I want my kids to know me.
Not some perfect version of me. And not just the mommy side either.
I want them to know how much I loved books and what a great kisser I thought their dad was. I want them to know that like my mom before me, a favorite thing to do was curl up with a book or a movie and wrap myself into someone else’s story.
I want them to know how much I loved music and crazy, running out into the rain dancing.
I want them to remember seeing me laugh hard. I want them to know I was vulnerable and always the first one to say I was sorry.
I want them to know I meant it when I asked for their forgiveness.
I want them to have felt welcome in the kitchen as well as the study, never excluded from a certain perimeter around me and my daily life. I want them to remember we loved to be together. And that we didn’t have to be doing something special for the moment to have been special.
I want them to know they were enough. Just as they were. That they never needed to perform for us.
I want them to know we worked hard to dig ourselves out of our mistakes and lay a firm rock foundation forward. That their dad was a good man. That he was the kind of man who could make it through a long, hard, start-at-5.30am-day fueled by a small boy’s whispered, “I love you, daddy.” That even after 15 years he was still my best friend and the person I enjoyed making laugh the most.
I want them to know I loved words as much as air and would weave them stories plucked out of my own childhood rather than any book come bedtime.
I want them to know we delighted in them. We didn’t just love them – we reveled in being their parents.
I want them to remember how we learned to love what they loved – all their bugs and bears and lists of animals and super heroes. How we became students of Jackson, Micah and Zoe so that we could cherish their ways.
Above all I want them to know that Jesus used them to mold us, to knock off rough and selfish edges and smooth angry, hard corners.
I want them to know that they were the gift and we rarely knew how good we had it.
I want them to know that all the words I package up here are a forever testament to having been their mother. And while it wasn’t the all of me, it was easily one of the best parts.
The hardest parts. The craziest parts. The deepest parts.
I want them to know I cared what they remembered.
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What about you – what do you wish your kids would remember?
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It’s interesting that I came across this post tonight. As I was brushing my Zoe’s wet hair before bed, making sure to put conditioner in it, I had a sudden question in my head as to whether or not her Dad would always remember conditioner, and lotion, and all those girl things. It brought me to the thought that I could leave this world in an instant and made me want to write something to them…for some sense of direction through this world from a motherly perspective, think I would want them to know, and things about me so they could know who I was. I still intend to write it, but I love that you have left this for them. It’s inspiring.
I want my kids to remember that I loved them the best I could and that God loves them a zillion times better!
‘Above all I want them to know that Jesus used them to mold us, to knock off rough and selfish edges and smooth angry, hard corners.’–oh, me too!!!
I look at this question from a different perspective now…that of a Granna who is getting to experience things she missed in her days as a young mother. I have actually gotten to see/hear my daughter remembering things about me or telling my precious little Cupcake about what “Granna used to do”. Of all the things I could be remembered for, what my daughter most seems to treasure is that, no matter what, I always found joy and reasons to praise God for blessing me with her. She saw me cry, but far more often she saw me laugh and enjoy life. I didn’t notice her watching, but it is so wonderful hearing her say things I remember saying and seeing that same sweet look in her daughter’s eyes… is there anything better tan being a Mother? Only if the word Grand comes before it! Thanks Lisa Jo! I loved this!
Ok- teary- because today I have my four year old home just because. I relate. I want all of these things. Beautiful.
Ok, seriously. You get the almost-always-makes-me-cry blog award. Just beautiful!
How precious this post is, and Yes I want ours to know more about me too!
Some days, *I* want to remember I’m more than their mom, but yes, I want them to know too. So they can be their own people and parents too.
Beautiful post. Makes me cry. I want them to remember that I loved them the best I could and did the best I could but most of all, I want them to remember how much their mama loved Jesus. I want that be something they want too.
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
You soooo spoke my heart! Yes, I want my kids to remember the laughing, loving, persevering, inquiring, exploring, fun-loving, determined, vulnerable, fallible, forgiven-child-of-God-always-growing mom that I am. Beautiful post.
De
It is beautifully written and heart-touching – there are so many things we want our children to remember but above all that they were blessings and that we loved them, that when we leave this world God will still be there to hold their hands second after second.
I love the way you wrote this, brought tears to my eyes – there is so much love in your words.
In my husband’s sermon on Sunday he asked the question “What spills over when you are shaken?” This has challenged me in a huge way- especially as a mom. I want what spills over to be our love for them, our creativity, our fun, our love of learning, our dance parties, our appreciation for God’s creation, our commitment to Jesus! And I am reminded that the only way that this will happen is if we lay ourselves at Jesus’ feet and follow Him!
Thanks for the beautiful post- LOVE how God uses your writing for his glory!
Lisa-Jo, good question!
Beautiful! I want them to know that I was a real person with desires and dreams. I want them to know I’m so much more valuable than they think I am. I’m a sahm, and my teens tell me, “You don’t have money to buy ‘this or that’. Dad makes all the money.” I tell them that he couldn’t have done it without me. OR, I tell them, “I’m going to have another article in the newspaper on Sunday, guys!” (no payment) They say, “Really? humph.” They’re not ungrateful – they’re just teenagers. And I want them to know I prayed so hard for them and I even prayed for their future spouses – that God would help them grow up in a stable, loving family. I want them to know that God was the guide of my life and that I made mistakes, but I tried so hard. Love reading your wonderful words!
Such an important reminder & so beautifully put!! Thanks!
I want them to remember that I had a heart for people. I loved deeply and I grieved deeply. I want them to remember that I always tried to do the right thing. That I loved them more than my own life and they were the greatest joy and delight I could ever ask for. I’d want them to remember how I laughed. The love that I held for them in my eyes and the way it felt when we hugged.
I want my boys to know that I love them fiercely. That I’ve always loved them fiercely – from the moment I knew they were growing inside my body. And that love is there always, even when I’m unable to show it.
This is why I write. I lost my mom when she was 47. What took her was genetic – it might take me, too. It was right about the time she died when I began to write in earnest – lest it be as hard for my children to someday remember me in my prime as it has been for me to remember her, before illness and heartache stole her away.
This is why I write.
I just wrote a post on this called “Keeping” :) And I pray that every moment remembered feels saturated in love. :)
The timing of seeing your post makes me consider if reading it is a blessing, or a challenge. I am on my laptop, waiting to go in for a CT scan because of some elevated levels found at my oncology visit yesterday. ( I am three months post-chemo for breast cancer.) This plus my oldest son getting married in two days already had me thinking. Thank you for putting the question to us.
I want my sons to remember that I loved them with every fiber of my being, that I not only loved them but LIKED them – I think they are just plain cool guys. Also that being their mom has been one of the absolute greatest joys of my life and that watching them become the men God created them to be is my favorite pastime.
I found myself praying “yes” and “yes again” over and over as I read the truth and beauty revealed in your post.
What a blessing to your kids and to us you have been by sharing this post!
Thank you!
Can I just say “ditto”? Especially the part about Jesus using them to refine us, and us not knowing how good we had it. Ah, perspective. I want to bottle this and apply daily. Thank you so much for your putting it into words!
I want my kids to remember that I wasn’t afraid to be silly and laugh until I cried. :)
Oh Lisa, praying that the appointment went well. And so agreeing with you that liking our kids is sometimes even more important to them than loving them.
Oh, how I needed to hear these words today. My heart is breaking because it has been such a hard day, such a hard week. I want my kids to know how very much they are cherished, not to remember the mama who lost her temper or ran out of patience long before the day was through. “I want them to know they were enough. Just as they were. That they never needed to perform for us.” I’m humbled by your post and am asking Jesus again to knock off my hard edges and smooth my words back into the shape of love. Thank you, sweet Lisa-Jo.
I too want my kids to know that they are perfect just the way they are. They don’t have to perform for anyone.
I still struggle with the “performance” piece placed on my heart by my parents.
Forever fighting “not good enough” feelings.
Hoping to break the cycle! :)
I hope they remember that I loved them and I did my best. I’m glad they’ve forgotten a few of the things that still make me cringe when I remember them!
Oh! This is absolutely fabulous! I love the “intentional” mothering you are writing here…not perfect…but intentional!
It’s beautiful!
IF you live and love every day…they will know. They will know because they will be totally used to all of it. And when they go out into the world and see all that doesn’t match what they grew up with, THEN they know. It’s always actions, not words, that tell our truths. You’re a wonderful Mama.
I could not agree more. This just made my lungs ache with goodness because YES. Exactly. Amen. All of that. Thank you, Lisa-Jo.
memories … helping plant awesome memories in our kids hearts helps them grow strong in Jesus! Keep on, keep on…