Alfreds – tall and wonderful!
Much love sweet girl!
Jan
PS: We’re planning a trip back to South Africa within the year. I left a part of my heart there – I love it so very much.
What a beautiful tradition that you had with your mom! Having lived in Jo-burg and travelled often to PTA, I can picture the scene of you guys standing on that corner and all of the people watching on and you not caring if they are looking or not, but giving that beautiful moment to your mom…tears and all.
So precious!
My birthday is March 23rd. I’ve always thought it was the right day for me to be born. It was a Wednesday (same day this year!) and I was a week late. I was supposed to be a St. Patrick’s day baby. But the 23rd is perfectly right. Your post helped me figure it out. I haven’t bloomed, but I was bloomed a little late.. and I feel like my petals are ready to spread. Thanks for inspiring the ah-ha moment!
I have two March babies–it’s a wonderful time for a new baby! Can’t wait to welcome her.
I am so excited for what I know He has in store for you. Little girls, oh my, so precious. So different, precious in new ways. And to watch a daddy with his first little girl, I’m crying again remembering my precious husband melting in a puddle on the floor of the hospital room when they laid the first of four girls in his big Daddy arms. The look on his face: wonder, awe, amazement. They have carried his heart in their arms since that first day. Inexplicable: Daddy and Daughter. So much joy awaits you.
I love that last line. :)
I have been busy/away, but so glad I clicked on ‘Gypsy Mama’, Lisa-Jo! to come and read…
Sister, no words…you do help me remember…I remember most when she was home, with us, in her sickness, but yes, the leaving when time is short…
Your precious mama flashing her light…oh, I can just picture our Mama’s in Glory together…how free and beautiful and dancing and rejoicing with Him over us…your mama over you and whispering courage deep that these seeds are good and ready to spring up as you mama a priceless baby girl…
sending love and hugs to you!