I hold you, my darling daughter, in the dark. I can hear your breathing, blindly seeking me out, mouth open and expectant. I am all instinct and no real thought aside from a desire for sleep and the knowing that the way back to bed lies through this 2am feeding.
This is when I am most your mother.
When the house sleeps and small chests of growing boys rise and fall in time to the soft snoring from your father, I am awake with you. We rock and rhythm our way back and forth and into one another, warm food quietly given and received under cover of the radio station that accompanies this nightly dance.
You drink and sigh and cough and shuffle your feet into the crook of my arm. I watch and stroke and try to keep eyes open only to discover they’ve closed without my knowing. Back and forth the yellow rocker sighs, my bare feet pushing off from the warm rug now and again.
Crickets, sometimes I hear them too.
You are content to linger. I want to wish you would hurry while also wanting to wish you would stay this way forever. This small, this fit-into-the-crook-of-my-arm perfect, this everything I am not, but must have been once upon a time.
This is when I am most your mother.
Your hand lies in my hand and small fingers curl tight and clenched around it. When I try to move to wipe hair out of my squinting eyes, you startle and squeeze all the tighter. I realize it is my hand that lies in yours.
And we sit in wordless wonder of one another.
A cathedral of praise in this small brown in between room.
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I love this…
It makes me remember…
beautiful! How perfectly put: this tension between the exhaustion and delight of motherhood. Thanks for, once again, putting my momma heart into words!
This brought tears to my eyes. How blessed are you that you have learned to cherish these moments. I fear so many never do. Praise God for these amazing little miracles we call children and the even more amazing miracle of Motherhood. :) Hold that precious one tight – as you know, these days pass too quickly…
xo
Cass @Unplug Your Family
Sigh. Yes. Perfect. Thank you.
It is truly those quiet moments I cherish!
Brought back lovely, teary emotion. Pure sweetness, a mother’s love is the best way to understand the Father’s heart I think. I found your blog recently and have enjoyed visiting.
A cathedral of praise…oh, that is stunning. If all us Mamas viewed our homes as that cathedral and the work we do as praise to the Giver of all Good Things, I wonder if we would feel and KNOW our work has eternal value?
So love this, LJ! LOVE.
Beautiful post, Lisa-Jo! You have such a gift with words…a true “word” artist :)
Amen!
Aww, that’s sweet!
Your stories about your newborn baby and older children make me think of what my mom says about raising my brother and I.
“You have always been my inspiration!”
:)
Absolutely beautiful! You have such a wonderful way of expressing your heart…the love is so obvious.
Just beautiful. )
Thank you very much Lisa-Jo. I love your blog …It is amazing… and I really like your name – Lisa-Jo.
It is very pretty.
On Friday was the first time I have ever done five minute friday but it was really fun. Thankyou for sharing your website with everyone.
Wow. That was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read.
How sweet! My youngest, and probably last, baby is beginning to wean at 15 months and I have bittersweet feelings about it. Bitter that cuddling won’t be the same, sweet that I have more freedom to be alone with my dear husband, you know how it goes. Such precious memories all the same.
Oh yes, I remember! I loved those middle of the night nursing times. Just me and the baby, everyone else sleeping… I let my last baby wean herself, because I just couldn’t part with her, even though I was exhasted. I’m half dreading/half excited about it all starting over again in just three months!
These are *Holy Moments* and I’m blessed for your sharing of them, Lisa-Jo. We have moments like these all around us and when we let ourselves notice them, we can be taken back to that amazement – as a mother in awe of the miracle of birth and nourishment, and *presence*. You remind me in your words today that it isn’t always about the movement and the words – it’s the noticing.
Rich blessings as you *notice*…
absolutely beautiful. i truly miss that time with my son. as much a put off the possibility of going thru the sleepless days and nights with another baby – it is a beautiful time that i truly treasure.
Such a little snuggle bug! As one who is STILL sometimes dealing with 4 am feedings despite having a great big 16 month old (wish I’d named my blog Sleeping Through the Night all those years ago), I’ve come around to embracing those sleepy, snuffly, finger-gripped hours. And coffee. Lots of coffee. :) (We have extenuating circumstances–I’m sure your little lovie will be sleeping through the night in a couple more months).
So beautifully written … I cherished those times as well, and agree with your thoughts. There is something magical about those times during the night … enjoy and treasure them.
Beautiful, beautiful! Weepy-smile on my face as I read your words…knowing these days of nursing my growing-bigger, not-so-baby boy are coming to an end. Every bit the baby-of-the-family, he is just finally taking his first toddling steps at 16 months, and I know this brings the transition: soon he will toddle away from my cradling arms, no longer patient to nurse his way into the day, or settle into evening slumber. But for now – for now, I cherish these last. few. days. of his tender babyhood.
Heaven….
Indeed :)
this makes me sigh and close my eyes and imagine the weight of a small one in my arms. it’s been so many years, but i can remember their smell and soft fuzzy hair as aunt sara sang them to sleep.
thank God for memories.
Hello Gypsy Mama!
I am new to your blog and I have to say that I love it! You have such a beautiful way with words! I am inspired! I have already looked at a few of your posts and am hooked! Thanks for sharing and writing and for providing a “creative writing” outlet at the Five Minute Fridays!!! I’m looking forward to joining you every week for that! :)
Hope you can check out my blog at The Artisan Home! And if you stop by, please feel free to leave a comment! :)
Thanks and blessings,
Jen Harris
Thank you for this reminder to slow down and cherish this time. It’s the middle of the night feedings that really get to me sometimes because all I want to do is sleep a full night. I have been praying that if my daughter won’t sleep through the night, to please at least allow me to have a new perspective. Prayers answered. Thank you.
This is so lovely and brings tears to my eyes. My son is already 10 months old. It has gone so fast, but this brings it back for a moment. I almost want to wake him up and rock him, but it is a night that he is sleeping well. Your daughter is so beautiful. God Bless.