Many of you have asked about my most unique journey. From one culture to another via the bridge of marriage. It’s a complicated crossing. And I’ll be exploring it a bit this week. So far I’ve only written once about it. Back in October 2009. And I’m sharing that post again because it’s a good place to begin.
The journey starts with this feeling.
In 1999 I got married twice. To the same guy. Once in the States and once in South Africa. Believe me, if you want to feel well and truly married, do it with back-to-back events four months apart.
Because when you are picking out cakes for the second time around to the same person and it’s not due to a golden wedding anniversary, you know he must really like you.
(Even when he forgets his four-month-old wedding ring in a WHOLE ‘NOTHER COUNTRY than the one where the re-run is taking place and has to borrow a substitute from the South African jeweler who made the engagement ring. And then, right as the first bars of the bridal march are playing, he realizes he managed to forget the sub as well!)
It’s been ten years since he scrambled backwards away from the entrance to our South African wedding hightailing it to our cottage to collect his borrowed ring.
Ten years since I watched his face as the speeches – a hallmark of South African receptions – hit the one hour mark and included both threats well-wishes and serenades from former beaus. (This all before dinner was served.)
Ten years since we toasted and danced ourselves silly on two continents before falling into bed, exhilarated, exhausted, and utterly married.
The locations, customs, languages and a lot of other stuff were different. But the promises we made were the same. Your people will be my people.
I had thought it would be romantic to draw on the story of Ruth, who gave up home and family and country to join with her husband’s people; I thought it a fitting metaphor for what a South African girl was doing by saying, “I do” to a green-eyed boy from Michigan.
I didn’t know the half of it.
Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.
(Ruth 1:16, NIV).
When I made this promise, I meant it. I just didn’t realize what it meant at the time. I was still high on the fading strains of the organ, a daintily embroidered white dress, a bouquet of blushing pink tulips, and the cowboy eyes of the boy in the tux standing across from me. I wasn’t thinking frequent flier miles, strollers lost by airlines or the impossibility of making New Year’s in Chicago when you are coming all the way from Christmas in South Africa.
But I would learn.
Like most of us who focused more on the ceremony than the life to follow, I have been learning through doing. What I promised then, I am living out now.
A decade, three continents, and two children later I am learning that marriage is a commitment of super glue proportions. And it’s the commitment that sticks even when the feelings ebb and flow. That’s the beauty and courage of marriage.
Penny-pinching so you can attend long-distance graduations, birthdays, and weddings?
Your people will be my people.
Strange accents, foods, pizza toppings, and television preferences?
Your people will be my people.
Death, divorce, and adoption.
Your people will be my people.
Supporting the Detroit Lions despite their 13 year losing streak?
Your people will be my people.
Because, after all, marriage is the ultimate parable, isn’t it? It’s the living picture of a God who looked at us in all our silly, selfish ways and then loved on us regardless, so that He could make Us. His. People.
Amazing, crazy love.
And all we have to say is, “I do.”
**This is my beautiful sister-in-law and smitten little brother looking on. Their wedding, two and a half years ago, was the last time I was home in South Africa. The longest stretch of time I’ve ever been away.
I love how our heavily-laden baby stroller is in the background of their picture – the perfect juxtaposition of joy, both present and future, captured in a wedding.
This post is just perfect, Lisa-Jo. Absolutely perfect.
“Like most of us who focused more on the ceremony than the life to follow, I have been learning through doing”–So true. Looking back, I wish my husband and I had spent more time focusing on the things that would follow the wedding, but of course, we didn’t know the conflicts that would arise.
I wrote about my marriage about a week ago, and how I can’t get over that, after eight years, in some ways, I feel like we’re just getting started. Yes, marriage is a beautiful picture of God’s unconditional love.
Hey Lisa-Jo!! I too have felt Ruth on my heart for the last 10 months as I followed my Afrikaans man to South Africa in October. I am definitely learning by doing and had no idea how HUGE the adjustments would be this year and in the years to come. It is a beautiful journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything though :) can’t wait to read your stories this week :) Be blessed sista!!
what a beautiful post – thank you. I am a south african – still in SA but married to a british man – who was half raised here in SA. I can’t imagine packing up my life and moving to another country – i did kind of try by going to the UK for 2 months with my husband but i was sooo homesick he let us go home.
hope you get to come visit SA soon
Betty Bake
OKay – I had a comment, and it’s in never-cyber land now..
Today I am so thankful for that super glue…but there was a time I was searching everywhere for some remover. Thankful that His love got me through some days when trusting seemed impossible. IT always does, right?
*Blessings on your Monday*
Okay, it has been too long since I left a comment … I had to retype my info in the boxes! #ThisWillNeverHappenAgain
LOVE this … “marriage is a commitment of super glue proportions.” Truth, beautiful, demanding, overwhelming, precious truth!
I came here via a link on Twitter and couldn’t leave without telling you how beautiful this post is. :)
i likey. If I told John he and I were super-glued, he’d give me the stink eye :) i think I’ll try it tonight when i get home :)
Hey, I had two weddings, too! Only not on separate continents (or countries) and the second was only a formality (to make it official in the Catholic church).
We used the passage from Ruth in our wedding. At the time, there was a very strong possibility that we would have to move to Colombia in the next year or so. I didn’t say yes to the wedding until I knew for sure that I would be willing to pack up and leave and follow my husband across the globe. When I realized I would do that for him, I knew then that I ready to say “I do”.
What got me to that point? When God was able to get through my anxieties and remind me that He is the same God no matter where I live: America, Colombia, South Africa, anywhere. God doesn’t change just because my location does.
One more thing: I wish more people would think of marriage as a “commitment of super glue proportions”. I love that image!
@TeriLynne Missed you. Like super glue!
keep smilling,and live in cupid ,to love and to be loved
Oohh… looking forward to this!
*props feet up on coffee table*
I love the in-love pics of you both!! Can we see the whole wedding album? Please?!
thanks for the message to my email box
today is SA vs France – for the world cup soccer – vuvusela sounds like crazy and everyone is really hoping for a good win. will cheer for you :)
hope SA wins
have a good rest of the week
hugs
Betty Bake
My heart is in my throat this whole France match. Aiyayayaya!
Pure beauty. Congrats on 10 years!
I love, love love your story-telling ways! Thank you for sharing what this means — especially for the lot of us who are learning and living it in one way or another. And by the way, I took a picture of a kid blowing a vuvuzela outside my flat a little while ago! Look forward to some “feva” photos soon!