18 Apr 2012

What I want my daughter to know about the mean girls

My tiny human, my gorgeous darling, my little one – you are a girl. You are our first girl and I will never stop celebrating it.  You are a gorgeous, dimpled, delicious, just-one-year-old baby girl. And my darling, there’s some stuff that comes with being a girl that I want to tell you about.

Most of it’s wonderful.  We’ll have hours over late night coffee dates to talk about that. I’m already planning all the desserts I want to learn to make so we can linger over our plates and that kind of delicious conversation.

But sweetheart, there’s some other stuff that comes with girlhood too. Some stuff I’d rather you heard first from me. It’s stuff that isn’t as scary if we say it out loud and don’t let it sneak up on us.

My love, there will always be girls who are mean.

And you won’t outgrow it. There will always be mean girls. One day you’ll be thirty seven and reading the long line of stories that mean girls have left in their wake.

But daughter, that doesn’t mean we hide our hearts. That doesn’t mean we find a tower and Rapunzel ourselves away from the world.

No darling, it means that we learn to be braver than the mean girls. We out-love them.  That is the secret weapon. To pour on the unexpected love.  To meet them with open arms and mind, knowing that meanness is what bleeds from scars at their most raw.

Meanness is a symptom, not a condition.

And when they want to hurt you with their words, I will teach you how to hold up the shield of faith and firm belief that Jesus has declared you good and beloved. That you are precious and ransomed – His life for yours. There is nothing insignificant about you.

I will wrap my words, His promises and both our lives around you.

You were made to have friends, sweetheart. You were not made to be alone. This is a Jesus body we belong to and some days you’ll feel like the heart and soul and other days like just a bit of dried skin on the elbow and that’s OK.

It’s never a bad thing to be reminded that the whole world does not revolve around you.

But on the days when you feel like an outsider, on the days when your best friend stops talking to you, on the days when everyone gets invited to the sleepover and you don’t, on the days when you wonder if you fit in –

on those days, Zoe, I will remind you that love never quits.

Love always believes the best

And that sometimes the benefit of the doubt is the most precious gift we can give anyone.

I will treat your bruised heart with chocolate brownies, a tall glass of cold milk and The Princess Bride – yes, I’m certain it will still be my favorite movie even a decade from now.

And then I will send you back out into the fray, my love.

I will always send you back because friendship is worth fighting for. Women need one another. And if we give up at girlhood, what chance do we have during the minivan driving years?

Friendship is all or nothing Zoe.

A month ago you stood up and walked for the first time. Since then you’ve fallen often. But you set determined hands to the floor, tilt forward, push back up again and take the next step.

Never stop getting back up again, darling.

It’s the only way to keep moving forward to all that life waiting for you.

 

::

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Comments

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  1. 1

    Lisa Jo, when we meet in real life in (9?) days, could you give me some pointers on how to teach my girl these truths? I’m still fumbling through them myself, believing the lies more often than not. It rings like truth–”That is the secret weapon. To pour on the unexpected love. To meet them with open arms and mind, knowing that meanness is what bleeds from scars at their most raw.” But what does that really look like when the meanness is a way of life where I don’t want to live?

    How do I keep my arms open to ones who have tried to take me out? How do I forgive 70 times 7 times, when toxicity is their reality?

    I know I need community. And God blesses me with amazing women whom I can truly call friends. (How very cool if you are one of those soon.) Yet my heart grieves for the sisters who have walked away because…well, that’s when the lies get the loudest.

    I’m grateful for my girl. God is healing so much of my little-girl heart as He helps me help my daughter. Thank you for your words.

    • 2
      thegypsymama says:

      Hi Candi – looking forward to meeting you too! And I’ve been amazed myself at how much of my own heart I see God healing through the process of mothering Zoe. And I think there’s probably a difference between remaining open to the possibility of friendship and then protecting ourselves and our daughters from impossible cruelty that goes way beyond meanness. I think it’s an important distinction. And I’m just on the very early end of mothering a daughter and have much to learn. But being willing to keep trying at a friendship with a friend who’s also willing, and being willing to keep putting ourselves out there even when we’ve been hurt in the past are one thing – drawing safe circles to protect our families from people we know aren’t interested in anything beyond mean, well that’s a very different thing I think.

      But looking forward to learning from other more experienced moms than me in the comments.

      • 3

        So true – sad, but so true. And such great advice. Mothering girls through the mean spells is tender and painful. And encouraging them never to be the mean one is part of that job, too. Because we’ve all got it in us, you know. We’ve all been wounded, afraid, overwhelmed, anxious to impress. And we can get sucked into the tick-tock-the-game-is-locked mentality right along with everyone else. It’s interesting to me that both of my daughters had three boys – and both were relieved. I simply do not understand that because I had 2 girls and 1 boy and loved them all, was dazzled and confused and besotted with each one of them. But my girls got bit by mean girls more than once and they were not sure they were equal to the task of raising one in such a world. I think they would have done a bang-up job myself, but still their responses have intrigued me for a number of years now. The world of girls can be treacherous territory – but you are so right. LOVE and grace win in the end. And building in just the right amount of self-confidence can do a whole lot to ease the journey. That and chocolate, of course. :>)

  2. 4

    Love this post! I’m not a mummy so I don’t have any little girls to tell this to. But your advice make it feel like you’re my mummy. :) LOL…
    Thank you for this lovely post and reminder… although I will not ever get to see you (in)RL in 9 days nor will I probably ever see you (in)RL, you will always seem like a (in)RL friend to me.

  3. 5

    Hi Lisa-Jo
    This made me cry. My older daughter is shy and easily wounded and when the mean girls took her woolly hat and passed it around before throwing it in a puddle I wanted to gather her up and not let her go back. And then I wanted to poke them in the eye. Like your friend Candi it’s sometimes so hard to teach them when I feel so unsure myself.
    I so want my girls to be more confident than I was when I was up against the mean girls and I want to teach them about forgiveness. It’s been a hard lesson for me to learn.
    Thankyou. And what wonderful pictures. What a beautiful beautiful baby girl you have.
    God bless
    Hx

  4. 6

    This is a great post. I am due in 2 weeks with my first child, a girl. I want to remember to bless her in the way you described in this post. So true and such valuable lessons. I remember how hard girl friendships were as a young child, middle schooler, etc!!

  5. 7

    What a beautiful post, Lisa-Jo. Here’s to dusting ourselves off and getting back on the horse. Zoe is lucky to have a mama as wise and godly as you.

  6. 8

    What a great message for our daughters. And I know the best way for my daughter to embrace this message is for me to live it out. And I know the best way to live it out is to give others the benefit of the doubt. This is in no way my natural tendency so my daughter will also get to see her mom struggle to come to grips with grace and meanness and doing the right thing even when it hurts.

  7. 9

    Simply beautiful, Lisa Jo. Simply beautiful. Such a precious letter to your sweet girl…so filled with truths that will carry her through life. You are a wise mommy, a mommy who has used her own life lessons and has chosen to learn from them. And now you’re passing your wisdom on to Zoe. Zoe is a beautiful and delicious (you don’t mind if I call her delicious, do you? Every time I see her picture I just want to kiss her sweet little cheeks!) little girl who is so very blessed to have you as her mommy. Blessings….

  8. 10

    A message for every girl, every age! Thanks for letting Jesus speak through you, Lisa. <3

  9. 11

    Beautifully written- thank you!!! My daughter turns 9 in a couple of weeks and we are navigating some pretty tough waters. I too am 37 and it breaks my heart to see adult women being mean. The challenge of teaching the next generation to break this cycle is so important- especially with the advent of social media- a new level of “meanness” that our girls will face. Oh, that they would love as Jesus has loved us!!

  10. 12

    Oh Lisa Jo! I read this aloud to my sweet 8-year-old daughter whose little heart is hurting because of three girls who were once her dear friends. I hurt for her too. After I read your post, she asked “what does it mean to out love someone?” We talked, I gave examples, she shared her little soul … it was beautiful on many levels. Thank you for being a catalyst.

    • 13
      thegypsymama says:

      Oh Angela, wow. You are much further along on this journey of mothering a girl and maybe I will eat my words by the time Zoe’s 8 and someone is breaking her heart. But I look at all my grown up friends who have had to over come mean girl hurts in order to pursue intentional friendships and I’m convinced if we start practicing early we’ll be so much more likely to open ourselves to friendship as grown girls, you know?

  11. 14
    r.elliott says:

    Oh…your little one is just too adorable…it’s hard to believe someone could be mean to all that sweetness…but it is sad…she too will be hurt. Great words here…I love meanness is a symptom not a condition…and love never quits. amen…blessings to you~

  12. 15

    Oh how true you are, I am grateful that even though there will always be mean girls, there will also be godly, gracious, loving girls to walk along side both myself and my girls! I have discovered many beauties in this world of blogging and have been blessed beyond measure, encouraged, and challenged.

  13. 17

    Beautiful beautiful post. I wish my mother had written this for me. Now I know what to tell my little girl.

  14. 18
    tracy ann cook says:

    You make me cry……………..Your words are so beautiful, I wish I could hold that faith that you have………Your so beautiful……….

  15. 19

    Wow. Perfect timing. God is good! Both my daughter and I are going through something and I needed this. She’s 9 and needs to see me as her example. Thanks.

    By the way, I’m new here!

    Jen
    Missionary mum and wife in Australia’s Outback

    • 20
      thegypsymama says:

      Hey Jen – nice to meet you. Come on in, make yourself comfy and put your feet up on the furniture :)

  16. 21

    Thank you for taking the time to write this truth. Even as a 29 year old adult I need to hear this often. My daughter will hear these words from me too. The thing you said well and I have to hold on to is the Lord’s ability to change hearts is great. He gives us tools such as appropriate boundaries so that He has room to do just that. Bless you!

  17. 22

    I am wading these deep waters with my daughter at the tender age of six. But a bruised heart is a bruised heart, and I am learning right along with her how to stay tender.

  18. 23
    C. Stewart says:

    I love love love this! I have two daughters; ages 4-6; and everyday I think about them growing up and becoming young ladies. Also I think about their peers, peer pressure, and so on. I have finally spent time praying instead of worrying; and just giving it to God. Great blog; I absolutely love it!

  19. 24

    Oh the aches of friendship as girls grow. They are tough and painful. I spent some days this school year subbing in my girls’ school. I was in the office one day when “the” mean girl showed. She was sobbing. She yelled at the principal, “Why am I even alive? No one will play with me.” Oh child. I prayed for that sweet girl and reminded my 4th grade daugther of what you said. Meanness is a sympton. I wish I could find that girl (she left the school) and tell her about the hope of Christ. I doubt anyone is guiding her through this stage of life.

  20. 25

    Love this for my girls, and for me too. Thankful we have a God who out-loves us every minute, everyday, so we can pour it right back out on the mean-symptomatic and the slightly irritating and the beautiful squishy footed, and everything in between.

  21. 26

    I couldn’t agree more. Great post!

  22. 27

    Oh my heart…”You are precious and ransomed…” Sigh. This is absolutely beautiful, Lisa-Jo. In the midst of people it is quite easy to live all alone. I desire to teach my girls these truths as well, and we’ve had many a conversation about how meanness comes from jealousy, hurt, comparison…How it does not come from Jesus. Asking Him to continually guide you as you mother sweet Zoe’s heart and thanking Him for the work He does in and through you.

  23. 28

    When I was in middle school, a very good, cherished friend of mine dropped me like a hot potato because I just couldn’t climb that social ladder as fast or far as she. From that moment and all through high school, she didn’t say two words to me. When we met up at our 10 year reunion, she grabbed me and we hugged and I knew right then and there it’s always, always best to give someone the benefit of the doubt. We talked the night away and lived forgiveness. We share a friendship still today. Our redemptive God is so very good!

    So yes ~ give these life-giving words to you Zoe, and I’ll give them to my Faith. Because it’s worth it, and we’ll never regret it.

  24. 30

    So beautiful and so true! I am dealing with this with my 11 year-old daughter now… she is the victim daily of one of these “mean girls” who USED to be her best friend, which makes the behavior all that more hurtful. Thank you for your words – for giving me something to share with her and to let her know that she is not the only one and I’m not the only mama who says these things.

  25. 31

    You are just amazaing. Not sure how your brain is wired that you can think of all these beautiful and wise things to say to your children (and to all of us). You are truly blessed and you are a blessing to so many others. Can’t read “The Gypsy Mama” regularly because I have to avoid crying at work! :)
    This post was lovely and loving, and right on. I have three (!) little girls, and this is just ONE of the many truths of our world that I feel compelled to teach them. Not ever sure if I can do it all–there is so much “ick” in our world to warn our kids about–but you give me hope that it can be done.
    Thank you, thank you. I’m always in awe of you. Of course I’m biased toward my own little girls, but yours is just adorable! What a sweetheart! :)

    • 32
      thegypsymama says:

      Oh Dianna, you’re much further along the path of mothering girls than I am. Let’s just say that what I write here is as much a reminder to myself than anything else….

  26. 33

    Thank you for posting this story. I wish you didn’t have to, but unfortunately all of us have to deal with mean girls. We’ve already had to have an intervention with the school about a bullying incident for our 10 yr old. Next year is middle school and we’re trying to mentally prepare her for the social gauntlet she must somehow get through, hopefully emotionally intact.

    • 34
      thegypsymama says:

      Yea, it’s scary times for our daughters these days it seems. And for all I encourage Zoe, there’s part of me that thinks it might just run over and TP the yard of anyone mean to her :)

  27. 35

    Your words and your daughter, both so beautiful! Thank you for sharing them!

    Helen’s comment about the wool hat reminded me of a time in my childhood when one of my new wool mittens was taken from me and tossed around.. they gave it back after shoving a cookie into it. It takes a long time to wash cookie crumbs out of a wool mitten and it was not new by the time it was done. But I was. Each time I washed it I was a little less angry and a little more understanding. I loved that mitten! As I lovingly washed it God washed me in love too. I was the better for it.
    Hats and mittens are just things, keep your happiness in your heart where Love dwells.

  28. 36

    these girls we are raising? will light the sky on fire. backlit by love. by grace. by acceptance. by truth. keep whispering in her ear lisa-jo, i am sure it makes all the difference.

  29. 38

    Lisa-Jo,
    I can’t decide which is more beautiful–your pictures of that beautiful Zoe-girl, or her mother’s powerfully hopeful words for her! As the mother of a 16 year old girl who has had her share of run-ins with the mean girls, and as a grown up girl who still struggles to leave behind the sting of words from my own run-ins with the mean girls in my junior high years, and even worse, as the grown woman who regularly has to play whack-a-mole with the mean girl that lives in my own head when she starts throwing ugly accusations at me, thank you for this amazing post. Just THANK YOU!!

  30. 39

    Oh Lisa-Jo!!! This post made me cry! My 7 yr. old daughter is having a very rough year (2nd grade) with mean girls…soooo heartbreaking! Thank you for this post, as it helps me help her!! You are such a blessing!!!!

  31. 40

    This is one of most beautiful posts I’ve read.
    Nicole

  32. 41

    Lovely post, and yes it’s true. There will always be mean girls. We’re just getting started with that phase in our lives. We have 3 girls, ages 10, 7, and 1. Our oldest is really struggling at school with several mean girls, including one who is constantly “rocking the boat.” I’ve tried to tell my girl not to “take the bait,” but she’s a fighter, and doesn’t back down easily when it comes to exchanging words. She knows she needs to be kind, considerate, and more tolerant, but it’s getting harder and harder for her to remember the lessons we’re trying to teach her at home. So this fall, God-willing, we’ll be homeschooling her through a co-op our church is starting. I knww I cannot shield her from the world, but at least this way, she will be around other girls whose parents have the same morals and values we do. For right now, I keep telling my girl it will get better, it really will.

  33. 42

    Lovely, beautifully expressed…I’m just arriving at the point of my “walk” that I get this myself, and wonder why it took so long. I’m eager to share it with ALL my kids. Love overcomes! Love surprises. Love heals. Thank you for sharing.

  34. 43

    dearest lisa-jo,

    these affirmations of love, of truth, are so very powerful. i think they apply just as much (although likely in different forms) to my young son as well.

    and you know what else hit me? this is also a letter that my Father has written to me, His precious daughter. you may have already done this, but if you haven’t, i’d encourage you to read it back to yourself. as a mom, you are giving daily, hourly, & this is a beautiful opp. to take a few moments to receive. to receive this same affirmation of truth & love from His heart to yours — inserting His & your identities, replacing the tangibles with the intangible. it’s incredibly powerful!! b/c somehow our souls seem to never stop needing these sacred reminders no matter how old we are.

    thank you again, sweet soul,
    tanya

  35. 45

    This is beautiful. Praying the same for my baby girl (who is about to turn 5). My how the years go by!

  36. 46

    What woman can’t identify with this… we’ve all been there and know the pain! I’ve got a teen daughter, we’ve already been down some of these roads, and this is the truth that we need to go forward. “We out-love them. Love never quits. You were not made to be alone. This is a Jesus-body…” Beautiful post, Lisa-Jo.

  37. 47

    This is a beautiful, beautiful post. As the mom of a three-year-old, I appreciate the sentiment. I have a feeling parenting my sweet girl will only get tougher as she gets older. I love your reminders in this post of the manual God’s already given for how to steer her through those times.

  38. 48

    May I please post a link to this post on my blog? It is wonderful!!!

  39. 50

    This is so beautiful!!

  40. 51

    This is fantastic. Such wise words to share with your beautiful baby girl, and all the other women and girls around you.

  41. 52

    THANK YOU!!
    Your writing is a gift and timely.
    My daughter was feeling quite left out yesterday when she told me of how the kids at school didn’t want her around, didn’t want to eat lunch with her . . . I felt so sad. I remember that feeling. Insignificance, humiliation, not-enough . . I know that feeling now as an adult . . all I could do was share my experience, in elementary school, how I tried so hard to be liked most by those that wanted nothing to do with me. How I look back now and wish I wouldn’t have spent so much time and energy.
    And now (at the age of 28 on the 28th ;) , I’m staring to get that God loves me just the way I am, not a single thing different. Oh an how freeing this has been to me; to love me. Because when I know God’s truth about me, and believe it, when I really love me first, then I am able to love those around me and see their actions through the eyes of compassion, because God loves them too, even the mean girls.

    • 53
      thegypsymama says:

      Wait till you turn 38 {like me, this year} it gets even better and that skin starts to feel so comfy it’s amazing :)

  42. 54

    So love this! A girlfriend sent me this post, thinking I would like it as a fellow writer and blogger, and she was right! Wonderful insight. Sweet, sweet pictures of your baby girl. Funny how mine is now almost six but I think of her still as a tiny baby.

    you might like this. . http://hillpen.wordpress.com/2012/04/17/living-your-best-life/ or one about my children here at http://hillpen.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/10-things-i-cant-say-to-my-children/

    Are you a member of The High Calling? Check it out, if not. . .

    Keep on mothering with grace!
    Amanda Hill
    http://www.hillpen.com

    • 55
      thegypsymama says:

      Hiya Amanda –

      Thanks for the shares – and I have several great friends that write for the High Calling – they do some good word work over there.

  43. 56

    This is such a beautiful post, and your Zoe is so cute! I myself needed to hear this today, I am not a Mommy, but I am an Auntie to some beautiful girls. I will definitely be sharing this with my friends that have daughters. Hope you have a beautiful day!

  44. 57

    My heart aches reading this, me with two girls (7 and 4) who have already experienced some Mean Girl-ness. How to out-love. How DO we out-love?

    One thing I remind my girls of often is that people who feel badly act badly. I try to keep reminding them that sometimes I am a Mean Girl and sometimes they are the Mean Girls and it’s always when we are hurting on the inside that the Mean comes out on the outside. But knowing it and understanding sometimes is only a little band-aid on a big wound. Only Jesus can stitch it up, I know it and I tell them.

    • 58
      thegypsymama says:

      So good, Megan. And the “how” of out loving? You write that post and I will be the first one over to read it!

  45. 59

    Wow. Lisa-Jo, you have a special gift. Thank you for this post; so beautiful and eloquent. I have a daughter (11) who has had to deal with this subject…I’m going to let her read your post as soon as she gets home. I have been trying to teach her how to “out-love” the mean, though I don’t call it that…it’s a fabulous term that I’m going to adopt. I’ll adopt it for myself, too, as I try to out-love the mini-van mean girls. Thank you, Lisa-Jo, you are truly a blessing.

  46. 60
    Sharon O says:

    This is all so true and so precious of you to write a ‘note’ to your daughter.
    She is a beautiful gift given to you and she will always be ‘your special love’.
    As a mom of a grown ‘daughter’ I know the ups and downs of walking alongside her, you will do good and you will have times of questioning. Just be real and be honest with her and leave the rest up to God.
    For his Glory always,
    http://www.sharono-somethingtothinkabout.com/

  47. 61

    This is beautiful! I know so many mothers feel the same way. Thanks for putting it into words. PS — Princess Bride is my favorite movie too!

  48. 63

    Timing is everything LORD.

    I came from outside saying out loud “I forgive you.. I forgive you… I forgive….”
    Thinking that maybe that “someday LORD I will mean it. For now I will begin my speaking it okay?”

    To out love the ”meanies” when the wounds are from within the body. How many times Lord? I know, I know 77×7….

    I am suppose to be only accountable to you. There is never any good reason for unkindness. And since its a choice, I choose moment to moment to surround my emotions to You. Its all a matter of being chosen and to choose to live the life of love.
    Carnal versus the Spirits way.

    Thank you Lord that because my identity is in You, I know that you are good. You God rock! And if I am an image bearer of your light, I rock too. Even if I’m an older looking little girl, who needs now and then to be reminded that some lessons never really ever get resolved until one is heaven bound.

  49. 64

    “Meanness is a symptom, not a condition”. What a beautiful reminder for all of us. We all have mean girls in our lives at some point. I’m having coffee tomorrow with a girl that has been one of my “mean girls” and this is a perfect reminder.
    Princess Bride is the best movie ever!

  50. 65

    Yes, so wise to have this on your mothers heart. My daughter seems by God’s grace, strong in this area. Our son, middle one, has had hurt, so much hurt in his past from mean, extreme mean. By God’s grace he has come through and its been redeemed. He now is a great friend and has great friends. He cherishes friendship and is so invested in all his friends. But a mothers pain when a child is hurt is deep, so deep. Bless your time raising your daughter to love strong and be strong in Him.

  51. 66

    Hi :) I just had my second child, a baby girl, last Friday (big sister is 5- and acting out for attention). Your posts have brought some needed reminders on why i am in this crazy adventure, lack of sleep and all… Specially the one about those days that i want to quit and run away (and i thought i was the worst mother in history for thinking that- it’s good to see other people think like that too)… Love your blog, and will keep reading-
    Your baby girl is adorable, btw.
    Julia from Fargo, ND

    • 67
      thegypsymama says:

      May I just say I’ve always wanted to meet someone from Fargo, ND. That is too cool. And thank you for joining in the crazy over here with me – :) I love the company!

  52. 68

    This is beautiful and encouraging.

  53. 69

    The hard thing is, as a third grade teacher, that no mom wants to believe that their daughter is one of the “mean girls”. They are in denial, even when I explain to them the truth. It’s always “the other girl’s fault”. Always.

  54. 71
    Wendi Lane says:

    This was an AWESOME post!! LOVED IT LOVED IT!! I also agree that the Lord always loves us and that in his eyes we are amazing. I also agree that even when things get tough you have to pull yourself up and keep moving on!!!

  55. 72
    Xenia Llewellyn says:

    I love to see baby and have

  56. 73
    Jessica B. says:

    As a 30-something someone who’s been on the receiving end of a ‘mean girls’ clique, I have struggled with allowing women beneath my surface ever since. I will gladly be the caregiver, but struggle with the receiving of care. Thankfully, I have been plugged into a fantastic church for about 12 years now and experienced a great deal of healing. I still struggle with being able to easily reach out, but I can now share and interact in a deeper fashion.

    The positive side of suffering? I have an empathy and compassion for others that I might not have otherwise. I can relate to the Scriptures that talk about Jesus being verbally assaulted. I believe that God used what I went through to open my heart to Him as a teenager. I knew that He had powerfully changed my heart when I was able to forgive those who made it their goal to hurt me without reason.

  57. 75

    What a beautiful post. My daughter has also just turned one and I watch her with other babies about the same age and it saddens me to think that it’s possible that some of those little ones may some day be mean girls and bullies. I hope that I instill confidence in my little girl that I didn’t have and perhaps a little bit of a thicker skin.

  58. 76

    Oh my do your words speak to my heart. My first-born is a girl who was followed by two boys. She will be turning 16 in just a few short weeks. We are in the midst of mean girls , and some days she really does say that she wants to go live away from all society. It is heartbreaking to say the least:( Thank you for offering me an all new prospective and a new way to guide her.

  59. 77

    My cousin posted this on facebook this morning and it was intruiging enough I had to come read- I am glad I did! This was amazing and very well written. So far I am the mother to 2 sweet boys but I needed to hear this for myself! If have girls someday I will share with them as well. Thank you!

  60. 78

    This is just precious. I have one child, a daughter who is almost 5 named Zoe. And I have already read the Queen Bees and Wannabes book (the book the movie Mean Girls was based on). I am arming myself to be prepared for when my daughter has to enter girl world with mean girls. There is a part of me that feels I need to work extra hard to make sure my daughter is not a mean girl because I was one once. Thank you for sharing this. Loved this, “I will wrap my words, His promises and both our lives around you.”

  61. 80
    Stephanie M says:

    oh my heart and soul, this SPEAKS to me, and to what I want to communicate to my own daughter in a beautiful truthful way. thank you.

  62. 81

    This is beautiful! My daughter is 2 and I am honestly terrified of what life will be like for her as she gets older. I want so badly to protect her from mean girls and sin and hurt. I am bookmarking this post to share with her when she’s older. I’m glad you mentioned “The Princess Bride.” My VCR just gave out and I was trying to think of which VHS movies I want to replace with a DVD. “The Princess Bride” is definitely one of them!

  63. 82

    You have a lovely, beautiful way of writing lovely, beautiful words. You have blessed many lives with this post. Thank you!

  64. 83

    I have a 16-month old. She is so innocent and considers everyone she meets a new friend. I often think about the mean girls that she will encounter some day. This post is beautiful and has inspired me not to let the mean girls or any other bad guys sneak up on us (ie bad boyfriends, mean teachers, etc.). It’s my job to prepare her for the road and the people ahead. Thanks for the reminder.

  65. 84

    beautiful. love the way you talk to your daughter. i’m loving this encouragement for mom’s of daughters-im putting this on my weekly encouraging (delicious) links on sidebar. this kind of thing is important–i know about mean girls–as per my blog story today at Emily’s–i hope to have a conversation like this with my girls. blessings.

  66. 85

    Zoe is beautiful and I would want to protect her from everything and everyone mean and ugly, but I have since learned that children can not become all God has called them to be without the refiners fire. My girls are all grown up now. What a beautiful way to approach meaness. I taught my girls that their are cat friends (wishy washy) and their are puppy friends, (loyal). They recognized the difference, and for a while they found beautful friendships, until the puppy friend moved away. Or someone who had been a puppy friend for years turned into a chameleon! Insecurities and peer pressure can get the best of all of us now and then. Lots of prayers went up for God to send heart friends to my precious little girls and time and time again God answered. Thank-you so much for your post, it reminded me of simpler times. Cherrish these moment, they seem to dissapear with the wind!

  67. 86

    This post is so poignant. I’m 48 years old and still have occasions where I’m deeply hurt by the mean girls in my life. With 24 year old and 11 year old daughters, I think I may have either experienced or seen it all at this point. Still, I have better women friends now than ever in my life; it does take getting back out there and being open again. Matthew 10:16 comes to my mind all the time, “shrewd as serpents, innocent as doves.”

  68. 87

    i only have boys, but hopefully i will one day have a little girl to share this with. how true this post is! my husband never understands the girl dynamic i tell him about. beautiful encouragement.

    http://thegypsymama.com/2012/04/what-i-want-my-daughter-to-know-about-the-mean-girls/

  69. 88
    Danielle Harper says:

    I am literally sitting at my desk at work bauling like a baby. I am a mother of a 2 year old and there are so many things that I want her to know.. Wow amazing talent. That was truely beautiful! Thank you so much.

  70. 90

    Such wisdom here. Must come from above. I didn’t get to reading it when it came in my inbox and just now clicked over (on Wednesday) from Simple Mom’s Weekend Links! But yes, I wish I’d heard it earlier, wish my mom had heard it, wish we had it broadcasted in schools for girls everywhere.
    My mom didn’t want to have a girl because girls are mean.
    God knew better and she had me, the month before I was born she thought maybe a girl would be a good idea.
    But really, I didn’t have a lot of mean girl time in my growing up years so it has been hard this month to deal with one. Timely words, now, and I’m going to print them out.
    Lovely pictures of Zoe, too!

  71. 91

    Thank you for posting this. Just yesterday my daughter dealt with a situation dealing with her so called “best friend”. My daughter ended up in tears becuase of the words being used by said friend. I have been telling my daughter that despite her friend’s way of dealing with disappointment, she still needs to be kind and not return fire. Her friend is unchurched and my sweet daughter is doing such a good job being a “light” of Christ’s love. Even though these times tear me apart as a mother, I know that my daughter in the end is doing the right thing (even though I would love for her to end this friendship). Thank you for posting your words……beautiful, encouraging and perfectly timed!

  72. 92

    I’m going to read it to my daughter when she comes home from…10th grade! I wish I had it for her prior to 5th grade, which was the tough year for her. I did not know about mean girls, as I had not experienced them, and it took me a long while to realize what was going on with Shelby. I’m sure your post will lead to a good conversation with her now. Thanks.

  73. 93
    Catherine Marie says:

    You passed on a lot of hope through this post. That’s a big gift to me, and all of us.
    Thank YOU! My daughter is three and there’s another in my womb right now… and I am not fearing at all for them, just hoping. And yeah, as Megan said… trying to think of HOW to love, love, love, just pour it on sincerely, when the going is tough….

  74. 94

    My big girls are 12 1/2 and 11 1/2 and do BALLET- mean girl heaven…..thanks for this post

  75. 95

    What a beautiful reminder of the path of Grace! I have four daughters 10-3 and we tumble through many days where the power of words have hurt and wounded – given and recieved! The poetry of your words has given me renewed encouragement and wisdom to find ways to teach my girls the importance of living Love. Thank you so much for sharing – I am so blessed visiting here today!

  76. 96

    What a wonderful thing to teach your daughter. Just make sure you have something written up for when SHE is the “mean girl.” I know it’s hard to believe now, but she will do or say something mean to someone. Just be ready and know she is human and will make mistakes.

  77. 97

    My greatest fear for my daughter is the mean girls. Thanks for the wonderful words for the Daughters and for the Mommas.

  78. 98

    Brilliant article! Hurt girls, hurt girls. They need someone to be kind and don’t even know it. And you are so right! We all need friends!! Thank God I was taught to get back up! My friends have been the biggest encouragements in life, besides my family!
    Good work!! Keep it up!
    Mom of 2 girls and 2 boys!!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] morning I came across a letter  The Gypsy Mama wrote to her daughter “What I Want My Daughter To Know About the Mean Girls” READ IT!   I also suggest taking a peak at what Heather shares on “photo [...]

  2. [...] Do you have girls?  Are you a Momma?  A woman?  You might just want to read this post by Gypsy Momma on “MEAN GIRLS” [...]

  3. [...] What I want my daughter to know about the mean girls, from The Gypsy Mama [...]

  4. [...] Last week I read this letter: What I Want My Daughter to Know About the Mean Girls [...]

  5. [...] will always be mean girls – that doesn’t mean we find a tower and Rapunzel ourselves away from the [...]

  6. [...] during elementary school, what hope is there for us during the minivan driving years? I wrote her a whole post about the mean girls and how I never want her to Rapunzel herself away from the world when she gets hurt, but to [...]

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