I have two sons.
And in March I will have a daughter.
I’m not sure I’m ready.
But in these months of growing my belly, God has also been growing my heart.
Part of that process has been Hilary. A 20-year-old student I had the privilege of mentoring. And really, being mentored by in the ways of loving a daughter.
I asked her to share today – the secrets her generation wishes it could whisper into the ears of ours – about daughters.
From Hilary:
Sometimes I wake up in the morning crabby and silent. I make the motions of getting ready – clothes and teeth brushing and book gathering – and then go stand in front of the mirror for the daily inspection: putting on my makeup.
I linger over eyeshadows and blushes, whisk the bronzer over my face and scrunch my eyes tight as the bristles brush by. I paint my eyelids with what I hope isn’t too much blue, and I poke at my lower lids with soft black liner. I survey the results like a prospector after gold – pretty enough for today? Studious enough? Achieving enough?
I am twenty. Sometimes my face is a stranger to me.
The curves of my nose and mouth retraced over and over in the reflection of the harsh winter sun glancing off the snow. I am twenty and when I put on my makeup I am ten again, playing grown up dress up for the parade of people in my day.
I feel like I am in a constant state of becoming – a chameleon who changes with her surroundings. In this office I am competent administrator, this office simply student, the classroom the talkative one, this classroom the quiet one, and so on as my feet propel me through the hours. And when I catch sight of myself in mirrors or glass reflections across these months of being young and unsure, I keep wondering what I’m becoming, if I’m becoming anything worthwhile.
I wonder as I read blogs from wise women, messy hearted women, women who are wives and mamas and entrepreneurs and teachers and lawyers, if you felt this way too. If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and wondered about who that face is looking back at you. If you feel sometimes in between the scattered Legos and papers and popcorn bits uncertain about who He wants you to be.
If you feel like you’re playing dress up to please somebody else, clomping through life in your mother’s high heels and sliding all over the hardwood floors. Do you? I want to ask you. Did you look at your face in the mirror and wonder if what He’s made is beautiful, or if in the end it’s just like everything else?
We need you to whisper, yes, just like we are two again and you are whispering in the middle of the warm dark night, wrapping us tight in hugs of words. Yes, I want to hear over and over until I can say it back to my scolding mirror – oh yes, daughter. Yes He picked you. Yes, He wants it to be just you, just you and Him in the best of long stories told over tea and fireplaces, over lemonade and porch swings. Yes, He wants to be in your story, He wants to be your story.
Tell us that we don’t need to become anything but His. All day my makeup tells me to be prettier; my journal tells me to be more reflective; my schedule tells me to be smarter. And the everyday demands clatter loudly that it’s just not good enough yet, that I need to become something more impressive, more important, more admirable.
Sometimes we need help making quiet.
Sometimes we need help hearing “Yes.”
Sometimes we need help scrubbing off the expectations and getting dressed in bright colors and running out to play in the big beautiful world God has made.
Sometimes we younger daughters need to hear that all we need to be beautiful and worthy and enough is to be His.
By Hilary: Writer-to-be, student of politics and ethics, teaching assistant, lover of poetry and theology and scribbling possible plays . I study at a small Christian college in Massachusetts, and I spent the past semester studying in Washington, DC (where I fell deeply in love with Ebenezer’s Coffee, Eastern Market, and the Metro). It turns out that God likes to teach us in the unexpected places – and so I am back one semester later, different and the same, hands open wide in gratitude and more questions – and blogging about it all to see what unfolds.
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beautifully written and well put…such a message so many women and girls need poured right into their hearts over and over. to look to Him to answer those questions and to be reminded that He answers them with a resounding YES and amen.
Wonderful insights! I have four precious daughters and no matter their age, presently 23, 21, 12, 10, they all need demonstrated love from my husband and I. Whether it’s hugs, words, smiles, notes, they glow when they receive it. We must speak blessings over them, intentionally and often, to counteract the lies of the evil one who always whispers, “not enough.”
Two things came to mind while reading this.
First, Hillary, you already are a writer — not a writer-to-be! That was insightful and mature and beautifully written.
Second, I heard in her words both how far I’ve come, how I’m not as insecure and uncertain as I used to be at the age of 20. However, sometimes that part of me who wonders if she’s good enough, pretty enough, smart enough visits and I’m 20 all over again. Growing up is a funny thing, isn’t it?
I don’t have any advice on how to mother your daughter as mine are still so young I’m not exactly an expert other than to love her!
Wonderfully written and explained Hilary. It is our job as parents to nurture and prepare our children both acedemically and EMOTIONALLY for what they will encounter in the world. They need to know THEY were choosen and they are incredibly special.
Wow. Beautiful and true words Hilary. I’m no mom or wife, but I work with ‘younger daughters’ at church and I’m thinking I just might need to print this off and share with them. So true of what I need to hear and what I need to pass along to those walking the road of faith after me.
“Sometimes we younger daughters need to hear that all we need to be beautiful and worthy and enough is to be His.”
Wow…yes.
Thanks for sharing!
Wisdom at such a young age & so applicable for any age!
Hilary, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom-beyond-your-years here! As the Mama of a 7 year old girl, I am taking your words to heart. Beautiful advice for all those with natural and/or spiritual daughters!
Thanks, LJ, for having Hilary come play at your place today! Much love to you both.
‘Tell us that we don’t need to become anything but His.’
Yes beautiful Hillary. Life IS unsure and the turns are many and you are a part of a generation that constantly amazes…being made ready for the days ahead by clinging to Him with all you’ve got and I pray, oh how I pray and plead that the hearts full of desire to be His and serve Him and live Him in this world gone wrong…that your heart…remain and deepen in the pure of being His.
You blessed me today…and I pray for all of your days and how you will be His in this world…now:)
(thanks Lisa-Jo for this gorgeous peek…so thankful you and Hillary have gotten to be in each other’s lives…bread for the journey)
Yes, yes! Bread for the journey – and good bread too. Thank you for your prayers – I give thanks that I am His, even through all those days of being unsure and scared and doubtful. We’re His. And He loves us. Isn’t that just a joyful thought?
Oh yes. I feel this way. And I need you younger to tell me you feel it too, so I don’t feel old and wasted and past any real plan He might have for me. I may teach you to live, but you teach me to dream again. Oh how I need that.
Let’s keep teaching each other! He is never without great plans for us – every day. Sometimes I wake up and think, “I wonder what God’s got in store today.” And isn’t it always something surprising?
This is wonderfully written.
And yes, I felt this way then. I still feel this way now. In my thirties. Some of us are slow to grasp these concepts.
Thanks for the reminder that we ARE fully His. And I need to live that way.
Hilary…
I agree that you are not a “writer-to-be,” but that you are a writer.
Yes, I often still feel like I am playing a part. Sometimes I wonder if someone will come by and say, “You are no adult, you are not mature enough smart enough whatever enough to mother those children.” Oh, but the truth? God loves us and has us walking through the what is to the what will be. He wants us to be here now…Not the part we need to play not waiting for something to happen to us. No He wants us to happen along the way. He wants us to serve Him in each classroom, office, home, apartment, church He places us in. He wants us to be here in the moment, not wistful that the process were easier, but doing the work of being who we are now on the way to being who we will be. Every day I look around and wonder. Each day I am becoming more confident of who I am in Christ. More real. More me. More broken. It is a process. It is refining, it is grace!
Thank you, Hillary. Writer. I am a mother of 4 daughters each of them different, unique and amazingly beautiful. I will carry your words with me and remember to answer, Yes. When they ask, “If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and wondered about who that face is looking back at you. If you feel sometimes in between the scattered Legos and papers and popcorn bits uncertain about who He wants you to be.”
So beautifully written in all heart and soul. We too need to heart that. At 45, I still need to heart that over and over again. Isn’t wonderful that we do and never get tired of it?. He’s so wonderful.
I’m still trippin’ that He loves us the way only He can. Blows my mind!
I’m sitting here trying to type through my tears. I’m crying those deep, silent sobs that come from the pit of my stomach. I had to stop reading and start again to be sure I was following a young woman. To be sure I wasn’t confused about this guest post. This was so beautifully written.
I am the mother of three daughters. While I read this, I felt the need to cry out YES, YES, YES for myself! If I don’t slow down enough to realize that I, myself, am weary and tired and sometimes sidetracked by the demands of life and the pressures to DO, DO, DO–I, too, forget that I just need to BE. To be His. And this jolt back into reality has made me realize just how important it is for my daughters to not only know that I, too, struggled, but that I still do sometimes. I want them to see me surrender at those times. Surrender to Him and just be.
Thank you so much for this!
Dear Rena,
Now I’m crying too – that these words, which emerged out of their own volition the other day when Lisa-Jo asked me to write a post for her, touched you. Yes, we are His – and all He wants is us, all of us, not our perfect hair or good grades… He wants to make us new again. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and love!
Hilary
Beautiful and precious.
I have a 2.5 year old daughter. Here I’ve been reminded of some things and aware of others to remind me of what’s important down the road – after nap times and dressing up like a princess are daily events.
The thing I fear most is how to fully encourage my daughter to not question her beauty, her worth, herself. We’re in the magical time where she radiates joy and confidence in knowing exactly who she is and what she wants.
Thank you.
this had my eyes brimming. so much Truth! thank you.
My daughter is 4yo, one among three brothers, and I ache to make sure I give her the things she needs; the things I did not receive growing up from my own mother. I loved this, and it makes me want to surround myself with young women to remind me of the things I need to do for my daughter.
Hilary, you have a beautiful way of expressing yourself. I chime in with the others, you are a writer. Don’t sell yourself short. Thank you for blessing and encouraging all of us mommas who are still little girls inside.
What a lovely, lovely post! I hopped over from a friend’s blog to land here and find these beautiful words written out by yes, a writer! Thank you for sharing your heart Hilary. It was a pleasure to visit. :)
And for the Mum who is having her first girl after having boys…congratulations!! I had three boys and never expected a girl, but she came and now I *know* that it is a different thing to parent a girl and it is wonderful to *know* both worlds. The LORD will give wisdom (James 1:5) as you ask HIM for it…and HE will give you JOY! How precious to have the opportunity to invest in these precious lives for HIM and for HIS glory!
Many blessings to you both!
In Him,
Camille
Thanks so much, Camille! The encouragement is wonderful to have! Here’s to some pink finally in our household of boys!
Even at 33, i can still have those same thoughts, even now and i look for someone to say, “yes” too. Beautifully spoken words here.
Hillary and Lisa – you MUST, MUST, MUST cozy up to your screen for just a few minutes to watch this. I promise you will not be disappointed. And well, if you are, I will buy you an ice-cream…with pink sprinkles on the top!
http://vimeo.com/17039126 – Beheld by Marianne Bach (perhaps you’ve seen it?)
Thank you – thank you! I want to watch that on repeat until it sinks into my bones. A beautiful expression of that best kind of beauty – becoming free in Him, being His. Doesn’t He just light us up all over? Thank you for sharing this with me!
– Hilary
Oh, Hilary, this is tears-to-my-eyes beautiful. Yes, we ask these questions. I asked them at Blissdom this week. I don’t think they ever go away. But somehow they become familiar, and on the best days, they even become a friend that will walk us to the feet of Jesus to remember who we are, who He made us. Thank you for sharing this, sharing lovely and extraordinary you…
Beautiful! Thanks for writing this Hilary. Inspires me…for one, because I am just a couple years younger than you and need to hear this. For another, because I am also a writer (well, not a published author…but a writer-to-be) and your writing inspires me. Love you!
Hannah – you, too, are a writer. I’m so glad that my small words can make a home in your heart. Because it’s true, all of it, and we are His and we are beautiful and He has made you to be His own. Thank you so much for these precious words of encouragement. I can’t wait to keep getting to know you in this lovely world of blogging!
Love,
Hilary
Aww, thanks! And thanks for reading and commenting on my 5-minute post today. I’m really enjoying the 5-minute posts. Especially since I always have so much to write about, but no time or motivation, or can’t decide which thing to write about… Love you, Hilary!