If you’re visiting from Ann’s place today – welcome. I think that trying to survive motherhood while under the impression that other mothers somehow have it all together is dreadfully discouraging. So on this blog I do my best not to dress up motherhood. I try to tell it straight. Like what we want our daughters to know about the mean girls or how some days we want to quit motherhood before the first bowl of cereal has been served. You’re welcome to join us. And if you subscribe by email for my updates I’ll happily send you a copy of my {free} eBook The Cheerleader for Tired Moms.
It’s been nearly five years, one hamster, a new baby girl, and the puppy called Wolfie since we moved into this rental house with the faux bricks that keep falling off the kitchen walls.
We’ve kept telling ourselves every June – just one more year and then we’ll be able to move.
I really still believed it two years ago.
Last year I laughed and then I cried.
This year… well, keep reading with me over at my friend Ann’s where I’m sharing the rest of our rental story and what I discovered this year.
Maybe you can relate?
Oh, how I needed to hear this! That’s exactly how I’ve been thinking about where my husband and I live right now. We moved in because we just got married, didn’t have anywhere else to go, and his parents were offering it to us (the own the house and rent it out). My thoughts (we got married this past August 2011): Alright, as soon as he graduates in May, we’ll be moving to our own place where I can garden and change anything I want in the house (which I can here too… it just doesn’t feel like MINE). Well, he graduated and got a job within an hour away and so I was determined to search and search for a place closer to his work… God, apparently, had other plans seeing as though we’re still here. It’s definitely been a battle to just accept, appreciate, and admire where we are at right now… but that’s exactly what God’s been teaching me to do.
Yep – we have 5 people, 1 dog, 1 guinea pig and another one coming in September to our 624 sq. ft. home and 1 bathroom. Hospitality? No. We can’t eat in the kitchen and most people don’t like to visit our home because it’s lived in and not professionally decorated (I’ve been married to my hubby since 1-2001 and I can count on my fingers the number of times relatives have come by), etc. I want to move, I need to move, but when you’re in a small house that needs A LOT of work and no money to put into it no one wants to buy it.
Oh Sarah, I so hear you on that! I’ve felt the same way for ages. And then a bunch of family from South Africa were excited to come stay with us. First I panicked. Then this happened – http://www.incourage.me/2011/12/your-house-is-only-as-big-as-your-hospitality.html and it changed forever how I feel about having people over.
Thank you for sharing that one too Lisa. I must admit it’s hard to invite others over when you have a friend with 8 children tell you over and over what a small house you have. Maybe I’ll tape that up somewhere for future reference when I want to make excuses that I have two different tiles in my kitchen, or my bookshelves are filled to overfilling or my bathroom isn’t spotless. Outside our house looks nice, it’s inside that is well falling apart LOL
This is beautiful Lisa-Jo. It is a picture of accepting more than just a house, but a way of life and the plan He has for you and yours – at least that is how I see it.
I love your words…always. Thank you for being so honest, so real and so encouraging.
Mary
http://memyselfandmercy.blogspot.com/
Letting this just wash over me right now. I feel like you’re in my head and my heart! Thank you for this reminder of the fact that love, family, and the amazing grace of Jesus aren’t stunted by small spaces. I’ve often been afraid to have my sons’ friends over for playdates for fear of being judged for my small house or neighborhood. Funny thing is – I seem to be the only one discontent. Jesus, may I learn to rest in You and rejoice right where You have me!
I too live in Northern Va, and the housing situation can be discouraging. We have been renters with very similar conditions…all the while experiencing the grace to laugh at the yellow pineapples painted on the walls and the dishwasher that should have been on an antique road-show. God’s presence filling the house is what makes those things fade and the joy of appreciating the moments come to the forefront- but it isn’t without running headlong into Him that that perspective settles… Contentment. Finding it in Him- not in our stuff. A life-long lesson, even as our housing situations change…finding Him to be our sole satisfaction is the goal. Thanks for your honest post that speaks on so many levels to so many people. Blessings!
Yea, we laugh at the thought of ever owning a house here and are learning more from our faux kitchen bricks than I ever could have imagined!
Lisa-Jo, I can relate. However, it’s not that our townhouse is too small – it’s just my daughter and I, and her chubby goldfish – I have felt akward and uncomfortable since we moved here, and six years later I learn those feelings have been a reflection of how I have felt about me on the inside, rather than what surrounds me.
The silly added wall in the livingroom that takes up enough space that you can only position furniture comfortably one way, and as a result the couch covers the heating vent. The akward hallway. The small backyard we don’t use because it is severely unleveled and has about thirty different, and very tall weeds growing . . . . not to mention the dishes I can never seem to get a handle on, the laundry that is never caught up, the carpet I rarely vacuum, and the list goes on, all because my attention span is that of a three-year-old . . . and how about the neighbours that I have had yelling matches with . . . trying to become independent has proved to be a real challenge. I was not given tools of self-discipline growing up, but rather of self-condemnation. I had a child at the age of 19 and the Father is gone. And now I have myself and my daughter to parent, and I think I have been much more difficult to deal with then her.
I’ve lived in my head most of my life just trying to survive, neglecting my child, because I just couldn’t get a handle on my emotions that ran my life.
I’ve desired to move or run away many times, wondering why on earth God would entrust another life to me. I’ve felt SO inadequate and alone
It hasn’t been until this year, learning to accept myself, for the first time, just as I am (and it is a process), that I begin to see my surroundings in a new light. Perhaps I am more patient with my daughter. I feel less lonely to live in a situation I didn’t plan, more compassionate toward my own growth, and perhaps slower to speak and defend myself with those in the community . For the first time, I’m starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. Near my front door hangs a sign that reads, “Bloom where you’re planted” . . . it has more meaning today, then ever before.
I need this! As we live our life in this townhouse, connected to the neighbors who drive us crazy in many ways, confined by our lack of a yard for our dog, our growing son, a lack of garage for Husband’s many tools, we are still living a Good life. And, even if we need to sell it and move to an apartment for a season, we can still be living a Good life there, too. Thanks for writing this… It helps me.
This was beautiful. : )
Thank you for the reminder. You dandelion field is good!
Beautiful. This morning as I wrote, I thought about how Grace is always here, right in the middle of the mess…and then I read this, and it made it even more true.
Thank you for this gift today.
Such a wonderful reminder to bloom where we are planted. Thanks. . .
I LOVE LOVE LOVE your E-book!! It is so refreshing to know that all that I have gone through is completely normal. I am only upset I did not read it before the birth of my first son! I have one boy (2 yrs), am expecting our second son in November and can barely keep up with the housework! It is sometimes difficult not to compare my life with those around me. After the birth of my next child I am sure I will be re-reading this E-book nightly. You are a very blessed, gifted, and talented woman. Keep it up! Your book is a blessing!
I can so relate to this! But I also recently just had a breakthrough bit the bullet and ha 15 peoole over for a BBQ. A dear friend was moving away and Being the only ones nearby with a home and backyard we decides to do it. An it was great! Nothing is worse than the expectations we have in our own head. I also love how you have focused on the beauty o what ha developed in your house since you’ve been there. Thank you so much for sharing!
I loved this post! Oh how I needed to read these words, to hear your heart on a subject that my heart shares too. We live in a lovely house in a country setting in England. But it is not mine. I have resisted the urge to put my own stamp on it in ‘case’ we move. But who knows when that will be! I feel so encouraged to ‘unpack the last boxes’ and really live and embrace this house and make it OUR home. Thank you…
Thank you for sharing this, we faced financial hardship and moved from a three bedroom loft into a two room apt. (not a two bedroom apt., a two room apt. which means a Kitchen/Master/Living Room/Dining Room, and a Child’s Room/Office) It has been a growing process while we pay off debt, simplify, declutter, take care of long neglected needs, and just return to our center, which is Him. It has been really hard, but the rewards are worth it. When we go to buy a house later this year, God willing, we will be in a much better place than we have ever been in our lives. He is Sovereign.
Hello Lisa-Jo. Just want to say you are blessing your children in this sometimes hard place for you. They are learning that family and friends are home – not the stuff, not the appearance of things.
In this generation of home magazines, and friends (even Christian ones) who speak of their beautiful spaces as ‘nothing fancy’ and ‘nothing is expensive here,’ it is easy to lose our sense of security, and to teach it to our children, when/if we find ourselves living with the not pretty.
Instead, you have a “bosom of a room [that] has grown into a beauty” and who wouldn’t want that! And you have an open, generous heart that says home, not show place. It’s a place I’d love to visit!
Love this. My husband and I are looked at askance because we live in a 1br/1bath apartment with our baby girl, cat, and dog. Some days it’s tough, and it makes hospitality a strategic effort. But it helps us weed out things we don’t need, and I kind of like the family feeling of having no space for us to retreat to our separate sections of the house in the evenings. Even though that sometimes drives me nuts, too.
I could’ve written this post myself! This was supposed to be our “starter” home, until we could buy some land and build our farmhouse. 4 kids, 2 dogs, and a smattering of chickens later, we’re still here, and somehow we still fit! I know someday we’ll move from this house, but it is in me, a part of me, and I dread that day.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am ashamed to admit I have been playing the comparing game. Instead of focusing on God, His gifts and blessings- I’ve been choosing to focus on the temporary.
You ROCK, Lisa-Jo!
Loved the whole story. But that last line? Yeah. Wow.
You are a joy.
Oh…I have known this well…we did not own a house until we had been married 23 years and 5 kids…7 of us lived on 1100 sq foot house…on a retreat center(we did have a wonderful outdoors area) …my kitchen was so very small…the carpet so old and ugly…dark paneling on the walls…3 boys tiered on one room….2 girls born 13 yrs apart in another(now that was a challenge). we had extra young people live with us from time to time…we did have some dorm rooms downstairs. But through this time…God was transforming my heart…setting me free from my pride…God taught me that hospitality was built in my heart …not in a house. I think when our hearts are open and welcoming…and we are not ashamed of where we live(this was a process)…people will come over not matter the size of the house….because large houses can be a hinderance too. So whether our homes are large or small…decorated or lived in…if our hearts welcome all who enter in…we can be hospitable anywhere.
I can’t thank you enough for your blog… I never comment, but I should because I am always blessed and encouraged by your writings. This post knocked me to my core and I know it was used by God to quiet my own struggles in this same type of mindset/situation at this stage in my life. Early 30’s, stay at home mama, often disgruntled about the things I think are lacking in my life (size/space of house being at the top of the list)? It is terribly easy to fall into the trap of thinking that “if I only had _______ then I would be able to enjoy life, have people over, play with my son better, etc”. But your bring to light such truth and I just wanted to tell you thank you…
and every mamatime should havebecause a copyway of yourthe brilliant e-book!and your e-
Sorry about that last sentence! My phone went haywire as I was typing! I was trying to say that every mama should have a copy of your brilliant ebook :)
I thought you were writing me in some kind of mama code and it was fun! Thank you for sharing – it’s encouraging to me to know that other moms out there also struggle with the same things in their home. Our stories are so often intertwined and sharing them is the best way to put one another at ease.
I whole heartedly agree! And I love that you put pen to paper (of fingers to keyboard, rather) about how important it is to be real about our thoughts, struggles, mental hiccups, etc. I try to lay it all out there with my own mama friends that it is more encouraging to know that I have days I want to lock myself in a closet and scream into a pillow… things aren’t always as “perfect” as they seem on facebook, blogs, and the like. That’s what I love about you and your “mission” here. One of the few blogs I read anymore that doesn’t leave me feeling like a failure after I have read it ;)
I have a condition where I shouldn’t and now can’t have anymore kids – I have one blessing boy. I want a new house to start over with without the hard times or heartaches. But we’re so close to paying off this one and within 2 yrs we could be debt free TOTALLY. I really need to repaint my son’s room because it was the “nursery” and reminds me of the days I spent in it pregnant and dreaming of all the children I would hold there. I want a do over and a clean palette but sometimes God just wants us to confront that hardship and overcome it. Some days are harder – when you find a stray baby toy and your baby is almost 7.
Love this post! It reminded me of the six years we lived in a wonderful little 950 sq ft house with a big backyard and great neighbors. We started with two kids and ended with four kids in that house. We homeschooled so the house was full all the time.
It was noisy, but now two houses later, I look back on those years and think there’s a lot to be said for living in small houses. It forces the family to be together at all times which really helps to build family unity, I think – there’s no room for the kids to go off and play computer games in their bedrooms – especially when they share the bedroom with the washer and dryer that’s in the closet!
“…when that didn’t happen I spent years letting this small house stunt my hospitality and eat away at my contentment.”
A truer statement could not have been said about my own similar struggle. We live in a tiny house that God provided for us using nothing less than several miracles. Yet my thankless heart struggled for years to see how much He gave and that it is the perfect house for us. In our home we have:
My husband and myself
3 teen aged sons
1 young adult daughter (for some of the time as she is off at college most of the year)
2 in-laws—they are the best to have around
1 dog
2 turtles
3 cats
1 bunny
1 bird
And a whole buncha laughter and love. THREE bathrooms…no matter how awkward and in need of repair they may be is an amazing gift. A garage that we were able to turn into a room and a half so the in-laws could have their own “space”. A very partially finished basement and some strategically placed bedsheets turned room dividers, and a gas (not electric) stove :0). Some days I just MAKE myself recall that 3/4 of the world has so much less than I do!!
How sad it is to spend time grumbling rather than embracing. Thank you so much for the reminder…joy in the NOW is my focus this year and you brought me into that. Have an amazing day!!
Oh…and BTW…LOVE the logo of the kids and the tree. Invites one right into the heart of your family :0).
Dear Lisa Jo,
My house is 960 square feet with one bathroom. We had 3 kids here at one time. I always felt it was not a proper house for entertaining nor was it very hospitable for visitors because we were always bumping into one another and sometimes even had to run to the nearest mini-mart to use the rest room if two had to go “really bad” at the same time. This was not the best arrangement for visitors.
Anyway, about one hour before I read your post at Ann’s, one of our international students who lived with us for two years to go to community college in our town phoned just to talk. He said, “You know, of all the places on earth, when I walk into your house I feel such a peace. There is a fragrance about your home. It is not a smell. It is a feeling that comes over me that I get nowhere else. It is such a sanctuary in my life.”
I had to share this after I read your post. It really really really doesn’t matter about the physical layout of “home” what matters is what goes on there. It sounds like there is a lot going on at your house and it is eternal.
Thanks for this, Lisa Jo,
Dawn
Oh Lisa-Jo…Can I tell you a story? I am by no means a writer in any sense of the word, but I feel I must tell you how you touched my soul this morning. Although I can relate to your story on many levels, one may surprise you. You see, I DO live in a large home with warm hard wood floors, fireplace, art studio with a kitchen in the basement, built in bookshelves, 3 bathrooms, 2 acres of land with a pool (above ground, mind you) and a wonderful stone patio with a fire pit that my husband put in last year. We have lived here for 5 years and love it with everything in us, for many reasons. This home belonged to my best friend’s parents and when her father passed away 6 years ago, her mother could not bear to return to the home they had shared for half their lives. I had always loved this home even with it’s “Vintage” issues (porch needed replaced, garage falling over, 20yo paint job on wood siding, electrical updating…) So she offered us a deal we could not refuse. At the time we were living in a tiny home we had been in for 15 years, the home we had raised our three children in. A TINY 3 bedroom, 1 bath ranch with a basement that leaked like a sieve and kitchen cabinet doors that fell off on a regular schedule! We were in no position to buy and sell at the same time so we bought the big house & kept the little house as a rental and this has worked out just fine…until this morning. I think it is important to tell you that I am a Pastor’s wife of a small Church and we entertain very often. Twice a week we have Bible studies in our home with up to 20 people at a time. These often run late into the night and turn into patio bonfire gatherings in which we all linger not wanting to leave the presence of each other or our Ever loving Father. We also have been know to open our home as a sanctuary for those in need or rest. As I was watering my garden this morning I had just an overwhelming feeling of clarity to sell this house and return to our little home. I was shocked at the thought and told God so! How in the world could we ever do the ministry that we do here ,in that beat up little house! I was nearly brought to tears at even the thought of it! I mean , just look at this beautiful yard Lord, and You know how much people love it here, why, they tell me so every week. Oh…then I got a knot in the pit of my stomach as I realized how blind I have become to what it is God asks of me. He never asked me to spend thousands of dollars a year in up keep of this house, He never asked me to spend every waking moment thinking about what needs to be fixed or what project to tackle next, He never even asked me to ponder paint colors for 3 weeks or nag my husband about never having the time to cut all that grass. Never. But still, Lord…give up my home? Then I came inside to check my email to find Ann’s link to you. Then the tears flowed…and flowed. I had forgotten who I was in that tiny little home, forgotten all the dining room table tents & hallway camp outs. Forgotten all the front porch chats & visitors sleeping piled in the livingroom or in a tent in the front yard! :0) They never complained and now I remember that people loved visiting us there in our tiny home, (which also has hard wood floor come to think of it!)Why, they even they told us so every week. I spoke with my husband earlier and sent him this link and as I sit here & look around my beautiful home, I know I will miss it, but I can honestly say that I cannot wait to see how big of a life we are going to have in our tiny little home once again. Thank you.
Jalal – praying God will bless you as you follow His lead. May you know the joy of a ‘big life’ as you bless others through fellowship gatherings in your tiny home once again.
This read couldn’t have come at a better time. We’re relocating to Chattanooga in less than three weeks and our rental there just fell through tonight. We moved to Florida 2.5 years ago and the same thing happened then so just three days before we more a realtor sent us three rental listings and we picked one and moved in three days later. We’ve (I’ve) never liked it because of its dirty carpet, outdated everything, and anything else I can find to dislike. So to move to Chattanooga means a fresh start in a new house that I will like and we had found one that worked and was in our price range and now…we have to start over and just take whatever. I was upset and had an ugly attitude about it. I even made my husband feel bad about it. Then I talked to the Lord and asked him to change my heart, to take away this desire of mine to have a “nice” house of it was never going to happen. For him to give me contentment and just to be thankful no matter what. Well, I’m not there yet but your post at least helps and is encouraging to me. Thank you for your honesty. It was a word sent from the Lord.
Thank you for writing this post. I shared it on the Common Sense Homesteading FB page, and a lot of people have really enjoyed it – including me. :-)
https://www.facebook.com/CommonSenseHome/posts/321647964592067?notif_t=share_comment
Oh my goodness…. I wrote a post this morning that resembles your heart. And writing here. I hadn’t read your post until my sister e-mailed me after she read mine and yours over at Ann’s site. Wow!! As a fellow renter, I so understand everything about your story. Thank you for sharing Lisa Jo…. Your authenticity is what keeps me coming back to read your pages.
Thank you so much for writing this. It was so needed, so necessary, so God-sent for this time in my life.
This post? Pure beauty, Lisa-Jo. I love the stories you weave, what a way you have with words…. Blessings, sweet friend.
What a beautiful post about learning to be content and living life to the fullest where HE has placed you. Yes, even now. This post spoke to me. I’m in a place of wishing for the bigger and better and perhaps I’m missing out. HE has used you to open my eyes to the NOW. This moment. Where HE has placed me. Thank you : )
Thanks for touching my heart this morning as I am reminded that a house doesn’t make a home. It too have struggled with the places God has put us, often wishing for somethings bigger, better…something else than what God had chosen. Thanks for being honest and blessing me.
Susan
We have lived in small spaces (a hotel room), medium spaces (our first house), and now, in our current home, a very large space. As my husband’s career as advanced, and we’ve relocated many times, we have been able to buy a bigger house each move. Not as big as the real estate agent or the bank tells us we can afford, but still, bigger than the previous home.
The funny thing is that our current house, the biggest we’ve lived in, and on 2 acres, is my least favorite house. It’s a perfectly lovely house in every way possible, yet doesn’t feel like the place I would want to live for the rest of my life. It’s more of a house than a home, if that makes sense. Don’t get me wrong; I am grateful for God’s blessings, and fully realize His grace, mercy, and favor have led us to where we are.
What I have observed through our years of home ownership, is that the size of the house has nothing to do with it being a home. Or the size of the apartment, or hotel, or condo. The memories shared, the projects completed together, the love for each other…..that’s what makes any space home now matter how big or small it is. I’m getting to the age (turned 50 this year) where I’ve sometimes had enough of this world, and I long for the mansion (or hotel room) prepared for me with my Savior. That will be my final “house” and it will feel like home no matter what the size.
In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. John 14:2
That was beautiful and timely for me.
OH MY GOODNESS!!! You have no idea how much your post has blessed my heart today! I have felt this way for years upon years about our small abode! Our daughters have grown and moved into their own lives and we are still in that same first home of 33 years, which we were only going to stay in for a few years when we first moved in. It is filled with so many wonderful memories and I too can relate to years of letting the smallness keep me from using my gift of hospitality. Sorry to say I let it stunt that gift God has given. But I have slowly learned that it isn’t the house that makes the difference, it’s the love inside. It’s that love inside that makes others feel welcome..
Thank you so much for sharing your honest and real heart in your post. It has blessed my day immensely!!
♥Lee Ann
Lisa-Jo, amazing words, amazing Scriptures, amazing you! God has blessed you with an uncanny gift for words and telling stories. This is such an important story that we all need to read and hear. For years, I’ve pushed the gift of hospitality farther and farther back on my list, and now at 66, I’ve learned it isn’t the house that’s so important. It’s the love that fills it. Thanks for speaking this truth so beautifully!
I smiled with remembrance of struggling with those very same feelings when my children were small. But God has a plan for all of us and small houses create large rewards when we look and recognize them as you so artfully described.
Now I listen to my grown children fondly describe precious memories in that tiny bungalow we shared. What I saw as a hindrance to my plan of what a home should look like, they saw as comfort. Amazing.
Beautiful. Let’s hear it for lots of people and pets and love, in small houses! It’s been 8 yrs but we just wouldn’t refinance…kept thinking we’d surely be moving soon. Well, finally we decided we love our little house. Made the attic into a bedroom, refinanced and now we figure, “why leave?”.
Thank you for sharing and I send you all the best of EVERYTHING!
:)
Happy weekend!
508612 187063BTW, and I hope we do not drag this too long, but care to remind us just what kind of weapons were being used on Kurds by Saddams army? Towards the tune of hundreds of thousands of dead Speak about re-written history 791515
Thank you for sharing this. We moved from an almost 3000 square foot house, to my in-laws upstairs, to a 2000 square foot house, to a 1275 square foot house. We live in a city in which the median income is over $100k. EVERYONE here has a bigger house than we do. It’s been a challenge… but I have found that the biggest challenge is in my heart. I’m having to learn to love my home, be thankful that we have a home (with a small payment), and bloom where we are planted. Thanks again!