To walk into the high top, past the three rings and the fire breather, between the clowns and the jugglers to face lions is no easy task.
But we are called to it. Mothers. We are called to tame lions. And while I don’t know much, I am learning that it is impossible to face this King of Beasts that fits neatly into a toddler-sized package and effectively soothe his soul when we haven’t first tamed our own hearts.
And my heart roars. It frightens me on occasion. It is wild and snarly and quick to bite off the head of a child.
Taming this heart of mine is my constant work. It’s my wake-up-in-the-morning and beg the Father God for help work. It’s my 5pm-daddy’s-running-late I don’t think I can do it challenge. It’s my drown-my-sorrows-in-chocolate-cake-after-the-kids are asleep calling that I will, nonetheless, keep chasing.
Because I am learning that the only sure thing I can control in this family is myself.
I can’t control if my son still has nighttime accidents or if his big brother sneaks into our bed at midnight. I can’t control our income, how long the passport application for travel home will take, or whether Micah will smile for a photo or not.
I can only control me.
I can control my frustration and how I express it. Only I can iron out my shouty face, my crossed arms, my wrinkled attitude. I can always choose to laugh. And when it’s a day for tears instead, I can share them honest and safe and not loud and vindictive.
The lion king in me needs to lay down beside the children I am raising and show them how emotion is safely wielded. That we can be the boss of our own feelings.
I can tame lions. Starting with my own stubborn heart.
Because this house, this sometime-circus, it echoes what comes out of me. When I am angry it ripples outward and is reflected in every word and action and reaction of my children and the man I love. But when I can remember to bite tongue, spill grace, fight back the snippy retorts, we are all more likely to keep it together.
At least for this afternoon.
{Congrats to Kristina for winning Don’t Make Me Come Up There – an excellent how-to for would-be lion tamers on those crazy, juggling, fire breathing, run-of-the-mill days}
Photo: Krakow, Poland.
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Such a truth! I repeated these words to my children countless times as I raised them under my roof – “you can only control you” – “you are responsible for you, your behavior, your response that is all you have control over” And every single time I said these words to my children it was a reminder that I too needed to hear. And again today, your words are the reminder that I need.
Thanks for this, Lisa-Jo! I have realized since being a mother that it often seems my main task is merely to keep calm and keep cheerful. “Keep Calm and Carry On” as they say here. :)
Oh, and how I must CONstantly go back to seeking, ever-seeking God’s Holy Spirit for strength to bite back those lion-roars…for peace to weather the windstorms.
Love your real-life look at mommying, Lisa-Jo; helps us all breathe a sigh of ‘okay-I’m-normal’…!!
– Teri
Just popping in to say that I love your writing. A friend emailed me your blog because she thought I’d appreciate it, as a US citizen who has landed myself a God-given blessing of serving in an orphanage in Mamelodi. Plus, I love to travel.
And even though I’m not a biological, or even adoptive, mother, I’m still in that sort of role for these 16 children. Taming the heart and taming the children– this entry really resonates with my life!
“And my heart roars. It frightens me on occasion. It is wild and snarly and quick to bite off the head of a child.”
Ahh, yes. That speaks to me. I thought I was a pretty even-tempered soul until we had our two children. Wild and snarly, indeed. I felt like I was fighting every battle on two fronts: first, with the girls, and second and bigger, with myself. It is worth the effort, however, to tame ourselves because our children will learn what they live.
Such important truths for me this morning. The 3-ring circus of my family today, these days, can be quite overwhelming… Today, it’s not the wild snarls as much as it is the tears. Thank you for the reminder that I can / should / must share them in a way that is “honest and safe”, that I can model for my little ones how to handle the sad frustration when it comes. thank you.
If you thought it got easier – sorry -we are the lion tamers right into the teenage years and beyond. With three teenagers I realise that the biggest challenge is not taming their hearts but taming my own, day by day. I take courage as I know He is in the lion taming business too
Lisa-Jo, you know I love your words because they describe my home and my struggles. Thank you for these words to ponder today–I can only control myself–because I’ve definitely thrown up my hands quite a few times these last few weeks. It is so discouraging when I don’t know what to do as a parent. But I can control myself (or at least try).
What a great reminder to me this Monday morning. How I can relate to your words! I am much more lion than lion tamer some days and this is just what I needed to hear. Bless you, and thank you for blessing me!
Oh, how I can relate to these words. I have a lion of a heart too sometimes and once again, your honesty is encouraging. I live in a part of the country where people are very private about struggles and their personal lives. Unfortunately, it leaves people feeling isolated. Thank you for being vulnerable in this lovely blog. Your readers are blessed!
Sarah
Lisa-Jo,
I have just found your site and LOVE it! I have to say that my kids are much older than yours, but when they were young, I also thought it was my job to be the “lion tamer.” It has taken many years to understand and believe that my job really is to be the lion tamer of my own heart and words and be the “lion groomer and trainer” for my kids. It has always struck me with great awe that HE believed in me enough to entrust me with 3 kids-and ask Him daily for patience and kind words to fill all the roles. Give yourself permission to know you are a great mother!
Beautifully put! I’m praying for you and all the other mommies of littles that I know and love :)
Have a great week!
Lisa-Jo –
You are wise! Making our homes filled with heart ends up on us, even if we are working moms. We are the heart and, so, our response to everything matters. Our oldest just turned 21 and is home for the summer. I’ve had to re-learn how to lovingly respond to this young man who is also my son.
Praying for patience and a home filled with love,
Elizabeth
Wow. Again, thank you so much for capturing my feelings with your words. And teaching me a lesson in the process.
Such an amazing post! SO incredibly true…
AHHHH! How healing that post was for me! This weekend I went away with a group of girls, it was a beast to beat the guilt that almost kept me from going. Then, in the middle of incredible peaceful girl time, I am notified that my son was missing from his bed. My husband panicked and immediately thought the worst, and alerted the police. I was five hours away and feeling helpless, our group cried out to Jesus and made a lot of phone calls:) 17 minutes later he was found asleep under the bed! I have been feeling a bit shameful about the publicity of this event:) Jesus spoke to me while reading your post and whispered “See, you could only control yourself, you cried out to me during crisis” I need to let these ugly thoughts go. Thanks so much Lisa Jo!
Oh, please don’t feel any bit of shame. My husband did the very same thing when he was a toddler. The ENTIRE neighborhood was walking the streets with flashlights calling his name. Everyone laughs at it now. But what I love is to watch my mother-in-law during the telling, her heart shows in her face and she always does something like hug or kiss my husband. It’s such an endearing remembering of the little boy and the great job she did raising him/keeping him alive. :) You did just the right thing.
P.S. Sorry to intrude on your comment, but when I saw it, I just had to say something. :)
You always speak right to my heart. I’ve been focusing on this lately, trying to control my lioness in my interractions with my kids.
Thank you!
Thank you for this! Perfect reading at 4:34, when my five-year-old is whining to me about…everything.
Spilling grace—what a great image!
Thank you. :)
Hi Lisa-Jo!
Thank you so much! I’m so stoked to have won!
As usual I really needed to read your post today and believe me, I know the circus of which you speak….crazy!
*hugs*
thanks again!
Lisa-Jo, that post speaks write to my heart, to that part of me that is trying desperately to love my gorgeous toddler through his screaming and aggression. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes, especially after mommy has become a monster. Thanks you for reminding me that I can control only me.
I know that 5 pm Daddy’s running late feeling, that feeling that I can’t make it one. more. minute. without his help with these three under 5. There is truth in “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. We can set the tone for our entire house. And thank you, Jesus, you are never far when I need strength and patience.
Wow! Never thought of it that way before! Great insight! Patsy from HeARTworks
My favorite line, by far, was:
Because I am learning that the only sure thing I can control in this family is myself.
YES. And aren’t the loss of control and the rise of anger so utterly connected? I find in myself that when ‘they’ are doing what I want, impatience, anger, and sin are so quick to spill out. Thanks for this reminder . .. such a good, simple, profound truth.
Thanks for encouraging me in this situation! It is the scariest thing to think your child is missing. Again, I appreciate you responding:)
Oh, how I needed to hear these words this morning! I had a hard time taming me last night. ;) I find it so easy to take my sweet ones testing and normal growing up stages personally. So silly. And yet, this also reminds me of my favorite quote in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, “He’s wild, you know. . . Not like a tame lion.” If only my wildness came from goodness and not the daddy’s-home-late-weariness.:)
Oh…this line…
Because I am learning that the only sure thing I can control in this family is myself.
YES…we would love to control everything else, but we cannot. Thanks for this! Great thought!